Happen Jokes
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What happens when a high school calls in a replacement teacher for a subject they know nothing about?
Ooops... wrong sub.
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What happens if you plug your electric blanket into the toaster?
You pop up all night.
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What's happening!?
Wake up! WHO DID THIS TO YOU!
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What happened to the guy who cooled himself to -273.15 C?
He was 0K.
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What happens when you text while driving?
I don't know, I've never tri
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What happened when the lawyer took a Viagra?
He got taller.
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What happens if you're late to extremophile school?
You get a tardy grade. ( that explains the joke if you don't get it.)
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What happened after the word bank was robbed?
There was a run on sentences.
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What Happens When You Put 1 Dollar On A Barbeque?
Dolla Grills, Yo
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What happens when Mario parks his car outside the wrong castle?
He gets Toad
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What happened to Lady Godiva's horse when he saw she had no clothes on?
It made him shy!
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What happens when a woman can't remember her mastectomy?
Mammary loss   I made this up myself!
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What happened to the road?
Depressions.
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What happens if I put a vial in another vial and then in another vial?
It doesn't matter.
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What happened when Billy Mays's ghost floated into the rave?
Everyone started partying like it was $19.99.
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What happened when the Italian chef died?
He pasta away
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What is the worst part about being told you have Alzheimer's?
It never happens just once.
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What happened when porky pig fell asleep at his construction job?
The foreman fired him, saying, 'We can't have bored boars boring boards.'
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What happens to a legend's career when he loses his leg?
It ends.
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What happens when you get some vinegar in your ear?
You suffer from pickled hearing!
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How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?
You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.
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What happened when the orange slept with the dirty lemon?
He got lemonaids.
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What happens to a desert-dwellers main transportation when it has been parked in one spot for too long?
It gets Camel-Towed.
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What happens when two oxen bump into each other?
You have an oxident.
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What happens to a tapeworm after it dies?
It will be interred.
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What would happen if James Bond took Viagra?
He would continue to be a state-sponsored terrorist whose actions disgrace us all.
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What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat ?
He had to get a new goat !
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What happens when a pizzaman does an AMA on Reddit?
OP delivers.
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What happened to the horse that swallowed a dollar bill?
It bucked!
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What happened to the wooden car with the wooden wheels and the wooden engine?
It wooden go
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What happened when Cinderella got to the ball?
She choked.
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What happened after the ugly man married the beautiful blonde?
They had a wedding reception.
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What happened to the body builder ...whose favorite gym closed down?
He was depressed.
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What happened to the man who turned into an insect ?
He just beetled off !
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What happened to the tasty noun?
Verbatim.
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What happens when a lamppost breaks?
Sorry, repost
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What happened when the black man went to night school?
The teacher marked him absent.
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What happened when a man fell in love with a grand piano?
He said "Darling you've got lovely teeth."
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What happens when you accidently add an extra p to tp?
Banned from
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What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea?
He died in his teepee
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What happened when the Eskimo teens went clubbing?
They got new fur coats.
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What happened to the muslim critic?
He blew everything out of proportion!
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What happened with them?
They sure made a wrong turn, somewhere!
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What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson?
He stank to the bottom of the pool!
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What happened when the cannibal was late to the dinner party?
He got the cold shoulder.
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What happened to Ed's girlfriend?
Sheeran
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What happens when ducks fly upside down??
They quack up
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What happened to the tree when the lumber jack hit on it?
It got all sappy
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Why was the Dalai Lama not upset after he spilled spaghetti sauce?
Because it happened in the *past*a.
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What would happen if black widow spiders were as big as horses?
A: If one bit you, you could ride it to the hospital.
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Whatever happened to silk underwear?
A: Fell through the cracks.
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What happens to illegally parked frogs ?
They get toad away.
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What happens in a chinese restaurant when the power goes out?
It'll dim sum
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What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?
He had him newt-ered.
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What happened to all the Paul Walker jokes?
It seems like they started going pretty fast, then just...stopped.
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Why was the UKIP voter angry?
Because he didn't like the look of the Poles (for this to make sense, pretend the UK election hasn't happened yet)
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What happens when you join two Koreans together?
Linkin Park.
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What happened to the guy who farted in church?
He sat in his own pew.
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What happens when you give Viagra to a politician?
He gets taller
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What happens to a black mans hair when it feels nauseous?
It fro's up.
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What happens when you throw root beer in the ocean?
Root Beer Floats!
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Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?
They saw what happened to the sheep
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What happens if an axe falls on your car?
You have an ax-i-dent (accident).
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What happened when the Easter Bunny caught his head in the fan?
It took ears off his life!
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What happened to you?
the doctor asks. "I stepped on something."
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What happens to a plate made out of cookies when you drop it?
It chips.
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What happens to a Canadian's car when it breaks down?
The owner calls Triple Eh.
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What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles?
UCLA
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What happened to Mr. Chin after all 10 of his children disappeared?
He developed a ten Chin deficit disorder.
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What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time?
What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time? Urine-nation!
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What happens to a frog that parks illegally?
He gets toad.
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Who's there ! Benny ! Bennny who ?
Benny thing happening !
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What happened when Turkey was accused of being Chicken?
It staged a coup
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What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?
It made him wed his plants!
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What is it with people who text and drive?
I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.
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What happens when something travels faster than the speed of light?
Does it matter?
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What happens when redditors die?
RIP in box
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What happens when a question mark and an exclamation mark love each other very much?
They interrobang!(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interrobang)
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What happens when you keep feeding a cow money?
You get rich milk.
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Whats happening?
FB=Whats on your mind FourSquare= Where am I Quora=what Youtube=What Im watching. LinkedIn=Whats in it for me
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What happens when you offend a professor of various human aspects?
You owe them an anthrapology
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What happened to the man who owned a riding academy?
Business kept falling off!
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What happens when you put the energizer bunny's battery's in backwards?
He keeps coming and coming and coming.
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What happens when I die?
Idk...
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What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.
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What happens if you cross a midget and a computer?
A: You get a short circut.
