Hate Jokes

  • Why do people hate playing uno with Mexicans?

    They keep stealing green cards.

  • What kind of coffee do the Islamists hate the most ?

    French press

  • Why did Mozart hate chickens?

    Because they all they ever say is Bach! Bach! Bach!

  • Why such hate on Lance Armstrong?

    I think his riding style is pretty dope.

  • Why did the fruit leave office?

    because he was imPEACHED! lol. i hate myself.

  • What's someone who hates underwear's favorite song?

    Free Ballin - Foo Fighters

  • What are the two words men hate most unless used together?

    Don't Stop

  • Why doesn't china have casinos?

    Because they hate Tibet.

  • Which color do Colombian communists hate the most?


  • What does a Muslim have if they hate their god?

    An Allahgy

  • What popular board game do dyslexics hate?


  • Why do hippies wear pachouli??

    So blind people can hate them to

  • Why do social justice warriors hate math?

    all the inequalities

  • Why was Karl Marx against Chinese mutes?

    Because he hated the B shu!

  • Why do the horses hate the jockey?

    Because he's a horse racist.

  • Why do you hate me?

    me any time someone tells me I have to sleep on a futon

  • What type of tree hates company?

    Sycamore trees!

  • Why don't you play with your friends?

    he asked. 'Because I only have one friend' the girl replied. 'And I hate her.'

  • Why Are Mexican &?

    Black Jokes Overdone? Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal!...I'm sorry, you can hate me if you wish. ;(

  • Why do redditors hate Ellen Pao as CEO?

    It was the Wong choice

  • Why the hate for necromancers?

    T They're just trying to raise a family.

  • Why does everyone hate me?

    I texted with the clicky keyboard sound turned on.

  • Why did god invent patchouli?

    So blind people can hate hippies too.

  • What food do all basketball players hate?


  • Why do republicans hate math?

    They were never comfortable with integration.

  • Why do blondes hate M&Ms?

    A: They're too hard to peel.

  • Why does everyone hate Will?

    courtesy of my Uncle Rick

  • What gun does Jesus hate the most?

    The nail gun. So sorry if this offends you Credit to the podcast

  • Why do North Americans hate playing chess?

    Cause they lack the towers.

  • Why do you think people hate us so much?

    Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks."

  • Why did the SJW hate the Mexican robot?

    Because it was Pablo-matic

  • How many Nickelback fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Trick question! There's no such thing as Nickelback fans. (I will be hated by few)

  • Why do Irishmen hate Kia?

    Because gingers don't have Souls.

  • Why do Black People hate country music?

    Because when they hear "Hoe Down" they think their sister got shot.

  • Why do doctors hate Wolves?


  • Why does China hate Digimon Fans?

    Because they recognise Ty won

  • Why does Garfield hate Mondays?

    He doesn't have a job.

  • What Metallica song does Captain America hate?

    Trapped Under Ice.

  • What do you call a Parrot that loves maths and hates food?

    a polynomeal

  • Why does ISIS only drink drip coffee?

    Because they hate French Press!

  • What fetish does winners hate the most?

    The feet

  • Why do programmers hate designing flood defence simulations?

    Because of the overflow errors!

  • Why do Communists only write in lowercase?

    Because they hate Capitalism.

  • What part of the hospital does John Cena hate the most?

    the ICU

  • What I hated the most in Facebook?

    See more

  • Why do electricians wear pants?

    Because they hate shorts.

  • What is the type of humor do you hate the most?

    Dark humor... I hate it when black people tell jokes.

  • What's your favourite food if you hate Microsoft Word?


  • How do you spell a hated opponent with three letters?

    NME (enemy).

  • Why did the pigeon hate the crow?

    because he was in the coo klux klan

  • Why do politians hate the term "mudslinging"?

    They don't want to get their hands dirty.

  • What kind of coffee do terrorists hate?

    French press. (Too soon?)

  • Why do Lannisters hate turtles?

    Cause they can't stab them in the back

  • Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts?

    He hates camping

  • Why did the old man hate living next to the tennis courts?

    He couldn't stand all the racket!

