Fit Jokes
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What's blue and doesn't fit anymore?
A dead epileptic.
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Why can't there be a Santa Pig?
Pigs don't fit in chimneys.
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What's the difference between Madonna and a bowling ball ?
You can only fit three fingers in the bowling ball.
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What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde?
You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!
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How many women fits in a monk monastery?
Nun.
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Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school?
I wouldn't fit through the door.
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How do you fit 3 babies in a bowl?
Blender. How do you get them out? Chips.
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How many successive 'ands' can you fit into a sentence with it still making sense?
The landlord at The Dog And Duck pub needed a new sign to hang above the door, so he contacted his signwriter. The signwriter arrived a week later with the new sign, hung it above the door, and asked the landlord what he thought. The landlord replied with, "I like it. However, I do feel that there should be bigger spaces between ' ' and ' ', and ' ' and ' '".
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How many dead babies can fit inside a Bio-dumpster?
16
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What size bed comfortably fits a married couple?
Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch.
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How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, because little boys don't fit in a lightbulb.
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What's the difference between an airplane bathroom and your mom?
Your mom can fit 3 people inside her comfortably!
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How to do fit ten popes in a vw bug?
Tell them to take off their hats
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How do you fit five elephants into a car ?
Two in the front two in the back and the other in the glove compartment !
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What do you call the largest number of grizzlies you can fit in a car?
The bear maximum
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What they say: Want a bite of my sandwich?
What I hear: How much of this sandwich can you fit in your mouth
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How do you fit an elephant in to a subway?
Take the 's' out of "sub" and the 'f' out of "way"
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How do you fit an elephant in a thimble?
You take the "I" out of "thimble" and the "F" out of "way."
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Why did King Kong.... Climb the Empire State Building?
He couldn't fit in the elevator.
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Why was Jesus in such good shape when he died?
He was Cross-Fit.
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How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.
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How do you fit four sailors onto a barstool?
Turn the barstool upside down.
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How do you fit an elephant in the subway?
You take the letter "S" out of "sub", and the letter "F" out of "way".
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What kind of medicine do you give a kid having a fit?
An anti-hissy-tamine.
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Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?
Because his number couldn't fit in their phones
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Dad, can you put my shoes on?
I don't think they'll fit me.
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How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.
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Why are Toblerone's triangular shaped?
So they fit in the box.
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How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
They don't change it, they just take forever to find where to fit the batteries
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What's something you can drive, but also throw?
A Fit!!!!!!!!!!
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Whats funky and fits in a cardboard box?
A homeless epileptic.
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What did the retail employee say to the young gang member in the fitting room?
You dont fit in the hood kid.
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Why is Toblerone shaped like a triangle?
To fit in the box.
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Why does Ariel wear seashells?
Because she can't fit into D shells
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What's the worst part about 30 lawyers in a bus going over a cliff?
The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.
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How do you fit 4 girls on a bar stool?
Flip it over
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What's black and white, and red all over. And cant fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a javelin through her.
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How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, because little boys don't fit in a lightbulb.
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How do you fit 100 babies into a cup?
A blender. How do you get them out Tortilla chips.
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What's the difference between Americans and ice cream?
Ice cream fits in a tub.
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What's black and white and can't fit through a door?
x-post r/AntiJokes) A zebra with a spear through its head.
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What do you call 50 feminists on a bus?
Trick Question. You can't fit 50 feminists on a bus.
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What do you do when you see an epileptic throwing a fit in a bath tub?
You throw in some laundry and detergent.
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How do you fit 100 dead babies in a barrel?
with a blender. How do you get them out? With a straw.
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Why don't Dunkin' Donuts employees wear name tags?
It wouldn't fit on their shirt.
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Whats the hardest thing about microwaving vegtables?
fitting the wheelchair in the microwave.
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When to leave your girlfriend?
When your wife's clothes start to fit her.
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What is the difference between a bowling ball and a sorority girl?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball
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How can you tell your boyfriend has gained weight?
You fit into his clothes.
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How do you think his pants fit him?
Like a glove.
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How many babies can fit in a blender?
Depends how powerful the blender is
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How many ants can you fit inside an apartment ?
Ten-ants !
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What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
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What other US state can fit Kansas inside of it?
Arkansas
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How many pancakes can you fit into a dog house?
None because ice cream doesn't have bones.
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What did the dyslexic, epilptic with hemorrhoids say?
If I fits I sitz."
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How many Filipinos can you fit on a jeepney?
One more.
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How many Catholics can you fit in a habit?
Nun
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How do those even fit in your pants?
