Guess Jokes

  • What exactly is that?

    Making people guess the meaning of acronyms.

  • How do I get to 280?

    A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

  • What did the asteroid say when his trajectory missed earth?

    I guess I didn't plan it very well!"

  • What did Christian Grey say when he read reviews of his movie?

    People did not like my movie. I guess I am 50 shades of letdown... But I can sure GET UP"!

  • How are we out already?

    ME: *hiding dog that I wrapped up like a mummy* it's a mystery I guess

  • Why won't people know when you replace words with instruments?

    Idk, accordion to research I guess.

  • Why would anyone want to study the Earth and how it rotates?

    I guess that some people just want to see the world turn

  • What's the opposite of marshmellow?

    Well, I guess it would be marshmadness

  • What what Juan's twin sister named?

    I don't know, Juana guess

  • Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

    Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

  • Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

    Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today :)

  • How much does 1 drop of gas cost me?

    The boy stumbles: "Well euhm ... nothing I guess." "Thanks, I'll have 2 million drops then"

  • Where is everybody?

    Everybody I don't know. All over the planet I guess.

  • What happened to all the pokemon GO jokes?

    I guess people have made the "switch" to another fad.

  • What do I want to do to your body?

    I don't know. Identify it, I guess.

  • How do you find the defendant?

    Jury Foreman: Well...I guess I just look right at him. Why -- isn't that how you do it

  • What does a vegetable get in bowling?


  • What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

    I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

  • Why ya going to the airport?

    Why ya going to the airport? Flying Somewhere?" : "How'd you guess?" : "Well, I saw your luggage, then when I saw the airplane ticket I put two and two together. So where you headed?" : "Aspen." : "Mmm, California.. Beautiful."

  • What did one brick say to the other?

    Guess who's gettin' laid tomorrow!

  • What be a Pirates favorite letter?

    Ye all must be willin' to guess Arrrr. But ye be wrong! It be the Sea! Yearha har har har

  • Why did the identical twins survive the plane crash?

    Because twins being destroyed by planes is too cliche, I guess.

  • Why don't we see more midget actors?

    I guess you can say that they are in short supply these days.

  • What the problem?

    Man 1: *Sighs* " I guess i'm just having some problems with my inner-sole "

  • What did Sam say to the young Americans?

    Guess where this finger's going."

  • When dad Waits to see you on thanks giving Son:We just Ate Dad:OK so you can be here at 5?

    Son:We'll see Son:how does the turkey smell Dad : I guess through its Beak

  • What letter do pirates guess most often on Wheel of Fortune?

    T. Modern pirates are most likely based in Somalia, and T is the most common consonant in the Somali Latin alphabet.

  • What do you need to fix it?

    Asparagus. (A spare, I guess)

  • How do you talk to an angel" Me: I don't know, Skype I guess?

    How do you hold her close to where you are" Me: Aren't most angels men

  • What did iodine say to Xenon when caesium died?

    Well, I guess we better Barium.

  • What did the blue denims say to the black denims?

    I guess we have different genes! *knee slap* ... I'll see myself to the door

  • What eye cannot see, cannot blink and is bleeding?

    The browneye. You'll have to guess why its bleeding.

  • Where does Kylie buy her kebabs?

    From Jason's Doner Van. (Sorry, I'm guessing this one's only for the Aussies and Brits)

  • What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?

    If you guessed "Heaven nun" or "Angel nun" you're wrong. The answer was "Nun of the Above".

  • What's the most popular game at a nursing home?

    Guess who

  • How did Thor's brother get his powers?

    Just Loki I guess

  • What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

    Nothing! They just WAVED. SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Let MINNOW if you are not getting it. SHELL I continue?? No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead. Thanks ladies and gentlefish

  • Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

    Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

  • What next?

    Damn. I guess we'll have talk to people in real life.

  • Who's the wost president ever?

    Guess we'll find out in January.

  • Who's there ! Bat ! Bat who ?

    Bat you'll never guess!

  • Why did Bowie die?

    I guess he was shot through the heart

  • What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano?

    Oh, you guessed it right ... the tuna fish!

  • Why does Caitlyn Jenner feel like her kids see though her?

    I guess she is trans parent now Edit: *through

  • What is the difference between 1 Gb and 2 Gb?

    Student - Well, I don't know. I guess one is a bit too high?

  • What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

    Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit !

  • What did one fetus say to the other?

    Guess we're wombmates!

  • What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

    I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.

  • Why did they start using liquid soaps in prisons?

    if you thought because you can't drop it, guess again) Because it takes longer to pick up.

  • What part of "No" don't you understand?

    Probably the whole thing I'm guessing. It's a pretty short word. What You're a squirrel Sorry

  • Why is the new Zork game rated M for mature?

    I guess it's too grue-some.

  • When did she die?

    My guess would be sometime this morning.

  • What do you call it if you were to second guess your decision to book time at a native american community?

    That's a reservation reservation reservation. (Credit to Brian Regan)

  • How about an office party?

    ME: crosses out "replace coworkers with puppies" I guess

  • What's one good thing about Switzerland?

    Well I guess the flag's a big plus

  • What's all this talk about Reddit's servers being down?

    Guess I can't see what everyone else sees.

  • What did the golfer say to his buddy when he hit a bogey?

    I guess you aren't up to par"

  • What's the reason my shower isn't working?

    You have only one second to guess the answer. No pressure.

  • What do Me, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have in common?

    You guessed it: we're all white.

  • What are you typing?

    Let me guess. Oh wait, stop right there, I know what it is. It's not that Okay wait.. I know it, I know it!" -Google.

  • What happens when you take the tea away from your guest?

    He's left there trying to "guess" what happened.

  • Why did Gandhi lose the race?

    I guess he got his fasts mixed up.

  • When the barber is done cutting his hair, the cowboy goes back outside. And guess what?

    Pony gone.

  • How many children do I want to have?

    Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple

  • Why didn't the Eskimo want to go hunting?

    I don't know, guess he just wasn't Inuit.

  • What do you call a master at guessing Anime characters?


  • What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort?

    A reservation reservation reservation. Credit to Brian Regan, this is my favorite joke of his!

  • How is life at the post office going?

    It's going well I guess. It has its usps and it's downs. Edited for correctness

  • Why did the surfer join ISIS?

    Because he was totally radical! EDIT: I guess this didn't blow up.

  • What could you bring to this company?

    Me: Well I guess I could bring my stereo, but I get to choose what we listen to.

  • Who's there ! Bed ! Bed who ?

    Bed you can't guess who I am!

  • Where is the remote?

    All the way over there." "Guess I'm watching this."

  • Why does the left foot get all the blame if you're a poor dancer?

    Oh, you have two left feet. Hur hur hur" I guess it is #rightprivilege

  • What came first?

    A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

  • When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

    for 2 weeks.

  • Who leaves money under the pillows of children with LGBT parents ?

    Surely you will have guessed - the brooth fairy.

  • What did the Seven Dwarfs say when the prince woke up Snow White?

    Welp.... I guess it's back to jerking off!