Fart Jokes
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What do you call someone who never farts in public?
A PRIVATE TUTOR
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What is the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart. It will cut through your pants and not even leave a hole.
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How to spot the toughest guy in jail?
He still has some whistle left in his fart.
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What is a burp?
A fart taking the elevator.
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Why don't women fart?
They can't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
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What do you call two Egyptians who've farted at the same time?
Tutankhamun.
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What happened to the guy who farted in church?
He sat in his own pew.
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What cuts four farts in the morning, two farts at midday, and three farts in the evening?
A sphinxter.
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What do you call a guy who does not fart in public?
A private tutor.
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Why is the dog man's best friend?
He has to have someone to blame the farts on.
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What did the farting pharaoh say to the farting slave?
We only have a Toot in common.
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Why did God make farts smell?
So that deaf people could enjoy them too.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
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What do you call a person who helps teach others to fart?
A tooter. (thanks, honey)
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What did one Egyptian say to the other Egyptian after they both farted?
Hey we have a toot in common.
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What do farts and children have in common?
You love your own, but hate everyone else's.
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How do you know a woman is wearing tights?
Her knees swell up when she farts.
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How are farts and Ancient Egypt similar?
They both have a Tutankhamun.
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Why do farts stink?
So the deaf can enjoy them too.
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What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public?
A private tooter
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What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas money
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Why do farts smell?
So deaf people can enjoy them too.
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What's the definition of a surprise?
A fart with a lump in it
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What did the poop said to the other poop?
Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!
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Who teaches you how to fart?
A tutor :)
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What do you call a computer that farts?
A compooter. 8D
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What was the question?
Son: "Who's farted"
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What's the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart. It goes through your pants without even making a hole.
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What if my baby doesn't make ultra sounds?
What if it's just farting noises Is it graded on a curve
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What do you call a fart in the middle of the night? What do you call a fart in the mourning?
A midnight snack A hot Breakfast
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How are Oscar the Grouch and the Olympic Diving Pools in Rio de Janeiro similar?
They're both green, smell like farts, and will stay that way for 47 years.
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Why can't you fart in an apple car?
It doesn't have windows.
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How does Justin Beiber remove a condom?
He farts.
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What Happens when you fart in church?
You sit in your own pew
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What happens when Supper stars fart in public?
lol
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Why do people buy fruit already cut up?
There's only like 7 things in life easier than cutting up fruit and one of them is farting.
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What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
A Private Tutor.
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What is it called when a prairie dog sees its shadow?
Total Eclipse of a Fart
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What's the difference between a freezer and a faget?
When you pull your meet out of a freezer it doesn't fart
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What do you call a person who teaches you the art of farting?
A tooter
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What do you call a fart from a paraplegic?
Inert gas.
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Who ordered the farts?
Then, fart.
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What do you call a person who teaches you how to fart?
A tutor.
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How does Justin Bieber remove a condom?
He farts.
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Why didn't anyone react when the king farted?
Because it was a noble gas
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What's the sharpest thing in the word?
A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole.
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What should you do when people talk behind your back?
Fart
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What do you call a fart from an Egyptian stranger?
Toot uncommon
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What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much?
Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty
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Why do farts smell so bad?
So the deaf can enjoy them too.
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Why did the dragon go to jail for farting?
Arse-on. **Cough Cough** I'll see my way out.
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Why fart and waste it?
When you can burp and taste it.
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How does a blacksmith know you farted?
He smelt it
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What do you call it when a king rips a fart?
Air to the throne.
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What thought can you easily share with someone else without using words?
That you to fart.
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What do you call a person who farts in private?
A private tutor
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Why wouldn't the teacher fart in public?
Because she was a private tutor
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How's a fart and a teenager alike?
Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.
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Why did the skeleton burp in the church ?
He didn't have the guts to fart
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What does the US military and a fart have in common?
Air Force
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Why the rabbits love Selena Gomez?
im farting carrots, im farting carrots...
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Why should've Christians chosen farts over bread?
It's more fun to break wind
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Why little girls can't fart Do you know why little girls can't fart?
Because they don't get a**holes until they get married.
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Which Russian leader is always farting?
Putin
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What did water say when ice farted?
Ice melt it.
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Who farted?
Best game of Highway Jeopardy ever.