Food Jokes

  • What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant?

    Donkey!" (Danke) You gotta say it with the shrek accent to work.

  • Why do Americans deep fry so much food?

    A. They love OIL

  • What do you call a Parrot that loves maths and hates food?

    a polynomeal

  • How Much Food did Soviet Ukraine Need in the Early 1930s?

    A whole-lot-more

  • Why does no one buy food for a platypus?

    They always have a big bill!

  • Why did Bernie Sanders's chicken restaurant throw out so much food?

    He only sold left wings.

  • Why doesn't your menu list prices?

    Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the food does.

  • How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

    None. Mice can't change light-bulbs as they are mere rodents without the physical or mental ability to do so. Not to mention it's much safer for them to pilfer food in the dark.

  • What do you call a rotten lamb chop?

    Food gone ba-a-a-a-a-ad.

  • What food do all basketball players hate?


  • How do Muslims like their food served?

    Allah Carte

  • What's the similarity between a burned pizza and parents?

    If it's black it won't give you any food

  • Why doesn't this restaurant have any specials?

    Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.

  • What food should you avoid if you don't want to go to court?

    Sue-shi! I'll excuse myself.

  • What's "saying grace?

    Me: It's when we thank the one who provided our food. 4-year-old: We thank the microwave

  • What's the only thing worse than finding a roach in your food?

    Finding half of a roach in your food.

  • Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?

    Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.

  • What did the stuttering Mexican say to his friend when he tried to steal his food?

    These are nacho-nachos.

  • What did Ryu say when I asked if I could have some of his food?


  • How does Dracula like to have his food served?

    In bite-sized pieces.

  • What happens when you drink food colouring?

    You dye a little on the inside.

  • What do you call a food that turns black people on?

    An -disiac.

  • Why does the food take so long at an Internet cafe?

    Because the servers cannot be found

  • What food can tell you if a girl is pregnant?


  • Why is a reflection always twice as good as the real thing?

    i actually don't know where to post this idea, true jokes maybe?... There has to be a food for thought sub. This is your OP, I promise to deliver!

  • Why didn't you make all the food on that long order?

    Cook: Because I'm a short order cook.

  • Where does a Mexican store his food?


  • Why should I shave my downstairs?

    Guy: Because I don't like hair in my food.

  • Why did the lady with multiple personality disorder share her food with a friend?

    Because Sharon is Karen.

  • What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?

    Let us prey.

  • Why is the food so cold and bland?

    Dad: Because your mother put her heart and soul into it.

  • What does Pikachu say when he puts too much salsa on his food?

    PIKA PIKA PIKA (Credit to my 5 year old son)

  • What do Chinese people call Chinese food?


  • A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says...

    I'm sorry, we don't serve food here

  • How does Haskell like his food?


  • What food is given to ebola patients?

    Pizza because it can be slipped under the door.

  • Where we going?

    Will there be food Why do I have to die Why didn't you like my last pic ..

  • What is the similarity in between a dark joke and food?

    Not everyone gets it

  • What do Asgardians use to keep food hot?

    A Thormos.

  • Who's there? Orange. Orange who?

    Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?

  • Why did the chicken lay an egg?

    Quoted from daughter at age 3) To get food for her babies!

  • Why are you giving a mouse any food?

    That's unsanitary.

  • How do Mexicans keep their food warm?

    Chicken Fajitas.

  • What is a nurse in the maternity ward's favorite kind of food?


  • Why is manna from heaven like horse hay?

    Both are food from aloft!

  • Where does the CIA buy its groceries?

    Whole Foods

  • What kind of food can you color with?

    A cranberry! Esher (my Grandson) age 5

  • Why do midgets make bad parents?

    Cause they struggle to put food on the table

  • Where's the food and why are you naked?

    Me: "Am I doing it wrong This is my first picnic."

  • How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?

    Her food is potion-controlled.

  • What does a panda say when it's out of food?


  • Where did the drug addict keep his food and dishes?

    The potry

  • Why did the hipster burn his tounge?

    Because he ate his food before it was cool.