  • Why do feminists hate Apple?

    Because they're not PC.

  • How do I stay in shape?

    I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it

  • How much would you say you read the Bible?

    Well, I don't read it religiously." Bud-dum tss, I hate myself.

  • Who Hates Everyone?

    A 4chan!

  • What's the difference between an angler and a dunce?

    One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.

  • What day do fries hate the most?


  • Why do SJWs hate dentists?

    Because they want to make teeth straight and white.

  • What does Chick-fil-A and their CEO have in common?

    Both hate when people stick beef between two buns.

  • What music does a balloon really hate?


  • Why do Europeans hate American food?

    Europeans don't want to die yet. Unlike Americans who don't wanna diet.

  • Why do plants hate math?

    Because it gives them square roots

  • Why do you hate a nosey pepper?

    Cuz he's jalapeno .business

  • Whats big, pink, long and my girlfriend hates when I put it in her mouth?

    Our miscarriage.

  • Why do blacks smell?

    So blind people can hate them too.

  • Why do SJWs hate Pong?

    It's a wildly successful game that only has straight, white main characters (I stole this joke from somewhere but am not allowed to say where)

  • Why do Hutus hate Dustin Hoffman?

    He impersonated a Tootsie.

  • Why does Al Gore hate Oil Spills?

    they get all over the sheets.

  • Why is there all this hate against necromancers?

    They are just trying to raise a family in peace.

  • What type of jokes do Sikhs hate?


  • Why do feminist hate the bible?

    Because it ends with A-men

  • Which day do chickens hate the most?


  • What kind of food do zombies hate?

    Fast food

  • Why'd the factory worker hate their job?

    Because it was soda pressing.

  • Why does everyone hate German sausage jokes?

    Because they're the wurst.

  • What kind of music do balloons hate the most?

    Pop music.

  • What kind of music did Jesus hate?

    Anything by Judas Priest and Nine Inch Nails.

  • Why does the KKK hate bowling?

    Because a black ball knocks over white pins with red necks.

  • Why do vampires hate arguments?

    Because they make themselves cross.

  • What do you call a shirt you hate?


  • Why do rednecks hate math?


  • What's the difference between love and hate?

    A) Usually about 6 months.

  • Why do tailors hate statisticians?

    They insist that the fit could be better.

  • What do you call someone who hates pencils?


  • Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters?

    Because he hates capitalism.

  • Why do ISIS fighters only drink instant coffee?

    Because they hate the French Press. (This joke used to be more topical)

  • Why does Reddit hate Pilipinos?

    Everybody hates Pilipinos.

  • Why does everyone hate a banjo right off?

    A: Saves time.

  • Why do people at Disneyland hate coke heads?

    They're always cutting lines

  • What vegetables do plumbers hate the most?


  • What is the difference between being Scottish, Irish, or Welsh?

    The difference is what people you hate

  • How does Mike Tyson say hatred?

    Hate Thread!

  • What day does an Easter egg hate the most?


  • Why does Reddit hate Fencing?


  • Why did Karl Marx hate Earl Grey?

    Because all proper tea is theft.

  • Why did I join Twitter?

    Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

  • Why can't we edit tweets?

    Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."

  • Why does Heisenberg hate driving?

    He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer.

  • Why did everyone hate the shoe company?

    It had no soul.

  • Who is the most hated actor in Saudi Arabia?

    Shia Labeouf

  • Why do Native Americans hate it when it rains in April?

    Because it brings Mayflowers.

  • What food do vampires hate?


  • Why does everyone hate 7?

    Because 7 kneeled during the National Anthem.

  • Why do terrorists hate air planes made of water?

    Because they hate waterboarding.

  • Why do SJWs hate Apple computers?

    Because they're not PC

  • Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee?

    Cause they hate the French press

  • What's one thing you hated as a kid but love as an adult?


  • Why did Holden Caulfield hate his job at Sprint?

    He was surrounded by phone-ys!

  • What do people hate about CEOs of big internet companies?

    They act too paowerful

  • Why do Native Americans hate April showers?

