Harry Potter Jokes

  • What did Harry Potter order when he went to the bar?


  • Why isn't there a college in the world of Harry Potter?

    Because even Magic can't pay your college Loan

  • Why couldn't the pregnent women watch all of the Harry Potter movies?

    Because they lactate.

  • What spell does harry Potter use on halloween?


  • What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

    Santa would never free an elf.

  • What did Tom Riddle's calculator tell Harry Potter?


  • How do you know all Bernie Sanders' supporters are Harry Potter fans?

    They all dress like Dobby.

  • Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?

    Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts? He was caught playing with his broomstick.

  • What does Harry Potter say after he purchases slaves?

    I expect to Potter-own 'em.

  • Why did Harry Potter buy so many golden snitches?

    Because they were only a quideach

  • Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter?

    Me 5: Me: Get some coffee

  • Why does Neville Longbottom like herbology so much?

    Because his parents are vegetables.

  • What does Harry Potter say when he wants a cigarette?


  • Why is Harry Potter so popular in prison?

    Because he catches all the snitches!

  • What's my rating from 1 to 10 for Harry Potter?

    Nine and three quarters.

  • What do you call the german version of Harry Potter?

    Heinrich Potter, and the chamber of gas.

  • Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione?

    Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch

  • What does Uncle Vernon from Harry Potter not do on Reddit?

    Post on Sundays.

  • What do you say to Harry Potter when he has a mosquito bite he can't stop scratching?


  • What do you call a ceramicist with a beard?

    A Harry Potter

  • How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

    Diagon alley

  • What does Harry Potter say when he walks into a bar?

    I Expectsum Patronum

  • Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race?

    Because he expecto'd Petronas.

  • What if Voldemort's last horcrux was his virginity?

    Then Harry Potter would have to destroy it ofcourse.

  • What's Harry Potter's favorite way of getting down a hill?

    Walking JK, Rolling.

  • What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

    Shirley you can't be Sirius.

  • How did Harry Potter cross the road?

    Walking Jk rolling

  • Why do so many people like Harry Potter?

    It's a charming story.

  • Why was Harry Potter hufflepuffed after his date with Hermione?

    She wouldn't let his ravenclaw slytherin her Gryffindor.

  • What's the loudest thing in the last two Harry Potter films?

    Deaf Lee's "HELLO!"

  • What did Harry Potter name his daughter?

    Harry Daughter.

  • What do Harry Potter and Kermit the frog have in common?


  • How Obsessed am I with Harry Potter?

    9 3/4 *Credit goes to a tee shirt I saw. I'm not that witty.*

  • Why are there a lot of problem gamblers in the Harry Potter universe?

    Because they have a quidditch.

  • How does the author of harry potter descend a mountain?

    On foot, how else? JK Rowling

  • How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

    By walking...... JK Rowling

  • Why is Harry Potter so popular?

    The story grows on you.

  • Why are the Harry Potter films unrealisitc?

    A: A ginger kid has 2 friends!

  • How does Harry Potter travel about?

    Walking -Jk Rolling

  • What is Harry potters favorite way to get down a hill?

    Walking....J.K . Rowling

  • How do Harry Potter fans flirt?

    Hey baby, mind if I ? ;)

  • What's Harry Potter's way to get to the bottom of a hill?

    Running . . . JK! Rolling

  • Whats Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill?

    Walking... JK Rolling

  • What does Harry Potter do when he gets Ginny Pregnant?

    Cast Fetus Deletus.

  • What did Harry Potter say when he fell down the hill?

    Ouch! I Hermione!"

  • Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend?

    Because they're both cauldron

  • What did Hagrid say to Harry Potter after Harry had a mishap with some potions?

    You're a lizard Harry!"

  • How does Harry Potter do web design?

    Inspecto Elemento