Hate Jokes
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Why do people hate playing uno with Mexicans?
They keep stealing green cards.
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What kind of coffee do the Islamists hate the most ?
French press
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Why did Mozart hate chickens?
Because they all they ever say is Bach! Bach! Bach!
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Why such hate on Lance Armstrong?
I think his riding style is pretty dope.
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Why did the fruit leave office?
because he was imPEACHED! lol. i hate myself.
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What's someone who hates underwear's favorite song?
Free Ballin - Foo Fighters
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What are the two words men hate most unless used together?
Don't Stop
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Why doesn't china have casinos?
Because they hate Tibet.
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Which color do Colombian communists hate the most?
Greengos*
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What does a Muslim have if they hate their god?
An Allahgy
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What popular board game do dyslexics hate?
Scramble
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Why do hippies wear pachouli??
So blind people can hate them to
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Why do social justice warriors hate math?
all the inequalities
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Why was Karl Marx against Chinese mutes?
Because he hated the B shu!
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Why do the horses hate the jockey?
Because he's a horse racist.
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Why do you hate me?
me any time someone tells me I have to sleep on a futon
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What type of tree hates company?
Sycamore trees!
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Why don't you play with your friends?
he asked. 'Because I only have one friend' the girl replied. 'And I hate her.'
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Why Are Mexican &?
Black Jokes Overdone? Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal!...I'm sorry, you can hate me if you wish. ;(
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Why do redditors hate Ellen Pao as CEO?
It was the Wong choice
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Why the hate for necromancers?
T They're just trying to raise a family.
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Why does everyone hate me?
I texted with the clicky keyboard sound turned on.
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Why did god invent patchouli?
So blind people can hate hippies too.
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What food do all basketball players hate?
Turnover.
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Why do republicans hate math?
They were never comfortable with integration.
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Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
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Why does everyone hate Will?
courtesy of my Uncle Rick
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What gun does Jesus hate the most?
The nail gun. So sorry if this offends you Credit to the podcast
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Why do North Americans hate playing chess?
Cause they lack the towers.
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Why do you think people hate us so much?
Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks."
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Why did the SJW hate the Mexican robot?
Because it was Pablo-matic
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How many Nickelback fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Trick question! There's no such thing as Nickelback fans. (I will be hated by few)
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Why do Irishmen hate Kia?
Because gingers don't have Souls.
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Why do Black People hate country music?
Because when they hear "Hoe Down" they think their sister got shot.
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Why do doctors hate Wolves?
Lupus
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Why does China hate Digimon Fans?
Because they recognise Ty won
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Why does Garfield hate Mondays?
He doesn't have a job.
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What Metallica song does Captain America hate?
Trapped Under Ice.
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What do you call a Parrot that loves maths and hates food?
a polynomeal
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Why does ISIS only drink drip coffee?
Because they hate French Press!
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What fetish does winners hate the most?
The feet
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Why do programmers hate designing flood defence simulations?
Because of the overflow errors!
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Why do Communists only write in lowercase?
Because they hate Capitalism.
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What part of the hospital does John Cena hate the most?
the ICU
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What I hated the most in Facebook?
See more
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Why do electricians wear pants?
Because they hate shorts.
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What is the type of humor do you hate the most?
Dark humor... I hate it when black people tell jokes.
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What's your favourite food if you hate Microsoft Word?
TeX-MeX
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How do you spell a hated opponent with three letters?
NME (enemy).
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Why did the pigeon hate the crow?
because he was in the coo klux klan
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Why do politians hate the term "mudslinging"?
They don't want to get their hands dirty.
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What kind of coffee do terrorists hate?
French press. (Too soon?)
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Why do Lannisters hate turtles?
Cause they can't stab them in the back
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Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts?
He hates camping
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Why did the old man hate living next to the tennis courts?
He couldn't stand all the racket!
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Why do feminists hate Apple?
Because they're not PC.
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How do I stay in shape?
I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it
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How much would you say you read the Bible?
Well, I don't read it religiously." Bud-dum tss, I hate myself.
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Who Hates Everyone?
A 4chan!
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What's the difference between an angler and a dunce?
One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.
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What day do fries hate the most?
Friday
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Why do SJWs hate dentists?
Because they want to make teeth straight and white.
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What does Chick-fil-A and their CEO have in common?
Both hate when people stick beef between two buns.
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What music does a balloon really hate?
Pop
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Why do Europeans hate American food?
Europeans don't want to die yet. Unlike Americans who don't wanna diet.
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Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots
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Why do you hate a nosey pepper?
Cuz he's jalapeno .business
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Whats big, pink, long and my girlfriend hates when I put it in her mouth?
Our miscarriage.
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Why do blacks smell?
So blind people can hate them too.
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Why do SJWs hate Pong?
