Home Jokes
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What did the mexican say when a development fell on him?
yo get off me, homes!
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What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?
The shadow of his former shelf.
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What does a racist decorate in their home for the holidays?
Their bigotry.
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Why is it so hard to get a mortgage in Columbia SC?
All the homes there are underwater
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Why did Richard leave his home this morning?
For Harambe.
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Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?
Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*
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Where's your better half?
The PS4's at home "No I mean-" Where WOULD it be Wow, dumb question.
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What does the guy who has been backpacking just a bit too long miss most about home ?
A home-cooked shower.
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What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?
A: Rep Tiles
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Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They have no idea where home is.
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What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
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What do you call a horse that's thinking of home?
Mentally in-stable.
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Where does a burger feel at home?
On the range!
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Why did the Ewok ESL student do so well with conjunctions?
He felt at home with And/Or.
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How can we keep our school Clean?
Student : By Staying at home. :p
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What did the Mexican say when two houses fell on him?
Get off me homes.
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Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school?
Sounds like he had already done the... time
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What happened to the baseball played who was unfaithful to his wife?
He was thrown out at home. - His two balls got a strike.
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Why didn't Kevin from Home Alone call the cops when the burglars came around?
He was running a trap house.
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Why did the farmer's house catch on fire?
He left his home on the range.
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Why couldn't Joe get to home?
He was a Mets fan.
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What did the cholo say when the houses fell on him?
ey, get off me homes!
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What is a long distance love?
It's when you're in the office, bed is at home and whiskey is in the bar.
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Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
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What did the oyster say when the monster broke into his home?
Shucks
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What is the worst kind of wood to have in your home around your kids?
Naughty pine
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What does a suicidal teenager do on the weekends?
Hang at home.
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What did the Mexican say with one sleeve rolled up and one sleeve not?
Not even, homes
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How do you keep a blonde at home?
A. Build a circular driveway.
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What did the cholo say when two houses fell on top of him?
Get off me homes!
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Why did Minotaur win an interior design award?
Because his home was a maze thing.
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What's the scariest 3 letter acronym for a soldier in Afghanistan with a 15 year old daughter at home?
IUD
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How did the hermit pay for his home?
A: Alone.
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What do you call a black guy wearing an ankle bracelet?
A stay at home dad
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Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking?
A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home
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Why do americans like to visit Rome so much?
Because it reminds them of home.
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Why don't they have bars in Syria?
Because, they prefer to get bombed at home.
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What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home?
Cantaloupe
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Why does keeping tropical fish in your home have a calming effect on the brain?
Because of the indoor fins.
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Whats the difference between a black guy in jail and a caged birth?
The bird doesn't feel he's home.
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Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?
They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.
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What is the hamburgers' most familiar song?
Home on the Range'!
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Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life?
He felt he had lost his sense of porpoise.
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Why are u home so early?
Hubby : "My boss said go to hell!"
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What is it called when a Sailor in the Navy gets a care package from home?
Underwear Replenishment
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Why did the electrician multiply distance and voltage?
Because he forgot his voltmeter at home.
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Why are orphans terrible at baseball?
They've never known what home is.
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What did the blonde do when she discovered that most accidents happen within a mile from home?
She moved.
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What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
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What size lumber is used to build homes in Dubai?
Dubai fours
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How did you get into counterfeiting?
Criminal: I answered an ad that said "Make money at home."
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Where do you want to go?
So I click on the 'Home' icon and it starts all over again.
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What does a French beaver call her home?
Madame
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Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?
His answer: "My mom."
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How are babies and strippers alike?
They're fun to play with but I wouldn't want to take one home
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What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?
A poultry-geist.
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What did Reddit say to his elderly mother when he tried to take her to a home?
Get in the Karma.
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Why are orphans unable to play baseball?
They've never known what home is.
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Why not?
It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.
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What did the Mexican guy say when the two houses fell on him?
Get off me homes.
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What do you call a stay-at-home parent?
Unemployed.
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How does a pig write home?
With a pig pen.
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Why did Putin forget his backpack at home when leaving for school?
He was Russian.
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What do mice do when they're at home ?
Mousework !
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What did the Mexican say when his house collapsed on him?
Hey, get off me homes !
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Why did the young Greek boy run away from home?
A: He was not being reared right!
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Why do the Heisenberg operators for position and momentum work from home?
Because they won't commute.
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What did the Mexican say when the house fell on him?
Ayyyy watch it homes!
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What did the Syrians use to light their homes before candles?
A. Electricity.
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What do you suppose Ray Rice's fiance' did when he got her home from knocking her out?
The dishes if she knows what's good for her!
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What do you call a Mexican detective?
Sherlock, homes
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How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?
Please help. There are ten so far and they have invited their gross friends to our home. They are using the broken lightbulb to smoke crack off of.
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Why is a dog like a baseball player?
He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.
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Why are you sleeping at your desk?
Me: Because my bed is at home.
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What did the man say when he realized the boy who asked him out was an orphan?
No home oh
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What's your favorite part about being a stay-at-home mom?
Me: Showering is optional Her: HAHAHA, be serious. Me: Ok, no drug tests.
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What do you call 1000 black people buried up to their necks?
Afroturf Also, I'm not racist. I have two color tvs at home.
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Why were you late ?
Sorry teacher I overslept. You mean you need to sleep at home too !