Hospital Jokes

  • What do you get when you cross a poisonous snake with a horse?

    A: I dunno, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital!

  • What did the chicken say ?

    What did they chicken say to his friends after being sent to the hospital after failing to cross the road ?. Don't worry ill get over it.

  • What's The Difference Between Larry Hogan And An Iraqi Child?

    Larry Hogan gets back from the hospital.

  • Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?

    The hip Doctor!

  • Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?

    Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!

  • What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

    If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

  • Who is the coolest guy in the Hospital?

    A. The Ultra Sound guy. Q. Who is the second coolest? A. The Hip replacement dude.

  • Who's the coolest guy at the hospital?

    The ultra sound guy.

  • What is a stalkers favorite part of a hospital?

    the I see you.

  • What kind of doctor never leaves the hospital?

    An Oncologist

  • Why don't they use Macs/iPads in hospitals?

    Because using an Apple a day keeps the doctors away.

  • What did they call Glenn Frey when he was in the hospital?

    An Illeagle

  • What part of a hospital does an abortion patient avoid?

    The right wing

  • Why did the dog go to the hospital?

    He was feeling ruff.

  • What part of the hospital does John Cena hate the most?

    the ICU

  • Why did the narcissistic cannibal end up in the hospital?

    Because he was so full of himself.

  • Who's the friendliest person at the hospital?

    The ultra sound guy.

  • How do you know it was not U.S. that did the aerial bombing?

    Because the funeral, wedding and hospital were not the targets.

  • Who is the coolest guy in a hospital. The ultra sound guy. Whos the coolest when he is off?

    The hip replacement guy. /dad

  • How did the pig get to the hospital?

    in a hambulance.

  • Why do asians got to the hospital after voting?

    Everyone knows that you should see a doctor for an erection that last longer than 4 hours.

  • What kind of fish can you find in a hospital?

    A sturgeon.

  • What do you call the vehicle used to carry Henry VIII's second wife to the hospital?

    An Anne-Boleyn-ce.

  • Where does he go next?

    The hospital. Why does he go to the hospital For Alcohol poisoning

  • Why has there never been an Asian president?

    Because they are taken to the hospital if the election lasts more than 4 hours

  • Who's the laziest doctor at the hospital?

    Doctor Dolittle

  • Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert?

    They found traces of Mercury in him.

  • Why did the woman's visit to wall street land her in the hospital?

    Because the stock broker!

  • What do you call the nicest guy in the hospital?

    The Ultra-sound guy..... Who covers him when he's not available The hip replacement guy!

  • Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed?

    He had a staff infection...

  • What do you call a Spanish man who has just got out of hospital?


  • What vehicle do bicycle riders take to the hospital?

    An Ambulance Armstrong

  • What was the atmosphere like in the silent wooden part of a hospital?

    It was an oakward experience.

  • What take out food should you avoid at all costs in Hospital?

    Donor Kebab

  • Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?

    A. The Ultrasound Guy

  • How can you tell who's the head nurse at a hospital?

    It's the one who has knee pads on.

  • Why did the monster go into hospital?

    To have his ghoul-stones removed.

  • How awesome were the 50s?

    None of the girls had tramp stamps & you could smoke in hospitals.

  • What did the rabbi say after he was diagnosed with an aggressive and inoperable form of brain cancer, and his wife and child died in a car crash while driving to the hospital?

    Oy vey!"

  • Why did the cannibal get banned from the hospital?

    He kept trying the doctors patients(patience)

  • How can you tell which nurse is the head nurse at a hospital?

    She's the one with the dirty knees.

  • What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital?


  • Why was the doctor forced to leave work early?

    The hospital ran all out of patience

  • What is the worst place to hide in a hospital?

    The ICU (I-see-you!)

  • Why did the banana go to the hospital?

    Because he wasn't peeling very well.

  • What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses ?

    If one bit you you could ride it to hospital !

  • Who are the most decent people in the hospital?

    The ultrasound people.!! lol

  • Why did the man bring his bed with him to the hospital?

    It's because he heard hospital beds have a high mortality rate.

  • What do you call an imp that is rushes to the hospital?

    Impatient OC from r/dadjokes

  • Why'd the cookie go to the hospital?

    It was feeling a little crumby.

  • Whats the difference between a hospital and a terrorist stronghold?

    I dunno I just fly the drone.....

  • Where is the worst place to play hide and seek in a hospital?

    In the I.C.U.

  • Who is the coolest person in the hospital?

    The ultrasound man.

  • Why did the cat go to the hospital?

    A: To have a CAT scan done.

  • How do pigs gets to hospital?

    In a hambulance

  • Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?

    The ultrasound guy

  • Why did the vampire go to hospital?

    He wanted his ghoulstones removed.

  • Who is the coolest guy at the hospital?

    The ultra sound guy. And who covers when hes off sick The hip replacement guy.

  • Why should you always tend sheep near a hospital?

    Because at any moment they could bleet out

  • How do crabs leave the hospital?

    On crotches...

  • Why did the french geologist have to go to the hospital?

    He had Gaul stones.

  • What do you call it when you can't decide between a natural birth and the hospital?

    A midwife crisis.

  • What's worse than being uncomfortable at the hospital?

    Being made comfortable.

  • What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?

    With any luck you'll be able to get up for a spell.

  • Why was the peanut rushed to the hospital?

    He was a"salted"

  • Whos the coolest guy in hospital?

    The ultra-sound guy. Who takes over when hes on holiday? The hip-replacement guy

  • What would happen if black widow spiders were as big as horses?

    A: If one bit you, you could ride it to the hospital.

  • Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital?

    In the ICU.

  • Who's the most popular guy in the hospital?

    The Ultra Sound guy. Who is it when he's not there? The Hip Replacement guy.

  • Which is the quickest way to reach the hospital?

    Bernard pushed him under a truck...