  • What did the plate say to the mug?

    Food's on me tonight.

  • What's worse than finding hair in your food?

    Finding out the chef is bald.

  • What do you call food between two slices of bread?

    a sandwich

  • How do you make a horse fast?

    You take away his food.

  • Why are a good majority of Americans obese?

    At least the food won't take away their rights. Do a little oppression of their own.

  • What does dark humor have in common with food?

    Not everyone gets it.

  • Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?

    The food is great, but there’s just no atmosphere.

  • What can you add to any food to make it taste better?

    The word "free"

  • What's you experience with "Friends with benefits"?

    The close thing I came to having friends with benefits was .......... convincing my friend to bring food for me daily.

  • Why didn't Hannibal Lecter have any friends as a kid?

    He was told not to play with his food.

  • Why are vegans so salty?

    To hide the fact that their food has no flavor.

  • What's the food equivalent to Rachel Dolezal?

    a hamburger.

  • What do dark jokes and food have in common?

    Not everyone gets them

  • What is the sun's favourite kind of food?

    Sol food

  • What do you call a small dog that can store food?


  • What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria?

    The food!

  • Why did the pig join the Army?

    He heard the food was a mess.

  • How do you best serve burned food?


  • Why are there so many Asians?

    Its the food. There is too much raw dog. Heard it on Adam Carolla's Podcast. A caller phoned in and told it to Adam. Thought you guys would like it.

  • Why don't emus ever finish all the food on their plates?

    They don't want to be ostrich-sized!

  • Why do Ethiopians have fly swatters?

    To hunt for their food.

  • What's the cure for world hunger?


  • How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant?

    Allah carte.

  • Why do people starve?

    When food tastes so good.

  • What food do Japanese people serve as an apology when they have offended someone?

    Miso sorry...

  • Why didn't the shrimp share his food?

    He was a little shellfish

  • Whole Foods "All the cash in a bag NOW!" 100% organic reusable bag ok?

    Yes!" puts half the cash I had to charge for the bag

  • What food describes most men?


  • How can you make a slow horse fast?

    Don't give him any food.

  • What makes food go bad?


  • What take out food should you avoid at all costs in Hospital?

    Donor Kebab

  • Whole Foods ME: Hi CLERK: Hello ME: Do you...uh CLERK: Do we what?

    ME: Do you have any...uh CLERK: Go on ME: Do you have any Half Foods

  • What food are you able to can?

    Cannibal (can able) food.

  • How do you know if a chef is a clown?

    A: The food tastes funny.

  • What was the last food delivered to the Twin Towers?

    Pizza. Someone ordered two large planes.

  • What kind of food do zombies hate?

    Fast food

  • Why don't cannibals have dogs?

    Because you're not supposed to feed them people food.

  • What's a cannibal's favourite type of food?

    Finger food!

  • Whole Foods?

    Ripped off.

  • What do dark humour and food have in common?

    Only some people get it.

  • What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food ?

    Snakes and Larders !sna

  • What's a Southeastern Asian business professional's favorite food?

    Tie food

  • Why wasn't there any food after the monster party?

    A: Because everyone was a goblin.

  • What did the food say to the other food, while inside a stomach?

    I won't digest yet.

  • What do you call a homeless man who trashes food you give him then says he only accepts cash?

    A rootabaga.

  • What did Charles Darwin name his book about food?

    On the Origin of Feces*

  • How can you tell which Russian olympic spectators are actually KGB agents?

    The ones with food.

  • What food is bad for epileptic people?

    Seizure salad

  • How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?

    You buy it per-tater

  • How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food?

    By giving her a Brazilian wax first!

  • When can you store food in a door?

    When it's ajar.

  • Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?

    Because everyone was a goblin

  • What is Son Goku's least liked food?

    Vegetta balls

  • What country do all cats wish to get their food from?


  • What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?


  • How does Frodo make his own food?

    Through Frodosynthesis

  • What food is good for the brain?

    Noodle soup.

  • What food do vampires hate?


  • How does a Syrian family have a meal?

    The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.