Girl Jokes
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How do you call it when a girl kicks a boy in the groin during the first date?
Premature emasculation.
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Why do girls wear so much make-up and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they stink.
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What do you do if a girl sits on your hand?
Try to get her off!
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Why do girls wear make-up and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they smell bad.
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How old is this girl?
Elementary, my dear Watson."
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What do you call a girl with anorexia and a yeast infection?
a quarter pounder with cheese.
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What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
It was wound up already.
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Why do girls always walk in odd packs?
Because they literally can't even.
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How did the girl with fetal alcohol syndrome tag a picture of herself on instagram?
nophiltrum
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Why do push up bras not work for some girls?
Because 0x0 is always 0.
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How much is a soft drink ?
Waitress: Fifty cents. Girl: How much is refill Waitress: The first is free. Girl: Well then I'll have a refill.
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How do you know a girl is into you?
Just pinch yourself, if you don't wake up, she doesn't.
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What do you give a girl that has everything?
Penicillin
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What kind of bikes do girls ride?
Menstrual Cycles (I'm 99% sure I made this up!)
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How was the party last night?
17: It was fun. The cops came. Me: What 17: Nah, it's cool. We got away. Me: That's my girl.
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What do you call a girl who plays tennis on her knees?
Courtney.
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What do guys like but are afraid of?
Girls
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What do you call a group of girls all named Paige?
A chapter.
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Why don't girls count to two?
Because they "can't even."
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Why should you date a girl who is good with her hands and plays soccer?
Because she's probably a keeper.
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What do you call a girl with braces?
A Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker
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What kind of disease did the guy get when he skipped the condom and plowed a girl with down's syndrome?
Slow clap
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Why do girls like nice guys?
Cause nice guys always finish last.
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Why can't girls count to 70?
Cause 69's a mouthful!
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Why did the girl sit on her watch?
She wanted to be on time.
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What girl's name is like a letter?
Kay (K).
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What do you call a guy going down on a girl with a smile on his face?
A Gladiator
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What kind of girl does a hamburger like?
Any girl named Patty!
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What do you call two girls having their menstrual cycles?
A menstrual bicycle.
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Why do girls wear perfume and makeup?
Because they're ugly and they smell bad
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Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper?
Because it was ripped.
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What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky?
A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous... A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous.
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Why did the girl spray her clock?
A: It was full of ticks.
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Why do girls wear makeup and perfume ?
Because they are ugly and they stink !
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What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a tennis court?
Annette.
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Where do girls have the curliest hair?
Africa.
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Why did the girls fall off the swing?
Someone threw a fridge at her. It's not supposed to make sense
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What did Jared say when the girl asked him for a footlong?
That he only has a 6 inch.
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What do you tell a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
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What's the difference between a nail, a screw, and a bolt?
A girl raises her hand and says, "I don't know. I've never been bolted before."
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Whats the difference between a girl and a washing machine?
When I dump a load in the washing machince, it doesnt follow me around
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What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?
One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole
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What did Santa Clause give all the naughty boys and girls for Christmas this year?
He made them Batman.
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What's the best time of this month for vampires?
It depends on the girl
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What is Facebook?
Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE , She gets Hundreds of likes , comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's .
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Why didn't the girl cross the street?
She didn't have the balls
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What is the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bathtub?
The girl in church has hope in her soul
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What do girls fear that's big, scary, and pink?
The Alaskan Bull Worm.
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What's the difference between a boy and a girl?
His dad answers, "Well, there's a vas deferens!"
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Why was the girl with the Frozen balloon sad?
Because she...let it go!
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Where does a guy from Arkansas go to pick up girls?
Family reunions.
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What's easier to pick up the heavier it is?
A girl.
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Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because someone threw a fridge at her....
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What do you call a steak that is a girl?
Miss.Steak
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Why does a girls rub her eyes in the morning?
A. Because they don't have balls to itch.
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What happened to the girl who wore a mouse costume to her Halloween party?
The cat ate her.
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What do you call girls that have a chance of winning?
Chicken Tenders.
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What does it take for a soldier in uniform to pick up a girl?
a smile and wave!
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What's 16 centimetres long and makes every girl happy?
A 500 bill.
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Why did the girl cry on the swing?
She has cancer
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What's more disgusting than a hickey on a haemorrhoid?
The girl who puts it there.
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How can a girl make you a millionnaire?
If you're already a billionnaire.
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What do Alicia Keys, Katniss Everdeen, and Joan of Arc all have in common?
