Isis Jokes
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What's the best benefit of working for ISIS?
early retirement
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What fictional city can ISIS not invade by land?
Gotham City.
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Why does ISIS only drink drip coffee?
Because they hate French Press!
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What do you call a condensed version of the history of ISIS?
What do you call a condensed version of the history of ISIS? CaliphNotes!
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What would you call ISIS after they've been eliminated?
WASWAS.
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Whats the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS?
How would I know, Im just a US Air Force Operator.
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What is ISIS' favourite file type?
exe
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What did the pirate tell his littler sister when she asked if she could hold his parrot?
ISIS
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How does someone stop ISIS?
Change their name to past tense, WASWAS.
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What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
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What do you get when you put human DNA in a goat?
ISIS
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What will ISIS be called once it is destroyed?
WasWas
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What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods?
Teenagers these days be all "I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."
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How do you tell a joke about ISIS?
It's all about the execution
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What's the difference between a school and an ISIS training camp?
I don't know, i just fly the drone
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What do Lena Dunham & ISIS have in common ?
They both love stoning women.
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What kind of wine does ISIS drink?
White Infidel.
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What is ISIS's favorite kind of coffee?
Decapitated
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What is ISIS?
They are Radical!!! Please don't hurt me....
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Why is there so much tension in Iraq?
They Haven't Broke the Isis yet.
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What's the difference between the UN and ISIS?
The pension package.
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What's the difference between an ISIS training camp and an elementary school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
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Why does the U.S. Government hate winter?
Because everything isis
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Why did ISIS burn 10000 copies of "Dark Side Of The Moon"?
Because it's a terrible album.
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What's the best thing about ISIS jokes?
The execution
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Why did the surfer join ISIS?
Because he was totally radical! EDIT: I guess this didn't blow up.
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Why doesn't ISIS attack Israel?
Same reason children don't attack their parents...
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What is ISIS' favourite OS?
Windows XPlosion
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What's ISIS's favorite Country Band?
Allahbama
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How does ISIS cool down in the summer time?
In a blow up pool
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What would you call a Chinese based arm of Isis?
Ricesis
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Why is ISIS going after programs?
Because they are executable
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Why do ISIS fighters avoid Montreal restaurants?
because they serve Poutine.
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What does the ISIS donkey say?
Jihaaaad
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What does ISIS call wine snobs?
Zinfandels!!!!!!
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What did one ISIS militant teacher say to their most successful student?
You da bomb.
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How can we stop ISIS?
EUROPE: How can we save our economy AMERICA: What color is this dress !
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What the difference between a ISIS member and a child?
I don't know, I just fly the drones.
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What's the best part of an ISIS joke?
The Execution. Hehe...get it? No? Fine I'll be-heading off now.
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Why doesn't ISIS appear in any Sci-Fi shows or movies?
because they are set in the future.
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How do you stop ISIS?
Leave some milk in the sun for a few days.
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What's the difference between children and Isis?
Drones can't tell either
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How do you get a New Yorker upset about ISIS terror attacks?
Tell them ISIS are Red Sox fans.
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Why doesn't ISIS Like School?
Because they always bombed their tests.
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What's ISIS's favourite band?
Koran Koran.
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What's the most important part of an ISIS joke?
The execution.
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What did the ISIS leader gift to all his followers?
The Samsung Note 7
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What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?
100 meter Daesh
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What do you call the 72 virgins that Allah gave isis?
Goats
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What did one ISIS member say to another?
IED mubarak.."
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What's the last thing the ISIS fighters' wife said before she blew herself up?
Bahhh
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What do ISIS and cats have in common?
They're both a bunch of pussies. Credit to Stephen Colbert.
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What's colder than ice cream?
ISIS
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Why did the terrorist buy himself a Porsche?
He was going through a midlife ISIS :(
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What does the ISIS member say about telling good jokes?
It's all in the execution."
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What's frozen water and dangerous?
ISIS
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What do they teach in ISIS business school?
Execution is everything.
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Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?
because its not a Target.
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Why is ISIS so good at sports?
Even in high-intensity games they always manage to execute
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What is ISIS's favorite smartphone?
Samsung Note 7 , according to them it's "the bomb" nowadays.
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How did ISIS do on their French test?
They bombed it...
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What do "fake news" and isis have in common?
They're blowing up everyone's newsfeed
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What's the the key to telling an ISIS joke?
