Guy Jokes
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What did the woman say to the guy in Naval intelligence?
You really have a smart uniform.
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What do you call the guy who manages my apartment building?
The thoooperintendent.
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What is the best Vitamin for friendship?
B1. Because no one wants to be friends with a guy in a metabolic coma due to a thiamine deficiency.
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Why does noone listen ever to the guy who talks with his mouth full?
He is so misunderstood.
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What is a guy who hangs out with musicians called?
A singer
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What are you guys doing here?
Just waiting for Ronaldo"
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How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!
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What do you call a guy with no nuts and a horn on his head?
A eunucorn.
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How would you like to make a donation to our local orphanage?
Dad: yea sure yells up to me son, you live with this guy now!
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What's the most offensive jokes you guys have?
What's the most offensive jokes you have ever hear
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob.
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What did the otter say to the guy whose ankle he pooped on?
Spraint your ankle!" Just in case:
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Why did the IT guy want to be an astronaut?
So he can find router space.
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Where do you guys stand on the cheese debate?
I'm staunchly pro-volone.
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What did the guy who liked mustard say when he opened his fridge and saw no mustard?
You mustard be joking!
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Why isn't the guy who wrote "Danger Zone" and the Saved by the Bell theme very active on social media?
He forgot his Loggins
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Why are sewer covers called manholes?
If they were called womanholes, guys would keep trying to get in.
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What do you say to a guy with kidney stones?
Urine trouble!
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What do you call a guy who works out regularly?
Jim.
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How do you know you are at r/jokes?
The guys all look like they played football for Bronx HighSchool of Science
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What happened to the guy who grabbed the Viagra instead of the Allegra?
he had a hard time with his allergies
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What does a guy want more than anything in the world?
It doesn't matter. He has to ask his wife first.
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How can I help you?
Me: "Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List !" Agent: "Umm..." Me: "DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"
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What do you call a guy who likes to lose?
Ewan
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What do you call a guy with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
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Who's the nicest player in the NFL?
Drew Brees. The guy's a saint.
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What do you call an Asian man blowing another guy?
A Brojob.
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What do you call a guy that steals burgers?
A hamburglar!
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Why couldn't the guy with insomnia have an affair with anyone's wife?
Because he couldn't sleep with anyone.
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What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs hanging over a window?
Kurt and Rod
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What do you call a guy who is in color guard?
A flaggot
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What do you call a guy who makes "women in the kitchen" jokes?
Single.
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What did the guy with no arms and no legs get for christmas?
Cancer.
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What's a joke that you invented?
Here's mine: Did you hear about the guy who had to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted.
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How do you know if a guy was in the Navy SEALs?
Don't worry, he'll tell you.
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Why did the guy that owned a chocolate building bang his mom?
Because he had an edible complex.
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What happened to the guy who replaced his laxatives with Prozac?
He didn't give a sh...
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a high school?
Names
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What the hell is an Ovechkin?
The guy says "It's a White Russian with no ice and no cup!"
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Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?
the guy likes his power chords too much.
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What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
The blonde has the higher sperm count.
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What did earth say to the other planets?
You guys have no life!
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What are you guys yelling about?
them: YOU'RE DRIVING
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What did the guy with bad internet get?
Loading...
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What did the guy say to MJ at the beach?
Get out of my son.
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What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach?
Flop-Flops :)
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What do you call a girl who only likes guys with big muscles?
A Biceptual
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Why are there no Walmarts in Syria?
Because there is a target on every corner. Guys, this syriaous.
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What are some good Asian jokes you know?
I read some jokes from this sub to my Asian co-worker and she wanted me to ask if you guys have some good Asian jokes to help us get through the rest of the work day.
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Why are guys so bad at math?
They can't tell the difference between 3 inches and 9 inches.
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What is the name of the guy with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
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What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
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What do you call it when two guys open a weed dispensary?
A joint venture.
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Why are there no guys named William serving in the army?
Because they dislike the phrase "Fire at Will"
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How do you call the guy who immigrates to Saudi Arabia?
Wannabee Wahhabi.
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What do you call a guy who plays the guitar unplugged?
An amputee
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Why can't iron oxide get a date?
Porque es FeO Little bilingual chemistry joke for you guys.
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What do you call a guy with no legs at your front door?