They're all girls on fire.
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Why don't girls have beards?
It's in their "jeans" ;)
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What do jesus and girls have in common?
The expression on their faces when they got nailed.
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Where did the girl go when the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
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Why do girls always go in threes when using the restroom?
Because they can't even.
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Why do girls take 45 minutes to get dressed?
The only improvement you can make is getting undressed.
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What does a guy drink when he wants to go out with a girl?
DATERADE
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Why do girls talk so much?
They have four lips
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How can you tell if a girl is under 18?
Ask her if she is a Bernie Sanders supporter.
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What do you call a group of girls from a sorority?
A horde.
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Why does a girl who uses chewing tobacco give the best head?
Because she's knows what to spit and what to swallow.
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How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree! I may not be a girl, but I'm blonde and find blonde jokes hilarious. xD
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What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
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What do you call a girl who is bad at drawing?
Tracey
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How do you know a girl with leprosy likes you?
She gives you the eye.
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Where's the best place in Toronto to check out girls?
Broadview*
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What do you call a girl who friend zones you?
M'lady
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Why did a girl leave his boyfriend for a mushroom?
because he wasn't a fungi!
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Why did the girl who worked for the telephone company sing all the time?
Because she was an operetta (operator).
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What's the diffrence between a girl in a church and a girl in a bath?
The girl in a church has a soul full of hope and the girl in a bath has, well... EDIT: better structure.
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What is about 6 in long, has a head, girls love to blow it, and is in a guys pants?
a dollar bill you dirty minded people!! LMFAO
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What are the 2 reasons the girl broke up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a cheetah and because he was lion too much to her.
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Why didn't the girl cry after learning of her boyfriend's leprosy diagnosis?
She didn't have a shoulder to cry on!
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What happens to a girl with anxiety when she sees a Spanish person?
She has a hispanic attack
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Why don't white girls like trigonometry?
Because secant even.
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Why does Sirius Black get all the girls?
Because he's a real dawg.
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What did the boy pee say to the girl pee?
Urine angel.
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Why is AIDS cooler than Forrest Gump?
Because AIDS gets the girl
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What do you call a girl in between 2 houses?
Alane
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What machine should I use at the gym to impress girls?
The ATM
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What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?
The girls get older, but he stays the same age" -first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)
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What food can tell you if a girl is pregnant?
Chickpea
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Why do boys walk fast and girls speak more?
Because boys have one extra leg and girls have one extra mouth.
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What is Nitrate?
Girl: My place, 250...your place 400!
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Why don't electrical engineers get girls?
Because they can resistor.
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What do you call a girl hanging from a basketball rim?
Annette
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How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
Your girl has to chew before she swallows.
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How do you make a girl gain weight?
Marry her.
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Why don't girls like playing dodgeball?
Because we don't like getting hit by balls. 12: *giggles for 5 minutes* You are so my child
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Why did the brownie get kicked off the baseball team?
Because she was a girl.
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Why did the girl reject iron oxide?
Because it was FeO
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What do the Unabomber and a girl from Alabama have in common?
They were both fingered by their brother.
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What do you call a girl who's sitting in the middle of a tennis court?
Annette.
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Why do some girls walk in threes?
They can't even.
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What is the difference between a girl in a church, and a girl in a bathtub?
The girl in the church has hope in her soul, and the girl In the bathtub has soap in her hole.
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What Happened when the girl sat on Lance Armstrong's lap?
She had a ball
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When you ask a girl, Wanna go to the gym with me?
https://www.youtube.com/watch v=rQegAi6d-MM
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What do you call a girl that raps about women rights?
Feminem.
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Why are girls always cold?
Because of their cold black hearts.
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Why did the girl put her bed in the fireplace?
Because she wanted to sleep like a log.
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What do you call a girl between two posts?
Annette.
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Why didn't the girl go on a date with the artist?
Because he was sketchy.
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What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?
Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes."
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Why do girls generally go to the bathroom in groups?
Cause they're a bunch of pussies.
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Why doesn't Kirk like to have one-night stands?
Because the girls always cling on him afterwards.
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How do you find a girl with no legs?
Follow the slime trail.
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Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?
cause they're ugly and they stink.
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What were you before you came to school boys and girls?
asked the teacher hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out "Happy!"
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Why girls live longer than boys?
SHOPPING" never causes HEART ATTACKS, but,"PAYING the "BILLS" does
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What's that movie about the girl who forgets Adam Sandler every day?
