Hipster Jokes
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What's the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack?
The lumberjack has a job.
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Why did the hipster cross the road?
To get to a place you've probably never heard of.
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What did the hipster say... ...when he was told to get off the couch?
Nah-imma-stay"
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Why did the hipster go to the gynecologist?
To get a Pabst smear.
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How did the hipster die?
He drowned in the mainstream because he stood on it before it was cool.
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How do you drown a hipster?
In the mainstream
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What is the political correct term for hipster?
conjoined twins.
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Why did the hipster never catch a fish?
Because he didn't go in the mainstream
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What do you call a plan to exterminate Hipsters?
The Vinyl solution.
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Why do hipsters burn their lips when they drink tea?
Because they drink it before it's cool.
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What did the hipster say when a starbucks opened in his neighborhood?
You can't gentrify this place! I just moved here!"
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Why are Apple products popular with hipsters?
Steve Jobs went underground.
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Where do hipsters get their water?
From a well, actually.
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Where do hipsters buy their clothes?
Most likely a thrift store or Urban Outfitters, TBH.
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How do we know Snow White was a hipster?
She could never say no to apple.
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Why did the hipster cross the Brooklyn bridge?
To get home.
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Why did the hipster decide to drown himself in the tributary?
He didn't want to be mainstream.
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Why don't hipsters like fishing?
It's too mainstream.
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Why do hipsters love Raiders of the Lost Ark?
Because it's the first Indy movie.
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What did the bear do to be labeled a hipster?
He hibernated in the summer.
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How did the hipster got his tongue burnt?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
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What did the icecream truck say to the hipster?
I was a food truck before it was cool.
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Why do hipsters hate ice skating?
They could never do it before it was cool
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Why do hipsters love 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'?
because it was the first Indie film.
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Why did the hipster break up with her boyfriend?
He didn't have all the 7" he kept talking about.
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Why do hipsters drink coffee so quickly?
They want to finish before it's cool.
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Why do hipsters prefer to drink their PBR warm?
So that they can say they liked it before it was cool.
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Why do hipsters only buy games from GOG?
Because other stores are too mainSteam.
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Why don't hipsters shoot heroin?
It's too mainstream
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What do you call a hipster with a vasectomy?
A Fixie.
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How do you get a hipster to take a shower?
Give them a leaky showerhead. You know, so they can avoid the main stream.
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Why didn't the hipster want to see the Saint John River and the Penobscot River?
They're two Maine streams.
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Why did the hipster go to bed early?
Because he sleeps before it gets cool.
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How do hipsters buy their drugs?
by the instagram.
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How do you poison a hipster?
Gluten
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What do hipster jokes and hipsters have in common?
None of them are original.
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Why do hipsters only use the microwave?
Because they don't like conventional ovens.
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Where do hipsters swim?
Not in the mainstream
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Why did the hipster where a toque in the summer?
So he could say he wore it before it was cool.
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What did the hipster say the day after thanksgiving?
I liked the leftovers before they were cool.
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How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.
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How many hipsters does it take to...?
Bazinga! nobody cares! you fell for one of my practical jokes again.
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What's the difference between a hipster and a homeless man?
An Instagram account.
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Why did the hipster burn himself?
Because he played with fire before it was cool.
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Why are hipsters the oldest known form of life?
They were on the Earth before it was cool.
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Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer?
He liked wearing scarves before it got cool.
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What s the weight of a hipster?
One Insta-gramm
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Why do hipsters not wear cardigans anymore?
Because they wore them before it was cool.
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How do hipsters measure weight?
In Instagrams.
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Why can hipsters listen to Michael Jackson again?
He's been underground for five years now.
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Why does the hipster make crappy coffee?
The beans are always under-ground.
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How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's a really obscure number and you've probably never heard of it.
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How heavy is a hipster?
One thousand instagrams
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How did the hipster break his neck?
He jump off the diving board before it was pool.
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Why did the hipster drown?
Because he went ice-skating before it was cool ( )
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Why did the hipster... Why did the hipster burn his mouth on the hot coffee?
Because he drank it before it was cool.
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How do you drowned a hipster?
Throw them in the mainstream. Edit: spelling because I'm 5
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Why did the hipster drown in the lake?
Because he went ice skating before it was cool.
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What's the opposite of a hipster?
A napster
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Why is steam such a hipster?
Because it was water before it was cool.
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What's the difference between a hipster and a fire hose?
It takes more than one hipster to push the black people out of a neighborhood.
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Why did the Hipster burn his lip?
He drank coffee before it was cool.
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How much does the average Hipster weigh?
About 74,000 Insta-grams.
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Why don't hipsters live in Alaska?
Everything is cool there already.
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Why did the hipster only listen to dead musicians?
So he could say he listened to them when they were underground.
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Why couldn't the hipsters save the hippies?
They were too far out.
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Why do hipsters never die?
Because everyone does that already.
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Why did the hipsters die of dehydration?
They stayed away from the mainstream.
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How did the hipster make it to the front page?
He did it before it was cool
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What's red and orange and looks good on hipsters?
Fire.
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What do skaters, kidnappers, and hipsters all have in common?
They all have white vans
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Why was the hipster so successful in the stock market?
He invested before it was cool.
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Why don't hipsters like rivers?
Too mainstream
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Why do hipsters drink their Jello?
They want to have it before it's cool.
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What's the worst thing to say to a hipster?
You remind me of someone
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Why do hipsters love Harrison Ford?
Because he's Indie!