He replied "They fit like a glove."
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How many homeless guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2, but I have no idea how you're gonna fit both of them inside a lightbulb.
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What's the difference between a redwood and a dead baby?
A redwood won't fit in a wood chipper.
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Why are outdoor workers so in fit?
Cause they work out.
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How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?
Take the 'F' out of safe and the 'F' out of way.
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Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?
A: They couldn't fit a deer into the car.
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How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?
You take the letter "f" out of the word "way" (there's no f in way) *joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said
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How do you fit an elephant in a teacup?
You take the f out of way. say it out loud if you don't get it
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Why couldn't the BMW fit into a narrow parking stall at Target?
because it was being driven by a woman
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What's the difference between a biscuit and a monster?
You can dip a biscuit in your tea but a monster is too big to fit in the cup.
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What did the mortician say to his new necrophiliac employee?
Don't worry, you'll fit right in.
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How do you fit 10 Amish in a VW Beetle?
A:Tell them you are going to the livestock auction
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How many contortionists fit in the trunk of a regular sedan?
Depends on the size of the pieces.
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How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag ?
You take the "F" out of way.
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Why weren't there any black men in the trojan horse?
They couldn't fit.
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What do you call a tree that you can fit in your hand?
A PALM TREE!!!
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How many portuguese people can fit on a scooter?
A Brazilian
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How do you call 4 blacks in a car falling off the cliff?
A waste. You could fit 1 more in the trunk.
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What is the difference between an epilectic oyster and a whore with diarrhea?
One you shuck between fits.
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What's blue and doesn't fit?
A dead epileptic
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Why can't a Blonde make Kool-Aid?
She can't fit the two cups of water into the tiny packet.
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How do your pants fit?
The man responded, "Like a glove".
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How many talking heads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb, and another to spin the story until the bulb fits.
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How many debutants can you fit in ballroom at the Waldorf Astoria?
OC Like, a cotillion of 'em.
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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a farmer?
A farmer shucks between fits.
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How many Mexican clowns can you fit in a car?
No, seriously. Cuz I bet it's a lot
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What's the difference between a bowling ball and a French girl?
You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.
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Why didn't the monk's clothes fit properly?
Because he was cohabiting.
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How do you fit 4 guys on a bar stool?
Turn it upside-down. But how do you get them off Shake the stool. (OK, I'll leave now.)
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How many disappointments can you fit into a van?
I don't know, I can't get them outside of the house.
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How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight?
She starts fitting into your wife's clothes.
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What do you call an old person trying to fit in with today's kids?
A dislocated hipster.
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What fruit fits best in your palm?
a palm-agranate!
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How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool?
Flip it upside-down.
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What is blue and does not fit?
A dead epileptic.
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How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
They don't change it, they just take forever to find where to fit the batteries
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What did the husband say to his wife when he tried pushing it in as much as he could, but it still wouldn't fit?
He said "I'm going to try on a different shoe size."
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What is E.T. short for?
So he can fit on a spaceship.
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Why do tailors hate statisticians?
They insist that the fit could be better.
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How many midgets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I'd be surprised if you could fit two in there
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What's the difference between a corn shucker with epilepsy and a whore with diarrhea?
The corn shucker shucks between fits...
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What is the most mysterious cheese?
I'm going to a cheese and wine party tonight and the host has requested I bring a "mystery cheese". I'm hoping there's a puntastic cheese out there somewhere that may fit the bill!
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What's the difference between a barrel rider, and a can of Copenhagen?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a can of Copenhagen.
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What shoe can fit 206 million feet in it?
Honshu!
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What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
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What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?
Fitting the wheelchair in the oven.
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How many gnomes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just the two, really. Or as many as will fit, if theyre feeling frisky.
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Why didn't the mobsters car parts fit?
they all fell off a truck.
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How many defensive coordinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Zero. You can't fit a hairless ten-year-old inside a light bulb.
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What's the hardest part of milking a mouse ?
Getting it to fit over a bucket !
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How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?
You take the s out of safe and the f out of way!
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How Many Martians Does It Take to Screw In a Lightbulb?
At least two, but they have to be pretty small to fit.
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How many mexicans can you fit in a bus?
All of them.
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How do you fit 20 Cubans in a shoebox?
How do you fit 20 Cubans in a shoebox? Tell them it floats!
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How many people does it take to screw in a light?
Two, but I don't know how they'll fit inside the bulb
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How many dead babies can you fit in a phone booth?
78.5
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How can you tell if a black guy is well hung?
You can't fit your finger between the noose and his neck.