I want to know her secret
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What do you call it when a girl named "Sandy" Punches someone?
Sandy hook.
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What do museums and girls have in common?
It is always look but don't touch.
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How do you tell if a girl in Nebraska is a virgin?
She can outrun her brothers... *mic drop* "I'm out..."
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Why did the girl fall out of the swing?
Because she didn't have arms.
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Why don't you go down on a girl in the morning?
Have you ever tried to split a grilled cheese
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What do girls and snowflakes have in common?
They can't drive cars.
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Why don't girls wear skirts in the winter?
They get chapped lips
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What is the difference between a girl from London and a Kitkat?
You only get 4 fingers in a Kitkat.
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Why do you look so sad?
Boy explains his whole problem Girl: Oh, that's why you didn't notice my nail paint
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What do you call a girl who likes men with small d**ks?
Your girlfriend!
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Why did the yankee wolf like southern ladies?
By the time they said "I'm not that kind of girl" they were.
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What do you call a girl that goes down right after you just met?
Ronda Rousey
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What all girls want?
All girls want 70 things in their life 1. Shopping Rest are "69"
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What do I look for in a girl?
Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
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What, over in ten seconds?
Girl: "No, eight black men and a gun."
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What would she do for $20?
Wasn't there a joke before posted about asking what a girl would do for $20 or something A dirty joke I'm trying to find it but I can't....
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Why couldn't Bill Gates get any girls?
His hardware was Microsoft
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What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day?
SINGLE
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Why are boys faster than girls?
Because they have ball bearings and a stick shift.
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How do you kiss a girl on valentines day?
You use tulips.
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What does a girl want more than anything?
Nothing. She is fine.
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What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?
One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.
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Why did the nuke switch course?
Because a girl on the ground said "I have a boyfriend" later that day the nuke fell into depression
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Why should you bring two pairs of pants when you golf?
In case you get a hole-in-one (stolen from some girl at school)
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Who.. Plays The Guitar.. Boy: How Do i play the guitar ?
Girls: You Should be on TV for your talent. Boy: Am i so good ..... Boy : if you were on TV, i can atleast switch it off...
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What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?
I don't know, she hasn't opened it
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Why did the girl take a ruler to bed?
She wanted to see how long she slept.
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Why do so many girls do archaeology degrees?
Because they love digging up the past.
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What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair ?
Lily !
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How do you make one girl disappear?
just add a G and now she's gone.
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What Should Make A Book Teacher: "What Should Be In A Book To Make It A Bestseller?
Jorkens: "A Girl On The Cover & No Cover On The Girl"
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Why do girls... Hang out in odd numbers?
Because they can't even!
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Why would I be mad?
girls who are mad
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What do you call a girl with no legs?
Disabled.
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What do you call a girl that gives head in the shower?
Brainwashed.
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When a girl has a ponytail... -Hey, what do you call that hairstyle?
A ponytail -Ah, it really compliments your horse face.
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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road ???
bc it was a girl named sally and it pooped itself
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Why didn't the girl go into the haunted house?
She didn't have the balls.
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What's the best way to make a girl weak in the knees?
Kick em.
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Why could Don Juan always pick up girls in his car?
It was electric. Also, the car had a set of hands.
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Why do girls prefer to drive auto cars, instead of manual?
Because they want the D.
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Why is it a bad idea to date a girl from the leper colony ?
Whenever they get upset, they cry their eyes out.
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What do you call the girls who outrun me?
Virgins.
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Why are some girls so odd?
Because they can't even.
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Why was the girl stuck in the revolving door for two weeks?
cuz she couldn't find the door handle
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How long do you need to know someone before sharing fries?
Because I'm about to introduce myself to the girl at the end of the bar.
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What do Jaqen H'ghar from Game of Thrones and Christina Aguilera have in common?
They both know "what a girl wants" and "what a girl needs".
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Who was that girl I saw you with last night?
Second Cannibal: That was no girl that was my supper.
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Why do girls always get mad when I try to read their shirts?
It's not my fault I'm blind.
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What is the difference between a washing machine and a girl?
A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.
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What's the difference between a tribe of pygmy cannibals and the girls cross country team?
The pygmy cannibals are cunning runts.
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What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween?
Mash-scara!
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What do Saudi guys and girls have in common?
They all get stoned constantly.
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How did the stem cell break it to his girl?
It's not you it's me*iosis* Could probably do with some work on deliver as I made it 5 minutes ago
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Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam.
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What do you call a girl on the grill?
