Ghost Jokes
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Why did the ghosts haunt the bar?
For the boos.
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What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.
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What do you call a ghost that stays out all night?
Afresh air freak.
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What do you call a ghost in spring?
April ghouls
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What did the ghost say during its planned act of terrorism?
Allaboo Akbar.
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Why don't ghosts like rainy days?
Because it dampens their souls!!!!
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How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
A: By scareplane.
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Why are ghosts always just moaning?
Did your manners die too Use your words!
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What do you call a ghost at midnight?
A sheet in the dark!
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What do you get is you cross a ghost with a packet of potato chips?
Snacks that go crunch in the night.
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Why do ghosts get invited to parties?
Because they always bring boos.
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What do anime ghosts say to scare people?
Weeaboo
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Why does everyone love when a ghost goes to a party?
Because he always brings the boos
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What did one ghost say to the other?
Do you believe in people
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What do you call a ghost who's always sleeping?
Lazy bones.
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What happened to the ghost who went to a party?
He had a wail of a time.
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Who represents a Ghost in court?
A Paralegal.
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What does the ghost of Al Pacino say?
Boo-ah!
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Why did the ghost go to jail?
He got arrested for possession.
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What do ghosts wear?
Boo Jeans
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Why did the ghost get kicked out of the bar?
Because he was sheet faced.
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What room does a ghost not need?
A living room
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What part of the house does a ghost not use?
The living room
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Where do ghosts mail their letters?
At the ghost office.
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What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?
The shadow of his former shelf.
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What's ur biggst fear?
Child1: Ghosts! Child2: Dogs! Child3: That humanity's core reaction to misunderstanding is anger
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Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?
That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!
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What ghost is handy in the kitchen?
A recipe spook.
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What do you call the ghost who is a child-rearing expert?
Dr Spook.
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Why was the ghost uneducated?
He was too ghoul for school
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What gives a ghost the right to haunt people?
A haunting license
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Why can't the ghost get his girlfriend pregnant?
Because he's got a hollow-weenie.
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Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?
The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
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What do you call a little person who can talk to ghosts and just escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
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How do Ghosts lay foundations?
With a spirit level!
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What happens when you goose a ghost?
You get a hand full of sheet. (Joke from my mom)
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Why do ghosts never age?
They use Bootox.
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What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
A: "Make a fright turn at the corner."
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How can you tell if a ghost is about to faint?
He gets pale as a sheet.
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What do you get when you goose a ghost?
A handful of sheet.
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What's a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment ?
A phantomime !
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How many ghosts does it take to change one lightbulb?
Zero. They don't exist.
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What is the proper way to address the king of the ghosts?
A: Your ghostliness.
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What room is a ghost scared of?
The living room( haha get it )
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Boo jeans.
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What do ghosts use for lube?
Rectoplasm...
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When do ghosts have to stop scaring people?
When they lose their haunting licenses.
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Why does riding in an elevator make ghosts happy?
It lifts spirits
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Why don't ghosts have kids?
Because they have Hollow-Weinies
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What do ghosts drink for Halloween?
BOOOOZE!
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Why did the ghost go into the elevator?
To lift his spirits.
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What did the ghost wearing sox say?
Shhoooooooooooooeeeeeesss!! Shoooooooooooooooooose !
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What kind of street to ghosts, goblins and ghouls live on?
A Dead End.
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Why did the little boy throw the linen off the bed when he saw a ghost?
He was scared sheetless.
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What do you get when you cross a ghost and a the letter K?
A: A book.
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How do ghosts navigate the ocean?
They use boo-eys.
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Why was the milkman afraid on Christmas eve?
The ghost of Christmas Pasteurisation.
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Which ghost ate too much porridge?
Ghouldilocks.
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Which day of the week do ghosts like best?
Moandays.
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Why did the ghost cross the road?
To get to the other side.
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Why are ghosts always dehydrated?
They have a lot of boos but no water
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How do you date a ghost?
You 'WOOOO' him!
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What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub?
The landlord said "Sorry we don't serve spirits."
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What gets you hot, baby?
Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent. H: Zoinks, like, there's a ghost! Let's get out of here Scoob! M: *swoons*
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Why was the ghost sad?
A lot of different reasons.
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What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.
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Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII ?
She was trying to get ahead !
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What do you call the ghost of a dessert-chef who returns no matter how many times they're exorcised?
A boo-meringue
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What do you call the ghost of a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
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What did the ghost give his girlfriend on Halloween?
What did the ghost give his girlfriend on Halloween? A "booquet" of flower.
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Where does a ghost refuel his Porsche?
At a ghastly station.
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What is the ghost of an Australians favourite dessert?
Boo-meringue
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Where do ghosts go for their holidays?
The Dead Sea.
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What does the ghost like on his roast beef?
grave-y gravy
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost at the Halloween party?
Let's get sheet-faced!
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What do you call ghosts commiting bank robberies?
The Polterheist
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What is the worst race of ghosts?
Spooks
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When do ghosts play tricks on each other?
On April Ghoul's Day
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Why did the ghost stink?
Because it was covered in sheet
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What do ghosts watch if they want to relax?
Skelly-vision!
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Where do ghosts live?
A: At the dead end.
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Why was the ghost on an episode of Hoaders?
He was a little... Possesive
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Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?
Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.
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What do you call a company run entirely by ghosts?
An incorporation.
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What do you call the ghost of a Native American accordion player?
Pocahontas
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What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?
Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.
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What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin.
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What sort of underwear does the ghost of a French baker wear?
Boulangerie.
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Why the letter "G" is scary?
In one fine evening it can turn your host into . . . GHOST.
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Why was the ghost late to the halloween party?
He had to take a sheet.
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What do ghosts get when they're aroused?
Booners
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What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?
The roller ghosted.
