Grow Jokes

  • Why did the baby kangaroo not want to grow up?

    It was a wannabe wallaby!

  • How do you grow a cow?

    Plant its nuts.

  • What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?

    Join the Hare Force.

  • What kind of flower grows on your face?

    A: Tulips.

  • What do you call a fuzzy animal that grows on trees?

    A root bear! (I came up with this joke a few minutes ago. I hope it's funny)

  • What do all my friends and my dad have in common?

    i didnt have either growing up

  • Why does Ariel the Mermaid wear seashells?

    She grew out of her B - shells!

  • How do you know if someone grew up in New York City?

    Don't worry, they'll tell you.

  • What did the optimistic cancer patient say about his tumor?

    It's growing on me.

  • How do hobbit flowers grow?

    Through Frodo-synthesis.

  • What if the Bible had a major typo and the Devil was really after our SOIL?

    Maybe he just wants to grow some pot plants.

  • What do you call a reptile that can't grow its tail back?

    A Reptile Dysfunction.

  • Why are life long overweight people funny?

    Growing up they hear the best jokes.

  • How much room is needed for fungi to grow?

    As mushroom as possible

  • What do you call a manager that hasn't grown up yet?

    A kidager

  • What happens when a cow stops shaving?

    It grows a Moostache.

  • How do black people grow?

    Their knee grows!

  • Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads?

    She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs.

  • What do you call a field used to grow bows and arrows?

    An archerd.

  • Why are all my black friends so tall?

    Because their knee grows.

  • What do you call money that grows on trees?


  • Why is Harry Potter so popular?

    The story grows on you.

  • What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up?

    A big stinker!

  • What did the acorn say when it grew up?


  • Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast?

    because the population is always Dublin.

  • How does an elephant go up a tree?

    It stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.

  • What is the difference between yoghurt and America?

    When you leave yogurt alone it grows a culture!

  • What did the homeowner say to the fruit growing gardener?

    Water me lawn

  • What's te definition of a bachelor pad?

    A. All the house plants are dead but there's something growing in the refrigerator.

  • How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    One because his knee grows.

  • How did the farmer grow his portfolio?


  • What types of jokes grow on you?

    They ones that go viral. I'll see my self out.

  • Why does Peter Pan always fly?

    He Neverlands. I really love this joke because it never grows old!

  • Why did Satan keep growing his herb garden even when his oregano died each time?

    Because he always had a Hell of a good thyme.

  • What do little pigs want to be when they grow up?

    Garbage collectors.

  • How is God just like a regular man?

    If you're not on your knees, he's not interested and you know what they say, abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.

  • What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

    A balloon animal!

  • What do Albanian kids want to be when they grow up?


  • Where does biggest potato grow?

    Under the ground.

  • Why are black people so good at jumping?

    As developing children their knee grows.

  • What's yellow has long ears and grows on trees?

    The Easter Bunana!

  • When he grow up, he will ask me, "Dad, did you name me after a planet?

    And i will be like, "No:("

  • What's another name for an parent?

    Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist.

  • What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?

    A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

  • Why are Peter pan Jokes always funny?

    Because they never grow old

  • Why did the entrepreneur decide to go into the landfill business?

    He heard it was a growing field.

  • Why do Italian men grow moustaches?

    They want to look like their mothers.

  • When does a bed grow longer?

    A: At night, because two feet are added to it.

  • What does Garry Newman want to be when he grows up?

    Garry Oldman.

  • Why did the Italian boy want to grow a mustache?

    A: So he could look like his mama.

  • What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

    A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

  • What did the little acorn say when it got planted and grew up?


  • What does a cow who's a jerk grow up to be?

    Beef Jerky.

  • Where does the red fern grow?

    A: In Lindsey Lohan's crotch!

  • Why are hippies against capitalism?

    Because money doesn't grow on trees.

  • What do you call weed grown in a ceramic container?

    Pothead plants.

  • How do you impress a girl?

    By growing up.

  • Why does the little mermaid wear sea-shells?

    She grew out of her b-shells

  • How did Jack grow his portfolio?

    He invested in beanstocks!

  • Why do we call them baby names?

    They're HUMAN NAMES. They don't expire as you grow up.

  • What happened to the little frog who sat on the telephone?

    He grew up to be a bellhop!

  • How to stop a kid from growing up. How do you stop your kids from growing up?

    Ask Jozsef Barsi.

  • Why are most Hotwheel cars Ford?

    So people can grow up getting used to pushing a Ford.

  • When the hell did you grow a beard?

    Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

  • What does a triangular acorn say when it grows up?


  • Why doesn't North Korea's population exponentially grow?

    Because they must build additional pylons.

  • Why women mature faster than men?

    Because men start growing breasts only after 40 years old.

  • What are the similarities between a donkey and a Sikh?

    They both look incredibly cute when they are little. They both grow up and go into the transportation business. Note: sikhs - or sardarji as they are commonly known in india - are the largest ethnic group in the truck driver profession. Punjabi food is available on highways across the country.

  • Why did the excluded tree grow?

    To be long.

  • What's the difference between Americans and yogurt?

    If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture

  • Why do black people wear flares?

    because their knee grows

  • How many apples grow on a tree?

    All of them!

  • Why are black men taller than white men?

    Because their knee grows.

  • How do rocks feel about moss?

