Food Jokes
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What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant?
Donkey!" (Danke) You gotta say it with the shrek accent to work.
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Why do Americans deep fry so much food?
A. They love OIL
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What do you call a Parrot that loves maths and hates food?
a polynomeal
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How Much Food did Soviet Ukraine Need in the Early 1930s?
A whole-lot-more
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Why does no one buy food for a platypus?
They always have a big bill!
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Why did Bernie Sanders's chicken restaurant throw out so much food?
He only sold left wings.
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Why doesn't your menu list prices?
Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the food does.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
None. Mice can't change light-bulbs as they are mere rodents without the physical or mental ability to do so. Not to mention it's much safer for them to pilfer food in the dark.
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What do you call a rotten lamb chop?
Food gone ba-a-a-a-a-ad.
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What food do all basketball players hate?
Turnover.
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How do Muslims like their food served?
Allah Carte
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What's the similarity between a burned pizza and parents?
If it's black it won't give you any food
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Why doesn't this restaurant have any specials?
Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.
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What food should you avoid if you don't want to go to court?
Sue-shi! I'll excuse myself.
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What's "saying grace?
Me: It's when we thank the one who provided our food. 4-year-old: We thank the microwave
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What's the only thing worse than finding a roach in your food?
Finding half of a roach in your food.
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Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?
Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.
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What did the stuttering Mexican say to his friend when he tried to steal his food?
These are nacho-nachos.
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What did Ryu say when I asked if I could have some of his food?
SHORYUKEN***
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How does Dracula like to have his food served?
In bite-sized pieces.
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What happens when you drink food colouring?
You dye a little on the inside.
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What do you call a food that turns black people on?
An -disiac.
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Why does the food take so long at an Internet cafe?
Because the servers cannot be found
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What food can tell you if a girl is pregnant?
Chickpea
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Why is a reflection always twice as good as the real thing?
i actually don't know where to post this idea, true jokes maybe?... There has to be a food for thought sub. This is your OP, I promise to deliver!
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Why didn't you make all the food on that long order?
Cook: Because I'm a short order cook.
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Where does a Mexican store his food?
Hispantry
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Why should I shave my downstairs?
Guy: Because I don't like hair in my food.
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Why did the lady with multiple personality disorder share her food with a friend?
Because Sharon is Karen.
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What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
Let us prey.
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Why is the food so cold and bland?
Dad: Because your mother put her heart and soul into it.
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What does Pikachu say when he puts too much salsa on his food?
PIKA PIKA PIKA (Credit to my 5 year old son)
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What do Chinese people call Chinese food?
Food.
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A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says...
I'm sorry, we don't serve food here
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How does Haskell like his food?
Curried.
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What food is given to ebola patients?
Pizza because it can be slipped under the door.
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Where we going?
Will there be food Why do I have to die Why didn't you like my last pic ..
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What is the similarity in between a dark joke and food?
Not everyone gets it
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What do Asgardians use to keep food hot?
A Thormos.
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Who's there? Orange. Orange who?
Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?
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Why did the chicken lay an egg?
Quoted from daughter at age 3) To get food for her babies!
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Why are you giving a mouse any food?
That's unsanitary.
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How do Mexicans keep their food warm?
Chicken Fajitas.
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What is a nurse in the maternity ward's favorite kind of food?
Delivery.
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Why is manna from heaven like horse hay?
Both are food from aloft!
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Where does the CIA buy its groceries?
Whole Foods
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What kind of food can you color with?
A cranberry! Esher (my Grandson) age 5
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Why do midgets make bad parents?
Cause they struggle to put food on the table
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Where's the food and why are you naked?
Me: "Am I doing it wrong This is my first picnic."
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How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
Her food is potion-controlled.
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What does a panda say when it's out of food?
Chute
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Where did the drug addict keep his food and dishes?
The potry
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Why did the hipster burn his tounge?
Because he ate his food before it was cool.
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What did the plate say to the mug?
Food's on me tonight.
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What's worse than finding hair in your food?
Finding out the chef is bald.
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What do you call food between two slices of bread?
a sandwich
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How do you make a horse fast?
You take away his food.
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Why are a good majority of Americans obese?
At least the food won't take away their rights. Do a little oppression of their own.
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What does dark humor have in common with food?
Not everyone gets it.
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Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
The food is great, but there’s just no atmosphere.
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What can you add to any food to make it taste better?
The word "free"
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What's you experience with "Friends with benefits"?
The close thing I came to having friends with benefits was .......... convincing my friend to bring food for me daily.
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Why didn't Hannibal Lecter have any friends as a kid?
He was told not to play with his food.
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Why are vegans so salty?
To hide the fact that their food has no flavor.
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What's the food equivalent to Rachel Dolezal?
a hamburger.
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What do dark jokes and food have in common?
Not everyone gets them
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What is the sun's favourite kind of food?
Sol food
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What do you call a small dog that can store food?
Pupperware
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What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria?
The food!
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Why did the pig join the Army?
He heard the food was a mess.
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How do you best serve burned food?
Coal'd.
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Why are there so many Asians?
Its the food. There is too much raw dog. Heard it on Adam Carolla's Podcast. A caller phoned in and told it to Adam. Thought you guys would like it.
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Why don't emus ever finish all the food on their plates?
They don't want to be ostrich-sized!
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Why do Ethiopians have fly swatters?
To hunt for their food.
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What's the cure for world hunger?
Food
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How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant?
Allah carte.
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Why do people starve?
When food tastes so good.
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What food do Japanese people serve as an apology when they have offended someone?
Miso sorry...
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Why didn't the shrimp share his food?
He was a little shellfish
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Whole Foods "All the cash in a bag NOW!" 100% organic reusable bag ok?
Yes!" puts half the cash I had to charge for the bag
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What food describes most men?
Jerky.
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How can you make a slow horse fast?
Don't give him any food.
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What makes food go bad?
bacteria(/spoiler)
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What take out food should you avoid at all costs in Hospital?
Donor Kebab
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Whole Foods ME: Hi CLERK: Hello ME: Do you...uh CLERK: Do we what?
ME: Do you have any...uh CLERK: Go on ME: Do you have any Half Foods
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What food are you able to can?
Cannibal (can able) food.
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How do you know if a chef is a clown?
A: The food tastes funny.
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What was the last food delivered to the Twin Towers?
Pizza. Someone ordered two large planes.
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What kind of food do zombies hate?
Fast food
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Why don't cannibals have dogs?
Because you're not supposed to feed them people food.
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What's a cannibal's favourite type of food?
Finger food!
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Whole Foods?
Ripped off.
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What do dark humour and food have in common?
Only some people get it.
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What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food ?
Snakes and Larders !sna
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What's a Southeastern Asian business professional's favorite food?
Tie food
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Why wasn't there any food after the monster party?
A: Because everyone was a goblin.
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What did the food say to the other food, while inside a stomach?
I won't digest yet.
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What do you call a homeless man who trashes food you give him then says he only accepts cash?
A rootabaga.
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What did Charles Darwin name his book about food?
On the Origin of Feces*
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How can you tell which Russian olympic spectators are actually KGB agents?
The ones with food.
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What food is bad for epileptic people?
Seizure salad
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How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?
You buy it per-tater
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How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food?
By giving her a Brazilian wax first!
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When can you store food in a door?
When it's ajar.
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Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin
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What is Son Goku's least liked food?
Vegetta balls
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What country do all cats wish to get their food from?
Viet NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
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What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's
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How does Frodo make his own food?
Through Frodosynthesis
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What food is good for the brain?
Noodle soup.
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What food do vampires hate?
Steaks.
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How does a Syrian family have a meal?
The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.