Fight Jokes
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Which boxer did Darth Vader put his money on in the fight?
The Thai fighter
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Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting?
Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine.
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What did the Italian chef say when his boss tried to pick a fight?
You wanna pizza me !
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Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?
Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!
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Why can't you fight an accountant ?
They'll always out number you!
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Who would win in a fight, Michael J. Fox or Taylor Swift?
Michael J. Fox he would just shake it off.
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What did the Australian say to the two people fighting over bread?
It's stalemate
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What's that?
A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in and I'm a little bit closer to freedom. *puts in dollar* "WTH! !"
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What kind of tie is best to wear in a fight?
Muay Thai
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What places have the least racial tensions?
Bakeries, there are brownies and crackers there and yet they never fight.
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Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns?
A: To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.
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How was school?
4: Trenton said his dad likes to go outside and fight lions - laughs - oh honey - nobody would name their kid Trenton
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What's the deal with the Z Fighters?
They aren't fighting to stay awake!
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What does it sound like when two churches fight?
Pew Pew PEWPEWPEW!!!
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What do you call a fight in Mexico?
A Juan on Juan.
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What do you do when an angry pack of clowns confronts you and tries to fight?
Go straight for the juggler.
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How many Chinese people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, while the rest were kung fu fighting
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Why did the cloud get $10M for having a fight?
He was the raining champion.
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Why are MMA fighters told not to blow their nose when in a fight?
Oops, this was supposed to be for . There's no punch line!
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What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights?
An Insti-Gator
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Why did the dentist make a poor date with the manicurist?
Because they fought both tooth and nail!
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What do you call a fight between film actors ?
Star wars !
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What's the difference between fight club and veganism?
You don't talk about fight club.
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What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Leave them to slug it out.
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What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight?
Put up your Dukes! I'll just let myself out...
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Who would win a fight between a taco and a hotdog?
so I punched him in the head.
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What do you call the reptile that started the fight?
The insti-gator.
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What do you call a guy that used to fight in the ring, but quit it all for video games?
An ex-boxer.
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Why do midgets always fight?
Short tempers.
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Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
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What do you call it when a Spanish man goes to court for custody of his children?
Fight for your right to padre
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What do Polish Hussars and toothpaste have in common?
They both fight against Tartars.
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What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?
An octobrave. I'm sorry.
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What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat?
Claude
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What does Delia Smith say when she wants to fight a road?
Let's be avenue.'
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What do you call war fought with bees?
Beeological Warfare
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What do you call an aardvark that's just lost a fight?
A vark!
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Why did helium get into a fight with neon?
They can't bond with each other, no matter how hard they try.
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Why did the vengeful fireman lose his job?
He tried fighting fire with fire.
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Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?
Because it was well armed.
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Who is this Rorschach guy?
And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
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Why did the Mexican civil war last so long?
Because they were fighting Juan on Juan.
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Why don't Muslims fight each other often?
Cause they don't want no beef Edit: I'm going to crawl back into my hole now
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What do you call a Mexican fighting a priest?
Alien vs. Predator
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Why do white girls help fight heartburn?
Because they're so basic.
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Who'll he fight?
The same bad guys! Billion dollar film franchise.
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Why were the pirates on the ship fighting?
They needed better anchor management.
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What do you call a fight between two dairy products?
A fromage fray.
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What do you call a fight between a human and a gorilla?
A harumble.
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Why does it smell of tires?
There are two black people fighting.
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What do you call a person who fights fire?
Firefighter.
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Why, Bro?
B1: Men with no pants... Fighting for a belt... WTF
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What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?
Web Development.
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What did Ronda Rousey's face look like after her fight with Holly Holm?
It was all broused up!
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Why did 5000 Mexicans show up to fight at the Alamo?
They only had two cars.
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Why did the wrestlers have to fight in the dark?
A: Their match wouldn't light.
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Who'd win if Batman fought Santa?
Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.
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How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?
Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.
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Whats the best thing on the menu?
Waiter: The cheesebur- Me: WRONG! *points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*
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What is it called when two celebrities are fighting?
Star wars.
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What happens when a stormtrooper and a redshirt get in a fight?
The stormtrooper misses every shot, but the red shirt still dies.
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What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
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What do you do if you're Fighting a group of circus performers?
Go for the juggler
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Why didn't the Avatar want to fight the Fire Nation?
Because they gave him Aang-xiety
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Who would win in a fight...your mom or your dad?
From the looks of it, your dad won
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When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight ?
When they had lots of sleepless knights !
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Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom?
Because he was fighting the Klingons.
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What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!
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What's worse than fighting an uphill battle?
Getting to the top and realizing it's all downhill from there.
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What's cold and always runs from a fight?
Coward ice.
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Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?
The octopus because it is well armed.
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What do you call a Syrian refugee on the Mediterranean?
What do you call a Syrian refugee on the Mediterranean? Bob What does a Syrian refugee call their pet? Dinner What's grosser than gross? Two Syrian refugees fighting over a tampon.
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What do you call a Mexican wrestler that only fights during his 12:00 break?
A lunchador.
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What's your emergency?
Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.
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What would Captain America be called if he fought in Vietnam?
You weren't there man
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What's on TV?
I said, 'Dust.' And that's how the fight started....
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What's the worst thing about 90's kids?
They fight back.
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What superheroes refuse to fight in North Carolina?
The X-Men
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What do you call a fight between a child molester and an illegal immigrant?
Alien versus Predator.
