Invent Jokes

  • What did they give the guy who invented the doorknocker?

    A no-bell prize

  • Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature?

    Because the spray paint can wasn't invented until 1949.

  • Why did God invent shopping carts?

    To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.

  • Why has no one invented a device where I can move myself around from place to place while lying in a hammock?

    I remember when we used to make stuff in this lazy country!

  • How do you know the toothbrush was invented in the South?

    Because if it were invented in the North, it'd be called the teethbrush!

  • What's a joke that you invented?

    Here's mine: Did you hear about the guy who had to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted.

  • What do cannibals put in their soup?

    Ramen! Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching.

  • Why did man invent the shipping cart?

    To teach women how to stand on their hind legs.

  • Whatcha inventing?

    I call it a picnic. It's a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack." "Can I bring my kids " "Sure."

  • What happened when fire and the wheel were invented?

    People got lit and turnt.

  • How can we possibly improve this?

    Man invents wheel of cheese* "Nailed it!"

  • Where is the lift?

    American: You mean the elevator? English: Yes, we call it a lift. American: It's called an elevator. We invented it. English: And we invented the language.

  • Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

    They say he made a mint.

  • Who invented cereals?

    Chris P.

  • How was copper wire invented ?

    One copper coin, two dwarves.

  • How many women does it take to invent something?

    Nobody knows, history is still waiting....

  • How do you know the high heel was invented by men?

    Who else invents things?

  • What are the most useless items ever invented?

    A: Condoms. If you need one, she's too old.

  • Why did they invent the shopping cart?

    To teach women to walk on their hind legs.

  • Why, with twice the population of the United States at the time didn't China invent the airplane first?

    Well, two Wongs don't make a Wright.

  • How does a woman go about inventing a lightbulb?

    She gives birth to a son.

  • Why is it called the "color TV"?

    Because it was invented by a black person!

  • Who invented schools and teaching?

    Ed. U. Cation!

  • Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

    What are our scientists doing

  • What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality?

    gets arrested*

  • How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?

    They were very impressed!

  • Where was the toothbrush invented?

    West Virginia, anywhere else it would be called the teethbrush

  • What do clothes and religion have in common?

    Someone invented them and forced them on everyone.

  • How did Al Gore invent the Internet?

    With Al-Gore-rithims

  • Who invented the equation?

    A X-pert

  • What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB?

    They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.

  • What English King invented the fireplace ?

    Alfred the grate !

  • Why wasn't the aeroplane invented in China?

    Because two Wongs don't make a Wright.

  • What happened when the wheel was invented?

    It caused a revolution.

  • Why did they invent white chocolate?

    So black kids could get messy too.

  • What if we gave people enough for three fries?

    guy who invented ketchup packets

  • How did they invent break dancing?

    Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car.

  • How do you know that toothpaste was invented in Arkansas?

    Because if it were invented anywhere else, it'd be called teethpaste.

  • How do you know a redneck invented the tooth brush?

    We would have called it a teeth brush

  • Why is there so little Black literature?

    Because spray paint wasn't invented until 1949.

  • How does a woman go about inventing something?

    She gives birth to a boy.

  • What idiot invented fire blankets?

    You'd think they'd be hot enough from the flames.

  • What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

    It twerked.

  • How do we know that the toothbrush was invented in Mississippi?

    Because anywhere else it would've been called the teethbrush

  • Why did God invent women?

    You think he's gonna wash the dishes

  • Why did god invent patchouli?

    So blind people can hate hippies too.

  • How do you know a redneck invented the toothbrush?

    If it where anyone else it woulda been called a teethbrush

  • Who invented the knock knock joke?

    Two wee chaps

  • Why did god invent whiskey?

    x-post /r/drunkjokes) So the Irish would never rule the world

  • Who invented rhetorical questions?

    How should I know?

  • Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet?

    That thing hurts!

  • What do Cooperstown and Woodstock have in common?

    Cooperstown is where Baseball wasn't invented and Woodstock is where the festival didn't happen.

  • How about if I put a balloon over it?

    Would you touch it then " -guy who invented condoms

  • What's the name of the rockstar who invented mouth ulcer gel?

    Jon Bonjela!

  • Why was the piano invented?

    So that the musician would have a place to put their beer.

  • Why was the lightbulb invented?

    Somebody had an idea.

  • Who invented the telephone?

    The Phoenicians (phone-itions).

  • Which scientist invented the nuclear powered floor cleaner?

    J. Robert Moppenheimer

  • Why did God invent economists?

    So accountants could have someone to laugh at.

  • How can you tell that the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?

    Because it is not called a teethbrush.

  • Why did Beethoven never answer the doorbell?

    They weren't invented yet.

  • Why did man invent curling?

    To convince women sweeping was a sport.

  • Why did Levi invent such nice trousers?

    Because he had good genes.

  • What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

    My Favorite, When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

  • How do you know Axe was invented by black people?

    If it was white people who invented it, it would be called Ask.

  • What were the headlines like when the shovel was invented?

    There's been a ground breaking discovery...

  • How was the Irish Jig invented?

    To much beer and not enough bathrooms

  • Why is a toothbrush a "tooth" brush?

    Cause it was invented in Alabama! Inspiration came from the comments( irpc=932)

  • Who invented fractions?

    Henry the 1/8

  • Who invented mince?

    A leper playing guitar.

  • What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented?

    Lil Caesars