Egg Jokes
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What does an egg say when its "turnt up"?
Omlet!
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Where do Eggs keep their holidays pictures?
In a photo albumen...
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How do you tell if your eggs are rotten?
If your kid has down syndrome.
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What happened to the egg when he was tickled too much?
He cracked up.
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How does the Easter Bunny paint all of those eggs?
He hires Santa's elves during the off-season.
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Why do you only need one egg in France?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
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How do you throw an egg at the wall without breaking it?
With the chicken still around it
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How does a blond like her eggs in the morning?
fertilized"
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What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?
One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.
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What's the difference between me and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
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Why did the egg spill his guts at an AA meeting?
He was addicted to crack.
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What happened to the egg when it heard the joke?
It cracked.
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How do the Muslims like their eggs cooked?
Sunni side up. I know this is a Shiite joke.
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What does an egg do for fun?
Kari - YOKE - ee *Ha Ha Ha*
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Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask for directions.
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What do eggs say when they're turnt?
Omelette, fam
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Why did the chicken run across the road?
She was worried the egg would get there first.
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What's the difference between England and an egg cup?
An egg can stay in the cup longer
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Why did the pancake cross the road?
His friends egged him on
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What does an egg say when it gets turnt?
Omelette
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What's a priest on an egg called?
A brother
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What's the difference between an egg and a redditor?
An egg gets laid
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How do you know your fridge is going through menopause?
It's all out of eggs..
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What did the Chemist have with his Eggs?
Barium, Cobalt and Nitrogen.
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What does Rabbits and Eggs have in common ?
Easter
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How does Hannibal Lecter like his eggs?
Ovaries-y
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Why'd they call the egg a pimp?
Because he got ova easy.
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Why was the egg laughing when it fell off the table?
Because it cracked itself up.
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How is your diet going?
Horrible. I had eggs for breakfast." "Scrambled " "Cadbury."
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Why did the chicken lay an egg?
Quoted from daughter at age 3) To get food for her babies!
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Why did the mathematician bring home 24 eggs from the grocery store?
Because when he asked his wife how many eggs to buy, she said 4!
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How will a black chef start with his recipe?
First we steal two Eggs
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What did the chicken say before laying an egg?
Yahoo. There goes my baby.
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How does Kim Kardashian like her eggs?
Over-Yeezy.
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What day does the egg fear most?
Fry-day
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Which came first, the Chicken or the Egg?
The Rooster
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How do fallopian tubes like there eggs in the morning?
Ovary-sy
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Why did the Frenchman not want two eggs for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
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Why do chickens sit on their eggs?
Because they don't have chairs.
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What do you say when only the egg remains?
It's all ovum now
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What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?
Both start off as eggs.
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Why do chickens sit on eggs?
Because they don't have any chairs. Source: my five-year-old.
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Why are men better cooks than women?
Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months.
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How do dentists like their eggs?
Poached.
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What did the sperm say to the egg?
Nice to meet you. Wanna make a baby?
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How many eggs does a Frenchman need?
One, because that's an Oeuf.
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What does an egg say to another egg?
Nothing, eggs can't talk.
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What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take me a while to get hard, I just got laid this morning.
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Who is missing an egg?
there are 27 people in the room but on 53 eggs, you know what that means, someone is missing an egg.
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What did the egg say when it got turned up?
Om-lit
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How do you mail an egg?
In a henvelope!
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What do eggs do for fun?
They crack jokes.
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Why did the bacon laugh?
Because the egg cracked a yolk.
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How do you call it when an egg is on point?
Egg zactly!
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How many eggs do the French use in their omelettes?
Just one, because in France one egg is un oeuf.
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What did one egg say to the other?
It's just a Yolk!!
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How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
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How do dogs like their eggs cooked?
Pooched.
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What's it called when you fry up an egg with a bunch of different ingredients?
Omelette you figure it out
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What came first the egg or the Chicken?
the egg, of course. Isn't that what I just said?
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What is the difference between a blonde and a hen?
The blonde doesn't sit still when she is on eggs.
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What is the worst thing about being an egg?
You only get laid once, and that's by your mother!
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How does an abortion doctor like his eggs?
Scrambled.
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Why did the egg get a ticket from a lady police officer?
Because he was picking up good vibrations.
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What is the difference between chicken and blondes ?
The chicken knows on whose eggs sitting .
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What does an egg say when he's getting turnt?
Omelette!!
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Why do people paint eggs for Easter?
Bunnies squirm too much.
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How does a fallopian tube take its eggs?
Ovaries Z)
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How many Chicago Policemen does it take to crack an egg?
None. It fell down the stairs.
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What happened to the egg and his girlfriend?
They broke up.
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Why do most French recipes require only one egg?
In France, one egg is *un oeuf*
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Which way will it fall?
If a rooster lays an egg on a pointed roof, which way will it land Roosters don't lay eggs
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Why don't people raid dodo nests anymore?