    It's growing on them.

  • Why did the 2 stem cell researchers get a divorce?

    Because they grew a part.

  • What's the 4th grade essay in the Detroit School District?

    What I want to be *if* I grow up.

  • What do math teachers grow?

    Geometrees and trigonometrees

  • Where's the best place for a horse to grow up?

    In a stable environment. Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.

  • What's the best part about marrying a farmer?

    You get to grow old together.

  • What do you call a guy with a toe growing out of his knee?


  • What was the philosopher's favorite toy growing up?


  • What's the difference between a yogurt and the Americans?

    If you leave a yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.

  • Why are farmers so wealthy?

    Because their stalks are always growing.

  • Why did the ghoul knit herself three socks?

    A: Because she grew another foot.

  • Why are dead baby jokes so funny?

    They never grow old.

  • What do you call a French cow that grows sprouts instead of fur?

    Chia LaBeouf

  • What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife?

    Let's grow MOLD together!

  • Why are basketball players so tall?

    They're knee grows.

  • Why does the mermaid wear seashells?

    She grew out of her b-shells.

  • What did the worm want to do when he grew up?

    He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).

  • What happens when you plant a sesame seed?

    Does a sesame grow What is a sesame Where my botanists at Where the hell am I

  • Why do black men wear baggy trousers?

    Because their knee grows.

  • Why do Trekkies never grow out of Star Trek?

    They always somehow just Klingon to it.

  • What did Thomas Jefferson grow?


  • What did the botanist say to the plant he was tired of tending to?

    Grow away.

  • What do you want to be when you grow up?

    Me: Let's not rush things, OK

  • What did Goku want to be when he was growing up?

    a SAIYANtist!

  • What's the only thing that grows in Ferguson?

    The crime rate.

  • Why do adults like Legos so much, when they grow old?

    They can't lego of their childhood. Tell some more Lego puns, here!

  • What's the only thing that grows in Oakland?

    A: The Crime Rate!

  • What do you call trees that grow in Tobago?


  • Why doesn't Sean Connery have any grown up children?

    He prefers them shaken, not stirred.

  • What is the difference between joghurt and America?

    If you leave joghurt alone for 200 years, it will grow a culture!

  • Why was the fruit farmer losing money?

    He couldn't grow a pear

  • What exactly do you have to plant to grow a seedless watermelon?

    Just water

  • Why did the kid with muscular dystrophy want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a lawyer, and a NASCAR driver when he grew up?

    He had a lot of aspirations.

  • Why is the bat-boy the luckiest guy on the baseball team?

    Because when he grows up he will be Batman.

  • What grows on Seasame Street?

    I dunno, a Grover something.

  • Where did Zooey Deschanel grow up?

    In Albu-quirky.

  • Why do black people where baggy pants?

    Cause they're knee grows!

  • What's a man?

    Dad: A man is who loves unconditionally , cares about you and protects you. Kid: When i grow up, I'll be a man like mom

  • What do you call an animal rights' activist that never grows old?

    PETA Pan

  • Why did the farmer use a steam roller?

    He wanted to grow mashed potatoes.

  • What grows on the World Wide Web and stings?


  • What's it like being a grown up?

    Me hands her money: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly

  • What does a spider want to be when he grows up?

    This is really good guys...brace yourselves..........) A web designer.

  • What's the best part of growing up in Compton?

    No bad dad jokes.

  • What kind of tree grows in your hand?

    A palm tree.

  • Why are south italian men so small?

    Because when they are kids their mothers always tell them: "If you grow up you have to work" *Translated from italian hope it makes as much sense as there

  • What kind of plants grow in bathrooms?

    Toilet trees.

  • What do clouds want to be when they grow up?


  • Why did Ariel wear seashells?

    A: Because she grew out of her B shells.

  • How many apples grow on a tree?

    All of them

  • What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door?

    Let my peephole grow!

  • What do you call a white guy who grew up in the ghetto?


  • How are babies different from feminists ?

    Babies grow up and stop crying

  • How often do you floss?

    Me: Daily Dentist: *Pulls fully grown centaur from between my 2nd and 3rd molars*

  • What does ever horse and rider do at the same time?

    Grow old!

  • What do Palestinian children dream of becoming when they grow up?


  • What's the difference between extremist and /r/thedonald?

    At least one group can grow a beard.

  • What is the difference between the US and yogurt?

    If you leave yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.

  • What's the difference between a banana and a bann?

    A bann grows on vines. I'll show myself out........

  • Where did the poor Italian man grow up?

    The spaghetto

  • What do you plant ... What do you plant, to grow a really big plant that has nothing wrong with it?

    Dyslexic acorns. They grow into A-ok trees.

  • What is the definition of a goose ?

    An animal that grows down as it grows up !

  • What's this for?

    He asked. "A pay rise." I replied. "My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."

  • What is the difference between a baby and a feminist?

    The baby grows up and learns to stop crying.

  • Why is it called extra virgin olive oil?

    Because they grow the olives inside, away from the birds and the bees.

  • What is a Farmer's favorite pick-up line?

    Girl. You look so good that I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all!

  • Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet?

    But most just have 4.

  • Why gypsies boys let their mustache to grow?

    To look more like their mom.

  • What type of trees do chickens grow on?


  • What did the baby cigarette want to be when it grew up?

    a Drag Queen