The execution.
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Why does ISIS call camels "Ships of the Desert"?
Because they are full of ISIS seamen.
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What do you call an Asian guy who is a member of ISIS?
RICE-IS
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What do Congressional Republicans and ISIS in Afghanistan have in common?
Their first act since arriving was to go after the elderly.
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What is ISIS's favorite candy bar?
Allahu Snackbar, it's flavor is explosive.
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What is ISIS's favorite type of text?
Is the answer: A: Heading B: Heading C: Heading
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Why did ISIS stop looting viagra?
The goats all died.
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What do you call a former member of ISIS?
What do you call a former member of ISIS? WASWAS
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How many ISIS mercenaries does it take to change a light bulb?
None stupid crusader, that's a job for the hostages!
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What did Muhammad Ali tell ISIS?
IsIs Pretty soon y'all gonna be WasWas !
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What do the Russians use to film their war with Isis?
Daeshcams
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What do the leaders of ISIS drink after a victory?
Bombay.
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How do you tell the difference between a Syrian hospital and an ISIS military base?
I don't know either, Johnny, just fly the drone.
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What do ISIS and anime fans have in common?
They both get hot and bothered over cartoons.
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Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?
Allahu snackbar!
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What's the difference between a School and an ISIS training ground?
I don't know man, I just fly the drone
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What satellite TV provider does ISIS use?
Daesh Network
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What do you get when Italians join ISIS?
Baked Yazidi
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What do you call a terrorist-run snowball stand?
Italian ISIS
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Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?
Because they hate French press!
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What does the CEO of Keurig have in common with ISIS?
They both hate the French press
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What did ISIS say after the terrorist attack?
Nice
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How does ISIS listen to its favourite tunes?
On a boombox.
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What do you call a group of ISIS members with their backs turned?
A bunch of sissies.
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What's the difference between a civilian camp and an ISIS base?
I don't know I just fly the drones
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How did Isis move from 5th wanted terrorist group to the most wanted terrorist group?
They cut a head
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Why does ISIS like sheep?
Is-Lamb!
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What is the best part of an ISIS joke?
The execution.
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What's the difference between the ISIS headquarters and a kindergarten?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
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What's the difference between parents who don't vaccinate their children and ISIS?
One is a group made up of radicals with extremist views. And the other group is ISIS.
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What do you do when ISIS attacks?
Make a mad Daesh to a shelter
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How did ISIS do on their French exam?
They bombed it...
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What do you call ISIS after it has been completely destroyed?
WASWAS!
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What is crucial to any joke about ISIS?
The execution
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What's a member of ISIS's favorite game?
Mario Kart: Double Daesh!!
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What's ISIS' favorite kind of discount?
Blowouts
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What do you call an extremist group of water at 0 Degrees Celsius?
ISIS
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What do ISIS want for Christmas?
Turkey, apparently.
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What do Lena Dunham & ISIS have in common ?
They both love stoning women.
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Why did ISIS leader bring a car-door to the desert?
So he could roll down the window when it gets too hot. How we joke in Kurdistan
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How do you tell the difference between members of the GOP and ISIS?
Skin color.
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What's a closeted Isis fighter's favourite occasion during the year?
ram a man
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Which cable provider offers ISIS 24/7 support?
Daesh Network
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What do you call an ISIS member who loves himself?
A nISISist
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Why do ISIS fighters only drink instant coffee?
Because they hate the French Press. (This joke used to be more topical)
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What do you call a camera mounted on a ISIS-truck?
a daeshcam
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What's ISIS favourite meal?
Turkey! Its the bomb!
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Why are ISIS fighters afraid to join the TEA Party?
They're afraid they'll be audited by the IRS.
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What's the easiest way to get a virus into ISIS computer systems?
By sending them executables.
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What do Vegans, ISIS and Feminists have in common?
None of them like pork.
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What did the recent Sunni convert says about ISIS?
They really scared the Shiite outa me!
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What will be on the Denny's Menu when ISIS takes over?
The Grand I-slam
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Why shouldn't ISIS be destroying ancient Mesopotamian buildings?
Because it's frowned upon in Islam to smoke ziggurats.
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Whats the ISIS members' astrological sign?
Sad terrorist
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What did the ISIS fighter say when he went to bomb the Hawaiian cafe?
ALOHA SNACKBAR
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What will the ISIS be called when we eventually destroy them?
WASWAS.