Hurt Jokes
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What's the difference between a line dance instructor and a dentist?
A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.
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What does a bee say before it stings you ?
This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you !
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Why do women have babies?
Because it hurts and they deserve it
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What's it called when a T-Rex hurts itself?
A dino-sore
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Why are you crying Ted ?
asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'
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Whats black and hurts when you get it thrown in your face?
A Piano.
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What did the one banana say to the other banana who had his feelings hurt?
I know that peel.
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Where does it hurt?
Me: *Points to heart* Nurse: Awwww that is so cute! Me. *COLLAPSES FROM HEART ATTACK*
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What do you do when your giant is hurt ?
You call 9-wun-wun
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Why should you never shout at a pirate?
Because it hurts their buccaneers. (Sorry it's lame, I just made it up)
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What can a yakuza do for living when he doesn't want to hurt people?
tattoo master
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What hurts really bad?
Frequency!
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Why do women like roses?
Because they are pretty and hurt you.
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What's the difference between me and a dentist?
The dentist pulls it out when it hurts.
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How does a one liner hurt its readers?
With its punchline
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What does a Russian woman say to stop her husband from abusing her?
Vladislov, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more... I'm sorry..
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Why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of love?
If you're dying to be hurt so badly, I've got a baseball bat for that.
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What do windows feel when they get hurt?
Pane!
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What kind of punch hurts the most?
A Sandy Hook.
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Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet?
That thing hurts!
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What kind of martial art does a chef do?
Kung food (Don't hurt me, I know it's bad)
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When Do You Hurt a Midget?
When He is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice!
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Why couldn't the skeleton hurt itself?
Because it didn't have the nerves.
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What doesn't Princess Leia like toy guns?
Because the Nerf hurt her.
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What am I supposed to do with this computer now?
IT: Work M: Who hurt you
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What is red and hurts when you bite it?
A Brick.
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What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits?
Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
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What did the Russian woman say to her violent husband?
Vladislav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
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Who hurt you?
unless you want to sit through a 13 hour PowerPoint presentation.
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Why doesn't Jesus play volleyball?
All those spikes hurt his hands
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Why are sloths one of the 7 deadly sins?
Those little guys don't hurt anybody. They just chill all day.
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Why did the peace-loving incandescent bulb reject the candle and choose the fluorescent lamp as role model?
The fluorescent lamp wouldn't hurt a fly.
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What hurts more giving birth or being kicked in the balls?
A women will normally want more children after a year or two. No man has ever wanted another kick in the balls. Case closed.
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What's yellow and hurts when it gets in your eye?
Bull dozer
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What if my knees start to hurt?
Me to instructor: See what I'm up against
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How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.
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What did the cat say when it got hurt?
me-OW!
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What's green and hurts when it hits you in the eye?
A snooker table
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Why wasn't he hurt?
It was a soft drink.
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What is love?
Baby don't hurt me.
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When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up?
This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.
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What did one bolt of cloth say to the other bolt of cloth after hurting its feelings?
I'm sari.
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How did hipster kid hurt himself?
He touched the stove before it was cool...
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How to spot a douchebag in the gym?
Really bad so he hurts himself.
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What did the martini say when someone put a toothpick in it?
It hurts, but olive.
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What's black and blue and about to hurt someone?
Batman thinking about his dead parents.
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Why did Hydrogen hurt Iron?
Because he wanted to see him Sulfur.
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What type of punch hurts kids the most?
A sandy hook
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What did the router say to the doctor?
It hurts when IP.
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Where does a mathematician go when he gets hurt?
L'Hospital.
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What's love?
Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink. Sister: Get away from him!
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What caveman say when he get hurt?
meow.
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Why did Freud hurt his shoulder?
He made a Freudian slip
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Why did the hipster's mouth hurt?
Because he ate pizza before it was cool.
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What is white and hurts a homophobic man if it lands on him?
An airplane
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What two things should people stop shaking because shaking hurts these things development?
Polaroid Integral Film and Babies
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How many Anti-Vaxxers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As a mother, I choose not to screw it in. Light bulbs are dangerous weapons created by the Soviet Union, and I will not screw it in; it could severely hurt my child. As everyone knows, light bulbs are the principle source of autism in this world, and I have to take a stand on it.
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What do you call a short sleeved British shirt?
A tea-shirt. Please don't hurt me.
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Why do my eyes hurt?
Because I got eye lashes.
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How do you jump out of a fifteen-floors building without getting hurt?
You jump from the 1st one.
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Why did the masochist STOP hitting himself on the head with a hammer ?
Because it hurt.
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What did they call the Pillsbury Doughboy after he hurt his leg?
Limp Biscuit
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I got hit in the head by a soda can, but it didn't hurt that much...
It was a soft drink.
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Why does Windows 10 say "Hello"?
Because my PC is a Dell.
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What did the router say to the doctor?
It hurts when IP.
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What did the artist say to the dentist?
Matisse hurt!
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Why did the apple cry?
A: Its peelings were hurt.
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What's wrongdad?
Dad: I told you, my head hurts. Son: This is why mom left.
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What did the blonde say when she knocked over a priceless Ming vase?
A. "It's okay Daddy I'm not hurt."
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Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
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What did Jesus say when he was nailed upon the cross?
Me! That hurts!"
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What did the dentist say to the computer?
This won't hurt a byte
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What happened when Steve Irwin forgot to put on sunscreen?
He got hurt from harmful rays
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Where do Na'vi go when they get hurt?
ICU
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Why did the suicidal air go to the airport?
So he could BLOW it up. Please don't hurt meh.
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What kind of punch hurts children the most?
A sandy hook.
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What is ISIS?
They are Radical!!! Please don't hurt me....