Isis Jokes

  • What's the best benefit of working for ISIS?

    early retirement

  • What fictional city can ISIS not invade by land?

    Gotham City.

  • Why does ISIS only drink drip coffee?

    Because they hate French Press!

  • What do you call a condensed version of the history of ISIS?

    What do you call a condensed version of the history of ISIS? CaliphNotes!

  • What would you call ISIS after they've been eliminated?


  • Whats the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS?

    How would I know, Im just a US Air Force Operator.

  • What is ISIS' favourite file type?


  • What did the pirate tell his littler sister when she asked if she could hold his parrot?


  • How does someone stop ISIS?

    Change their name to past tense, WASWAS.

  • What makes an ISIS joke funny?

    The execution.

  • What do you get when you put human DNA in a goat?


  • What will ISIS be called once it is destroyed?


  • What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods?

    Teenagers these days be all "I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."

  • How do you tell a joke about ISIS?

    It's all about the execution

  • What's the difference between a school and an ISIS training camp?

    I don't know, i just fly the drone

  • What do Lena Dunham & ISIS have in common ?

    They both love stoning women.

  • What kind of wine does ISIS drink?

    White Infidel.

  • What is ISIS's favorite kind of coffee?


  • What is ISIS?

    They are Radical!!! Please don't hurt me....

  • Why is there so much tension in Iraq?

    They Haven't Broke the Isis yet.

  • What's the difference between the UN and ISIS?

    The pension package.

  • What's the difference between an ISIS training camp and an elementary school?

    I don't know, I just fly the drone.

  • Why does the U.S. Government hate winter?

    Because everything isis

  • Why did ISIS burn 10000 copies of "Dark Side Of The Moon"?

    Because it's a terrible album.

  • What's the best thing about ISIS jokes?

    The execution

  • Why did the surfer join ISIS?

    Because he was totally radical! EDIT: I guess this didn't blow up.

  • Why doesn't ISIS attack Israel?

    Same reason children don't attack their parents...

  • What is ISIS' favourite OS?

    Windows XPlosion

  • What's ISIS's favorite Country Band?


  • How does ISIS cool down in the summer time?

    In a blow up pool

  • What would you call a Chinese based arm of Isis?


  • Why is ISIS going after programs?

    Because they are executable

  • Why do ISIS fighters avoid Montreal restaurants?

    because they serve Poutine.

  • What does the ISIS donkey say?


  • What does ISIS call wine snobs?


  • What did one ISIS militant teacher say to their most successful student?

    You da bomb.

  • How can we stop ISIS?

    EUROPE: How can we save our economy AMERICA: What color is this dress !

  • What the difference between a ISIS member and a child?

    I don't know, I just fly the drones.

  • What's the best part of an ISIS joke?

    The Execution. Hehe...get it? No? Fine I'll be-heading off now.

  • Why doesn't ISIS appear in any Sci-Fi shows or movies?

    because they are set in the future.

  • How do you stop ISIS?

    Leave some milk in the sun for a few days.

  • What's the difference between children and Isis?

    Drones can't tell either

  • How do you get a New Yorker upset about ISIS terror attacks?

    Tell them ISIS are Red Sox fans.

  • Why doesn't ISIS Like School?

    Because they always bombed their tests.

  • What's ISIS's favourite band?

    Koran Koran.

  • What's the most important part of an ISIS joke?

    The execution.

  • What did the ISIS leader gift to all his followers?

    The Samsung Note 7

  • What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?

    100 meter Daesh

  • What do you call the 72 virgins that Allah gave isis?


  • What did one ISIS member say to another?

    IED mubarak.."

  • What's the last thing the ISIS fighters' wife said before she blew herself up?


  • What do ISIS and cats have in common?

    They're both a bunch of pussies. Credit to Stephen Colbert.

  • What's colder than ice cream?


  • Why did the terrorist buy himself a Porsche?

    He was going through a midlife ISIS :(

  • What does the ISIS member say about telling good jokes?

    It's all in the execution."

  • What's frozen water and dangerous?


  • What do they teach in ISIS business school?

    Execution is everything.

  • Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?

    because its not a Target.

  • Why is ISIS so good at sports?

    Even in high-intensity games they always manage to execute

  • What is ISIS's favorite smartphone?

    Samsung Note 7 , according to them it's "the bomb" nowadays.

  • How did ISIS do on their French test?

    They bombed it...

  • What do "fake news" and isis have in common?

    They're blowing up everyone's newsfeed

  • What's the the key to telling an ISIS joke?