Matt
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Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?
He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.
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What'd ya call 50 n*ggers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start. P.S: N*ggers=Naggers. I hate those guys. What did you think?? )
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What do you call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher! Hahahahahahahahah you guys have no idea how alone I am.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt
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How do you congratulate the guy who won the best tie contest?
You tell him... "that's definitely a win sir". Or if he did ok you can say you half win sir i suppose. :/
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What happened to the guy who farted in church?
He sat in his own pew.
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Why did the blonde go to church?
B/c she heard there was a guy hung like this(https://riverchurchtelford.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/jesus.jpg)
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What was the last thing the snowboarder ever said?
Hey guys, watch this!"
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When you guys describe me to your families do you use the word tigress?
I'd prefer if you included tigress
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Why are people so creeped out by the guy in the unicorn mask?
Because he's always horny.
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What do you call a guy who peeps his peeps?
A homeboyeur.
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What do you call a guy that never farts in public?
A privet tutor
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What do you say to the guy who just jumped in the septic tank?
Urine over your head!
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Two guys walk into a bar . . .
The first guy says "Ouch!" and the second says "Yeah, I didn't see it either."
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How many guys in IT does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to identify that the lightbulb has indeed burned out, and one to call the maintenence man to change the lightbulb.
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What do you call a guy with a toe growing out of his knee?
Tony.
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What did the guy in China say to the Chinese couple who finally got approved to adopt?
Con-grab-ur-asians!!
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What do you say to a guy who is covered in rodents?
Mice outfit!
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What's meaner than a pitbull with herpes?
The guy who gave it to the pitbull.
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What's the difference between a washing machine and a virgin?
A washing machine doesn't follow the guy around for 2 weeks after he drops a load in it.
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What has eight legs and an IQ of forty?
Four guys watching a baseball game.
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Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table?
DaVinci
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What do you do if your bank account stops working?
Throw the guy out of the house.
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What do you call a guy who hangs around a bunch of musicians?
A drummer!!!!!
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When a coworker tells everyone he proposed, I'm the guy that asks, "So, what did she say?
I'm funny that way.
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Why don't you trust me?
she texted both the guys simultaneously.
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When a guy yells out, "Linda why didn't you give your mom any grandkids?
She yelled back, "Because I swallowed them all!"
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How many guys in the friend zone does it take to light a light bulb?
None, they just stand around complimenting it, and get mad when it won't screw.
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What did the guy without hands get for christmas?
We don't know, he hasn't opened the present yet
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What happend to the guys who kidnapped Batman?
They got Bale.
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What rock group has four guys and no singers?
Mt. Rushmore! Happy presidents day!
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How do you pick out the Christian Terrorist out of a crowd?
Find the guy wearing a rebel flag.
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Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?
It was an emergent sea.
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What happened when the lepers played poker?
One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off. This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.
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What did the guy with a neckbeard say when he had to mail something twice?
REPOST!"
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Why did the guy spend the entire day throwing out his surplus of herbs?
He had too much thyme on his hands.
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What have you tried so far?
Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing
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Why did the guy not draw a circle?
Because there was no point.
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When all of a sudden Tinker Bell shows up. He goes to a worker and says, "Wow, you guys have fairies in here?
The worker then says, "No, our CEO doesn't like it."
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What did the Moderate Moslem say before hitting a guy for criticizing his religion?
It's alright, reddit'll say this had nothing to do Islam.
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Why didn't the guy with ADHD take his medicine?
He forgot.
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Where were u on the nite of the 5th?
Stabbing a guy. "Louder for the tape." leans in Grabbing a pie. I went out for pie.
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How do you guys think the Germans will do in the Olympics this year?
Not too well considering they can't finish a race.
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Why did the guy kick the broom out of his house?
It swept with his girlfriend :P
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What's the difference between a guy falling from the 20th or the 1st floor of a building?
20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!* 1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!*
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What did the IT guy say when he threw RAM sticks at the stripper?
RAMs a make a dance!"
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Why is some guy out there screaming insults at all the vehicles?
Sees sign PRE-OWNED CARS* "Oh."
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Whats the difference between a guy who has a new Mercedes and a guy who has an old Mercedes?
The guy who has a new Mercedes is rich. The guy who has an old Mercedes has been rich for a longer time.
