Ghost Jokes

  • Why did the ghosts haunt the bar?

    For the boos.

  • What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?

    MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

  • What do you call a ghost that stays out all night?

    Afresh air freak.

  • What do you call a ghost in spring?

    April ghouls

  • What did the ghost say during its planned act of terrorism?

    Allaboo Akbar.

  • Why don't ghosts like rainy days?

    Because it dampens their souls!!!!

  • How do ghosts fly from one place to another?

    A: By scareplane.

  • Why are ghosts always just moaning?

    Did your manners die too Use your words!

  • What do you call a ghost at midnight?

    A sheet in the dark!

  • What do you get is you cross a ghost with a packet of potato chips?

    Snacks that go crunch in the night.

  • Why do ghosts get invited to parties?

    Because they always bring boos.

  • What do anime ghosts say to scare people?


  • Why does everyone love when a ghost goes to a party?

    Because he always brings the boos

  • What did one ghost say to the other?

    Do you believe in people

  • What do you call a ghost who's always sleeping?

    Lazy bones.

  • What happened to the ghost who went to a party?

    He had a wail of a time.

  • Who represents a Ghost in court?

    A Paralegal.

  • What does the ghost of Al Pacino say?


  • Why did the ghost go to jail?

    He got arrested for possession.

  • What do ghosts wear?

    Boo Jeans

  • Why did the ghost get kicked out of the bar?

    Because he was sheet faced.

  • What room does a ghost not need?

    A living room

  • What part of the house does a ghost not use?

    The living room

  • Where do ghosts mail their letters?

    At the ghost office.

  • What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?

    The shadow of his former shelf.

  • What's ur biggst fear?

    Child1: Ghosts! Child2: Dogs! Child3: That humanity's core reaction to misunderstanding is anger

  • Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?

    That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!

  • What ghost is handy in the kitchen?

    A recipe spook.

  • What do you call the ghost who is a child-rearing expert?

    Dr Spook.

  • Why was the ghost uneducated?

    He was too ghoul for school

  • What gives a ghost the right to haunt people?

    A haunting license

  • Why can't the ghost get his girlfriend pregnant?

    Because he's got a hollow-weenie.

  • Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?

    The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

  • What do you call a little person who can talk to ghosts and just escaped from prison?

    A small medium at large.

  • How do Ghosts lay foundations?

    With a spirit level!

  • What happens when you goose a ghost?

    You get a hand full of sheet. (Joke from my mom)

  • Why do ghosts never age?

    They use Bootox.

  • What directions did the ghost give the goblin?

    A: "Make a fright turn at the corner."

  • How can you tell if a ghost is about to faint?

    He gets pale as a sheet.

  • What do you get when you goose a ghost?

    A handful of sheet.

  • What's a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment ?

    A phantomime !

  • How many ghosts does it take to change one lightbulb?

    Zero. They don't exist.

  • What is the proper way to address the king of the ghosts?

    A: Your ghostliness.

  • What room is a ghost scared of?

    The living room( haha get it )

  • What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

    Boo jeans.

  • What do ghosts use for lube?


  • When do ghosts have to stop scaring people?

    When they lose their haunting licenses.

  • Why does riding in an elevator make ghosts happy?

    It lifts spirits

  • Why don't ghosts have kids?

    Because they have Hollow-Weinies

  • What do ghosts drink for Halloween?


  • Why did the ghost go into the elevator?

    To lift his spirits.

  • What did the ghost wearing sox say?

    Shhoooooooooooooeeeeeesss!! Shoooooooooooooooooose !

  • What kind of street to ghosts, goblins and ghouls live on?

    A Dead End.

  • Why did the little boy throw the linen off the bed when he saw a ghost?

    He was scared sheetless.

  • What do you get when you cross a ghost and a the letter K?

    A: A book.

  • How do ghosts navigate the ocean?

    They use boo-eys.

  • Why was the milkman afraid on Christmas eve?

    The ghost of Christmas Pasteurisation.

  • Which ghost ate too much porridge?


  • Which day of the week do ghosts like best?


  • Why did the ghost cross the road?