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What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A holy terror.
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What does a ghost wear when it's raining?
boooooooooooooots
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Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
It lifts their spirits.
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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
One is white and scares young children and the other is a ghost.
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Who's there ! Boo ! Boo who ?
Just Boo ! I'm a ghost !
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How does a ghost defend its self?
Kung Boo
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What's up with all these idiots on TV trying to talk to ghosts?
I don't even wanna talk to the living.
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Why did the ghost go to the bar?
For the BOOOOze.
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What did one ghost say to another?
I'm sorry but I just don't believe in people.
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What do ghosts drink?
BOOOOOZE
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Why did the ghost get in the elevator?
to raise his spirits
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Why did the car judder to a stop when it saw a ghost?
It had a nervous breakdown.
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What do you call a ghost on the Internet?
e-erie.
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What's the best way to ward off ghosts?
To which I replied: "a camera."
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Why cant witches get pregnant?
Because ghosts have hollow-weenies! Happy halloween :)
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Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?
They would steal all the boos.
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How do ghosts get ghouls interested in them?
They woooooooOOOOOOOooooo them.
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Why do ghosts like going out?
So they can drink boo-ze and get sheet-faced.
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How do you protect yourself from ghosts?
Hide in the living room.
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How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat?
You use a spirit level.
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What did the ghost say when he got to the halloween party?
Im here for the boos.
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How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A: With a pumpkin patch.
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Where did the ghost go shopping?
At the BOO-tique
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What do you call a ghost without any feet?
A lost sole
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What did the ghost serve at his Halloween party?
Hallowieners!
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What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?
A poultry-geist.
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What do get when a ghost picks his nose?
Boooooogers!
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What do ghosts like about riding horses?
Ghoulloping.
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Why were the ghosts wet and tired?
They had just dread-ged the lake.
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What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?
A polterheist.
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Where would you take a ghost for lunch?
Pizza Haunt!
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Why do ghosts say booOoOoo?
Because they are disappointed in you...
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What do you call two detectives tracking down a ghost?
Pair-a-normal investigators.
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When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before someone screams.
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What makes a ghost happy?
An elevator. It lifts the spirits.
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What does a ghost pick out of his nose?
Boo-gers
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What did the ghost say on December 25th?
A: Scary Christmas!
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What do you call ghosts that haunt liquor stores?
Spirits
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What did one ghost say to another ghost?
Do you believe in people "
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How much for this melted ghost?
Sir that's a bed sheet "You have a lot of them! And they're packaged IS THIS GHOST HELL" This is a Macys
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How do ghosts like their chicken cooked?
Terri-fried!
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Why will the ghost never succeed in life?
He's too eeriesponsible!!!!
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Where do ghost trains stop?
At devil crossings.
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What does a ghost get when he is horny?
A booner
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What European capital has the most ghosts?
Boodapest!
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What happened to the ghost who couldn't scare?
He had to join a support group since he couldn't handle his boos.
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Why can't ghosts have babies?
They have hollow weenies!
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Who do ghosts worship?
Boo, DUH!!!
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Why don't ghosts have legs?
Because they're so white the can't dance.
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Why didn't the ghost have any children?
Because he had a Halloweenie!
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Who did the ghost invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up.
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What's it called when you kidnap a ghost?
A Polter-Heist
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Why didn't the ghost go to the dance party?
Because he had no-body to dance with.
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What does a libertarian apparition say to the cops?
Am I free to ghost "
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What did the ghost say to the bees?
Boo Bees
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Why do ghosts make the best thieves?
Because possession is 9/10 of the law
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What's black on the outside, green on the inside and can go through walls?
Ghost avocado.
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How do Ghosts get Drunk?
Booze.
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Why'd you give me ghost shaped candy?
Cuz you my BOO"
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Why was the ghost sad on Halloween?
He ain't have no boo
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What do ghosts get arrested for?
Possession.
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What's the main religion of most ghosts?
Boo dism
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What do ghosts do when they're sad?
They get in an elevator to lift their spirits.
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What do you get when you have the ghost of a French Viking?
Paranorman
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What do these jokes and a ghost have in common?
Boo man! Boo!
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What does a ghost say after a bad joke?
Booo Hahahaha
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Why don't ghosts play sports?
Boo!
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What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off ?
Ban-she ban-she !
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Why didn't the ghost have any babies?
Because he had a Halloweenie! (Hollow-weenie)
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What do you call an action of copyright law against a ghost?
An exor- .
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How does a ghost start a letter?
Tomb it may concern.
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What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you?
A phone moan.
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What do ghosts call their true love?
Their ghoul-friend
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What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?
Rectoplasm.
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What would Bill Nye be called if he spoke to ghosts?
Bill Nye the Seance guy.
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What do ghosts use to phone home?
A terror-phone.
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What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A boo-tie.
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What do ghosts use to predict the future?
Horror-scopes!
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Why did the ghost go into rehab?
He had a problem with boos.
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What do you get if you cross a ghost and a newsreader ?
A spooksman !
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Why can't ghosts make babies?
They have hollow weenies! .... And I'll just see myself out.
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What kind of car do ghosts drive?
BOOgatti!
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What do you call a ghost that loves soccer?
Ghoooooooooooooouuull!
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Why is a ghost like an empty house?
Because there's no body there!
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How do ghost listen to music?
With a bootooth
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What do you call a ghost in the Outback?
An Apparigine!
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What do you call a ghost who only haunts the Town Hall?
The nightmayor.
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What do you get if you cross Bambi and a ghost?
Bamboo
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What do ghosts dress up as for Halloween?
As John Cena because you can't see them.
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Why didn't the ghost go to the dance?
He had no body to dance with
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Why do ghosts carry tissues?
Because they have BOOOOgers.
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Why do the ghosts never win races?
Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.