    Because they bring Mayflowers

  • Why do Republicans hate lotion?

    Because the directions say to apply it liberally.

  • Why was the Queen of Horses hated by her subjects?

    Because she was too ahoof.

  • Why do hippies wear patchouli?

    So blind people can hate them, too.

  • What do jedi hate the most?

    Forced jokes.

  • Why do American's take letters out of words?

    Because they're lazy, and they hate U.

  • Why does Steven Hawking hate the band Muse?

    Because he can't stand their song Uprising, it wants him to rise up and take the power back.

  • How do you get whole race to hate you?

    Blow up the finish line. (I figured 2 years was long enough)

  • Why does the NSA hate the winter?

    They got snowed in.

  • Why does the KKK wear all white?

    Because they hate black, people!!!

  • What'd ya call 50 n*ggers at the bottom of the ocean?

    A good start. P.S: N*ggers=Naggers. I hate those guys. What did you think?? )

  • Why do Muslims hate Reddit?

    Haram be everywhere

  • Why do kangaroos hate rainy days?

    Because all the kids have to play in side.

  • What day do soldiers hate the most?

    March Fourth

  • Why does Barbie hate Amazon?

    because they're always putting sales out on ken-dolls.

  • Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?

    Because it's indivisible.

  • Why does the corn hate the farmer?

    Because he picks his ears!

  • Why does the NSA hate winter?

    Because they're not used to getting Snowden. (I'll see myself out)

  • What dance do hippies hate?

    A square dance.

  • Which band does feminists hate the most?

    Cis-tem of a Down

  • What do you call a runner who hates every event but his own?

    A raceist

  • Why does Brendon Rodgers hate Twitter?

    It only allows 140 characters

  • Why do Storm Troopers like churchs?

    Cuz of all the pews. I hate myself

  • Which country do doctors hate?


  • Why does Tumblr hate symmetrical shapes?

    Because they can't even

  • What do you call a tree that hates this joke?

    A face palm.

  • Why does Steve Irwin hate sunblock?

    It doesn't protect from harmful rays

  • Why Are Mexican & Black Jokes Overdone?

    Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal!...I'm sorry, you can hate me if you wish. ;(

  • Why does Oedipus hate profanity?

    He kisses his mother with that mouth.

  • How can I waste ten seconds of someone's time and make total strangers hate me?

    Credit card chip inventor - Me, writing tweets

  • Why do Muslim extremists prefer to drink cappuccino?

    Because they hate french press.

  • What does the CEO of Keurig have in common with ISIS?

    They both hate the French press

  • Why does Jesus Jaywalk?

    Because he hates crosswalks

  • What do Canadian girls hate?

    Aboooooooooty call.

  • What do you call people that you hate?

    Clouds, because once they are gone it's a beautiful day.

  • Why does everyone hate peppers?

    They always get jalapeno business!

  • Why Russians never drive stick shift?

    They really hate Stalin

  • What does a redneck garden gnome hate more than anything?


  • Why do the French stink?

    So blind people can hate them too

  • What do a redneck and hippie have in common?

    They both hate the government.

  • Why do pop artists hate shoe shopping?

    They have too many ft. *edit for spelling

  • Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's best friend?

    A: Without him the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth.

  • Why German Loves Americans why do Germans love Americans?

    because Americans are the most hated people in the world now.

  • Who do people hate and love but is really hot and goes to beach everyday?

    Sun of a beach

  • Why do Little People hate the taste of alcohol?

    Because they can't reach the top shelf.

  • Who does a hypocrite really hate?

    A hypocrite!

  • Why do nuns hate laundry day?

    They always fall back on old habits.

  • When/why do feminists hate cannibals?

    When they make sandwiches, because they're man-spreading.

  • Why does the Devil hate the holiday Season?

    Because he gets so many letters from dyslexic children.

  • Why do feminists hate church music?

    Because of all the Hymns.

  • Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?

    Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!

  • Why do black men hate posting on reddit?

    Because they can't deny that their comment was the parent.

  • What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

    I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

  • What type of music do balloons hate?

    Pop music!