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What happens when you flip an 8 to it's side?
Everything, given enough time
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What happens when you combine Rick & Morty with a Solar Flare?
You get Solar Morty and WOOOoooooo!
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What happened when the husband tried to deep fry his wife?
She went to the battered women's shelter
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What happens when you throw a black rock into the Red Sea?
I originally thought that the black rock gets wet, but it was brought to my attention that the Red Sea is in the middle east, so it prob'ly starts a holy war!
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What happened to the religious idol when it was put up at auction?
It was sold to the highest Buddha.
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Why's it so hard to find marathon and triathlon reviews in Germany?
Well, you know what happened last time they picked a race...
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What happens when you run away from tomatos?
They ketchup.
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What happened to your three week diet ?
Player: I finished it in three days !
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What happened to the man with a legal fetish when he went to court for his parking ticket?
He got off on a technicality
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What happened when the cheese factory exploded?
Debrie everywhere.
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What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?
Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.
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What happened when pigs started flying?
Everyone got swine flu
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What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?
He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.
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What happens when you double park your frogs?
They get toad!
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What happens when the smog rises in Los Angeles...?
UCLA.
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What happens after it rains in gotham city?
a waynebow.
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What happens if a line doesn't get enough Vitamin C?
It gets curvy.
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What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building?
The Czech bounced.
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What happened to the blind surgeon?
He got the sack.
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What happens when geese land in a volcano ?
They cook their own gooses !
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What happened when the man lost his suspenders?
He became one of those For Whom the Belt Holds
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What happens when you die?
Me: You go to heaven. 4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff
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What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter?
The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.
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What happened in France?
Did they release a GTA Go
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What happens when you are banned on a muslim server?
you are turbanned
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Why do most car accidents happen when men are drunk?
Because their wives are driving.
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What happens when you throw a laptop into the ocean?
You have a Dell, rolling in the deep.
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What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?
The police made him bring it back again.
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What happened to the gun that kept randomly shooting?
He got fired.
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What happened when the carrot died?
There was a huge turnip at the funeral.
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What happens when Niagara trips?
Niagara Falls
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What happened to the ghost who couldn't scare?
He had to join a support group since he couldn't handle his boos.
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What happens to an Asian guy when they run into a wall with a full erection?
They break their nose!
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Why would Gabe Newell be a good president?
Because then World War 3 would never happen
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What happened to the dog that fell into a lens-grinding machine?
He made a spectacle of himself.
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What happened to the magical tractor?
It turned into a field
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How many countries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five. Germany to start it, France to try and then give up almost immediately, Italy to start, give up, and try again from the other side, America to finish it and claim credit for the whole thing, and Switzerland to sit in the dark and pretend that nothing happened.
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What happens when Vladimir Putin stands up too fast?
Head Russian...
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What happened when the barman died?
The police held an inn-quest
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What happened when the man couldn't afford the mortgage on his haunted house?
it was repossessed!
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What happens when a linguist gets sick?
Plosive diarrhea
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What happened to the number 10?
It got stuck in 9/11
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What happens when you don't pay your exorcist?
You get repossessed.
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What happens to the cannibal who is late to the party?
He gets the cold shoulder.
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What happens when a bunch of ferrets get together?
None of your business.
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What happens when two girl rabbits really like each other?
Bunnylingus!
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What happens to all the unsold christmas trees?
A Total TreeCull. Basically, on the evening of December 25th, every christmas tree salesperson does the trees
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What happened to the Irishman who tried to blow up a school bus?
He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
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What happened to the cant when it ate a ball of wool?
What happened to the cat when it ate a ball of wool? It had mittens
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How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
No one knows it's never happened.
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What happens when someone mixes Francium, Oxygen, Tungsten, and Nitrogen after it explodes?
The chemist may frown.
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What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?
All that was left was de brie.
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What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards?
He ate himself!
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What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB?
They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.
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What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch ?
He died in agony !
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What happens if Ramsay Bolton met Samwell Tarly's girlfriend?
Gilly suit
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What happens when you mix pandas and ammonium?
Pandemonium breaks out.
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What happened when the man asked the salesman for a good belt?
O.K. you asked for it" the salesman said as he gave him a good belt.
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How does clickbait work?
Just grab this electrical cable. Then what happens WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL SHOCK YOU!!!!!
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What happened ?
Me: I turned 13....
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What happens when Keemstar and Ricegum have a baby?
He's born with Diss-lexia
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When did this happen?
When did what happen
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What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint?
A: Both crews were marooned.
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What happened to the man who died from drinking Shellac?
He had a *lovely finish*.
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What happened to the concussed gravedigger?
He lost the plot.
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What happened to the broken down frog?
It got away!
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What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
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What happens when you spike Hawaiian Punch?
It gets a lil' kick. :)
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What happened to the Polish National Library?
A: Someone stole the book.
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What happens if you cross a snowman and a vampire?
You get a frostbite.
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What happened when Hamlet discovered his love dead?
Necro-Ophelia
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What happened to the egg when he was tickled too much?
He cracked up.
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What's the worst thing that could happen to an r/joke/ subscriber?
faint
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What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals ?
He went down really well !
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What happened to your homework?
Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijacked it.
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What do we call the process which usually happens after a company deliberately sells a misleading product to its customers?
DLC.
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How do you make a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the oven at three fifty tree fiddy until it's Bill Withers. Edit:summoning happened.
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How many IT guys does it take to change a light bulb?
No IT guys change light bulbs, they just keep flicking the switch on and off again until something happens.
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What happened when the 26th letter of the alphabet hit puberty?
She got a Zebra.
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What can happen when a car breaks down?
A woman's car breaks down on a busy highway. She manages to ease it over to the shoulder and gets out and opens the trunk. Immediately two men clothed only in trench coats leap out and begin to open and close their coats, exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. Pretty soon a police officer stops. "What's going on here?" the cop asks. "My car just broke down," the woman responds. "NO, I mean those two guys," the cop continues. "Oh," the woman replies, "they're just my emergency flashers."
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What happened to the T?