Patty
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What do you give a girl who already has everything?
Antibiotics
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Why do girls never travel in odd numbers?
Because they can't even.
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What is a Farmer's favorite pick-up line?
Girl. You look so good that I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all!
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What is the difference between a girl and a pool table?
You have a shot with a pool table.
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Why do girls who use Tumblr work so many odd jobs?
Because they literally can't even.
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What do straight guys and lesbians have in common?
They both like girls
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How do you get a girl from the Midwest to "s" your "d"?
Dip it in ranch.
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Why do girls have legs?
ever seen the trail a slug leaves?
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What's the first rule for hitting on girls?
Hit them where it won't show.
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Why did the pervert like to watch girls in their entrance hallways?
He was a foyer.
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What did the American biscuit say to the British biscuit?
Girl you sure are sweet.
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What does a guy from Philly dunk his pretzel in?
a girl from Jersey.
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What did the guy Zebra say to the girl Zebra?
Take ze bra off.
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What is the difference between a girl and a washer?
The washer doesn't follow you around after you put a load in it.
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What do You Use ?
Girl : Adobe Photoshop CS5!
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Why do girls always walk around in odd numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
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Why don't girls where skirts in the winter?
So they don't get chapped lips.
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How can you tell if a loaf of bread is a boy or girl?
Feel around for the dough nuts
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How does a witch doctor ask a girl to dance ?
Voodoo like to dance with me '
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What does a girl from Arkansas say when she loses her virginity?
Get off me paw, you're crushing my smokes."
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What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved?
Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple....
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What's the worst thing a girl can wear to bed?
A condom
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What's the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bubble bath?
The girl in church has her soul full of hope...
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What do you call a girl who only likes guys with big muscles?
A Biceptual
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How many girls a boy need to shoot a school?
None.
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What is an Arkansas virgin?
A girl who can run faster than her brothers.
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What do you call a girl who hunts owls?
A hooters shooter girl
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How do you know the girl from Jaws had dandruff?
She left her Head & Shoulders on the beach
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What's the difference between garbage and a girl from New Jersey?
Garbage gets picked up!
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Why did the girl walk past her crush twice?
He didn't believe in love at first sight.
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How do you teach a girl math?
Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, give her a square root and watch her multiply.
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Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with ?
The girl necks door.
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When you see a girl who was hot in high school, but a decade later she's not https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=6-RfZDiayDI
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How can you tell an ant is a boy or girl?
Throw it in water If it sinks = girl ant If it floats = buoyant
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What's the Difference between a Girl and a Woman?
Prison
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What is a pirates nightmare date?
A girl with a sunken chest and no booty
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What's that girl?
Timmy's in the old well L: Arf arf He's dead You sure L: Arf! Okay here's a check for $5K L: ima need cash
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How do you compliment a girl with a cold sore?
You tell her that her smile is contagious.
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How many mangoes make a dozen?
Six girls )
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Why do girls go to the bathroom in groups?
Hermione went alone and was attacked by a troll
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How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend?
Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?
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What do you call a girl that sleeps with you for your Adderall?
A total attention whore.
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How do girls know when they are adults?
When they start to like spankings
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What's your favorite movie?
DATE: Girl Interupt- ME: *drops fork* What is it DATE: Girl Interu- ME: *burps* Sorry. Go on. DATE: Fargo
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How do you impress a girl?
By growing up.
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Why are girls like rocks?
You skip the flat ones.
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Why didn't the girl ride her bike to go water the neighborhood flower bed like usual?
Because the pedals fell off.
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What's the difference between a girl and a washing machine?
When I dump a load into the washing machine it doesn't follow me around
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What's a girl gotta do to get a drink?
Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*
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Why do girls NOT like Jesus?
NSFW Because every time he gets nailed it takes him 3 days to get it back up again.
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How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale?
Urinate
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What do you think astronauts wear to keep warm?
Girl: Apollo neck jumpers
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Why was the girl at starbucks counting her coins in 3's?
Because white girls cant even
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What did the bartender say to the girl that tried to steal a drink?
It was worth a shot.
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What do you call a girl who's preventing you from reaching your goal?
A keeper
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What actor touches every girl on set?
David Cop-a-feel
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How do you know when a guy is really in love with his girlfriend?
When he starts using condoms with other girls.
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What's the worst thing about banging a girl with a cold heart?
The rest of her is cold too.
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Why don't you play with your friends?
he asked. 'Because I only have one friend' the girl replied. 'And I hate her.'
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What kind of birds do girls like?