  • Why do the French not pronounce "h" at the beginning of words?

    Because they hate it.

  • What lives in the ocean is grouchy and hates neighbours ?

    A hermit crab !

  • Why do strippers hate roofers?

    They always pay in shingles.

  • Why do Vampires hate Writers?

    Because they hate Type O's

  • Why is Ponyboy lactose intolerant?

    He hates Dairy but likes Sodapop.

  • Why do dentists only want to be awarded with paper certificates?

    They hate plaque buildup.

  • How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

    Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

  • What do The Walking Dead and the state of Wisconsin have in common?

    They both have a hated governor.

  • What do you call a grammatical rendezvous?

    accommadate I hate me for this..

  • Why do Polish hate Cauchy's dog?

    hint on Cauchy-Riemann theorem) A: Because it leaves residues at each Pole.

  • Why do writers hate the bible?

    It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc.

  • What were Jesus' final words?

    So long and thanks for all the fish." Edit: Everyone hates me.

  • What's the thin line between love and hate?

    A condom.

  • Why do Native Americans hate snow?

    Because it's white and settles on their land

  • What is something a woman hates about a man but a man would love about a woman?

    Premature ejactulation.

  • Why did the religious person give up smoking?

    Because God hates fags.

  • Why did the old man hate using the new chip cards?

    He's trying to watch his sodium intake.

  • Why do certain asian boxers hate the Rebel Alliance?

    Because they are Thai fighters.

  • Why do some race drivers hate wet tracks?

    Because the water is a distraction.

  • Why do feminists hate the post the USPS?

    Cause it's an all mail business.

  • Why do waitresses hate mohels?

    Because they never leave a tip.

  • Why do terrorists hate wine?

    Because there are too many zinfandel's.

  • Why does Ganondorf hate the internet?

    There are too many links.

  • What does a Browns fan say to a robber?

    I hate the steelers.

  • Why aren't there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas?

    Because everyone there hates integration.

  • What do you call a guy that hates Christmas and steals the woman you love?

    Ebenezer Scrooge-yagirl

  • Why do most men hate Russian dolls?

    Because they're so full of themselves.

  • What do farts and children have in common?

    You love your own, but hate everyone else's.

  • How's my kid doing in school?

    T: How's my kid doing in school I hate parrot teacher conferences

  • Why do intersecting lines hate each other?

    Because they do nothing except making themselves cross.

  • What does a bully say to someone with severe depression?

    Stop hating yourself, stop hating yourself!

  • Why do frat bros hate fruit loops?

    They're eternally disappointed by two-can Sam.

  • Why does the farmer hate his job?

    because he has a deep-seeded hatred for planting.

  • Why do the police hate teenage fireflies?

    They never stop lighting up.

  • Why does Michael Scott hate Hamlet?

    Toby or not Toby

  • Why would two melons in love hate their parents?

    Because they cantaloupe. =D.....=).....=='(

  • Why does Russia not celebrate Thanksgiving?

    Because they hate Turkey

  • What do you call someone who hates people without toes and can't have ice cream?

    Lack-toes intolerant

  • Why do black people smell bad?

    So blind people can hate them too

  • Why does the Vanu Sovereignty hate plastic bags?

    They keep Terran.

  • Why do Americans hate knock knock jokes?

    Because Freedom Rings.

  • Why did the feminist fail in programming?

    She hated objectification.

  • Why does Bob Marley like jpegs, gifs and pngs but hate svg?

    Because they're raster graphic images.

  • Why was Jesus I such good shape?

    Crossfit. Why did the Romans hate Jesus so much? He wouldn't shut up about crossfit.

  • What's Cain's favorite genre of music?

    Rock, I hear his brother hates it though.

  • Why did the cave hate miners?

    They're always picking on him.

  • Why can't Caitlyn Jenner's kids ever find their mom?

    Because she is Trans-parent! (Not hate. Just a pun I thought of.)

  • Why do cannibals hate Pentecostals?

    Because they're always throwing up their hands.

  • Why do jihadists drink instant coffee?

    Because they hate the french press...