America: "We threw it in the Harbor!"
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What happens if the baby pees?
Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool
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What happened when Dumbo went to a mindrreader?
They gave him his money back.
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What is the worst thing to happen to an anagrammer?
It is to get West Nile in the stew line.
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What happens when you plant a sesame seed?
Does a sesame grow What is a sesame Where my botanists at Where the hell am I
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What happens when Lucy starts using 100% of her brain?
She's almost as smart as a man.
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What's so weird about a steroid addiction?
No matter what happens, the addiction always makes you stronger.
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Why did he do that?
Who is she What does that mean When did that happen Why How I need to go to the toilet. - Child, at the cinema
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What happens when the sun goes down?
It gets dark.
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What happened when the teacher fell in the copier?
A: She was beside herself.
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What happens when devil worshipers do the rain dance?
PrecipiSatan
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What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country?
Simple, you get stoned twice
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What happened when Steve Irwin forgot to put on sunscreen?
He got hurt from harmful rays
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How did Chernobyl disaster happen ?
scientist A : Are you sure ? scientist B : Trust me, I know what i'm doing.
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What happened when the two angels got married?
They lived harpily ever after!
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What happens when you step on an oily asian?
Better not say. I feel like I'm already treading on a slippery slope.
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What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
It gets wet.
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What do you call a brilliant musician who also happens to have Down Syndrome?
Retarded.
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What Happened when the girl sat on Lance Armstrong's lap?
She had a ball
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What happens when your friend from Prague topples over?
You right a Czech.
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What happens when you zip up a lion?
It rars
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What would happen if The Styx and The Stones got a band together?
It wood rock.
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What do Cooperstown and Woodstock have in common?
Cooperstown is where Baseball wasn't invented and Woodstock is where the festival didn't happen.
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What happened to drugs, kids?
We still have drugs!
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What would happen if you were to cross two snowmen with three vampires?
You would get severe frostbite.
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What happened when the composer got angry?
He flew off the Handel
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What happens when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
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What happened to the Christian family when they didn't pay their exorcist?
THEIR HOUSE GOT REPOSSESSED!
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What happens when someone overdoses on Viagra?
They die hard.
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What happens to Eminem when he dies?
I accidentally this joke the other day. Do you think it has potential?
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What happens to a tipped cow?
They can't MOOve
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What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another?
He experiences culture shock.
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What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad ?
It became a daddy short legs !
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What happened to German Orphans after WW2?
Did they ever get back on the Reich track (I saw the post in /r/history earlier and was disappointed to find it was a serious question. I fixed it.)
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What happened to the joke that insulted the mods?
People laughed, because it was a good joke.
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What happened to the muslim who smoked weed?
They got stoned
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What happened to the ghost who went to a party?
He had a wail of a time.
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What happens if Russians fall from an Afghan boat?
They sue Kabul Yacht.
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What happened to the little frog who sat on the telephone?
He grew up to be a bellhop!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?
Bacon would go up!
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What happened to the two mad vampires?
They both went a little batty.
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What happens when almonds die?
Diamond
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How many atheist does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It will happen itself.
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What happens when 2 meets 3 at Times Square?
36
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What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ?
After a week he was spotless !
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What happens when two pastries divorce?
They have a custardy battle
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What happened when the owl lost his voice ?
He didn't give a hoot !
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What would have happened if asians had committed the attacks of 9/11?
10/11 with rice, thanks for your suggestion
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What happens when two snails fight?
A: They slug it out.
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What happens when you take the tea away from your guest?
He's left there trying to "guess" what happened.
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What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?
A: The letter "m."
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What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka
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What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son?
He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud's.
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What happened when fire and the wheel were invented?
People got lit and turnt.
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What happens when a feminist shoots a gun?
The gun gets triggered.
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How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
Depends on what tune the Devil happens to be playing. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.
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What happened to the native man that drank 23 cups of tea?
He went home and drowned in his tea pee.
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What happens if you steel?
You have to get Alloy-er
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What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice?
Her: What You: It breaks the ice. Hi, i'm (your name)
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What do you call a Mustard that keeps remembering things that haven't happened yet?
dijon-vu mustard... (Sorry)
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What happens if I throw up in the red shoe bin by the door?
Me: Why is your question alarmingly specific 4: No reason.
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What happens when you get hit by a rental car?
It Hertz.
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What happens next?
The broom gets sweepy.
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What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods?
Teenagers these days be all "I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."
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What happened when the slave put his head into a lions mouth to count how many teeth he had ?
The lion closed its mouth to see how many heads the slave had !
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What did the cow say when she got hit by a car?
Moo." What did the cow saw when she fell into a ditch? "Moo." What did the cow say when she fell onto the electric fence? "Moo." What did the cow say when she got hit by a train? "Why does everything always happen to meeee?" Protip: My dad wrote this joke for me when I was six.
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What happened to the Greek dairy farmer who got robbed on his way to market?
He was un-feta-ed of his cheese.
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What happened when the reporter fell into the water?
She became an anchor...
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What happened when Sean Connery bought himself a little kitten?
The cat shat on the mat.
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What happened when the Orange slept with the skanky Lemon?
He got Lemonaids.
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What on Earth happened?
The doctor said, surprised. "I don't know, it started with a boil on my arse." the frog said.
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What happens if you don't keep up payments to your exorcist?
You get repossessed.
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What happened to be, she, and they... ...when they were discovered face-down in the mud?
They were PRONOUNS dead
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Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin ?
There was some money in the kitty !
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What happened to the man running in front of a car?
He got tired. The man running behind the car -- he got exhausted.
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What's the worst thing that could happen if you don't use a condom?
Your parents would know!
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What happens to criminal photons?
They get put in prism!
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What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
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What happens to lawyers after they die?
They lie still.
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What happens when the smog/fog/smoke over Los Angeles lifts?
You see L.A.
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What happened out there?
I dont kn-OMG WHAT IS THAT *interviewer doesnt look* Ugh didnt work on u either
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What happens when Jack is angry with his beans?
