Fight Jokes

  • Which boxer did Darth Vader put his money on in the fight?

    The Thai fighter

  • Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting?

    Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine.

  • What did the Italian chef say when his boss tried to pick a fight?

    You wanna pizza me !

  • Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?

    Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!

  • Why can't you fight an accountant ?

    They'll always out number you!

  • Who would win in a fight, Michael J. Fox or Taylor Swift?

    Michael J. Fox he would just shake it off.

  • What did the Australian say to the two people fighting over bread?

    It's stalemate

  • What's that?

    A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in and I'm a little bit closer to freedom. *puts in dollar* "WTH! !"

  • What kind of tie is best to wear in a fight?

    Muay Thai

  • What places have the least racial tensions?

    Bakeries, there are brownies and crackers there and yet they never fight.

  • Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns?

    A: To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.

  • How was school?

    4: Trenton said his dad likes to go outside and fight lions - laughs - oh honey - nobody would name their kid Trenton

  • What's the deal with the Z Fighters?

    They aren't fighting to stay awake!

  • What does it sound like when two churches fight?

    Pew Pew PEWPEWPEW!!!

  • What do you call a fight in Mexico?

    A Juan on Juan.

  • What do you do when an angry pack of clowns confronts you and tries to fight?

    Go straight for the juggler.

  • How many Chinese people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    One, while the rest were kung fu fighting

  • Why did the cloud get $10M for having a fight?

    He was the raining champion.

  • Why are MMA fighters told not to blow their nose when in a fight?

    Oops, this was supposed to be for . There's no punch line!

  • What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights?

    An Insti-Gator

  • Why did the dentist make a poor date with the manicurist?

    Because they fought both tooth and nail!

  • What do you call a fight between film actors ?

    Star wars !

  • What's the difference between fight club and veganism?

    You don't talk about fight club.

  • What do you do when two snails have a fight?

    Leave them to slug it out.

  • What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight?

    Put up your Dukes! I'll just let myself out...

  • Who would win a fight between a taco and a hotdog?

    so I punched him in the head.

  • What do you call the reptile that started the fight?

    The insti-gator.

  • What do you call a guy that used to fight in the ring, but quit it all for video games?

    An ex-boxer.

  • Why do midgets always fight?

    Short tempers.

  • Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?

    They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

  • What do you call it when a Spanish man goes to court for custody of his children?

    Fight for your right to padre

  • What do Polish Hussars and toothpaste have in common?

    They both fight against Tartars.

  • What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?

    An octobrave. I'm sorry.

  • What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat?


  • What does Delia Smith say when she wants to fight a road?

    Let's be avenue.'

  • What do you call war fought with bees?

    Beeological Warfare

  • What do you call an aardvark that's just lost a fight?

    A vark!

  • Why did helium get into a fight with neon?

    They can't bond with each other, no matter how hard they try.

  • Why did the vengeful fireman lose his job?

    He tried fighting fire with fire.

  • Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

    Because it was well armed.

  • Who is this Rorschach guy?

    And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

  • Why did the Mexican civil war last so long?

    Because they were fighting Juan on Juan.

  • Why don't Muslims fight each other often?

    Cause they don't want no beef Edit: I'm going to crawl back into my hole now

  • What do you call a Mexican fighting a priest?

    Alien vs. Predator

  • Why do white girls help fight heartburn?

    Because they're so basic.

  • Who'll he fight?

    The same bad guys! Billion dollar film franchise.

  • Why were the pirates on the ship fighting?

    They needed better anchor management.

  • What do you call a fight between two dairy products?

    A fromage fray.

  • What do you call a fight between a human and a gorilla?

    A harumble.

  • Why does it smell of tires?

    There are two black people fighting.

  • What do you call a person who fights fire?


  • Why, Bro?

    B1: Men with no pants... Fighting for a belt... WTF

  • What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?

    Web Development.