It's a wildly successful game that only has straight, white main characters (I stole this joke from somewhere but am not allowed to say where)
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Why do Hutus hate Dustin Hoffman?
He impersonated a Tootsie.
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Why does Al Gore hate Oil Spills?
they get all over the sheets.
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Why is there all this hate against necromancers?
They are just trying to raise a family in peace.
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What type of jokes do Sikhs hate?
Puns
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Why do feminist hate the bible?
Because it ends with A-men
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Which day do chickens hate the most?
Friday.
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What kind of food do zombies hate?
Fast food
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Why'd the factory worker hate their job?
Because it was soda pressing.
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Why does everyone hate German sausage jokes?
Because they're the wurst.
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What kind of music do balloons hate the most?
Pop music.
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What kind of music did Jesus hate?
Anything by Judas Priest and Nine Inch Nails.
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Why does the KKK hate bowling?
Because a black ball knocks over white pins with red necks.
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Why do vampires hate arguments?
Because they make themselves cross.
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What do you call a shirt you hate?
Cloathed*
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Why do rednecks hate math?
Integration.
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What's the difference between love and hate?
A) Usually about 6 months.
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Why do tailors hate statisticians?
They insist that the fit could be better.
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What do you call someone who hates pencils?
Erracist
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Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters?
Because he hates capitalism.
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Why do ISIS fighters only drink instant coffee?
Because they hate the French Press. (This joke used to be more topical)
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Why does Reddit hate Pilipinos?
Everybody hates Pilipinos.
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Why does everyone hate a banjo right off?
A: Saves time.
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Why do people at Disneyland hate coke heads?
They're always cutting lines
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What vegetables do plumbers hate the most?
Leeks
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What is the difference between being Scottish, Irish, or Welsh?
The difference is what people you hate
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How does Mike Tyson say hatred?
Hate Thread!
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What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
Fry-days.
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Why does Reddit hate Fencing?
Ripostes
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Why did Karl Marx hate Earl Grey?
Because all proper tea is theft.
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Why did I join Twitter?
Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.
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Why can't we edit tweets?
Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."
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Why does Heisenberg hate driving?
He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer.
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Why did everyone hate the shoe company?
It had no soul.
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Who is the most hated actor in Saudi Arabia?
Shia Labeouf
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Why do Native Americans hate it when it rains in April?
Because it brings Mayflowers.
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What food do vampires hate?
Steaks.
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Why does everyone hate 7?
Because 7 kneeled during the National Anthem.
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Why do terrorists hate air planes made of water?
Because they hate waterboarding.
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Why do SJWs hate Apple computers?
Because they're not PC
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Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee?
Cause they hate the French press
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What's one thing you hated as a kid but love as an adult?
Molestation.
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Why did Holden Caulfield hate his job at Sprint?
He was surrounded by phone-ys!
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What do people hate about CEOs of big internet companies?
They act too paowerful
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Why do Native Americans hate April showers?
Because they bring Mayflowers
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Why do Republicans hate lotion?
Because the directions say to apply it liberally.
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Why was the Queen of Horses hated by her subjects?
Because she was too ahoof.
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Why do hippies wear patchouli?
So blind people can hate them, too.
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What do jedi hate the most?
Forced jokes.
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Why do American's take letters out of words?
Because they're lazy, and they hate U.
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Why does Steven Hawking hate the band Muse?
Because he can't stand their song Uprising, it wants him to rise up and take the power back.
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How do you get whole race to hate you?
Blow up the finish line. (I figured 2 years was long enough)
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Why does the NSA hate the winter?
They got snowed in.
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Why does the KKK wear all white?
Because they hate black, people!!!
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What'd ya call 50 n*ggers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start. P.S: N*ggers=Naggers. I hate those guys. What did you think?? )
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Why do Muslims hate Reddit?
Haram be everywhere
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Why do kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because all the kids have to play in side.
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What day do soldiers hate the most?
March Fourth
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Why does Barbie hate Amazon?
because they're always putting sales out on ken-dolls.
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Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?
Because it's indivisible.
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Why does the corn hate the farmer?
Because he picks his ears!
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Why does the NSA hate winter?
Because they're not used to getting Snowden. (I'll see myself out)
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What dance do hippies hate?
A square dance.
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Which band does feminists hate the most?
Cis-tem of a Down
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What do you call a runner who hates every event but his own?
A raceist
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Why does Brendon Rodgers hate Twitter?
It only allows 140 characters
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Why do Storm Troopers like churchs?
Cuz of all the pews. I hate myself
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Which country do doctors hate?
any
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Why does Tumblr hate symmetrical shapes?
Because they can't even
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What do you call a tree that hates this joke?
A face palm.
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Why does Steve Irwin hate sunblock?