Jack and the beans talk
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What do Jimmy Saville's victims and Aston Villa fans have in common?
They're still talking about what happened in 1982.
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What happened to the Marine that took a laxative?
He was relieved of doodie.
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What happened when a frog joined the cricket team ?
He bowled long hops !
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What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
He gets taller.
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When they named the state of New Mexico were they degrading the state or honoring Mexico?
it seemed funnier when I first said it. is this how it always happens
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What happens when you cross the band "The Knack" and a bottle of Corona?
A song called "My Corona"
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Whatever happened to the Bob the Builder kids show?
Handy Manny took his job.
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What happened to good old-fashion soap?
Is it too basic?
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What happens if you game so much you forget to brush your teeth?
You get Halo-tosis. :-/
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What happens when Kim Jong-un gets sick?
He turns into Kim Jong-ill!
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What happened to your car?
SON: Transmission is shot. Reverse doesn't work. DAD: Well... SON: Don't- DAD: There's no going back now
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What does a weed addict day when something miraculous happens?
Dank god
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What happens when you mix a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite
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What happens when you put your grandma on speedial?
You get Insta-Gram
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What happens when so-and-so step in the neutrino's urine?
He develops LEPTONspirosis.
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What happens if you see twin witches?
You won't be able to tell witch witch is witch.
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What happens to superficial people when they die?
They end up in a shallow grave.
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What happened to the naughty little witch at school?
She was ex-spelled.
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What happened to the thick yellow liquid that committed a crime?
It was taken into custardy.
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What happened to the Arm &?
Hammer Deodorant car?
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What happens when the Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
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What happened to the man who went to court for making deafening noises?
He lost his hearing.
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What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened?
and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"
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What happened to the over amorous clam?
It pulled a mussel.
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What happens to your car insurance if you don't notify them that you've wrecked a car?
I don't know, but it's not wreck-amended.
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What'll happen if a piano is dropped on a man?
He will B flat
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What happened to Mr. Potato Head when he smoked weed?
He got baked.
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Whatever happened to Robot Jones?
He got cancelled.
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Why is ur wife shouting at you?
Friend: she told me to upload her photo in FB, I uploaded in OLX... Mistakes do happen
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What happens when breed a shark and snowman?
You get a frostbite!
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What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire?
A: He got arrested just like you would've.
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What happens when you violate Reddit's rules?
removed
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What happened to Casper the friendly ghost after his parents got divorced?
His mom got soul custody.
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What happened when the sausage came in first?
An announcer said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a wiener!"
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What happened to the cannibal lion?
He had to swallow his pride!
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What happened to Jesus when he tried to play defense on a professional Basketball player?
He got crossed.
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Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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What happens when clowns get divorced?
They end up in a custardy battle.
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What happens when you witness a shipwreck?
You let it sink in.
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What happens when an American has a heart attack and survives?
A 'murical.
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What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
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What happened to the man with two wooden legs whose house burnt down?
He fell on his ash.
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What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill?
A: They stop delivering.
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What happened to you ?
PATIENT:I am going to die in a minute. DOCTOR:wait I am coming with in five minutes.
-
What happened when the icicle landed on the sowmman's head?
It knocked him cold.
-
What happens when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?
Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scaler.
-
What happens when you give a politician viagra?
He gets taller
-
What happens to someone who gets attacked by bees?
They get bee'd up
-
What happened when the chicken ate cement ?
She laid a sidewalk !
-
What happens when the lights go out in a Chinese restaurant?
It'll Dimsum.
-
What happened when the Ape won the door prize?
He didn't take it - he already had a door!
-
Why is Halloween considered the scariest time of the year?
Most weddings happen in June.
-
What happened when electricity was first discovered?
Fred: Someone got a nasty shock.
-
What happened to the fish?
Me: It drowned. 4yo: ... Me: ... 4yo: ... Me: ... 4yo: Must have been a really stupid fish.
-
What happens when a dragon vapes?
Chemtrails.
-
What happens when you mix Jared from Subway and Bill Cosby?
I don't know; It was too long ago, and I can't remember.
-
What happens when you seduce a cow?
You get milk.
-
What would happen if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with a Saint Bernard?
It would drink the brandy it would carry and act like a big Gorilla!
-
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
-
What happened when Justin Bieber went to Michael Jackson's house?
Nothing, Michael liked boys.
-
What happened when the USS Enterprise got a new toilet?
William Shatner
-
What happens when you inject human DNA into a goat?
You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
-
What happens when a lawyer dies??
Who cares!
-
What happens when a controlled fire goes out of control?
Someone gets fired.
-
What would have happened if Alexander Fleming met Euler?
They would have discovered Penicil(e )
-
What happens when you shoot a black man?
You go to jail for impersonating a police officer...
-
What happened when the communists took over the airport?
The planes kept Stalin.
-
What happened when Honey Boo Boo's mom lost 120 pounds?
An amber alert was issued
-
What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben?
He found time-consuming.
-
What happens if a pig parks illegally?
A: It oink-urs a fine.
-
Why US didn't attack India, after twin-tower incident, looking for terrorists ?
Because it didn't happen in 7/11
-
What happens when Fonzie doesn't fold his clothes after doing laundry?
His shirts get all winkly.
-
What happens when you wear radioactive Russian underpants?
Cher nob'll fall out.
-
What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjolnir all day?
He gets thor arms!
-
What happens if you upset a cannibal?
You get into hot water.
-
What happens after Amy Chua?
Amy Swallowa.
-
What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?
Answer: You Blink Your Eyes.
-
What happens to the water level in the aquarium when one of the fish dies?
It rises because the rest of the fishes are crying :'(
-
What ever happened to Windows 9?
Windows 7 8 9.
-
What happened when Rick fell down a hill?
Rick rolled.
-
What happens when you sing a country music song backwards?
You get your wife, truck, and land back.
-
What happened to the tyrannical peach?
He got impeached!
-
What happens when a fly drinks rum?
It gets buzzed!
-
What happens if you play tabletennis with a bad egg?
First it goes ping then it goes pong.
-
What happens when a plant is sad?
