Hair Jokes
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Why are you so upset?
It's just hair. I'm the one that's gotta find a new girlfriend."
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What does Batman use to wash his hair?
Conditioner Gordon.
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How many hairs are in a dog's tail?
None. They are all on the outside.
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What, why?
is it my hair Her: no Me: MY LOOKS! Her: no, it's your personality Me: oh thank god
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What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer...
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When do you kick a dwarf in the balls?
When he is standing next to your lady saying her hair smells nice.
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What's a whale's favourite brand of hair gel?
Krill Bream.
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What's grosser than gross?
When a midget walks past and says your hair smells nice!
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When can you dive in a swimming pool and not get your hair wet ?
When your bald !
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Why did the caveman drag his cavewoman around by the hair?
A: Because if he dragged her around by the feet she would fill up with dirt.
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What's the best part about taking a shower with an 11 year old girl?
If you slick her hair back, she looks like an 8 year old boy.
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How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food?
By giving her a Brazilian wax first!
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What does John Cena wash his hair with?
Champ who
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Why was Thor so worried about his hair looking good?
because he is a Norsissist.
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What kind of hair do oceans have?
Wavy hair.
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Why should you wash your hair with counterfeit feces?
Because it's sham poo.
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Why are foodfights forbidden in japanese schools?
The children always end up with lice in their hair.
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What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?
Caesars.
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What do you call a Roman with a hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
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What's the best way to get bubble gum out of your hair?
Cancer
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What's the best thing about an 8 year old in the shower?
You can slick her hair back and make her look 6.
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Why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair?
Because if they dragged them by the ankles, they'd fill up with muck.
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What sits in the kitchen and gets smaller and smaller?
A baby combing its hair with an apple peeler
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Why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair and not the feet?
Because if they drug them by the feet the would have filled with dirt.
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Why did (do?
cavemen drag their women by the hair if the dragged them by their feet they'd fill up with mud.
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What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?
Answer: You Blink Your Eyes.
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What does a bee style his hair with?
A honey comb!
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What's the difference between a Blonde and a person with a different colour of hair?
The blonde sure doesn't know.
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Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun?
Because she had her nose in a hamburger.
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How did the Roman cut his hair?
Caesar
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Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head?
Because he wanted a head of hare (hair).
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Why don't you ever wear your hair down?
Me: It makes me look approachable. CW: So Me: I don't want to encourage that.
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How do you get gum out of your hair?
Get cancer
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When is it okay to punch a midget?
When he stands next to your girlfriend and says her hair smells nice.
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What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
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Why did the monster dye her hair yellow?
To see if blondes have more fun.
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What side of a monster has more hair ?
The outside !
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What stops your hair from falling?
The floor
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How do warty witches keep their hair out of place?
With scare spray.
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What do you call the hair of a centaur?
Humane.
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When do you kick a midget in the balls?
When he's standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
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What are you talking about?
I got my hair straightened out."
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What do you call soup that you've found a hair in?
Rabbit Soup :D
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What do you call it when a brunette dyes her hair blonde?
Brainwashing.
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What shape is your hair in the morning?
A wrecktangle. (Made up by my 10 year old daughter :)
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Why didn't the Aztec get their hair cut?
They didn't like the barbershop Cortez.
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Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
That's where you wash all your vegetables!
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Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony?
He kept getting in everyone's hair.
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Why does C. Ronaldo comb his hair every game break?
So it won't get too Messi.
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Why did cavemen pull their women around by their hair?
Because if they had pulled them by their feet they would have filled up with mud
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What do you call a bear with no hair?
Bare
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What do you call a gorilla that's hair is two different colors?
Harambre
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What do you call a smiling Roman with a hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
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What sits in the corner of the room, crying and getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a vegetable peeler.
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How do you get spiderwebs out of your hair?
Asking because Spider-Man... I mean... Just asking.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
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What do comic book collectors use in their hair when they shower?
Mint conditioner.
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How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
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How do you get gum out of hair?
cancer -I'm sorry-
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Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A: It matches their mustaches.
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What kind of hair do oceans have ?
Wavy !
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What's the best part about showering with a 7 year old girl?
You slick their hair back and you've got a 7 year old boy.
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What do you call a Roman warrior with hair in his mouth?