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Why can't guys do the splits?
The banana gets in the way. Banana split
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What did the shooting range instructor say to the guy in a wheelchair?
Parachute
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How do you stop a Polish battletank?
Shoot the guy pushing it.
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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus?
At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
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Why did the coach prohibit the blonde from giving any bj's to the team?
The guys complained about the blow-dryer being too hot ...
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What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the guy at the liquor store?
Only a Sith deals in Absolut.
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What is it called when a guy called Justin gets justice?
Justinice.
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Who has one thumb and isn't allowed to use the table saw anymore?
This guy.
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What is a guy with ED favorite saying?
I'm going to PUMP YOU UP!
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How many communists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One guy to screw in the light bulb, and the other guy to shoot him if he doesn't do it right.
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What did the mother of the guy who broke his arms say at the beginning of every 'session'?
ssh bby is ok
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What do you call a guy with two marijuanas?
Double jointed.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?
Bob
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How do you guys feel about that new drug-resistant superbug?
It makes me sick.
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What happened to the guy who cooled himself to -273.15 C?
He was 0K.
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What do you call a guy who likes Adobe and little boys?
a PDFile
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What do you call a guy from China who is confused?
Disoriented.
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How do you stop a North Korean tank?
Shoot the guy driving the cardboard box.
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What did Plaxico Burress say when he read Colin Kaepernick's Tweets?
Man, this guy just keeps shooting himself in the foot".
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Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
They say he made a mint.
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Where does a guy from Arkansas go to pick up girls?
Family reunions.
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What do you call a guy who likes telling "dad jokes"?
A "groan" man...
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What do you call a guy who can't get a word in edgewise during an argument?
A "moderator", apparently.
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What do you guys think of polar bears?
I think they all white.
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What do you call a guy dumped by his Asian girlfriend?
Disoriented.
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What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
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What did they say about the guy who woke up and jerked off on his alarm clock every day?
He always came on time.
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What do you call a guy with no hair named Gary?
Garibaldi
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What do you call a guy who plays Fallout?
A Fall Out Boy.
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What is white and gold and black and blue?
A blonde in a physically abusive relationship. See you guys in hell.
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Why did the guy fall off his bicycle?
Because I threw a microwave at him
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How do you know when a guy is really in love with his girlfriend?
When he starts using condoms with other girls.
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What's the best kind of guy to get fingered by?
One with Parkinson's disease!
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What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?
A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW
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How many people does it take to screw a lightbulb?
Just one guy with a really weird fetish.
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What do you call a guy in a lot of debt?
Owen.
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What happens when a guy from Finland dies?
He is finnished. Ha ha ha. God I am so depressed. :(
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Why is Max always late?
hey guys be here at 8:15 pm, max 8:30"
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What do you call it when guys find older women unusually attractive?
The Stunning-Cougar Effect.
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Why did that guy shoot up the church in South Carolina?
He thought it was the white thing to do.
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How could I forget, mate?
At an Australian parliament meeting, two guys were shouting back and forth and one said: "I am a country member!" and the other said: "Oh, I remember!"
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Who were the participants?
Guy: ' The owner, the cop and me. '
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How do you castrate a guy from Kentucky?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
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What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day?
SINGLE
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What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.
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Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?
Neither did he.
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Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
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What colour are my eyes?
Guy: 34C.
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What happens when a guy with no legs dies?
He punches the bucket
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What did they give the guy who invented the doorknocker?
A no-bell prize
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How did the guy from Kentucky find his sister in the woods?
Pretty good!
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What do you call a nice guy with hemorrhoids?
A stand up guy
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What do you call the guy you buy your weed from?
Your chron-tact.
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How bad is my career?
I met a homeless guy on the beach in Los Angeles & thought "Wow this guy has it made"
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What does an IT guy use for birth control?
His personality.
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What did the guy with 6 children say to the guy with six felonies?
I don't know they were speaking Spanish.
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What did Pythagoras say about the pyramid scheme?
He just couldn't find the guys angle!
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What should it sound like when it's connecting?
guy in the back stands up confidently Pterodactyls
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What do a burnt pizza and a pregnant woman have in common?
The guy didn't pull it out fast enough!
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Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident?
This guy!!!
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs?
Matt. No arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob.
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Why do so many guys spit in urinals?