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What do you get when an epileptic person fights an iceberg with a sword?
Seizure Salad
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Why do you always fight with your sisters?
6-year-old: Because I always win.
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Why didn't the President fight with the chair?
Because we don't negotiate with chair-orrists.
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Why do tomcats fight ?
Because they like raising a stink !
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Why bro?
Men with no pants fighting for a belt.. WTF
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When I get mad at you, you never fight back.How do you control your anger?
WIFE : I clean the toilet.... HUSBAND:How does that help WIFE : I use your toothbrush.
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What would Game of Thrones be called if it was about ice cream?
Game of Cones If it was about sword sharpening: Game of Hones If it was just everyone playing Go: Game of Stones If everyone was single: Game of Alones If it was about balls: Game of Throwns If it was about spooky scary skeletons: Game of Bones If everyone used UAVs to fight: Game of Drones If everyone was a banker: Game of Loans If it was about breakfast foods: Game of Scones
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Who fought in the Civil War?
Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ....
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What is the first rule of Womans fight club?
Never tell anyone what are you so mad about
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What do you call a dead baby ,who fights crime?
Miscarriage of Justice
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How does a black woman fight crime?
By having an abortion
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What do you call a fight between two blacks?
Gorilla Warfare.
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Why was the physics teacher and the biology teacher always fighting?
They didn't have any chemistry.
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How do you separate two blind people fighting?
You just simply shout: "I'm supporting the one with the knife!"
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Who did E.coli call after it lost a fight in school?
Broccoli
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Why do trash pandas always get into a fight?
They trash talk.
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What do you call a fight between a Mexican and a child molester?
Alien vs Predator
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Why did the top bun and bottom bun of the Big Mac get in a fight?
There was bad beef between them
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Why do audiophiles nerver loose a fight?
Because they're lossless.
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Why did the mexicans fight so hard for the alamo?
They wanted 4 clean walls to spray paint.
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What Do You Call A Fight Between An Illegal Immigrant And A Child Molester?
Alien vs. Predator
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Who wins in a fight: Goku or Superman?
Wrong, Batman always wins. Yes, I do have the sense of humor of a 5 year old.
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What happens when two snails fight?
A: They slug it out.
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What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?
Alien vs Predator.
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What's the difference between the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and Charlie Sheen?
Charlie Sheen's winning.
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What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
Alien vs. Predator
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Who would win in a fight between Muhammad Ali and Stephen Hawking?
Parkinson's
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What do you call two pencils fighting?
A grafight.
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What is it called when two lawyers are fighting?
Civil War
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What do you call a man without arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?
Claude!
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What did Mike Tyson say when asked about the time he fought the God of Asgard?
The loser was 'thore'"
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Why are boxers never late to their fights?
Because they have developed very good punch quality.
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Why was Mohamed Ali born a fighter?
In the womb, he used to fight bald clowns. (Self made joke)
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Why did nobody in the Orlando nightclub fight back?
They weren't thinking straight.
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What is it called when a gamer fights someone?
An Asthma attack.
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How did your blind date go?
Bit of a disaster really, our guide Dogs started Fighting
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Who would win in a fight?
A bicycle wheel or an old book Well, it's hard to say. One's pumped and the other's ripped.
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Why shouldn't a dentist and manicurist be in a relationship?
All they will do is fight tooth and nail!
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What do you call an alligator that always starts fights?
An instigator!
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What do you call an aardvark that's just won a fight?
A well 'aardvark!
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What do you get when you get in a fight with the Los Angeles Lakers lead point scorer?
Kobe beef
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What's the difference between fighting on the internet and participating in the paralympics?
None, even if you win, you're still retarded.
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Why do you fight using only your feet?
Oh, y'know. For kicks.
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Why do beta fish fight each other?
Because they're trying to figure out who's the betta fish
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What's the definition of gross?
Two vampires fighting over a used tampon
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What's your strongest trait?
My fingers. "No, like... Are you pinching me " GIVE ME fighting to maintain pinch THE JOB
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What do people who refuse to fight use as weapons?
Their pacifists
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Which of my girlfriends do you think is the prettiest?
What I actually heard was "Do you want a fight "
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What do you mean I've had enough to drink?
Hold my beer while I fight this lamppost.
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Why doesn't Reno Jackson like torrenting?
Because he's always fighting pirates XD
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What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip?
Recalculating route.
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Why is wrestling stupid?
It's a bunch of guy's without pants fighting for a belt....
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Why hang Wanted posters in the post office?
We're not crime-fighting crusaders. We're buying stamps.
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Why did the cheeseburger fight the veggie burger?
It had beef.
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What do feminist ghosts keep fighting for?
Equal frights but usually their haircuts are enough to give worse frights!
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Who do zombie cowboys fight?
Deadskins.
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What do you do when you get into a fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler. This is my favorite joke that I have read on here.
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Where do onions fight?
In the onion ring!
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Why does everyone start to fight the day after Christmas?
Because it's Boxing Day!
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How do you know if a pepper is starting a fight with you?
It gets jalapeno face.
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Why are dragons so tired?
Because they fight knights!
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What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?
Microphones!
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What did the man say after he got into a fight with the amputee?
You stumped me!
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Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?
Depends on who wrote the script.
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Whats the difference between a feminist and a jihad?
one actually fights for change
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What do you call a Sith lord who refuses to fight?
A sithy.
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Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter?
Me 5: Me: Get some coffee