Feed Jokes
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What's the wrong way to feed the cat?
to the dog.
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Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
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Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people.
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How do you know if a woman is hot for you?
When you stick your hand in her underpants it feels like you're feeding a horse.
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What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer?
Abominable! (say it out loud, slowly)
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What do they feed a gorilla when he goes to Paris?
Ape Suzettes!
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What do people and pizza have in common?
If they're black, they can't feed a family.
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Why did the farmer take a bale of hay to bed?
He wanted to feed his nightmares.
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What's the difference between a cheeesburger and Reddit gold?
A cheeseburger can't feed your ego.
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Why can't the Muslim crossdresser feed his family?
He lost hijab.
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What's the difference between an arts graduate and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family
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What do you get when you feed an Eevee a sandwich?
A Luncheon!
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What's red, 6 inches long and makes my gf cry when i feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
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How do you make a rabbit fast?
Don't feed it.
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Why did the rancher get out of the hemp-fed beef market?
The steaks were too high.
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What pets think about their owners?
A dog: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... He is God. A cat: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... I am God.
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What bounces and makes little children cry?
My donation check to Feed the Children!
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Why are hot dogs the best dogs?
Because they feed the hand that bites them.
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What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband right before she got on the Challenger Shuttle?
Honey you feed the dog I'll feed the fish.
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Why did the woman take a load of hay to bed?
To feed her nightmare.
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How do you get a puppy to stay the same size forever?
You stop feeding it.
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What is the difference between a PhD in mathematics and a large pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four
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When should you feed milk to a baby elephant ?
When it's a baby elephant !
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What do you feed a disappearing cat?
Evaporated milk
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Why did the man shut his donut shop?
Why did the man close his donut shop ...because he was fed up with the hole business!
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How to you tell a naval officer from and RAF officer on an aircraft carrier?
The naval officer is trying to feed bread to the helicopters!
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Where do football directors go when they are fed up ?
The bored room !
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How do you tell when a girl really wants you?
When you put your hand down her pants you think you're feeding a horse.
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What do you feed a feminist at a cookout?
Trick question. Nobody invites feminists to a cookout.
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What do you feed an invisible cat?
A: Evaporated milk.
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What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken ?
Enough drumsticks to feed an army !
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Why did the girl quit her job at the doughnut factory?
Because she was fed up with the hole business.
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How does J.G. Wentworth tell you that he's hungry?
It's my tummy, and I feed it NOW!"
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Why don't cannibals have dogs?
Because you're not supposed to feed them people food.
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What's the difference between a guitarist and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four
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How do you make a slow reindeer fast ?
Don't feed it !
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What's the difference... between a (nationality, ethnicity, etc you want to make fun of) man and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
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Why are dolphins cleverer than humans ?
Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish !
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What's the difference between a raft guide and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family.
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Whats the difference between a Mexican and a Pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four. Im sorry if I've offended any pizzas.
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What is the difference between a call center job and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
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What do you feed someone in a coma from breakfast?
Coma-toast.
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Why did Mitt Romney feed his cows money?
A: He wanted rich milk.
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What's the difference between a musician and a bag of rice?
The bag of rice can feed a family of four.
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Why did the farmer feed his cows money?
A: He wanted rich milk.
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What is the difference between a feminist studies major and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
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What do call you someone who feeds on comatose patients and pizza?
A vegetarian.
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Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk!
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Why did the man put cheese on his computer?
A: He wanted to feed the mouse.
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What's the difference between an Arts student and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of 4
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What did Putin say when he was finally fed up with Boris Nemtsov?
I'm putin' that guy to sleep
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How do you get money out of a piggy bank?
Feed it laxatives.
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When was pasta introduced to the Middle East?
when someone fed a genie alfredo
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What did the farmer say after he fed his cows pot?
the Steaks are high."
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Why can't we feed the animals?
Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*
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What have you been feeding him?
Me: Egg shells.
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Whats the difference between a pizza and a black man?
A pizza can feed a family of 4 (I'm black so I can say this)
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Why did the mother feed her newborn lamb?
Because it's baby food.
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What's the difference between a folk singer and a pepperoni pizza?
A pepperoni pizza can actually feed a family of five.
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What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an Art History degree?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a black man?
A dead baby can feed a family of four
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How do you solve world hunger and poverty simultaneously?
By feeding the poor to the hungry.
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What's the difference between a liberal arts major and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family.
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What is a Cannibal?
Someone who is fed up with people.
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What happens if you feed Link some Speed?
you get a Hyperlink ...
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What's the difference between a large pizza and an art student?
A pizza can feed a family.
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How does North Korea only have four medals so far?
We're the best at everything. We even fed our athletes this time.
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Why did they stop feeding cows the round bails of Hay in Texas?
Because they weren't getting a square meal.
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What do you feed a 600 pound Gorilla?
Anything it wants!
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How is my wife doing?
Doctor: I'm so sorry. The accident has left her in a vegetative-like state and I don't think she'll ever recover. She can barely move her limbs, if at all, and will be confined to a bed or wheelchair without the ability to ever walk again. You'll need to care for her 24/7, clothe her, feed her, bathe her, and she'll have no control of her bladder or bowels. Again, I'm so, so, sorry... ..... ..... ..... Just kidding! She's dead.
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Why did the doughnut maker retire?
He was fed up with the hole business.
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What did the Challenger Austronaut day to his wife before he left?
You feed the kids, I'll feed the fishes."
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What happens when you keep feeding a cow money?
You get rich milk.
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Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar ?
He wanted sweet and sour pork !
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Why did your sister feed money to her cow ?
Because she wanted to get rich milk.
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What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband before she left her house to board the Challenger space shuttle?
You feed the dogs, and I'll feed the fish."
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How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?
Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.
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What's the difference between a drummer in a rock'n'roll band and an extra large pizza?
The extra large pizza can feed a family of four.
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What is the difference between an art student and a dead baby?
The dead baby can feed a family of four.