    The execution.

  • Why does ISIS call camels "Ships of the Desert"?

    Because they are full of ISIS seamen.

  • What do you call an Asian guy who is a member of ISIS?


  • What do Congressional Republicans and ISIS in Afghanistan have in common?

    Their first act since arriving was to go after the elderly.

  • What is ISIS's favorite candy bar?

    Allahu Snackbar, it's flavor is explosive.

  • What is ISIS's favorite type of text?

    Is the answer: A: Heading B: Heading C: Heading

  • Why did ISIS stop looting viagra?

    The goats all died.

  • What do you call a former member of ISIS?

    What do you call a former member of ISIS? WASWAS

  • How many ISIS mercenaries does it take to change a light bulb?

    None stupid crusader, that's a job for the hostages!

  • What did Muhammad Ali tell ISIS?

    IsIs Pretty soon y'all gonna be WasWas !

  • What do the Russians use to film their war with Isis?


  • What do the leaders of ISIS drink after a victory?


  • How do you tell the difference between a Syrian hospital and an ISIS military base?

    I don't know either, Johnny, just fly the drone.

  • What do ISIS and anime fans have in common?

    They both get hot and bothered over cartoons.

  • Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

    Allahu snackbar!

  • What's the difference between a School and an ISIS training ground?

    I don't know man, I just fly the drone

  • What satellite TV provider does ISIS use?

    Daesh Network

  • What do you get when Italians join ISIS?

    Baked Yazidi

  • What do you call a terrorist-run snowball stand?

    Italian ISIS

  • Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?

    Because they hate French press!

  • What does the CEO of Keurig have in common with ISIS?

    They both hate the French press

  • What did ISIS say after the terrorist attack?


  • How does ISIS listen to its favourite tunes?

    On a boombox.

  • What do you call a group of ISIS members with their backs turned?

    A bunch of sissies.

  • What's the difference between a civilian camp and an ISIS base?

    I don't know I just fly the drones

  • How did Isis move from 5th wanted terrorist group to the most wanted terrorist group?

    They cut a head

  • Why does ISIS like sheep?


  • What is the best part of an ISIS joke?

    The execution.

  • What's the difference between the ISIS headquarters and a kindergarten?

    I don't know, I just fly the drone.

  • What's the difference between parents who don't vaccinate their children and ISIS?

    One is a group made up of radicals with extremist views. And the other group is ISIS.

  • What do you do when ISIS attacks?

    Make a mad Daesh to a shelter

  • How did ISIS do on their French exam?

    They bombed it...

  • What do you call ISIS after it has been completely destroyed?


  • What is crucial to any joke about ISIS?

    The execution

  • What's a member of ISIS's favorite game?

    Mario Kart: Double Daesh!!

  • What's ISIS' favorite kind of discount?


  • What do you call an extremist group of water at 0 Degrees Celsius?


  • What do ISIS want for Christmas?

    Turkey, apparently.

  • What do Lena Dunham & ISIS have in common ?

    They both love stoning women.

  • Why did ISIS leader bring a car-door to the desert?

    So he could roll down the window when it gets too hot. How we joke in Kurdistan

  • How do you tell the difference between members of the GOP and ISIS?

    Skin color.

  • What's a closeted Isis fighter's favourite occasion during the year?

    ram a man

  • Which cable provider offers ISIS 24/7 support?

    Daesh Network

  • What do you call an ISIS member who loves himself?

    A nISISist

  • Why do ISIS fighters only drink instant coffee?

    Because they hate the French Press. (This joke used to be more topical)

  • What do you call a camera mounted on a ISIS-truck?

    a daeshcam

  • What's ISIS favourite meal?

    Turkey! Its the bomb!

  • Why are ISIS fighters afraid to join the TEA Party?

    They're afraid they'll be audited by the IRS.

  • What's the easiest way to get a virus into ISIS computer systems?

    By sending them executables.

  • What do Vegans, ISIS and Feminists have in common?

    None of them like pork.

  • What did the recent Sunni convert says about ISIS?

    They really scared the Shiite outa me!

  • What will be on the Denny's Menu when ISIS takes over?

    The Grand I-slam

  • Why shouldn't ISIS be destroying ancient Mesopotamian buildings?

    Because it's frowned upon in Islam to smoke ziggurats.

  • Whats the ISIS members' astrological sign?

    Sad terrorist

  • What did the ISIS fighter say when he went to bomb the Hawaiian cafe?


  • What will the ISIS be called when we eventually destroy them?