Gladiator Get it? Glad He Ate Her..
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What's the easiest way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer
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How does a chicken do their hair?
With a comb, In one fowl swoop.
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Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.
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Why did Moses part his hair?
To make a path for the Israelice.
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What's the easiest way to get the chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer
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How do you get your hair into shape?
You condition it
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What's the difference between an Alto and a Tenor?
The Tenor doesn't have hair on his back.
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What's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a coconut?
Coconuts have hair
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How do pirates get their hair to stand up?
Sea-men. My brother told me that
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What do bees use to do their hair?
Honeycombs!
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How's my hair?
My clothes How do I look (knock, knock) He's here!!!! I'm so excited! *My pizza delivery guy.
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Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
Cause if you dragged them by the feet, they'd fill up with dirt.
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Why did Willow Smith whip her hair?
Because it has been very knotty. Apologies in advance
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What is the best part about showering with a 14 year old girl?
If you slick her hair back just right, she looks nine!
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What's the best part about showering with an eight year old girl?
Slicking her hair back and making her look like a six year old boy.
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What do you call a woman who dyes her hair red?
Transginger.
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What's the best way to get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer
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How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
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What do you call a guy with no hair named Gary?
Garibaldi
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What did the witch put in her hair?
A: Scare spray.
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What do you call a blond with one strand of hair dyed black?
A glimmer of hope
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Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket?
He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?
They just pray the gray away
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What do you call someone who isn't a redhead but colors there hair red later in life?
A trans-ginger
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Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?
Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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How can I help you today, Mr Simpson?
BART: I don't know where my hair starts
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What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair ?
Lily !
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When Do You Hurt a Midget?
When He is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice!
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What do you call it when a video game character gets hair on his body?
Q*berty. (my kids wrote this!)
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Who never gets his hair wet in the shower?
A bald man.
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What is logic?
A mute telling a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a paraplegic running behind a bald guy while grabbing his hair.
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Why was the 45 year old businessman losing his hair?
He has cancer.
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Why did the bully go to beauty school?
A: She wanted to tease hair
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What should you buy if your hair falls out ?
A good vacuum cleaner !
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What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
They pull up their pants.
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What wears a black white and tan coat but has no hair?
A bald beagle!
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What do you call someone who dyes their hair red?
Trans-ginger
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Why do bald men cut holes in there pockets?
To run their hands through their hair
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Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done?
At the ugly parlour.
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How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror?
Oh questions about the job No I'm good."
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How do you buy hair?
You have toupee
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What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?
AI (Artificial Intelligence)
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What experience do you have plucking chickens?
Me: See all those hairs on my chin No. Me: Exactly.
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When is the appropriate time to kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
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What is the definition of a Barbarian?
It's someone who cuts hair in a library.
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Why should I shave my downstairs?
Guy: Because I don't like hair in my food.
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What's worse than finding hair in your food?
Finding out the chef is bald.
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How do you keep your hair from blowing everywhere when you drive in a convertible?
Cross your legs
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Which side of a horse has the most hair?
The OUTSIDE! oh-my-goodness, that's hilarious! Skip
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When the barber is done cutting his hair, the cowboy goes back outside. And guess what?
Pony gone.
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How do you get rid of chewing gum in your hair?
Cancer :)
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Why did the midget get slapped?
Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.
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What do you call a pen with no hair ?
A bald point !
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When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?
When I do her hair: "How about a hat "
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How is Sandusky like a tortoise?
He gets there before the hair...
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What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone?
I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone
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Why did cavemen... drag their women by the hair?
So they wouldn't fill up with gravel.
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What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray!
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When do you kick a midget in the nuts?
When he stands next to your girlfriend and says her hair smells nice.
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What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair?
A Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
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Why did Vanilla Ice steal a can of hair spray?
Because the label said, "Contents Under Pressure" Got this joke from my brother :D
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Why didn't Gordon Ramsay like the Girl Scout cream pies?
He found a hair in one.
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What's the difference between an Armenian and a Gorilla?
Just one hair.
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What did the blonde do after she combed her hair?
She pulled her pants up.
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What's a good way to get gum out of your hair?
Getting diagnosed with cancer.
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What do comic book collectors use in their hair?
Mint conditioner.
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What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
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Why does the moon have no hair?
because it's waxing