    To get to the other side.

  • Why are ghosts always dehydrated?

    They have a lot of boos but no water

  • How do you date a ghost?

    You 'WOOOO' him!

  • What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub?

    The landlord said "Sorry we don't serve spirits."

  • What gets you hot, baby?

    Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent. H: Zoinks, like, there's a ghost! Let's get out of here Scoob! M: *swoons*

  • Why was the ghost sad?

    A lot of different reasons.

  • What do ghosts serve for dessert?

    I Scream.

  • Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII ?

    She was trying to get ahead !

  • What do you call the ghost of a dessert-chef who returns no matter how many times they're exorcised?

    A boo-meringue

  • What do you call the ghost of a chicken?

    A poultry-geist.

  • What did the ghost give his girlfriend on Halloween?

    What did the ghost give his girlfriend on Halloween? A "booquet" of flower.

  • Where does a ghost refuel his Porsche?

    At a ghastly station.

  • What is the ghost of an Australians favourite dessert?


  • Where do ghosts go for their holidays?

    The Dead Sea.

  • What does the ghost like on his roast beef?

    grave-y gravy

  • What did the ghost say to the other ghost at the Halloween party?

    Let's get sheet-faced!

  • What do you call ghosts commiting bank robberies?

    The Polterheist

  • What is the worst race of ghosts?


  • When do ghosts play tricks on each other?

    On April Ghoul's Day

  • Why did the ghost stink?

    Because it was covered in sheet

  • What do ghosts watch if they want to relax?


  • Where do ghosts live?

    A: At the dead end.

  • Why was the ghost on an episode of Hoaders?

    He was a little... Possesive

  • Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?

    Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.

  • What do you call a company run entirely by ghosts?

    An incorporation.

  • What do you call the ghost of a Native American accordion player?


  • What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

    Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

  • What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?

    Hoblin Goblin.

  • What sort of underwear does the ghost of a French baker wear?


  • Why the letter "G" is scary?

    In one fine evening it can turn your host into . . . GHOST.

  • Why was the ghost late to the halloween party?

    He had to take a sheet.

  • What do ghosts get when they're aroused?


  • What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?

    The roller ghosted.

  • What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?

    A holy terror.

  • What does a ghost wear when it's raining?


  • Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?

    It lifts their spirits.

  • What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?

    One is white and scares young children and the other is a ghost.

  • Who's there ! Boo ! Boo who ?

    Just Boo ! I'm a ghost !

  • How does a ghost defend its self?

    Kung Boo

  • What's up with all these idiots on TV trying to talk to ghosts?

    I don't even wanna talk to the living.

  • Why did the ghost go to the bar?

    For the BOOOOze.

  • What did one ghost say to another?

    I'm sorry but I just don't believe in people.

  • What do ghosts drink?


  • Why did the ghost get in the elevator?

    to raise his spirits

  • Why did the car judder to a stop when it saw a ghost?

    It had a nervous breakdown.

  • What do you call a ghost on the Internet?


  • What's the best way to ward off ghosts?

    To which I replied: "a camera."

  • Why cant witches get pregnant?

    Because ghosts have hollow-weenies! Happy halloween :)

  • Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?

    They would steal all the boos.

  • How do ghosts get ghouls interested in them?

    They woooooooOOOOOOOooooo them.

  • Why do ghosts like going out?

    So they can drink boo-ze and get sheet-faced.

  • How do you protect yourself from ghosts?

    Hide in the living room.

  • How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat?

    You use a spirit level.

  • What did the ghost say when he got to the halloween party?

    Im here for the boos.

  • How did the ghost patch his sheet?

    A: With a pumpkin patch.

  • Where did the ghost go shopping?

    At the BOO-tique

  • What do you call a ghost without any feet?

    A lost sole

  • What did the ghost serve at his Halloween party?


  • What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?

    A poultry-geist.

  • What do get when a ghost picks his nose?


  • What do ghosts like about riding horses?


  • Why were the ghosts wet and tired?

    They had just dread-ged the lake.

  • What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?

    A polterheist.

  • Where would you take a ghost for lunch?

