Irishman Jokes
-
What did the Irishman say about the RC car tied to his scrotum?
It drives me nuts.
-
How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. He is drunk, and he tells the bulb to screw itself.
-
What do you get if you cross a Mexican with an Irishman?
A redhead who can tan.
-
What do you call an Irishman sitting on his veranda?
Patty O'Furniture.
-
What do you call an Irishman who bounces off things?
Rick O'Shea
-
What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman?
a surprisingly stable person according to my Homie O'Statis.
-
What do you call a wrecked Irishman?
A mashed potato.
-
Why can't Irishmen be lawyers?
They can never get past the bar.
-
What's white in the morning, white in the afternoon and white in the evening?
An Irishman trying to get a tan.
-
Which one is the Irishman?
A: The one on the motorbike.
-
What do you call an Irishman who's had eight beers?
The designated driver.
-
What are the best ten years of an Irishman's life?
A: Third grade.
-
What do you call an Irishman with Leprosy?
A Leper-Chaun
-
Why do Irishmen hate Kia?
Because gingers don't have Souls.
-
Why do Irishmen drink all the time?
You would too if you were a ginger
-
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
17, 1 to hold the lightbulb, 1 to hold the ladder and the other 15 to drink whiskey until the roof spins
-
How do you know it was an Irishman?
because I had to help him....."
-
Why did the Irishman put 239 beans in the soup pot?
Because any more would be too farty.
-
How did the Irishman get arthritis?
By craic-ing his knuckles.
-
What do you call an Irishman who can't hold his liquor?
OC A quadriplegic.
-
Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his bean soup?
Because one more would be too farty
-
What does a cynical Irishman drink?
Whiskey sour
-
What do you call an Irishman who slept out on the lawn all night?
Patty-OFurniture
-
What do you call an Irishman who studies dinosaurs?
a paleontologist.
-
What do you call and Irishman who works in a French cafe?
Paddy Hor D'oeuvre
-
Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?
To be sure to be sure
-
Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup?
Because one more would have been too farty.
-
What do you call a stoned Irishman?
A baked potato.
-
What do you call an Irishman that stays out all night?
Patty O'Furniture
-
What's the difference between an Irishman and a bottle of whiskey?
The whiskey usually doesn't get drunk until it's at least ten years old.
-
What do you tell an Irishman if you catch him urinating?
European.
-
What do you call an Irishman with no arms and no legs who's rolling down a hill?
Rick O'Shay.
-
What do you call an Irishman who bounces off of walls?
Rick O'Shea.
-
What does an Irishman have for dinner?
A: Starvation. Q: And what does he have for dessert A: Ethnic cleansing.
-
Why did the Irishman only want 239 beans in his soup?
Because one more would be too farty.
-
How do you confuse an irishman?
Lean 3 shovels against the wall and tell him to take his pick.
-
How does a German call an Irishman?
Komm, Sean!
-
What do you call an Irishman with a dangerous bacterial infection?
A leperchaun! :D
-
Why do Irishmen grow mustaches?
So they look like their mothers
-
Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo?
One to get in and one to get out.
-
Why didn't the Irishman add another bean?
He stopped at 239 because if he added another one it would be 'too farty'. It would've been funnier if I could do an Irish accent.
-
What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?
Rick O'Shea.
-
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
5. 1 to screw in the light bulb, and 4 to remark on how grand the old one was.
-
What do you call an Irishman sitting in your Backyard?
Paddy O'Furniture
-
How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?
One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.
-
What do you call an Irishman with no arms and no legs on a pool table?
Rick O'Shay
-
What did the drunken Irishman say to the Chinese diplomat?
http://www.reddit.com/r/Youwritethepunchline/comments/2zg1zy/whatdidthedrunkenirishmansaytothechinese/
-
Whats the difference between an Irish Party and an Irish Funeral?
One less drunken Irishman
-
What happened to the Irishman who tried to blow up a school bus?
He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
-
What did the Irishman text his Wife?
Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."
-
What do you call a sober Irishman?
A liar.
-
How do you burn an Irishman ear?
Ring him while he's ironing...
-
What's the most useless thing on a woman?
A drunk Irishman.
-
How does an Irishman's future look like?
Very blight.
-
What do you call an Irishman sitting on your front porch?
Paddy O'Furniture
-
What do you get when you mix a Native American and an Irishman?
An alcoholic with a drinking problem
-
What does a lumberjack and a trio of Irishmen have in common?
They're both tree fellers.
-
What do you call an Irishman who sits on the porch all year round?
Patty O'Furnature