My-cawk!
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What do you call it when the girl you like likes you back?
Imagination
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How can you tell when a girl is vegan?
She'll tell you
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What do girls and parking spaces have in common?
All the good ones are taken and the rest are disabled
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Why are teenage girls so much better at English than boys?
Girls, like, have a much better, like, grasp of, like, similes.
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What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you ?
An ATM machine
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What do you get the girl who has everything?
Penicillin.
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What do you tell a girl who won't stop asking for a tampon?
Put a sock in it.
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Why don't girls wear skirts in the winter time?
Cuz they'll get chapped lips. Brr.
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Why do girls travel in odd numbers?
Because they can't even.
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How do you know if a girl is dating a vampire?
They only wanna go down on her once a month
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Where is the most ironic place to get a girl pregnant?
Abortion clinic.
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Why don't girls in San Francisco wear skirts?
Their balls would fall out.
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Why don't casinos in Las Vegas hire girls from California?
Because they, like, can't even deal.
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What's the difference between arguing with a girl and arguing with a knife?
The knife has a point
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Why do girls wear make up and perfume?
Cuz they're ugly and they stink!
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What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
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Why do girls always walk in groups of odd numbers?
Because they can't even...
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What did the girl say when the Statue of Liberty sneezed?
God bless America.
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Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?
Cause they don't have balls to scratch
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Who is that Idiot..?
If Boy is in love - His parent Ask: Idiot, Who is that Girl.. Moral :: No matter who ever is in love... Boys Are Always Idiot :P (LOL)
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What does a Muslim man call a girl he is living in sin with?
Haram bea
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What happens when two girl rabbits really like each other?
Bunnylingus!
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How far have you gone with a girl?
I went to Canada with my mum once"
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Whats the best way to get over a girl?
Get under another one
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Why can't the incredible hulk find a girlfriend?
Because all the girls know he just wants to smash
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Where's the best place to pick up a girl who plays hard-to-get?
Around the ankles and wrists :D
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How does an ugly guy get the girl?
All he needs is game
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Why did the girl reject the landfill owner?
His place is a dump
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What's your emergency?
Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.
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Why can't you trust girls?
because you can't trust something that bleeds for days and doesn't die.
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What do you call a girl with a unibrow?
Cuban
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What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a bowling alley?
Elaine
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What do you call a girl from Alabama who's faster than her brothers?
A virgin
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How do you tell when a girl really wants you?
When you put your hand down her pants you think you're feeding a horse.
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Where do beers go to pick up girls?
Ho Gardens
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Which Kind Of Girls Wear Transparent Clothes?
Answer : "Those Girls Who Don't Trust The Imagination Power Of A Boy"
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How do you get girls?
Me: I'm smart and funny. Her: That works Me: No I'm terribly alone, I was just saying.
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Why did the cz-75 get the girl pregnant?
It took too long to pull out.
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What's the difference between a laundry machine and a girl?
The washing machine doesn't get upset if I dump a load in it and never call back
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How do you know you are dating a women, not a girl?
A girl has no name.
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What do you say to a girl with a black eye?
Nothing. You already told her.
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Why did the girl quit her job at the doughnut factory?
Because she was fed up with the hole business.
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Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
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How many girls does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, you tell me.
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Why do girls like me more when i'm preparing potatoes?
Because they find me more appealing.
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What happened to the girl who went fishing with a group of men?
She returned home with a red snapper.
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How awesome were the 50s?
None of the girls had tramp stamps & you could smoke in hospitals.
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What's the biggest ant in the world?
Girl: My Aunt Boy: No it's an elephant. Girl: You obviously haven't met my Aunt
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Why are men better cooks?
They only need 2 eggs n 1 sausage to keep a girl full for 9 months
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What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We don't know she hasn't opened her presents yet.
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How do you know if a girl is ticklish?
Give her a testicle.
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Why are girls so hot?
because they lay out in the sun so much lol :P
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Why can't a storm trooper get a girl pregnant?
Because they always miss their target!
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What you you call a girl you meet on Reddit?
You don't.
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What did the girl say when she saw a photo on Instagram of an attractive couple at brunch?
Bae-goals
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Why do girls make a "shhhhh" noise while peeing and men don't?
Cos men have a 6 inch silencer.
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Why did the girl bring 2 basketballs to the basketball game?
Because there was 2 basketball courts. DUH!
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What happened to the girl who put too many deviating data into her box plot?
In the end her spread was so large she had to present it without any whiskers.