Just seems weird that there are that many dudes who salivate at the sight of a wiener.
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What happens when you mock the host of Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives?
The guy gets fierious.
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake?
Bob
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What do you call the guy who envies his friend's gelatin?
Jello-us
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What are you looking for buddy?
Normal day at the office, when one guy notices his coworker distraught. He goes over to his cubicle and sees him looking for something on the floor. They spend half an hour looking for it, when the guy starts picking his nose:
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Why do hitman always wear gloves?
because theyre always wacking guys off....
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Why are so many guys mean to their girl friends ?
Because of the .
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What do you guys think of message boards?
I'm all forum.
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What do you have left after you burn a French alphabet?
H Edit: I don't like explaining jokes but since the first guy didn't get I might as well: When pronounced in a French accent it sounds like ash.
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What do you call a guy who does not fart in public?
A private tutor.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russel
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What is the definition of 'making love'?
Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob
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What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians?
A drummer.
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What is a guy who rubs bear toes called?
Rob...wait for it... erto! Rubeartoe!
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What is Unidan's favorite fast food joint?
Five Guys.
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Why didn't Jesus have any children?
He only got nailed by guys )
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What does a guy with no friends be for Halloween?
Depressed
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How many IT guys does it take to change a light bulb?
No IT guys change light bulbs, they just keep flicking the switch on and off again until something happens.
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What begins with an "s", ends with a "x" and leaves a guy blown away?
Semtex.
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What did the IT guy say to his wife after she complained about their love life?
Did you try turning me off and on again?"
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What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa?
Claustrophobic!
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What's a hippie's favorite animal?
An elk It has the E, the L, and the K. Would like to hear some more if you guys have any.
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What does a burning Mexican farm smell like?
Tacos. Overheard an old man telling another guy how he lost his farm in Mexico , and how the smell reminded him of tacos.
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What is the difference?
What its the difference between a quarter and a guy? Neither gets had when you want tail
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Why did the guy take his (computer) tablet to the cemetery?
Because it was dead.
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What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys.
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Why was my boss surprised to see me screwing with the IT guy?
They said IT couldn't be done
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What do you call a group of IT guys that smoke meth?
Geek Squad
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What did the calculus student who failed his test and the guy who got a speed ticket have in common?
They didn't know their limits
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What can guys call it?
How about bleeding white
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?
Matt. Others:
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water?
A: Bob
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What do you call two guys on a pair of curtains?
Kurt n Rod.
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Why is wrestling stupid?
It's a bunch of guy's without pants fighting for a belt....
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What do you call a guy that hates Christmas and steals the woman you love?
Ebenezer Scrooge-yagirl
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What do you call a guy who always phones people?
Colin.
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What would you guys like to ask an American?
Nevermind they'll just tell you anyway
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What's your spirit animal?
An eagle. They're so majestic." MEANWHILE Horse: hey eagle, what's your spirit human Eagle: this guy Dave
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What do you call a guy going down on a girl with a smile on his face?
A Gladiator
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What has 3 thumbs and was born near a nuclear power plant?
This guy
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What's a rock group with four guys that don't sing?
Mount Rushmore
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What does a guy from Philly dunk his pretzel in?
a girl from Jersey.
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Why do they put chicken wire around these plants?
Other guy:" To protect the chicken plants"
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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
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What do you call a guy in a suit sitting in a tree?
Branch Manager
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What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?
The guy would survive the first round.
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What did the guy who got fired for always being late say?
It was just a matter of time.
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What did the guy Zebra say to the girl Zebra?
Take ze bra off.
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What do guys like but are afraid of?
Girls
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What do you call a guy who can't poop?
A constipatient
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What's the difference between an Art major and a guy who mops bathrooms at KFC?
One has a job.
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Who won the Battle of the Bulge?
The guy with the bulge in his sock ...
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Why was that guy yelling at you?
flashback to me ignoring the "one per customer" sign me with a mouthful of cheese samples No idea
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How often do you guys close your internet tabs?
One of mine is from the Kerry/Edwards campaign.
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What exactly had the "NOW That's What I Call Music!" guy been listening to before?
Sound FX CDs Whale noises
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What do you call a guy who stands under a bull?
Understandabull
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Why is Windows going from 8 to 10?