The other plants have to photosympathize with it
-
What happens when your favorite team wins the World Cup?
You turn off your playstation.
-
What happened when the Pillsbury Doughboy's girlfriend was left out too long?
He had a stalemate.
-
What happened to the hippy chemistry teacher when he spilled his chemicals?
He tripped on acid
-
What happened to the tyrannical fruit?
He was impeached!
-
What happened after the King of All Cosmos destroyed the stars in a drunken rage?
Divine intervention. edit: Oh.
-
What did the banana peel say when asked what happens after it's thrown into the compost pile?
IDK, i'm just a banana.
-
What happened on Reddit yesterday?
A pao-erful change
-
What happens when you get more than you payed for with a Mexican Gigolo?
The second coming of Jess.
-
When using the equation Y=1-T to understand how citizens react to changes in taxation...what happens when T>1?
Alot of T gets dumped in a harbor
-
What ever happened to the Energizer Bunny?
So the other day I'm talking to a friend about what happened to the Energizer Bunny. It's been quite sometime since I've seen him appear in a commercial. I was always under the impression that he "kept going." My friend proceeds to tell me the Energizer Bunny was arrested last year ,and they charged him with battery. Now it all makes sense.
-
What happened to the cannibal who was late for dinner?
He got the cold shoulder.
-
What happens to an air conditioner when you pull its plug?
A: It loses its cool.
-
What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk.
-
What happened to the Mexican after he took heroin for the third time?
He over 'd
-
Where do you go if a twister is about to touchdown in Texas?
The Dallas Cowboy Stadium, a touchdown never happens there!
-
What happens when you see two twin sister witches?
You don't know which witch is which!
-
What's the worst thing that could happen?
If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.
-
Why do bad things happen to good people?
To even out the good things that happen to bad people.
-
What happens when Frogs die playing Call of Duty?
They respawn.
-
What happens when you give an Italian a coupon?
It makes the Dego buy faster.
-
What happened to Han when Chewie wouldn't do the marathon?
He Ran Solo...
-
What happened when the shoe factory burned down?
500 soles were lost.
-
What happens when you insult Terrance on the Oregon Trail?
You died of dysentery. Sorry.
-
What happened when Canada got rid of the penny?
Canadians became *penniless*
-
What happens when you put the Energizer bunny's batteries in backwards?
It keeps coming, and coming, and coming...
-
What would've happened if Jesus Christ didn't make Christmas?
It would've just been "mas".
-
How'd you sleep last night?
Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.
-
What happened when a whore house caught on fire?
Some came out running, others ran out coming.
-
What is the saddest that can happen to Putin's team for the olympic games ?
To be put out.
-
What happened at the Mr. Softee when someone spiked the syrups with Viagra?
The whole place turned into a Hardee's.
-
Why, what happened, officer?
He wasn't white and that wasn't right, we found he was black, and that was whack, so we shot him in the back.
-
What happens when Hillary throws relevant questions?
Donald Ducks I'll show myself out
-
What Happens when you fart in church?
You sit in your own pew
-
What happened to the little Dutch boy after he put his finger in the dyke?
she shattered his jaw!
-
What happens on the first date with Bill Cosby?
I don't remember
-
What happens when you throw a hand grenade into a kitchen?
Well, the mess is the same but the annoying jabbering stops.
-
What happens when you drop a decimal point in water ?
it floats.
-
What happens if a pyramid commits a crime?
It is put in imPRISMment!
-
What would happen if the Earth was a Cube?
We'd all be cubans. I'm sorry
-
What did the blonde do when she discovered that most accidents happen within a mile from home?
She moved.
-
How many republicans does it take to fix a problem?
No one knows. It's never happened.
-
What happened when the bike ran over a nail?
It popped a wheelie.
-
What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume?
He was convicted of fragrancy.
-
What happens when a Pokemon goes through puberty?
It's bells sprout.
-
What happens when a professor teaches for a decade?
A: He gets Tenyear.
-
What happens when you turn a cashew in to the police?
You bust a nut
-
What happens when two smurfs are in love?
They smuck
-
What happens when Santa get stuck in a chimney?
He gets claustrophobic!
-
What happens to Captain America when he dies?
He goes to the Evans
-
What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?
Nobody is sure but if it opened its mouth to speak you'd listen!
-
Why didn't The Cold War happen?
Russia kept Stalin it
-
What happened to the witch with an upside down nose?
Every time she sneezed her hat blew off.
-
What happens if you feed Link some Speed?
you get a Hyperlink ...
-
What happened to the minter who went crazy?
He stopped making cents.
-
What happens when you drop a piano in a mine?
A Flat Minor
-
What happens if you violate Reddit's content policy?
removed
-
What happened to the car-salesman who was spamming in r/Germany?
He got autobahned
-
What happens when Nigel Farage makes a promise?
He brexit.
-
What happens when a feminist and a sociopath date?
I need a punchline for a joke.....What happens when a feminist and a sociopath date? OK GO!
-
What happens to a frogs car when it is parked illegally?
It gets toad away
-
When did this happen ?
a) I don't know he also stole my watch.
-
What happens when u ask a fake logic fan... What is your favorite logic album?
Their response Flexicution
-
What happened to the guy who ingested helium?
He became enlightened.
-
What happens when two blind people see each other?
They don't.
-
What happens when you microwave a DVD?
you get a VHS tape.
-
What happened to the Milkman?
He drank all the milk.... makes sense no logically, yes!
-
What happened to the pimp who ate too much Italian food?
He got Pasta-toots.
-
What happened to when the coke bottle was ran over by the steam roller?
He was soda pressed.
-
What happened when two hydrogen atoms collided?
The doctor had to heal-ium.
-
What happened to the Polish dog?
He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap
-
What happened when Jesus forgot to look both ways?
He died on the cross!
-
What's happens to gold when it is exposed to the air ?
Pupil : It's stolen !
-
What happens to you at Christmas ?
Yule be happy !
-
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
-
What happened to the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl?
