Grow Jokes
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Why did the baby kangaroo not want to grow up?
It was a wannabe wallaby!
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How do you grow a cow?
Plant its nuts.
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What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?
Join the Hare Force.
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What kind of flower grows on your face?
A: Tulips.
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What do you call a fuzzy animal that grows on trees?
A root bear! (I came up with this joke a few minutes ago. I hope it's funny)
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What do all my friends and my dad have in common?
i didnt have either growing up
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Why does Ariel the Mermaid wear seashells?
She grew out of her B - shells!
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How do you know if someone grew up in New York City?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
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What did the optimistic cancer patient say about his tumor?
It's growing on me.
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How do hobbit flowers grow?
Through Frodo-synthesis.
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What if the Bible had a major typo and the Devil was really after our SOIL?
Maybe he just wants to grow some pot plants.
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What do you call a reptile that can't grow its tail back?
A Reptile Dysfunction.
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Why are life long overweight people funny?
Growing up they hear the best jokes.
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How much room is needed for fungi to grow?
As mushroom as possible
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What do you call a manager that hasn't grown up yet?
A kidager
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What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
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How do black people grow?
Their knee grows!
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Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads?
She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs.
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What do you call a field used to grow bows and arrows?
An archerd.
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Why are all my black friends so tall?
Because their knee grows.
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What do you call money that grows on trees?
Marijuana
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Why is Harry Potter so popular?
The story grows on you.
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What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up?
A big stinker!
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What did the acorn say when it grew up?
Geometry
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Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast?
because the population is always Dublin.
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How does an elephant go up a tree?
It stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.
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What is the difference between yoghurt and America?
When you leave yogurt alone it grows a culture!
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What did the homeowner say to the fruit growing gardener?
Water me lawn
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What's te definition of a bachelor pad?
A. All the house plants are dead but there's something growing in the refrigerator.
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How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One because his knee grows.
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How did the farmer grow his portfolio?
Cornstock
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What types of jokes grow on you?
They ones that go viral. I'll see my self out.
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Why does Peter Pan always fly?
He Neverlands. I really love this joke because it never grows old!
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Why did Satan keep growing his herb garden even when his oregano died each time?
Because he always had a Hell of a good thyme.
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What do little pigs want to be when they grow up?
Garbage collectors.
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How is God just like a regular man?
If you're not on your knees, he's not interested and you know what they say, abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.
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What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?
A balloon animal!
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What do Albanian kids want to be when they grow up?
Italian
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Where does biggest potato grow?
Under the ground.
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Why are black people so good at jumping?
As developing children their knee grows.
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What's yellow has long ears and grows on trees?
The Easter Bunana!
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When he grow up, he will ask me, "Dad, did you name me after a planet?
And i will be like, "No:("
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What's another name for an parent?
Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist.
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What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
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Why are Peter pan Jokes always funny?
Because they never grow old
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Why did the entrepreneur decide to go into the landfill business?
He heard it was a growing field.
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Why do Italian men grow moustaches?
They want to look like their mothers.
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When does a bed grow longer?
A: At night, because two feet are added to it.
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What does Garry Newman want to be when he grows up?
Garry Oldman.
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Why did the Italian boy want to grow a mustache?
A: So he could look like his mama.
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What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?
A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.
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What did the little acorn say when it got planted and grew up?
Geometry.
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What does a cow who's a jerk grow up to be?
Beef Jerky.
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Where does the red fern grow?
A: In Lindsey Lohan's crotch!
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Why are hippies against capitalism?
Because money doesn't grow on trees.
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What do you call weed grown in a ceramic container?
Pothead plants.
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How do you impress a girl?
By growing up.
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Why does the little mermaid wear sea-shells?
She grew out of her b-shells
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How did Jack grow his portfolio?
He invested in beanstocks!
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Why do we call them baby names?
They're HUMAN NAMES. They don't expire as you grow up.
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What happened to the little frog who sat on the telephone?
He grew up to be a bellhop!
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How to stop a kid from growing up. How do you stop your kids from growing up?
Ask Jozsef Barsi.
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Why are most Hotwheel cars Ford?
So people can grow up getting used to pushing a Ford.
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When the hell did you grow a beard?
Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.
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What does a triangular acorn say when it grows up?
Geometry.
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Why doesn't North Korea's population exponentially grow?
Because they must build additional pylons.
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Why women mature faster than men?
Because men start growing breasts only after 40 years old.
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What are the similarities between a donkey and a Sikh?
They both look incredibly cute when they are little. They both grow up and go into the transportation business. Note: sikhs - or sardarji as they are commonly known in india - are the largest ethnic group in the truck driver profession. Punjabi food is available on highways across the country.
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Why did the excluded tree grow?
To be long.
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What's the difference between Americans and yogurt?
If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture
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Why do black people wear flares?
because their knee grows
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How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
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Why are black men taller than white men?
Because their knee grows.
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How do rocks feel about moss?
It's growing on them.
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Why did the 2 stem cell researchers get a divorce?