Because 7 ate 9. Credit to a guy I work with.
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What can happen when a car breaks down?
A woman's car breaks down on a busy highway. She manages to ease it over to the shoulder and gets out and opens the trunk. Immediately two men clothed only in trench coats leap out and begin to open and close their coats, exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. Pretty soon a police officer stops. "What's going on here?" the cop asks. "My car just broke down," the woman responds. "NO, I mean those two guys," the cop continues. "Oh," the woman replies, "they're just my emergency flashers."
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When Chris brought over his musl*m girlfriend to meet the family, what did they say?
Nice scarf! Must be cold where you came from! Do you guys want coffee?"
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What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his arse?
Warren
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What do you call a guy stuck in the same job for 30 years?
A four term US senator.
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Why not ask the guy who took that picture?
Just kidding, I ran over it.
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What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim?
Bob. Same guy laying on the floor Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall Art. Same guy in a mailbox Bill.
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Why was the guy wearing the fedora upset?
Because you didn't ask him what band he's in.
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What does a person with no arms and a guy dating a vegetarian have in common?
They both get toe food
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What did the Dalai Lama say to the guy in the kebab shop?
Make me one with everything."
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How do you stop an Armenian tank?
You shoot the guys pushing it.
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What goes "ha ha, thump thump?
A guy laughing his balls off.
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What do you call a guy with no musical talent that hangs out with the band?
The drummer.
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What did the right testlcle say to the left?
Look at this guy in the middle trying to act all hard
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What did the lead singer of The Prodigy say to the guy parking his Mini Cooper?
Back my Smitch Up!
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What do you call a guy who refuses to serve people from Finland at his bar?
A man with unfinnished buisness.
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What do you call a guy who wears two condoms?
Justin Case
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What would you folks like?
HER: I'll have the s- ME: WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY !
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When a guy texts "your beautiful," reply with "my beautiful what?
then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again.
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What did the feminist say when she saw a guy laughing at her picture on the Internet?
Topical meme."
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What do you call two guys above a window?
Kurt and Rod
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What did one French Guy say to another French Guy?
Bonjour, je m'apelle Guy aussi!" ("Hello, I am called Guy as well!")
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How do you know if a guy has an asian wife?
He'll tell you.
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Who is he?
Crash Bandicoot God I miss this guy.
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How will an IT guy fix a lamp?
He'll restart the nuclear power plant
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How does a guy prove he's tough?
He jogs home after his vasectomy. . Fairly old, vasectomies may not be so bad any longer.
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What is a pirates favorite article of clothing?
His sc*aaarrrr*f Edit: I get it guys, you all have better punchlines than me.
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What do you give the guy who has everything?
Penicillin
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Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice factory?
He couldn't concentrate
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What does a guy call his diabetic girlfriend?
Sweet Pee
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What do you call two guys using the same urinal?
Peers
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What did the guy say when he found out that his wife's breast s had implants?
THOSE ARE SILLY CONES"
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Why should I shave my downstairs?
Guy: Because I don't like hair in my food.
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What's the difference between a guy with a vasectomy and a guy without a vasectomy?
There's a vas deferens.
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Who'll handle the Guantanamo closing?
Same guys who did Circuit City
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What does an IT guys use for birth control?
His personality.
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Why doesn't the guy with OCD ever get laid?
Because when he turns his girlfriend on he has to turn her off again three times.
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How do you keep a idiot waiting?
I'll tell you guys later.
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What did earth say to the other planet?
You guys have no life!"
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What do you call a guy that's lost his car?
Carlos
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What did the guy who didn't like vegetables say?
I don't really carrot all for vegetables."
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What do you call two guys with no arms or legs hanging from a window?
Curt and Rod
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What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russel
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How do you stop an Albanian tank?
You shoot the guy pushing it.
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How do you leave a bunch of idiots in suspense?
I'll tell you guys tomorrow
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What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common?
A: They were both cooked by a guy named "Dave".
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Why did the guy at the trainyard get struck by lightning?
He was an excellent conductor
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Why didn't the art thief get away?
Because he didn't have to Monet to pay the Guy to make the Van Gogh.
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What did one triangle say to the other triangle about the square?
Look out for that guy, he's got another side to him.
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What do you call a guy who wants to join the mile high club by himself?