They had a MetLife crisis. (that's the name of the stadium)
-
What happened to the boy-band member who dropped the soap In the prison shower?
Let's just say that his backstreet went more than one direction.
-
What happened when the cannibal ate a minister?
He got a taste of religion.
-
What happens when you find bones on the moon?
The cow didn't make it.
-
What do you call a bunch of stereotypical Americans running?
Nothing, it never happens.
-
What happens in a battle between storm troopers and red shirts?
Star Trek) The storm troopers all miss, and the red shirts all die
-
Why the hell are Zach Braff, Zach Galifianakis & Zac Efron not running around Hollywood as the "Zach Pack"?
This needs to happen.
-
What happened to the lost cattle?
Nobody's herd.
-
What happens when two lesbians build a house?
It's all tongue and groove, and no stud inside.
-
Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?
A: They got married in the spring.
-
What happened when Helium told a joke?
There was no reaction
-
What would happen if the BLM people became white lives matter?
They would finally be right.
-
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
-
What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?
Udder chaos!
-
What happened to the girl who put too many deviating data into her box plot?
In the end her spread was so large she had to present it without any whiskers.
-
What's the worst thing when being told you have Alzheimer's?
It doesn't just happen the once.
-
What happens when you mix roofies and Viagra?
Ring toss.
-
What happened when the cannibal showed up to the buffet late?
They gave him the cold shoulder.
-
What does NASCAR stand for?
Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks (I heard this forever ago and wanted to share. Sorry if it happens to be a repost.)
-
Why was there a dyslexic stormtrooper?
Sith happens.
-
What happens when a soviet and a german have a child?
I don't know but he can conquer poland really fast.
-
What happened to the loser of the Frisbee Championship Finals?
He threw it.
-
What happens if you get human DNA in a goat?
You get banned from the petting zoo.
-
What happens to a girl with anxiety when she sees a Spanish person?
She has a hispanic attack
-
What happens when an egg laughs?
He cracks up
-
What happened to the Guns 'n Roses tour bus when it got a flat tire and had to be jacked up?
Its axle rose.
-
What happens when a pope dies?
Another pops up.
-
What happened to the baseball played who was unfaithful to his wife?
He was thrown out at home. - His two balls got a strike.
-
What happened to all the funny chemistry puns?
They Argon...
-
What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic ?
His bark was much worse than it's bite !
-
What happens when a magician gets mad?
He rips out his hare!
-
What happened in China on Christmas?
The Rice-child was born.
-
What happens when you goose a ghost?
You get a hand full of sheet. (Joke from my mom)
-
What happens when a neckbeard takes drugs?
They start tipping balls.
-
What happens when you stick your hand into a jar of jelly beans?
The black ones steal your watch and the yellow ones paint your nails.
-
What do you call a skydiving tonsil who's afraid that something bad might happen?
Paranoid!
-
What happens if the protesters in Egypt win?
They advance to the finals against Tunisia.
-
What happens when Supper stars fart in public?
lol
-
What happened to the plan of starting a book club?
It got shelved.
-
What happens when you don't serve drinks at a party?
There's no punch line.
-
What happens if you pee on Putin's head?
Urine big trouble...
-
What Happens When You Cross A Programmer And A Musician?
An Algo-rhythm.
-
What happens if you cut off your left hand?
You would be all right.
-
What happens if you don't pay after an exorcism?
You'll get repossessed!
-
Why wasn't the chemist concerned when she blew up her experiment?
Oxidants happen,
-
What happens when you get too much sun exposure in Switzerland?
You get a sun *Bern.*
-
What happens when you mix mustard and ketchup together?
it's must-up ..
-
What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.
-
What happened to the NSFW warning on r/Jokes?
It stopped working like all those who got caught on reddit at work.
-
What happens when a stormtrooper and a redshirt get in a fight?
The stormtrooper misses every shot, but the red shirt still dies.
-
What happened to Wendy from Wendy's?
The Baconator"
-
What happens if you drop a blue marble in the Red Sea?
It sinks. (Courtesy of my 9 year old daughter)
-
What happened when the school bully went netsurfing?
The goalkeeper kicked him out of the football ground.
-
What would happen if all Chinese people jumped off a chair, all at the same time?
I don't know either, but you would need a reeeally big chair!
-
What happens when you get a bladder infection?
Urine trouble.
-
What happened to the guy who grabbed the Viagra instead of the Allegra?
he had a hard time with his allergies
-
What happens when the fog lifts in California?
UCLA.
-
What happened when Apple added the new touchbar?
They're taking away functions, and there's no escape.
-
Why did Regina George's dog only play keep-away?
because fetch is not going to happen.
-
What happens when two self-driving cars crash into each other?
RECALCULATING....*
-
What happened to Sponge Bob Square Pants when he broke up with his girlfriend?
He went back to square one....
-
What happens when sharks take their clothes off ?
They go sharkers !
-
What happened to the Oklahoma Territories?
I don't know but they're OK now.
-
What happens when you throw a green stone into the Red Sea?
It gets wet.
-
What happens when you play the drums incorrectly?
You get repercussions
-
What happens when you heavily water farmland?
The plot thickens.
-
What happened to wendy on her way to neverland?
She peed her pants (read out loud)
-
What happens when you cross a fly and a mountain climber?
Trick question, you can't cross a vector and a scalar.
-
What happened when the Malaysian asked the Russian out on a date?
He got shot down.
-
What happens when the President dies?
The Vice President takes over. What happens when the Vice President dies? The Speaker of the House takes over. What happens when the Speaker of the House dies? You go to Radio Shack and buy a new speaker.
-
What happens if I microwave 5 Barbies?
Me: That's an oddly specific question. 4: I already know what happens if I do it with 4
-
What happens to a woman who falls down the stairs?
Nothing, as long as she doesn't drop my beers
-
What happened when the Mrs. Smith's truck collided with the Tastykake truck?
Pyrex
-
What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?
You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!
-
What happened to that?
Husband: You spent it all dear.
-
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
-
What happened when the lepers played poker?
One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off. This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.
-
What happens when you give a lawyer Viagra?