  • What did Ronda Rousey's face look like after her fight with Holly Holm?

    It was all broused up!

  • Why did 5000 Mexicans show up to fight at the Alamo?

    They only had two cars.

  • Why did the wrestlers have to fight in the dark?

    A: Their match wouldn't light.

  • Who'd win if Batman fought Santa?

    Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.

  • How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?

    Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.

  • Whats the best thing on the menu?

    Waiter: The cheesebur- Me: WRONG! *points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*

  • What is it called when two celebrities are fighting?

    Star wars.

  • What happens when a stormtrooper and a redshirt get in a fight?

    The stormtrooper misses every shot, but the red shirt still dies.

  • What happened when the turkey got into a fight?

    He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

  • What do you do if you're Fighting a group of circus performers?

    Go for the juggler

  • Why didn't the Avatar want to fight the Fire Nation?

    Because they gave him Aang-xiety

  • Who would win in a fight...your mom or your dad?

    From the looks of it, your dad won

  • When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight ?

    When they had lots of sleepless knights !

  • Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom?

    Because he was fighting the Klingons.

  • What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?

    A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!

  • What's worse than fighting an uphill battle?

    Getting to the top and realizing it's all downhill from there.

  • What's cold and always runs from a fight?

    Coward ice.

  • Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

    The octopus because it is well armed.

  • What do you call a Syrian refugee on the Mediterranean?

    What do you call a Syrian refugee on the Mediterranean? Bob What does a Syrian refugee call their pet? Dinner What's grosser than gross? Two Syrian refugees fighting over a tampon.

  • What do you call a Mexican wrestler that only fights during his 12:00 break?

    A lunchador.

  • What's your emergency?

    Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

  • What would Captain America be called if he fought in Vietnam?

    You weren't there man

  • What's on TV?

    I said, 'Dust.' And that's how the fight started....

  • What's the worst thing about 90's kids?

    They fight back.

  • What superheroes refuse to fight in North Carolina?

    The X-Men

  • What do you call a fight between a child molester and an illegal immigrant?

    Alien versus Predator.

  • What do you get when an epileptic person fights an iceberg with a sword?

    Seizure Salad

  • Why do you always fight with your sisters?

    6-year-old: Because I always win.

  • Why didn't the President fight with the chair?

    Because we don't negotiate with chair-orrists.

  • Why do tomcats fight ?

    Because they like raising a stink !

  • Why bro?

    Men with no pants fighting for a belt.. WTF

  • When I get mad at you, you never fight back.How do you control your anger?

    WIFE : I clean the toilet.... HUSBAND:How does that help WIFE : I use your toothbrush.

  • What would Game of Thrones be called if it was about ice cream?

    Game of Cones If it was about sword sharpening: Game of Hones If it was just everyone playing Go: Game of Stones If everyone was single: Game of Alones If it was about balls: Game of Throwns If it was about spooky scary skeletons: Game of Bones If everyone used UAVs to fight: Game of Drones If everyone was a banker: Game of Loans If it was about breakfast foods: Game of Scones

  • Who fought in the Civil War?

    Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ....

  • What is the first rule of Womans fight club?

    Never tell anyone what are you so mad about

  • What do you call a dead baby ,who fights crime?

    Miscarriage of Justice

  • How does a black woman fight crime?

    By having an abortion

  • What do you call a fight between two blacks?

    Gorilla Warfare.

  • Why was the physics teacher and the biology teacher always fighting?

    They didn't have any chemistry.

  • How do you separate two blind people fighting?

    You just simply shout: "I'm supporting the one with the knife!"

  • Who did E.coli call after it lost a fight in school?


  • Why do trash pandas always get into a fight?

    They trash talk.

  • What do you call a fight between a Mexican and a child molester?

    Alien vs Predator

  • Why did the top bun and bottom bun of the Big Mac get in a fight?

    There was bad beef between them

  • Why do audiophiles nerver loose a fight?