A high-jacker.
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Why can't an IT guy be a doctor?
Nurse: Doctor, the patient's life support is acting strange. . . Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?
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What has two arms and 14 legs?
Guy who collects legs.
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How does a Muslim get a hot date?
He puts it in the microwave. EDIT: Looks like you guys are real dim....
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What do ya call a bunch of guys breaking into a music store and helping themselves to the stringed instruments?
A: Luters.
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What do you call a guy with no shins?
Tony. :)
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What did the Machop say to the guy who was giving him a hard time?
You're really bustin' Machops!
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How do you stop a mexican tank?
You shoot the guy pushing it.
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Why does that guy always get all the women?
I don't know...he isn't very handsome or rich" "And he's a terrible conversationalist - all he does is sit there licking his eyebrows"
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What do you call a guy that used to fight in the ring, but quit it all for video games?
An ex-boxer.
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What do you call a guy that can't make a joke?
A dead one.
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What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?
They're not infallible
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What did the guy say after he finished jacking off?
Well that got a load off my mind.
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How do you stop a Polish tank?
Shoot the guy that's pushing it
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What kind of disease did the guy get when he skipped the condom and plowed a girl with down's syndrome?
Slow clap
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What did the guy say to the funny drug dealer?
You really crack me up dude!" The drug dealer responds with: "How much "
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What did the guy from Northern Canada have to say about the place?
He wanted Nunavut.
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What is something that basically stops when you stare at it, but flys by when you dont?
There are two answere: Time and Boo (from Mario games). Just made this joke up what do you guys think
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What do you call a guy in a wheelchair?
Whatever you like, what's he going to do about it anyway?
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Why was the guy from 127 Hours arrested for espionage?
He was proven guilty of providing arms to Iraq
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What does the guy who has been backpacking just a bit too long miss most about home ?
A home-cooked shower.
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What do you call a guy who likes touching unripened cheese?
A fetaphile
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What do you get when you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic?
Some guy sitting up all night wondering if there really is a dog
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs driving a car?
Rex (made this one up myself!)
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Whats the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
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What do you call a guy who pretends he can speak French?
A francophony
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What has two thumbs and doesn't understand jokes that require a visual component?
This guy!
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Who's got two thumbs and finds this joke funny?
Not this guy!" -Thumb amputee victim
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Why can't a guy see his friends?
Because he's married.
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Why did the guy give up connecting his controller to his Xbox?
He was syncing too much time into it.
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What do you call a guy who's into beastiality?
Someone who really gets his head into the game.
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What do you call a guy who falls into a Yellowstone hot spring?
Stew.
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What happened to the guy who ingested helium?
He became enlightened.
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How many guys does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be open when she brings it to you.
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What do you call a guy who screams, "I love you, mom!" every time he climaxes?
Me.
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What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and sits in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
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Why are most guys like floor tile?
Because if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them from the rest of your life!
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How many IT guys does it take to Fix a printer?
Three, one suggests to check if it is plug in, another recommends to reboot the printer, and finally one to check to see if the printer had paper and laugh about how easy the solution was.
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What do you call a guy with 15 rabbits up his arse?
Warren.
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What if we gave people enough for three fries?
guy who invented ketchup packets
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Why did the guy from Brooklyn cross the road?
None of your f**king business.
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What did the guy on LSD say while driving on the highway?
Woah, the traffic is moving.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch?
Matt
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What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon?
The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?
Frank
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What's a magazine?
asked every guy under 30.
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What do you get if you mix up together an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?
A guy who is up all night wondering if there is a dog.
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Why should you never race with a guy from Finland?
Because they're already Finnish before the race even began
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What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?
In christianity, one guy died for all the others.
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How many of you guys experienced this?
Damn! I don't have spare keys either.
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How many ways are there to please a guy?
Three way.
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What do you call a guy who only posts clickbait?
A master-baiter
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What is it called when 5 girls get into bed with one guy?
A "no one will ever believe me".
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What did the right nut say to the left nut?
This guy in the middle thinks he's hard!
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What do you call a guy with a shovel?
Doug
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Why is it so difficult for women to find a man who is sensitive, caring, and good looking?
All of those guys already have boyfriends.
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Why did the guy get aroused by the highway?
Because there were lots of turn ons.