Invent Jokes
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What did they give the guy who invented the doorknocker?
A no-bell prize
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Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature?
Because the spray paint can wasn't invented until 1949.
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Why did God invent shopping carts?
To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.
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Why has no one invented a device where I can move myself around from place to place while lying in a hammock?
I remember when we used to make stuff in this lazy country!
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How do you know the toothbrush was invented in the South?
Because if it were invented in the North, it'd be called the teethbrush!
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What's a joke that you invented?
Here's mine: Did you hear about the guy who had to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted.
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What do cannibals put in their soup?
Ramen! Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching.
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Why did man invent the shipping cart?
To teach women how to stand on their hind legs.
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Whatcha inventing?
I call it a picnic. It's a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack." "Can I bring my kids " "Sure."
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What happened when fire and the wheel were invented?
People got lit and turnt.
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How can we possibly improve this?
Man invents wheel of cheese* "Nailed it!"
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Where is the lift?
American: You mean the elevator? English: Yes, we call it a lift. American: It's called an elevator. We invented it. English: And we invented the language.
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Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
They say he made a mint.
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Who invented cereals?
Chris P.
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How was copper wire invented ?
One copper coin, two dwarves.
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How many women does it take to invent something?
Nobody knows, history is still waiting....
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How do you know the high heel was invented by men?
Who else invents things?
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What are the most useless items ever invented?
A: Condoms. If you need one, she's too old.
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Why did they invent the shopping cart?
To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
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Why, with twice the population of the United States at the time didn't China invent the airplane first?
Well, two Wongs don't make a Wright.
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How does a woman go about inventing a lightbulb?
She gives birth to a son.
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Why is it called the "color TV"?
Because it was invented by a black person!
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Who invented schools and teaching?
Ed. U. Cation!
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Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?
What are our scientists doing
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What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality?
gets arrested*
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How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?
They were very impressed!
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Where was the toothbrush invented?
West Virginia, anywhere else it would be called the teethbrush
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What do clothes and religion have in common?
Someone invented them and forced them on everyone.
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How did Al Gore invent the Internet?
With Al-Gore-rithims
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Who invented the equation?
A X-pert
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What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB?
They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.
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What English King invented the fireplace ?
Alfred the grate !
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Why wasn't the aeroplane invented in China?
Because two Wongs don't make a Wright.
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What happened when the wheel was invented?
It caused a revolution.
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Why did they invent white chocolate?
So black kids could get messy too.
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What if we gave people enough for three fries?
guy who invented ketchup packets
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How did they invent break dancing?
Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car.
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How do you know that toothpaste was invented in Arkansas?
Because if it were invented anywhere else, it'd be called teethpaste.
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How do you know a redneck invented the tooth brush?
We would have called it a teeth brush
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Why is there so little Black literature?
Because spray paint wasn't invented until 1949.
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How does a woman go about inventing something?
She gives birth to a boy.
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What idiot invented fire blankets?
You'd think they'd be hot enough from the flames.
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What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?
It twerked.
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How do we know that the toothbrush was invented in Mississippi?
Because anywhere else it would've been called the teethbrush
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Why did God invent women?
You think he's gonna wash the dishes
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Why did god invent patchouli?
So blind people can hate hippies too.
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How do you know a redneck invented the toothbrush?
If it where anyone else it woulda been called a teethbrush
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Who invented the knock knock joke?
Two wee chaps
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Why did god invent whiskey?
x-post /r/drunkjokes) So the Irish would never rule the world
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Who invented rhetorical questions?
How should I know?
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Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet?
That thing hurts!
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What do Cooperstown and Woodstock have in common?
Cooperstown is where Baseball wasn't invented and Woodstock is where the festival didn't happen.
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How about if I put a balloon over it?
Would you touch it then " -guy who invented condoms
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What's the name of the rockstar who invented mouth ulcer gel?
Jon Bonjela!
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Why was the piano invented?
So that the musician would have a place to put their beer.
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Why was the lightbulb invented?
Somebody had an idea.
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Who invented the telephone?
The Phoenicians (phone-itions).
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Which scientist invented the nuclear powered floor cleaner?
J. Robert Moppenheimer
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Why did God invent economists?
So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
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How can you tell that the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?
Because it is not called a teethbrush.
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Why did Beethoven never answer the doorbell?
They weren't invented yet.
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Why did man invent curling?
To convince women sweeping was a sport.
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Why did Levi invent such nice trousers?
Because he had good genes.
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What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?
My Favorite, When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
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How do you know Axe was invented by black people?
If it was white people who invented it, it would be called Ask.
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What were the headlines like when the shovel was invented?
There's been a ground breaking discovery...
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How was the Irish Jig invented?
To much beer and not enough bathrooms
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Why is a toothbrush a "tooth" brush?
Cause it was invented in Alabama! Inspiration came from the comments(http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSKBN0GP1NS20140825 irpc=932)
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Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8
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Who invented mince?
A leper playing guitar.
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What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented?
Lil Caesars