    Because they're lossless.

  • Why did the mexicans fight so hard for the alamo?

    They wanted 4 clean walls to spray paint.

  • What Do You Call A Fight Between An Illegal Immigrant And A Child Molester?

    Alien vs. Predator

  • Who wins in a fight: Goku or Superman?

    Wrong, Batman always wins.   Yes, I do have the sense of humor of a 5 year old.

  • What happens when two snails fight?

    A: They slug it out.

  • What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?

    Alien vs Predator.

  • What's the difference between the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and Charlie Sheen?

    Charlie Sheen's winning.

  • What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?

    Alien vs. Predator

  • Who would win in a fight between Muhammad Ali and Stephen Hawking?


  • What do you call two pencils fighting?

    A grafight.

  • What is it called when two lawyers are fighting?

    Civil War

  • What do you call a man without arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?


  • What did Mike Tyson say when asked about the time he fought the God of Asgard?

    The loser was 'thore'"

  • Why are boxers never late to their fights?

    Because they have developed very good punch quality.

  • Why was Mohamed Ali born a fighter?

    In the womb, he used to fight bald clowns. (Self made joke)

  • Why did nobody in the Orlando nightclub fight back?

    They weren't thinking straight.

  • What is it called when a gamer fights someone?

    An Asthma attack.

  • How did your blind date go?

    Bit of a disaster really, our guide Dogs started Fighting

  • Who would win in a fight?

    A bicycle wheel or an old book Well, it's hard to say. One's pumped and the other's ripped.

  • Why shouldn't a dentist and manicurist be in a relationship?

    All they will do is fight tooth and nail!

  • What do you call an alligator that always starts fights?

    An instigator!

  • What do you call an aardvark that's just won a fight?

    A well 'aardvark!

  • What do you get when you get in a fight with the Los Angeles Lakers lead point scorer?

    Kobe beef

  • What's the difference between fighting on the internet and participating in the paralympics?

    None, even if you win, you're still retarded.

  • Why do you fight using only your feet?

    Oh, y'know. For kicks.

  • Why do beta fish fight each other?

    Because they're trying to figure out who's the betta fish

  • What's the definition of gross?

    Two vampires fighting over a used tampon

  • What's your strongest trait?

    My fingers. "No, like... Are you pinching me " GIVE ME fighting to maintain pinch THE JOB

  • What do people who refuse to fight use as weapons?

    Their pacifists

  • Which of my girlfriends do you think is the prettiest?

    What I actually heard was "Do you want a fight "

  • What do you mean I've had enough to drink?

    Hold my beer while I fight this lamppost.

  • Why doesn't Reno Jackson like torrenting?

    Because he's always fighting pirates XD

  • What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip?

    Recalculating route.

  • Why is wrestling stupid?

    It's a bunch of guy's without pants fighting for a belt....

  • Why hang Wanted posters in the post office?

    We're not crime-fighting crusaders. We're buying stamps.

  • Why did the cheeseburger fight the veggie burger?

    It had beef.

  • What do feminist ghosts keep fighting for?

    Equal frights but usually their haircuts are enough to give worse frights!

  • Who do zombie cowboys fight?


  • What do you do when you get into a fight with a group of clowns?

    Go for the juggler. This is my favorite joke that I have read on here.

  • Where do onions fight?

    In the onion ring!

  • Why does everyone start to fight the day after Christmas?

    Because it's Boxing Day!

  • How do you know if a pepper is starting a fight with you?

    It gets jalapeno face.

  • Why are dragons so tired?

    Because they fight knights!

  • What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?


  • What did the man say after he got into a fight with the amputee?

    You stumped me!

  • Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

    Depends on who wrote the script.

  • Whats the difference between a feminist and a jihad?

    one actually fights for change

  • What do you call a Sith lord who refuses to fight?

    A sithy.

  • Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter?

    Me 5: Me: Get some coffee