Because their eggs stinked!
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What does an egg say when it gets punched in the stomach?
Oeuf!
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How does a WWE wrestler like his eggs?
Raw
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Whats a zombie's favorite drink?
Egg noggin.
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What's the difference between OP and eggs?
Eggs actually get laid.
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What do you call an egg that's scared?
A chicken egg.
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Why did the Frenchman not want two eggs?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
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Why can't the French cook two eggs?
Because one egg is
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Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: Because he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing the chickens.
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Who came first, the chicken or the egg?
They came together, it was a perfect lay.
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Why do French people only ever have one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is
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What came first: the chicken or the egg?
The egg because I ate egg for breakfast and chicken for dinner.
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What goes above the water and below the water but doesn't touch the water?
An egg in a duck.
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What does an egg say when it's drunk?
Omelette
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Why do hens sit on eggs?
because they're too poor to afford chairs.
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What did the eggs say when the cops showed up?
Everybody scramble!
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What do you call an egg from outer space?
An unidentified flying omelet!
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Why did the Easter Bunny have to fire the duck?
Because he kept quacking all the eggs!
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What do you get when you drop an egg off the Empire State Building?
New Yolk
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Why are eggs so good at humor?
Because they have running yolks.
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When do chickens stop laying eggs?
Henopause
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Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because they won't stop to ask directions.
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How do hens encourage their football teams?
They egg them on!
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How do most women like their eggs?
Ovarie-z
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What do you call an egg that cures cancer?
A keurig. Joke written by my 9 year old son.
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Where do socialist birds lay their eggs?
In a communest (pls
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Why don't you put eggs in a microwave?
Because they eggsplode. :D
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Why do hens lay eggs?
A: If they dropped them they'd break
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Why can't an egg ever be in charge?
Because they crack under pressure.
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How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs ?
They sit eggsaminations !
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What is the difference between an egg and a redditor?
Eggs get laid at least once.
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Why is an egg like a young horse?
Because it can't be used until it's broken!
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What did the egg say at the party?
Omelet
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How do rhinos like their eggs?
Poached.
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What is a Hindu?
It lays eggs
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How does Walter Palmer like his eggs?
Poached. Thank you, I'm here all week. EDIT: this got no upvotes and I don't think it deserved any
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What's the difference between an egg and Elliot Rodger?
An egg gets laid before it cracks.
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How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
Unfertillized
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How can you tell the pig is a failure as Easter bunny?
By the egg on its face.
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What happens when an egg laughs?
He cracks up
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Why do French people only have one egg at breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
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Why was the egg late for work?
It ova slept.
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What do you call an egg that is neither good nor bad?
Mediyolkre.
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What does an egg say at a party?
omelette
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What kind of eggs do Canadians prefer?
Grade eh
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What's the difference between a fedora clad Brony and an egg?
The egg gets laid!
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What does an egg say when he gets turnt?
Om lit cred: my friend DaMexicanBurrito from playstation.
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How long have you felt this way?
Man: "Ever since I was an egg."
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Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
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What does 7-11 have in common with women?
Both of their eggs have sell-by dates.
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What did the egg say after he was put in a pot of boiling water?
I just got laid by a chick and now I'm getting hard.
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What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?
Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.
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What do you get when you put a flight stick in an egg?
A yoke.
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How does ISIL prefer their eggs?
Sunni side up at first. But they always end up scrambled.
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What do you get when you put an egg in the ground?
An eggplant.
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Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken " Mother: "We need the eggs."
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Why couldn't the hunter cook breakfast?
The game warden found out he poached his eggs!
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What do you call a woman with egg and sausage on here face?
Cafe
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What makes eggs so athletic?
They go ovary and above.
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How do I like eggs?
Ummm...in a cake!
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How do you like your eggs?
Fried, scrambled, or fertilized?
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How do blondes like their eggs?
Unfertilized
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How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.
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How do feminists like their eggs cooked?
Ovary-Z
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Why doesn't the dinosaur cross the road anymore?
A: Because their eggs stink. (They're extinct)
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What do you call the first sperm that reaches the egg?
The ova achiever
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How do black people like their eggs?
Poached
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What do you call all the different ways a sperm can fertilize an egg?
the spermutations.
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How can you a drop a egg on concrete without cracking it?
Anyway you want. Concrete doesn't break easily.
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What came first?
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
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Why should you never order the eggs while in France?
Because they are always uf.
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What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn ?
An eggroll !
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How do hens always know what size your egg cup is?
They don't but all eggs always fit.
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How do I like my eggs?
Umm in a cake.
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What did the chicken say after laying an egg?
Oeuf!"
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What did the egg say to the other egg?
Have a eggsellent day.
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Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg?
Because in France one egg is un oeuf.
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Which eggs are the best for Easter?
Empty ones ( )
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Why don't eggs tell jokes?
Because they would crack each other up.
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Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air ?
Because eggs were going up !