It doesn't protect from harmful rays
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Why Are Mexican & Black Jokes Overdone?
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal!...I'm sorry, you can hate me if you wish. ;(
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Why does Oedipus hate profanity?
He kisses his mother with that mouth.
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How can I waste ten seconds of someone's time and make total strangers hate me?
Credit card chip inventor - Me, writing tweets
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Why do Muslim extremists prefer to drink cappuccino?
Because they hate french press.
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What does the CEO of Keurig have in common with ISIS?
They both hate the French press
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Why does Jesus Jaywalk?
Because he hates crosswalks
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What do Canadian girls hate?
Aboooooooooty call.
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What do you call people that you hate?
Clouds, because once they are gone it's a beautiful day.
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Why does everyone hate peppers?
They always get jalapeno business!
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Why Russians never drive stick shift?
They really hate Stalin
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What does a redneck garden gnome hate more than anything?
Transplants
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Why do the French stink?
So blind people can hate them too
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What do a redneck and hippie have in common?
They both hate the government.
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Why do pop artists hate shoe shopping?
They have too many ft. *edit for spelling
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Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's best friend?
A: Without him the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth.
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Why German Loves Americans why do Germans love Americans?
because Americans are the most hated people in the world now.
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Who do people hate and love but is really hot and goes to beach everyday?
Sun of a beach
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Why do Little People hate the taste of alcohol?
Because they can't reach the top shelf.
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Who does a hypocrite really hate?
A hypocrite!
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Why do nuns hate laundry day?
They always fall back on old habits.
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When/why do feminists hate cannibals?
When they make sandwiches, because they're man-spreading.
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Why does the Devil hate the holiday Season?
Because he gets so many letters from dyslexic children.
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Why do feminists hate church music?
Because of all the Hymns.
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Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?
Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!
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Why do black men hate posting on reddit?
Because they can't deny that their comment was the parent.
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What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.
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What type of music do balloons hate?
Pop music!
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Why do the French not pronounce "h" at the beginning of words?
Because they hate it.
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What lives in the ocean is grouchy and hates neighbours ?
A hermit crab !
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Why do strippers hate roofers?
They always pay in shingles.
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Why do Vampires hate Writers?
Because they hate Type O's
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Why is Ponyboy lactose intolerant?
He hates Dairy but likes Sodapop.
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Why do dentists only want to be awarded with paper certificates?
They hate plaque buildup.
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How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?
Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.
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What do The Walking Dead and the state of Wisconsin have in common?
They both have a hated governor.
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What do you call a grammatical rendezvous?
accommadate I hate me for this..
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Why do Polish hate Cauchy's dog?
hint on Cauchy-Riemann theorem) A: Because it leaves residues at each Pole.
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Why do writers hate the bible?
It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc.
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What were Jesus' final words?
So long and thanks for all the fish." Edit: Everyone hates me.
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What's the thin line between love and hate?
A condom.
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Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land
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What is something a woman hates about a man but a man would love about a woman?
Premature ejactulation.
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Why did the religious person give up smoking?
Because God hates fags.
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Why did the old man hate using the new chip cards?
He's trying to watch his sodium intake.
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Why do certain asian boxers hate the Rebel Alliance?
Because they are Thai fighters.
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Why do some race drivers hate wet tracks?
Because the water is a distraction.
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Why do feminists hate the post the USPS?
Cause it's an all mail business.
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Why do waitresses hate mohels?
Because they never leave a tip.
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Why do terrorists hate wine?
Because there are too many zinfandel's.
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Why does Ganondorf hate the internet?
There are too many links.
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What does a Browns fan say to a robber?
I hate the steelers.
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Why aren't there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas?
Because everyone there hates integration.
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What do you call a guy that hates Christmas and steals the woman you love?
Ebenezer Scrooge-yagirl
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Why do most men hate Russian dolls?
Because they're so full of themselves.
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What do farts and children have in common?
You love your own, but hate everyone else's.
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How's my kid doing in school?
T: How's my kid doing in school I hate parrot teacher conferences
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Why do intersecting lines hate each other?
Because they do nothing except making themselves cross.
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What does a bully say to someone with severe depression?
Stop hating yourself, stop hating yourself!
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Why do frat bros hate fruit loops?
They're eternally disappointed by two-can Sam.
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Why does the farmer hate his job?
because he has a deep-seeded hatred for planting.
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Why do the police hate teenage fireflies?
They never stop lighting up.
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Why does Michael Scott hate Hamlet?
Toby or not Toby
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Why would two melons in love hate their parents?
Because they cantaloupe. =D.....=).....=='(
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Why does Russia not celebrate Thanksgiving?
Because they hate Turkey
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What do you call someone who hates people without toes and can't have ice cream?
Lack-toes intolerant
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Why do black people smell bad?
