Follow Jokes
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Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Washing Machine?
The Washing Machine will not follow you around for 2 weeks after you dump a load in it!
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What is the difference between a washing machine and a girl?
A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.
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What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter?
The rogue one
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What artistic dog chews a lot and follows the rules of the farm where it lives?
A Chihuahua that can draw and gnaw while obeying the law and lying on straw!
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Whats the difference between a hippy chick and a washing machine?
When you drop a load in, it doesn't follow you around for 6 months trying to get spun. 8)
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What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
You can throw your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around for two weeks afterward
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How do you get to Oktoberfest?
Follow the lederhosen.
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Whats the difference between your mom and a washing machine?
When I drop a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week.
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How did the newspaper go about reviewing the opera production?
They followed Standard Opera-rating Procedure
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What's the difference between a blond and a washing machine?
When you drop a load into a washing machine it doesn't follow you around for a week.
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What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine?
When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after
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What is the difference between my girlfriend and a washing machine?
After I dump my load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around.
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How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?
No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.
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Why must judges learn to spell well?
A: They must follow the letter of the law.
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How do you find a girl with no legs?
Follow the slime trail.
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What country always follows Zimbabwe?
Zimbab-Bee!
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What's the difference between an 18 year-old girl and a washing machine?
When you dump a load in the washer, it will not follow you around for two months.
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How do you find the PC user in the coffee shop?
Follow the power cord.
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What's the difference between a washing machine and your mom?
The last time I dumped a load into the washing machine, she didn't follow me around for a week!
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Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?
1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.
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What do you call those people who follow musicians around and try to hang with them after the show?
Drummers.
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How many dead-heads does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just let it burn out and follow it around for twenty years.
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Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
IN HIS SLEEVIES! Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.
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What religion do mosquitoes follow?
Muslim, because they go to a mosque...ito. Sorry.
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What's the difference between a washing machine and a virgin?
A washing machine doesn't follow the guy around for 2 weeks after he drops a load in it.
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What do you call an elf that follows Scientology?
Elron Hubbard
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Why do nuns always travel in pairs?
Because one nun follows the other nun to make sure that nun doesn't get none.
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Why did the Nevada skunk cross the state border?
To follow the smell of legal dank skunk buds.
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What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?
If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks.
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What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?
3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)
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Why do you always follow your instinct when doing trigonometry?
Beacuse you might have secant thoughts and go off on a tangent
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Why is it called Justice League of America?
Do they follow territorial boundaries? If the Kaos Kommandos start a brawl in El Paso and it rolls over into Juarez, do they say "screw it, let Justice League of Mexico handle it"? (Sorry if this isn't technically a joke; it was my shower thought this morning and I thought it was funny.)
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How do most rappers build a following?
They go shopping at a department store.
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Why doesn't Pac-Man use Twitter?
Because he doesn't like being followed.
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Why is a woman unlike a washing machine?
After you throw a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow you around.
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What do you call it when a bear makes a complete rotation on both its longitudinal and lateral axes, causing it to follow a helical path?
A bearl roll.
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How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT?
Ask them to pronounce the following: **HIRES**
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What is a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear Sir/Ma'am, We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:
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What do you do if a purple elephant and a multicolored horse are following you?
get off the merry-go-round! :)
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What is a water bottle's favorite game to play?
Follow the litre.
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What is the creepiest letter of the alphabet?
V. Because no matter where you are, any time of any day, no matter what you do, V always follows U.
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How do you find Will Smith in the winter time?
follow the Fresh Prints!
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How do you find a drug dealer donkey?
Just follow his coke mules.
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Who him?
Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter- *saxophone solo* INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS.
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Why did you crash into that stop sign?
Motorist: I was only following orders.
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Why should you always rent, rather than buy, a multimeter that measures ohms?
Because it's easier to follow the path of leased resistance.
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What do you call a Corvette following a Camaro at high speeds?
Chevy Chase.
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How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just watch it burn out and follow it around for 30 years.
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What followed the Big Bang?
The Big Cigarette
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What is the difference between a brick and a blonde?
If you lay a brick it doesn't follow you home.
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How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
They don't change it. They just watch it burn out, then follow it around for another 15 years.
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Why didn't Vietnam return to feudalism following 1975?
Cause Charlie don't serf.
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What is the best way to follow a lost dog's paw prints?
With a track-tor!
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How do you find Will Smith in winter?
You follow the Fresh Prince
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Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?
Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance
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Why does lightning only strike the French?
Because it follows the path of least resistance
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What is the opposite of paranoia?
Thinking you are following someone.
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Why are softball games so hard to follow?
Because everyone secretly plays for the other team.
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What do planets do to follow each other on SpaceTube?
Sunscribe.
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What's the difference between your mama and a washing machine?
The washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load in it.
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What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.
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What followed the dinosaur ?
It's tail !
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What do you call a vampire, that follows the rules?
Draculaw
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What is the difference between a girl and a washer?
The washer doesn't follow you around after you put a load in it.
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What religion do Saudi Arabian cows follow?
Mooslim
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What's the difference between a catholic and and a catoholic?
One is devoted to following to rules laid down by those who consider their will that of the divine. The other is a type of christian.
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What did the German Shepherd say at his Nuremberg trial?
I was just following odors."
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Why did the programmer die in the shower?
He followed the shampoo instructions.
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What was the German Shepard's defense at his Nuremberg trial?
I was just following odors."
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What do you call a German singalong?
Follow the lieder!
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Whats the difference between a girl and a washing machine?
When I dump a load in the washing machince, it doesnt follow me around
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Why did the stoner cross the road?
A: Who else would follow a chicken
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What do a washing machine and a one night stand have in common?
a washing machine doesn't follow you around for a week after you put a load in it..
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What did the CIA dogs say when they supsected they were being followed?
Looks like we got a tail.
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Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution?
He was following the Tsar.
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What do you call the retarded guy that follows the band around?
The Drummer
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What's the difference between a blonde and a washer?
When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week.
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How is Islam like a GPS?
You may think you're on the right path, but if you follow it literally, you'll end up crashing into a building.
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Who are all these people Twitter wants me to follow?
Has the fail whale been stalking me. Help, stranger danger!
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What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
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Why did the paper follow the pencil?
Because it LED THE WAY! I'm on a roll here! this is fun! Skip
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What's the difference between an 18yo and a washing machine?
You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you round for two weeks telling you it loves you
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Why did the creepy hipster get arrested?
because he was following people before instagram
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What's the difference between a girl and a washing machine?
When I dump a load into the washing machine it doesn't follow me around
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What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A washing machine won't follow you around after you dump your load in it.
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How would you describe yourself in 3 words or less?
Doesn't follow instructions very well.
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What do your mother and a marathon have in common?
They are both doable as long as you don't mind following a bunch of black guys.
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How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?
Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!
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Why does lightning strike in France so often?
Because it follows the path of least resistance.
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Whats the difference between a washing machine and a woman?
A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.
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What's in a Paul Walker shot ?
An Irish car bomb followed by a shot of Fireball
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Which of the following is a dangerous disease?
A)Bola B)Bola C)Bola D)Bola E)Bola