    Pizza Haunt!

  • Why do ghosts say booOoOoo?

    Because they are disappointed in you...

  • What do you call two detectives tracking down a ghost?

    Pair-a-normal investigators.

  • When do ghosts usually appear?

    Just before someone screams.

  • What makes a ghost happy?

    An elevator. It lifts the spirits.

  • What does a ghost pick out of his nose?


  • What did the ghost say on December 25th?

    A: Scary Christmas!

  • What do you call ghosts that haunt liquor stores?


  • What did one ghost say to another ghost?

    Do you believe in people "

  • How much for this melted ghost?

    Sir that's a bed sheet "You have a lot of them! And they're packaged IS THIS GHOST HELL" This is a Macys

  • How do ghosts like their chicken cooked?


  • Why will the ghost never succeed in life?

    He's too eeriesponsible!!!!

  • Where do ghost trains stop?

    At devil crossings.

  • What does a ghost get when he is horny?

    A booner

  • What European capital has the most ghosts?


  • What happened to the ghost who couldn't scare?

    He had to join a support group since he couldn't handle his boos.

  • Why can't ghosts have babies?

    They have hollow weenies!

  • Who do ghosts worship?

    Boo, DUH!!!

  • Why don't ghosts have legs?

    Because they're so white the can't dance.

  • Why didn't the ghost have any children?

    Because he had a Halloweenie!

  • Who did the ghost invite to his party?

    Anyone he could dig up.

  • What's it called when you kidnap a ghost?

    A Polter-Heist

  • Why didn't the ghost go to the dance party?

    Because he had no-body to dance with.

  • What does a libertarian apparition say to the cops?

    Am I free to ghost "

  • What did the ghost say to the bees?

    Boo Bees

  • Why do ghosts make the best thieves?

    Because possession is 9/10 of the law

  • What's black on the outside, green on the inside and can go through walls?

    Ghost avocado.

  • How do Ghosts get Drunk?


  • Why'd you give me ghost shaped candy?

    Cuz you my BOO"

  • Why was the ghost sad on Halloween?

    He ain't have no boo

  • What do ghosts get arrested for?


  • What's the main religion of most ghosts?

    Boo dism

  • What do ghosts do when they're sad?

    They get in an elevator to lift their spirits.

  • What do you get when you have the ghost of a French Viking?


  • What do these jokes and a ghost have in common?

    Boo man! Boo!

  • What does a ghost say after a bad joke?

    Booo Hahahaha

  • Why don't ghosts play sports?


  • What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off ?

    Ban-she ban-she !

  • Why didn't the ghost have any babies?

    Because he had a Halloweenie! (Hollow-weenie)

  • What do you call an action of copyright law against a ghost?

    An exor- .

  • How does a ghost start a letter?

    Tomb it may concern.

  • What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you?

    A phone moan.

  • What do ghosts call their true love?

    Their ghoul-friend

  • What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?


  • What would Bill Nye be called if he spoke to ghosts?

    Bill Nye the Seance guy.

  • What do ghosts use to phone home?

    A terror-phone.

  • What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?

    A boo-tie.

  • What do ghosts use to predict the future?


  • Why did the ghost go into rehab?

    He had a problem with boos.

  • What do you get if you cross a ghost and a newsreader ?

    A spooksman !

  • Why can't ghosts make babies?

    They have hollow weenies! .... And I'll just see myself out.

  • What kind of car do ghosts drive?


  • What do you call a ghost that loves soccer?


  • Why is a ghost like an empty house?

    Because there's no body there!

  • How do ghost listen to music?

    With a bootooth

  • What do you call a ghost in the Outback?

    An Apparigine!

  • What do you call a ghost who only haunts the Town Hall?

    The nightmayor.

  • What do you get if you cross Bambi and a ghost?


  • What do ghosts dress up as for Halloween?

    As John Cena because you can't see them.

  • Why didn't the ghost go to the dance?

    He had no body to dance with

  • Why do ghosts carry tissues?

    Because they have BOOOOgers.

  • Why do the ghosts never win races?

    Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.