So blind people can hate them too
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Why does the Vanu Sovereignty hate plastic bags?
They keep Terran.
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Why do Americans hate knock knock jokes?
Because Freedom Rings.
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Why did the feminist fail in programming?
She hated objectification.
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Why does Bob Marley like jpegs, gifs and pngs but hate svg?
Because they're raster graphic images.
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Why was Jesus I such good shape?
Crossfit. Why did the Romans hate Jesus so much? He wouldn't shut up about crossfit.
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What's Cain's favorite genre of music?
Rock, I hear his brother hates it though.
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Why did the cave hate miners?
They're always picking on him.
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Why can't Caitlyn Jenner's kids ever find their mom?
Because she is Trans-parent! (Not hate. Just a pun I thought of.)
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Why do cannibals hate Pentecostals?
Because they're always throwing up their hands.
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Why do jihadists drink instant coffee?
Because they hate the french press...
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What playground equipment do kids hate the most?
The slide into poverty.
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Why does everyone hate Harkonnen web-devs?
Divs within Divs within Divs ...
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Why do Japanese hate bingo?
They all scramble for cover when you call B-29
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Why do lesbians hate Nutella?
Because it's not nut-free
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Why do vultures hate flying?
Because they have to pay extra for Carrion! Budum tsssss
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What do you call a group of people who hate Mexicans?
Que Que Que
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Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the children have to play inside.
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Why do Jihadist Muslims drink only instant coffee?
Because they completely hate the French press. (Reposted)
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Why does Jesus hate M&Ms?
They keep falling through his hands.
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Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution?
He was following the Tsar.
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How much hate does it take to qualify as a "hater"?
I hate tons of stuff.
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What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student?
One baits his hook the other hates his book.
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Why did Beethoven hate Mozart?
Because Mozart stabbed him in the Bach.
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Why do Mexicans hate cooking pasta?
When they boil the water, they always have to add that *pinche* salt.
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Why did peasants hate knights' outfits?
Because everyone hates chain mail.
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Why did Steve hate being the youngest clone?
Because all his genes were hand me downs.
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Why do SJWs hate cannibals?
They're always man-spreading on their sandwiches.
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Why do vegans hate themselves?
They are animal products.
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Why does Mario hate Punchbug?
Because he bruises like-a Peach!
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Why does the can crusher hate his job?
Because it's soda pressing.
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Why did the bacteriologist quit her job?
She hated being microbe-managed.
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Why does 8 hate 7?
Because 7 8 9
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How was your date?
She hated my poncho.
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What do you call a mummy that hates other peoples cooking?
Gordan Ramses
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Why did Aristotle hate French fries?
They were fried in ancient grease!
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What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods?
Teenagers these days be all "I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."
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Why did the musician hate getting drunk?
He always had treble finding his keys!
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Why do hipsters hate ice skating?
They could never do it before it was cool
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Why do feminists hate Medusa?
She's always objectifying people.
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Why does Mr. Pencil hate Mr. Pen so much?
Because he is an erascist.
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What meme do Uber drivers hate?
Do you even Lyft, bro?
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Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?
Because they hate French press!
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What do you call someone who hates browsing the web with Google?
A Chromophobe.
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Why do dogs hate outer space?
Because they strongly dislike vacuums.
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What is enjoyed if it is wanted and hated if its not?
Democracy
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What is round and hates French people?
The World.
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Why does he do that?
Me: He's on paws. X: ... Me: On... paws. X: I hate you so much.
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Why do spiders hate Area 51?
It's a no-fly zone.
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What is the difference between like, love, hate, and showing off?
Spit, swallow, bite, and gargle.
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Why do pigs run from medicine?
They hate getting cured.
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Why did people hate going on road trips with Kurt Cobain?
Because he always called shotgun
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What do you call an asian who hates black people?
A member of the Kru Krux Kran
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Which Pokemon trainer does Scyther hate the most?
Red
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Why are the balloon bouquets more expensive than packaged balloons?
It's just air!" Exactly "What " It's inflation "I hate you"
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Why doesn't Mr. Jinks babysit his brother's daughters?
He hates nieeeeeeeeces to pieeeeeecesssssssss!!!!!!!
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Why do vampires hate Texas Roadhouse?
They can not stand stakes!
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Whats the difference between an anthropologist and a sociologist?
Anthropologists hate Western Civilization. Sociologists only hate America.
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Why do kids hate Steven Hawking?
They don't like their vegetables.
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Why does Yellow hate Red?
Because Red Blue Green.
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What do you call the second-most hated politician in America?
Madam President.
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Which people do the burgers hate?
The ones who are always putting the bite on them!
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What kind of trails does a crazy person travel?
Psychopaths. (I hate myself)
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Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus?
Nobody.