Because they grew a part.
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What's the 4th grade essay in the Detroit School District?
What I want to be *if* I grow up.
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What do math teachers grow?
Geometrees and trigonometrees
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Where's the best place for a horse to grow up?
In a stable environment. Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.
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What's the best part about marrying a farmer?
You get to grow old together.
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What do you call a guy with a toe growing out of his knee?
Tony.
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What was the philosopher's favorite toy growing up?
Playdough.
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What's the difference between a yogurt and the Americans?
If you leave a yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.
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Why are farmers so wealthy?
Because their stalks are always growing.
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Why did the ghoul knit herself three socks?
A: Because she grew another foot.
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Why are dead baby jokes so funny?
They never grow old.
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What do you call a French cow that grows sprouts instead of fur?
Chia LaBeouf
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What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife?
Let's grow MOLD together!
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Why are basketball players so tall?
They're knee grows.
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Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
She grew out of her b-shells.
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What did the worm want to do when he grew up?
He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
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What happens when you plant a sesame seed?
Does a sesame grow What is a sesame Where my botanists at Where the hell am I
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Why do black men wear baggy trousers?
Because their knee grows.
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Why do Trekkies never grow out of Star Trek?
They always somehow just Klingon to it.
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What did Thomas Jefferson grow?
Old.
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What did the botanist say to the plant he was tired of tending to?
Grow away.
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What do you want to be when you grow up?
Me: Let's not rush things, OK
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What did Goku want to be when he was growing up?
a SAIYANtist!
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What's the only thing that grows in Ferguson?
The crime rate.
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Why do adults like Legos so much, when they grow old?
They can't lego of their childhood. Tell some more Lego puns, here!
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What's the only thing that grows in Oakland?
A: The Crime Rate!
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What do you call trees that grow in Tobago?
Tobogany.
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Why doesn't Sean Connery have any grown up children?
He prefers them shaken, not stirred.
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What is the difference between joghurt and America?
If you leave joghurt alone for 200 years, it will grow a culture!
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Why was the fruit farmer losing money?
He couldn't grow a pear
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What exactly do you have to plant to grow a seedless watermelon?
Just water
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Why did the kid with muscular dystrophy want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a lawyer, and a NASCAR driver when he grew up?
He had a lot of aspirations.
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Why is the bat-boy the luckiest guy on the baseball team?
Because when he grows up he will be Batman.
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What grows on Seasame Street?
I dunno, a Grover something.
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Where did Zooey Deschanel grow up?
In Albu-quirky.
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Why do black people where baggy pants?
Cause they're knee grows!
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What's a man?
Dad: A man is who loves unconditionally , cares about you and protects you. Kid: When i grow up, I'll be a man like mom
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What do you call an animal rights' activist that never grows old?
PETA Pan
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Why did the farmer use a steam roller?
He wanted to grow mashed potatoes.
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What grows on the World Wide Web and stings?
Internettles.
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What's it like being a grown up?
Me hands her money: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly
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What does a spider want to be when he grows up?
This is really good guys...brace yourselves..........) A web designer.
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What's the best part of growing up in Compton?
No bad dad jokes.
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What kind of tree grows in your hand?
A palm tree.
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Why are south italian men so small?
Because when they are kids their mothers always tell them: "If you grow up you have to work" *Translated from italian hope it makes as much sense as there
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What kind of plants grow in bathrooms?
Toilet trees.
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What do clouds want to be when they grow up?
Thunderstorms
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Why did Ariel wear seashells?
A: Because she grew out of her B shells.
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How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them
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What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door?
Let my peephole grow!
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What do you call a white guy who grew up in the ghetto?
Tarzan.
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How are babies different from feminists ?
Babies grow up and stop crying
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How often do you floss?
Me: Daily Dentist: *Pulls fully grown centaur from between my 2nd and 3rd molars*
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What does ever horse and rider do at the same time?
Grow old!
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What do Palestinian children dream of becoming when they grow up?
Old
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What's the difference between extremist and /r/thedonald?
At least one group can grow a beard.
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What is the difference between the US and yogurt?
If you leave yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.
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What's the difference between a banana and a bann?
A bann grows on vines. I'll show myself out........
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Where did the poor Italian man grow up?
The spaghetto
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What do you plant ... What do you plant, to grow a really big plant that has nothing wrong with it?
Dyslexic acorns. They grow into A-ok trees.
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What is the definition of a goose ?
An animal that grows down as it grows up !
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What's this for?
He asked. "A pay rise." I replied. "My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."
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What is the difference between a baby and a feminist?
The baby grows up and learns to stop crying.
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Why is it called extra virgin olive oil?
Because they grow the olives inside, away from the birds and the bees.
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What is a Farmer's favorite pick-up line?
Girl. You look so good that I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all!
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Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet?
But most just have 4.
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Why gypsies boys let their mustache to grow?
To look more like their mom.
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What type of trees do chickens grow on?
Poul-trees
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What did the baby cigarette want to be when it grew up?
a Drag Queen