He gets taller
-
What happens to crude people?
Crucified.
-
What happens when a necrophiliac goes to a funeral?
He gets mourning wood.
-
What Happened to the Man who Threw a Flaming Bag of Poo?
He got turd degree burns.
-
What Happens when the Cubs win the World Series?
They Leave a Trail of Tears
-
What happened to the Russians and Austrians at Austerlitz?
They got Napoleon Blownapart! Happy 200th Anniversary of Waterloo everyone!
-
What happened to the man running in front of the car?
He got tired. What happened to the man running behind the car He got exhausted.
-
What happened when the joke about terrorists got to the front page?
It blew up
-
What happened to the egg when it heard the joke?
It cracked.
-
What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool ?
She had mittens !
-
What happens to donkeys in the winter?
They change into brrrrrro's.
-
What will happen if you went inside a black hole?
I don't know either. It must be out-of-this-world.
-
What happens when you combine alcohol and literature?
Tequila Mockingbird
-
What happens to garlic sauce over time?
The sausages.
-
What happened when the joker dropped an elephant carrying a ten ton weight on Batman and Robin?
They became flatman and ribbon. has left the building.
-
What happens to all Vertibird pilots?
They Fallout
-
What happened when the blue ship crashed into the red ship?
The crews got marooned
-
What happened when Mr. Loin got knighted?
He became Sir Loin
-
What happens when a cow jumps over barbed wire?
Udder destruction!
-
What happened to the pie dish that got arrested?
He was foiled.
-
What happened to the two zombies who went on a date?
They had a mantic** time.
-
Why did you leave your last job?
I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"
-
What happens when a midget smokes weed?
He gets medium.
-
What happens when it hails in Overwatch?
JUST ICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!
-
What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?
The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.
-
What happens when someone spills really hot coffee on you?
You will get burned, you idiot.
-
What happens when a sane person posts on a far right sub and a far left sub?
removed
-
What happens when the Sun and the Moon get together?
They turn out the lights.
-
What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes?
A banana split!
-
What would happen if Leafy went to The Filthy Frank show?
Chin-chin would leave.
-
What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A: It stole the show!
-
What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?
They toasted the bride and groom.
-
What happens if an Asian gets stung by a bee?
Their GPA drops
-
What happened to the clock that was still hungry?
It went back 4 seconds.
-
What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
-
What is the worst that can happen to an atheist caricaturist ?
To die as a martyr.
-
What happened to the cowboy when he said that he was sick of washing cowhides at his side of the dairy?
He was sent to the udder side
-
What would happen if the Illuminati and Half-Life 3 agreed with each other?
Illuminati and Half-Life 3 conformed.
-
What happens when you take a joke too far?
The 45th President of the United States of America.
-
What happened to the tree after it caught fire?
It became entally handicapped
-
What happens when i find a good joke?
I reddit.
-
What happens when you put a soul-singing duck in a microwave?
It's Bill Withers.
-
What happens when an elephant sits on a car?
It breaks the trunk.
-
What happens when there are two Islamic terrorist identical brothers and one is way taller than the other?
The Twin Towers.
-
What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road?
He was stopped for speeding fined $50 and dismantled for six months.
-
What would happen if you ate yeast and polish?
You would rise and shine.
-
What happened when the cow tried to milk itself?
It was an udder catastrophe.
-
What happened to the astronaut who was knocked out?
He saw stars.
-
What happened did someone try to break into your house?
Me: No. My gf said we needed to talk
-
What happens every year when the Time Square Ball drops?
Justin Bieber gets jealous.
-
What happened to the fireman who let the house burn?
He got fired.
-
What happens to a laffy taffy joke in the rain?
It makes me laugh a little bit, in the rain.
-
What happened to the heretical chef?
He was burnt at the steak.
-
What happens when a blonde wins a gold medal at the Olympics?
She has it bronzed.
-
What happened when the pig ran into his ex?
there was a porkward silence
-
What happened to the horse that ate a duracell battery?
He went on furlong-er.
-
What just happened there?
Buddy says "Eumetazoa."
-
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses ?
If one bit you you could ride it to hospital !
-
What happens when you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?
You get stoned.
-
How many atheist does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It will happen itself.
-
What happens to eskimos who sit on the ice too long?
Polaroids! I'm so bored...
-
What happens to Stephen Hawking when he stops laughing?
He writes scary stories.
-
What happens when you give a cow a joint?
The steaks are high
-
What's the deal with my laptop?
I'm sitting there typing and the battery drains, does this ever happen to you? So this little message pops up: Plug in or find another power source. Do you get that message? What other power source are they talking about? Well, I can't find that cable, so I'll go ahead and plug in to the hamster wheel generator I keep just in case. That's my other power source.
-
What happened when the elephant sat on the car?
A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!
-
What happens when you put a condom inside another condom?
Conception
-
What happened when the monster kissed his one true love?
He left lip prints on the mirror!
-
What happens to the losers of the tv show The Biggest Loser?
They're made to feel like the smallest person in the world.
-
What happened to the cold jellyfish ?
It set !
-
What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia?
You get stoned.
-
What happens when the Pope dies?
another one popes up.
-
What would happen if pigs went on strike?
They'd form pigget lines.
-
What happens when your scrotum touches the edge of the toilet bowl?
Ebowla.
-
What happens when Peter Pan tries to throws punches?
They Neverland.
-
What happened when Red-Beard's ship and Blue-Beard's ship crashed into each other?
They were MAROONED!
-
What happens when a university math professor and a high school math teacher get it on?
Calculust
-
What happens when a clown farts?
It smells funny. --As told to me by an Engineering lead... Much facepalm ensued.
-
What happens if you steal in Afghanistan?
You get Talibanned
-
What happens when Bosnian terrorists start attacking municipal government buildings?
It Herzegovina
-
What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?
He gets hammered and she gets nailed.
-
What happened to the octopus in the football game?
He had tentackles.
-
What happens when you take acid with a birth control pill?
A trip without the kids
-
What happened to the egg and his girlfriend?