  • What playground equipment do kids hate the most?

    The slide into poverty.

  • Why does everyone hate Harkonnen web-devs?

    Divs within Divs within Divs ...

  • Why do Japanese hate bingo?

    They all scramble for cover when you call B-29

  • Why do lesbians hate Nutella?

    Because it's not nut-free

  • Why do vultures hate flying?

    Because they have to pay extra for Carrion! Budum tsssss

  • What do you call a group of people who hate Mexicans?

    Que Que Que

  • Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?

    Because then the children have to play inside.

  • Why do Jihadist Muslims drink only instant coffee?

    Because they completely hate the French press. (Reposted)

  • Why does Jesus hate M&Ms?

    They keep falling through his hands.

  • Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution?

    He was following the Tsar.

  • How much hate does it take to qualify as a "hater"?

    I hate tons of stuff.

  • What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student?

    One baits his hook the other hates his book.

  • Why did Beethoven hate Mozart?

    Because Mozart stabbed him in the Bach.

  • Why do Mexicans hate cooking pasta?

    When they boil the water, they always have to add that *pinche* salt.

  • Why did peasants hate knights' outfits?

    Because everyone hates chain mail.

  • Why did Steve hate being the youngest clone?

    Because all his genes were hand me downs.

  • Why do SJWs hate cannibals?

    They're always man-spreading on their sandwiches.

  • Why do vegans hate themselves?

    They are animal products.

  • Why does Mario hate Punchbug?

    Because he bruises like-a Peach!

  • Why does the can crusher hate his job?

    Because it's soda pressing.

  • Why did the bacteriologist quit her job?

    She hated being microbe-managed.

  • Why does 8 hate 7?

    Because 7 8 9

  • How was your date?

    She hated my poncho.

  • What do you call a mummy that hates other peoples cooking?

    Gordan Ramses

  • Why did Aristotle hate French fries?

    They were fried in ancient grease!

  • What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods?

    Teenagers these days be all "I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."

  • Why did the musician hate getting drunk?

    He always had treble finding his keys!

  • Why do hipsters hate ice skating?

    They could never do it before it was cool

  • Why do feminists hate Medusa?

    She's always objectifying people.

  • Why does Mr. Pencil hate Mr. Pen so much?

    Because he is an erascist.

  • What meme do Uber drivers hate?

    Do you even Lyft, bro?

  • Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?

    Because they hate French press!

  • What do you call someone who hates browsing the web with Google?

    A Chromophobe.

  • Why do dogs hate outer space?

    Because they strongly dislike vacuums.

  • What is enjoyed if it is wanted and hated if its not?


  • What is round and hates French people?

    The World.

  • Why does he do that?

    Me: He's on paws. X: ... Me: On... paws. X: I hate you so much.

  • Why do spiders hate Area 51?

    It's a no-fly zone.

  • What is the difference between like, love, hate, and showing off?

    Spit, swallow, bite, and gargle.

  • Why do pigs run from medicine?

    They hate getting cured.

  • Why did people hate going on road trips with Kurt Cobain?

    Because he always called shotgun

  • What do you call an asian who hates black people?

    A member of the Kru Krux Kran

  • Which Pokemon trainer does Scyther hate the most?


  • Why are the balloon bouquets more expensive than packaged balloons?

    It's just air!" Exactly "What " It's inflation "I hate you"

  • Why doesn't Mr. Jinks babysit his brother's daughters?

    He hates nieeeeeeeeces to pieeeeeecesssssssss!!!!!!!

  • Why do vampires hate Texas Roadhouse?

    They can not stand stakes!

  • Whats the difference between an anthropologist and a sociologist?

    Anthropologists hate Western Civilization. Sociologists only hate America.

  • Why do kids hate Steven Hawking?

    They don't like their vegetables.

  • Why does Yellow hate Red?

    Because Red Blue Green.

  • What do you call the second-most hated politician in America?

    Madam President.

  • Which people do the burgers hate?

    The ones who are always putting the bite on them!

  • What kind of trails does a crazy person travel?

    Psychopaths. (I hate myself)

  • Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus?