Irish Jokes
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What's Irish and stays out all year?
Patty O'furniture.
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What do you call an Irish armchair?
Patty O'Furniture
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Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral?
There's one less drunk.
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What do you call an Irish man who lives in your back garden?
Patti O'Furniture
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What is the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?
On Saint Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish.
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What's Irish and sits on your lawn?
paddy o' furniture
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What do you call 3 Irish tree surgeons?
Tree fellas
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What did the Irish man and the mongol woman name their child?
Lepre Kahn
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Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew?
Because one more, and it'd be too farty.
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What is the name of an Irish girl who hangs out on your lawn?
Patti O'Furniture
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What do the Irish do after winning the world cup?
They proceed to Chapter 9: The Dark Mark
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What is the difference between Martin Luther King Day and St. Patrick's Day?
St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish.
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What do you call the Irish guy who always brings flan to the potluck?
Shaun O'flanagan
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How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold it in the socket and the other to drink until the room starts spinning!
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What do you call an Irish bodyguard?
Liam Malone.
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Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
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What's green, white, and orange and only appears once a year?
Irish pride
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Why didn't the Irishman add another bean?
He stopped at 239 because if he added another one it would be 'too farty'. It would've been funnier if I could do an Irish accent.
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What do you call an Irish phone technician who's always calling in sick?
Crock o'Dial.
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What are the 7 Irish drinking holidays?
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
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What's Irish and stays on your back porch all year?
Patty O'Furniture
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How many beans do you put in Irish chili?
Two hundred and thirty-nine. Why Because one more would be two-farty.
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What's Irish and lies around in the sun all day?
Patty O'Furniture.
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When does an Irish potato change nationality?
A: When it's french fried.
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How many beans are in Irish bean soup?
Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty.
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What's Irish and sits outside?
Paddy O'furniture
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Where did the Irish guy get cancer?
In his prostatoe.
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What's in a Paul Walker shot ?
An Irish car bomb followed by a shot of Fireball
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How do you sink an Irish submarine?
A: Knock on the hatch.
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What instrument does the Irish chemist play?
The boron.
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What do you call a couple of Irish guys hiking in the woods?
Trail micks.
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Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in the pot?
Because one more would be "two-fahrty"
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What do you call an Irish woman who stays out all night?
Patty O'Furniture
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How do I make a St. Patrick's Day mocha?
He says Irish coffee is the only thing keeping this family together
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What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime?
A: Paddy O'Furniture!
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Why do irish fried beans only have 239 beans?
Because the extra bean would be too farty.
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Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
On less person is drunk
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Why did the Irish man never get caught drink driving?
Because he never left the pub.
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What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?
Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.
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Why does d' perfect Irish stew require exactly two hundred n' terty nine beans?
Because if you added one more it'd be two farty.
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What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much?
Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty
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What do you call Irish sunscreen?
A pub.
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What do you call it when a man has a beer in each hand?
Irish handcuffs.
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What's in an Irish 7 course meal?
A 6 pack and a potato.
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What do you call it when an Irish band is caught lip syncing?
Sham rock.
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How many Irish folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and one to sing about how grand the old bulb was.
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Why did the Irish woman only put 239 beans into her bean soup?
Because 1 more would have been 240...
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How do the Irish cure a hangover?
With a funeral.
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What do you call an Irish R n B singer who's always happy to do something for you?
Mary J O'Blige
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What do you call 7 Irish guys singing "White Christmas?
Racist.
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What's the difference between an Irish guy dying in a play, and you getting laid?
One's a tragic Mick...
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What would Apple laptops be called if Steve Jobs had been Irish?
McBook Eyre
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Why do new Irish mothers keep dying?
Because they lack taters
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Whats Irish and stays out all night?
Patty O'Furniture
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Why are the Irish considered lucky?
It's because they're always drunk as hell.
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Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?
Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.
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What's Irish and stays out all night?
Patio Furniture
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How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?
You buy it per-tater
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What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk.
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Where does an Irish person go on a vacation?
A: A new bar
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What's the only thing an Irish person can hold on to?
A grudge.
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What is the difference between an Irish drinking song and a Country drinking song?
You don't cry in your beer when the Irish song is playing.
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What do you call an Irish milkshake?
Mashed potatoes...
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What kind of book does an Irish cultist read?
The Leprenomichaun.
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Why should you know who is the bride at an Irish wedding?
Because that's the one you're *not* allowed to punch in the face.
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What do you call three Irish lumberjacks?
Tree fellers Edit: Wooo gold!
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What do Irish feminists call men?
O'Pressors
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What does an Irish terrorist attack and a gambling addiction have in common?
Dublin down
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Why did the Irish Football manager flood the pitch ?
So he could bring his 'sub' on
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How many potatoes does it take to starve an Irish man?
None
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What type of music do Irish people listen to?
Pubstep
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What do the Irish hate more than potatoes?
No potatoes.
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What's Irish and sits out in the rain?
Paddy o' Furniture
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What do you call an Irish sniper?
amon
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What do the Irish say when they cheers their beer?
Good Mornin'!
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What is an Irish 7 course meal?
A six pack and a potato
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Why are the Irish so rich?
Their capital is always Dublin. Hehe
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What's an Irish seven-course meal?
A six-pack and a potato
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Why do the Irish serve up their chili with 139 beans?
Because one more would be one-farty bowl of chili!
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How many beans are in Irish Chili?
239, because if there was 1 more it would be "Too Farty".
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What do you call an Irish-Canadian?
a Mickey Moose
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What's an Irish Seven Course Dinner?
A boiled potato and a six-pack of Guinness Stout.
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What's Irish and sits by the pool?
Paddy O'Furniture
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What do you call an Irish J-Pop singer?
Rady O'Gaga
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Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup?
Because one more bean would be too farty.
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What do you call and Irish person who stays outside all night?
Paddy O'Furniture
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Why do the Irish wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
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How do you call it when an Irish person goes out for drinks?
A bargain
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What's an Irish seven course meal?
A six pack and a potato
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What's Irish and stays out on your deck?
Paddy O'furniture
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Why are there exactly two hundred and thirty nine beans in an Irish Bean Soup?
Because if there were one more, it'd be two forty. (Too farty) This works much better when spoken out loud. The joke how Irish people pronounce "forty."
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Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ?
Because it rhymes with Bank Manager
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What did the Irish farmer say to his cow when it climbed onto the roof of his barn?
A: Get off.
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What's the difference between MLK day and St. Patty's day?
On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish.
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What do you call an Irish thief?
Nick McGuinness.
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How many irish men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, One to hold the light and, one to drink until the room starts spinning!
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What do you call an Irish guy with no arms and no legs hanging out on your front porch?
Patio Furniture.
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What's Irish and sits on a deck?
Patty O'Furniture
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How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.
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Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?
Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".
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What do you call an Irish basketball player with a sore back?
Hunch-black of Notre Dame
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What do you call an Irish gangster that all living systems strive for?
X /r/ScienceJokes) Homie O'Stasis.
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What do you call an Irish snake in Lord of the Rings?
Legolas
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What's Irish and sits on a porch?
Pati 'O' Furniture
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Why do the Irish always answer questions with another question?
He said, "do we now "
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What's the difference between an Irish Funeral and an Irish Wedding?
One less drunk person.
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Who's Irish and sleeps on your porch?
Paddy O'Furniture!
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What is Irish and sits on the porch?
Patty O'Furniture
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How to blind parachutist know they're close to the ground?
The feel the leash go slack! (heard this one while listening to some irish tunes)
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What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day?
Counterfitz
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Where do Irish people go for breakfast?
Drunkin Donuts
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Why is an Irish funeral cheaper than an Irish wedding?
There's one less drunk.
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What's the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding?
One less drunk.
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What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr. Day and St. Patricks Day?
Everyone want to be Irish on St. Patricks Day.
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What's Irish and sits out all night?
Patio furniture.
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What is Irish and stays on your patio, even when it rains?
Patty O'Furniture.
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What do you call a seven course Irish meal?
A 6-pack and a potato.
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Whats the difference between an Irish Party and an Irish Funeral?
One less drunken Irishman
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What if Lady Gaga was half Irish, half Japanese?
Rady O'Gaga
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What do you call an Irish man that bounces off of walls?
Rick O'Shea.
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What do you call a fake Irish diamond?
A shamrock.
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How did the drunk Irish man lose 30$?
He bet 10$ on the soccer game and 20$ on the replay.
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Why do Irish stew recipes only call for 239 beans?
Because one more, and it would be too-farty.
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What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?
Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!
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Why can't Irish do trigonometry?
They can't tan. Why can't Christians do trigonometry They can't sin. Why can't the rest of us trigonometry Just cos.
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What do bad photographs and the Irish famine have in common?
Potato quality
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What is the difference between being Scottish, Irish, or Welsh?
The difference is what people you hate
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Why did god invent whiskey?
x-post /r/drunkjokes) So the Irish would never rule the world
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What do you call an Irish midget?
Whatever their name is, you insensitive jerk.
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What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One person.
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What do you call an Irish man who won't leave your porch?
Paddy O' furniture
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What do you call a half Irish half Muslim husband?
O'Pressive.
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What's white and Irish and sits in your backyard all year?
Paddy O'Furniture
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Which has less drunks: an Irish wedding or an Irish funeral?
An Irish funeral has one less drunk.
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How can you identify an Irish pirate?
A: He's the one with patches over both eyes.
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What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?
Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.
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What do you call a 10 ten old Irish boy who doesn't go to church?
A virgin
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Why do the Irish have 239 beans in their soup?
If they had one more it would be to farty
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What do you call an Irish girl sitting on a hot griddle holding a piece of cheese?
A paddy melt!!