They broke up.
-
What happens to me when I die?
Idk. (I decay)
-
What happens when a guy with no legs dies?
He punches the bucket
-
What happens if you sing country music backwards?
A: You get your job and your wife back.
-
What happens when you go to the bathroom scared?
A spooky dookie.
-
What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a shipcarrying blue paint?
Both crews were marooned.
-
What happens when a calculus teacher with one arm can't figure out a proof?
He gets stumped.
-
What happened after the man borrowed a sad movie from his friend?
He lost it.
-
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk
-
What happens when a bull and a horse go to a bar?
They get BUCKED up!
-
Why did the Cold War never happen?
Because Joseph was Stalin.
-
What happened to the dinosaurs that first was aware of the metheorite?
The where petrified.
-
What happens if Usain Bolt misses his bus?
He waits for it at the next stop.
-
What happened to the girl who wore a mouse costume to her Halloween party?
The cat ate her.
-
What happened to Voldemort's face?
Nobody nose.
-
What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?
Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*
-
What happens if you play a country song backward?
You get your house back, your dog back, your wife back, and you sober up.
-
What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
-
What happens to a politician when he takes a Viagra?
He gets taller.
-
What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?
He charges you double.
-
What happened to the Italian chef when he died?
He .
-
What happens when you drink food colouring?
You dye a little on the inside.
-
What happens when the USSR gets back together?
A Soviet Reunion.
-
What happens when business is slow at a medicine factory?
You can hear a cough drop.
-
What happens when the fog clears in California?
UCLA
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What happens when you provoke an angry redhead?
Ginger snaps.
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What happened to the guy who replaced his laxatives with Prozac?
He didn't give a sh...
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What Happened when Feminist's found out about Reddit?
Well they deleted
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What happens when Turkeys get the common cold?
They quit smoking.
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What happens when you mock the host of Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives?
The guy gets fierious.
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What if earth rotates 30 times faster?
Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently
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What happens if you don't pay the priest who exorcises your house?
He'll re-possess it
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What happens when the man shakes?
The windows milk shake!
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What happens to deposed kings?
They get throne away.
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What happens if you put a mirror in a garage?
A mirage!
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What happens if you draw on the blackboard and the teacher told you not to?
She draws a smack!
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What happens when Anthony Weiner tries to shake someones hand?
They think long and hard before they touch weiner.
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What happened to me?
Snow Doctor: Don't worry you're fine. But... what did you think a snow blower did
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What did one snail say to the other snail?
It...all...happened...soooooooo...fast
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What happens when you combine TNT with a hard drive?
It gets blown to
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What happened to the frog who parked illegally?
he got toad
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How could that have happened ?
I can't understand it either because I planted cabbage !
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What happened when the host of Dirty Jobs said hello to a friend that was fairly far away?
Microwave.
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What happens when a T-Rex bites you?
A: You get a dino-sore.
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What happens when a guy from Finland dies?
He is finnished. Ha ha ha. God I am so depressed. :(
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What happens when a lumberjack doesn't know which tree to cut next?
He gets stumped.
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What happens to a drunk vampire?
They get a fangover.
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What happen when you put Einstein in a -20C clean room?
You get a solid-state frizzicist.
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Why aren't you doing very well in history?
Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
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What's happened to this one?
I don't know two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.
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What happened when the wheel was invented?
It caused a revolution.
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What happens once a minute, twice a moment, but never in an eternity?
The letter M
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What happens when doughnuts join a sorority?
They have to go through the glazing. I'm sorry I'm a baker it just came to me... Pun-ishment is in order.
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What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg ?
It eggs-plodes !
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What happens when you pet a cat in the opposite direction?
You rub them the wrong way
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What happens when batman takes viagra?
The dark knight rises
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What happened to all the pokemon GO jokes?
I guess people have made the "switch" to another fad.
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What happened to the performer who read poetry to terminally ill patients?
He suffered an elegiac reaction.
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What happened when a heart robs a bank?
It gets put under cardiac arrest.
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What happens when you put Nutella on salmon?
You get salmonella
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What happens when everything's coming your way?
Instructor: You're in the wrong lane.
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What happened to the German man's luggage?
It was Lufthansa plane
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What happens after an alligator commits a crime?
You call an investigator
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What happened when Jesus 'screwed' around?
He got *nailed*.
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What happens when you put too many paintings in your car?
You can't make your van gogh.
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What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub?
The landlord said "Sorry we don't serve spirits."
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What happened to the american man who broke his leg?
He went... broke.
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What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away
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What happens when two dogs breed in a pound?
Dog pound dog pounds dog pound dog.
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What happened when the Samsung Note 7 was launched?
It was an explosive success
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Which global disasters happen when you drop a roast turkey?
The downfall of Turkey, the break-up of China, and the overthrow of Greece.
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What happened to the the Pentagon after the plane crash in 9/11?
It turned into a hexagon.
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What happens when Batman sees Catwoman naked?
The Dark Knight Rises.
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What happened when Dr Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
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What happens when a rock gets high?
He gets stoned.. Badum tsss
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What do you call an insect that gets exposed to radiation but nothing of consequence happens to it?
A moot ant
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What happens when you give a cow marijuana?
The "steaks" get higher
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What happened when the car took LSD?
It went on a road trip and had an auto body experience!
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What happens when you scare an old lady?
Depends.
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What happened!?
The American responds, "Ei ffel".
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What do sea mammals say when something happens against their kind?
Oh, the huge-manatee
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What happens when U change position too fast?
You get an unpleasant vowel movement.
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What do you call a drunk who happens upon the scene of a crime?
an innocent bystumbler
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What happened to the frog that broke down?
It got toad away.
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What happened when Santa cut his beard?
The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC
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What happens when a pirate turns 60?
He joins AARP
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What happened to the girl who went fishing with a group of men?
She returned home with a red snapper.
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What happened to r/showerthoughts?
They went down the drain.
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What happens when a vampire drinks too much?
They get a fangover.
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What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?
They lived hoppily ever after!
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What happened to Kim Jong?
He was ill.