Home Jokes

  • What did the mexican say when a development fell on him?

    yo get off me, homes!

  • What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?

    The shadow of his former shelf.

  • What does a racist decorate in their home for the holidays?

    Their bigotry.

  • Why is it so hard to get a mortgage in Columbia SC?

    All the homes there are underwater

  • Why did Richard leave his home this morning?

    For Harambe.

  • Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

    Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

  • Where's your better half?

    The PS4's at home "No I mean-" Where WOULD it be Wow, dumb question.

  • What does the guy who has been backpacking just a bit too long miss most about home ?

    A home-cooked shower.

  • What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?

    A: Rep Tiles

  • Why are orphans bad at baseball?

    They have no idea where home is.

  • What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

    A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

  • What do you call a horse that's thinking of home?

    Mentally in-stable.

  • Where does a burger feel at home?

    On the range!

  • Why did the Ewok ESL student do so well with conjunctions?

    He felt at home with And/Or.

  • How can we keep our school Clean?

    Student : By Staying at home. :p

  • What did the Mexican say when two houses fell on him?

    Get off me homes.

  • Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school?

    Sounds like he had already done the... time

  • What happened to the baseball played who was unfaithful to his wife?

    He was thrown out at home. - His two balls got a strike.

  • Why didn't Kevin from Home Alone call the cops when the burglars came around?

    He was running a trap house.

  • Why did the farmer's house catch on fire?

    He left his home on the range.

  • Why couldn't Joe get to home?

    He was a Mets fan.

  • What did the cholo say when the houses fell on him?

    ey, get off me homes!

  • What is a long distance love?

    It's when you're in the office, bed is at home and whiskey is in the bar.

  • Why can't orphans play baseball?

    They don't know where home is.

  • What did the oyster say when the monster broke into his home?


  • What is the worst kind of wood to have in your home around your kids?

    Naughty pine

  • What does a suicidal teenager do on the weekends?

    Hang at home.

  • What did the Mexican say with one sleeve rolled up and one sleeve not?

    Not even, homes

  • How do you keep a blonde at home?

    A. Build a circular driveway.

  • What did the cholo say when two houses fell on top of him?

    Get off me homes!

  • Why did Minotaur win an interior design award?

    Because his home was a maze thing.

  • What's the scariest 3 letter acronym for a soldier in Afghanistan with a 15 year old daughter at home?


  • How did the hermit pay for his home?

    A: Alone.

  • What do you call a black guy wearing an ankle bracelet?

    A stay at home dad

  • Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking?

    A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home

  • Why do americans like to visit Rome so much?

    Because it reminds them of home.

  • Why don't they have bars in Syria?

    Because, they prefer to get bombed at home.

  • What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home?


  • Why does keeping tropical fish in your home have a calming effect on the brain?

    Because of the indoor fins.

  • Whats the difference between a black guy in jail and a caged birth?

    The bird doesn't feel he's home.

  • Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?

    They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.

  • What is the hamburgers' most familiar song?

    Home on the Range'!

  • Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life?

    He felt he had lost his sense of porpoise.

  • Why are u home so early?

    Hubby : "My boss said go to hell!"

  • What is it called when a Sailor in the Navy gets a care package from home?

    Underwear Replenishment

  • Why did the electrician multiply distance and voltage?

    Because he forgot his voltmeter at home.

  • Why are orphans terrible at baseball?

    They've never known what home is.

  • What did the blonde do when she discovered that most accidents happen within a mile from home?

    She moved.

  • What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

    A: She moved.

  • What size lumber is used to build homes in Dubai?

    Dubai fours

  • How did you get into counterfeiting?

    Criminal: I answered an ad that said "Make money at home."

  • Where do you want to go?

    So I click on the 'Home' icon and it starts all over again.

  • What does a French beaver call her home?


  • Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?

    His answer: "My mom."

  • How are babies and strippers alike?

    They're fun to play with but I wouldn't want to take one home

  • What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?

    A poultry-geist.

  • What did Reddit say to his elderly mother when he tried to take her to a home?

    Get in the Karma.

  • Why are orphans unable to play baseball?

    They've never known what home is.

  • Why not?

    It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.

  • What did the Mexican guy say when the two houses fell on him?

    Get off me homes.

  • What do you call a stay-at-home parent?


  • How does a pig write home?

    With a pig pen.

  • Why did Putin forget his backpack at home when leaving for school?

    He was Russian.

  • What do mice do when they're at home ?

    Mousework !

  • What did the Mexican say when his house collapsed on him?

    Hey, get off me homes !

  • Why did the young Greek boy run away from home?

    A: He was not being reared right!

  • Why do the Heisenberg operators for position and momentum work from home?

    Because they won't commute.

  • What did the Mexican say when the house fell on him?

    Ayyyy watch it homes!

  • What did the Syrians use to light their homes before candles?

    A. Electricity.

  • What do you suppose Ray Rice's fiance' did when he got her home from knocking her out?

    The dishes if she knows what's good for her!

  • What do you call a Mexican detective?

    Sherlock, homes

  • How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Please help. There are ten so far and they have invited their gross friends to our home. They are using the broken lightbulb to smoke crack off of.

  • Why is a dog like a baseball player?

    He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.

  • Why are you sleeping at your desk?

    Me: Because my bed is at home.

  • What did the man say when he realized the boy who asked him out was an orphan?

    No home oh

  • What's your favorite part about being a stay-at-home mom?

    Me: Showering is optional Her: HAHAHA, be serious. Me: Ok, no drug tests.

  • What do you call 1000 black people buried up to their necks?

    Afroturf Also, I'm not racist. I have two color tvs at home.

  • Why were you late ?

    Sorry teacher I overslept. You mean you need to sleep at home too !