Japanese Jokes
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What's Beethoven's favorite favorite Japanese weapon?
Ka-ta-na-na!
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How do Japanese politicians say they got their positions?
With erections.
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What do you call a group of Japanese people running up a hill?
Tsunami Warning
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What does a Japanese girl ride?
Niisan.
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What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person?
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.
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What did the Japanese General say to his kamikaze trainee?
Despite what everyone tells you, you'll never learn from your mistakes.
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What did the Japanese stoner say?
Toke yo
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Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car ?
Because she'd never be able to learn the language
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Why are foodfights forbidden in japanese schools?
The children always end up with lice in their hair.
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What sound does a Japanese camera make?
Crick"
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Who is Ed McMahon's favorite Japanese Filmmaker?
Hiyooooo Miyazaki.
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How many tickles does a Japanese school girl want?
Tentickles.
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What piece of clothing is made overseas in an Asia country?
Japanese
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Why do Japanese people love mechs so much?
Because of all the metal in their brains.
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What does a Japanese man do when there's an erection?
He votes!
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Which US state is friendliest toward the Japanese?
Ohio
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What do you call the Japanese police force?
Kawaii Five-0
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Why do the Japanese have squinty eyes?
Becuase atomic bombs are bright.
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Where did the little Japanese girl go when the little boy dropped by?
Everywhere.
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What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?
Ryan
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What type of pants do Japanese people wear?
Nihon-jeans (Nihon-jin)
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What's a Japanese person's hangover cure?
Soba Noodles
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What did the Hobbit say to the Japanese man as he was leaving?
Shirenara!
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Why are the labia on Japanese women oriented sideways instead of vertically?
Goes better with their eyes.
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What do you tell a smelly Japanese person?
Takashawa.
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What did the Japanese buck say to the doe he was courting?
OC I don't know how to put this but...I'm kind of a big deer.
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Why do Japanese people squint?
Nuclear explosions are bright
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Why aren't Japanese optimistic?
Because not every cloud has a silver lining
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Why was the Japanese man so careful when walking in his house?
It was made of pranks.
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Why are Japanese people so good at judo?
You can't ippon a Nippon.
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What do the Japanese call a large apartment?
An itssoroomy.
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What do you call a Japanese kid the explodes?
A loli-pop
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Why do Japanese hate bingo?
They all scramble for cover when you call B-29
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What the japanese version of mission impossible?
Miso impossible
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What are the loud, metal things that the Japanese hit?
American ships.
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What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
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What do Japanese people do when they have erections?
Vote!
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What didn't the Japanese understand nuclear missile technology?
It was a little over their heads
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What do Japanese people do during an erection?
They go to the polls and vote.
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What do Japanese people call.. -What do Japanese people call their japs eye?
My eye
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How do you know Jesus loves Japanese food?
Because he said he loves miso.
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What is the worst thing about dating a Japanese girl?
You have to drop da bomb on her twice
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Why do Japanese women like foreign men?
Japanese men can't look them in the eye. Kappa
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What do you get if you take the red circle off a Japanese flag?
The French flag.
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What kind of car does a Japanese chef drive?
Rolls Rice
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Which US state is the friendliest towards the Japanese?
Ohio
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What did the salmon say to his shy Japanese girlfriend?
Don't be koi.
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What sport do Japanese people watch?
Desuball
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What do you call a japanese homeless guy?
Tokyo Drifter
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What does it sounds like when a Japanese Homer Simpson forgets how to count to 11?
Nin, ten, " ....I'll leave now.
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What do Japanese Kids, Chinese Democracy and German Humor have in common?
All are equally oxymoronic.
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How do you say 'Toilet' in Japanese?
Dump-ring.
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What does a Japanese chef shout in bed?
Ooo mami! (Umami)
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What is Snoopy's favorite Japanese dish?
Snushi.
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What do you call a fashionable Japanese warrior?
Glamurai
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What is the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
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What is the hardest thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it. I'm going to hell..
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How do Japanese people refer to American politicians?
Parti-san
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Why do Japanese people have slanty eyes?
Atomic bombs are realllllly bright.
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What do you get when you combine two Japanese demons?
A two-eyed onion.
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What did the Japanese soda say to Papa John after he crashed his car?
I'm really sodie pop.
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How many tickles does it take to make a japanese girl laugh?
Ten Tickles
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What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller?
One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.
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What do a coffee shop and a Japanese castle siege have in common?
Baristas
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What do all Japanese Airmen wear eye patches?
Because they're pirots!
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What do you call a Japanese Halloween Cake?
Bookkake
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Who's the founder of the Japanese Wikipedia?
Yojimbo Wales! (Joke stolen from co-worker)
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How does a Japanese person distinguish between a German and an extraterrestrial?
He doesn't, they are both Aryans.
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What do you call Japanese people that fly planes?
Pirates.
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What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common?
Neither can achieve an election
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Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Woman?
You have to drop the bomb twice.
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What did the Japanese Journey covers band sing at the funeral?
Don't stop, bereaving!
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How do Japanese Chihuahuas say 'Hello'?
Konichihuahua
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Why does Jesus like Japanese food?
Because he loves miso
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What makes the Japanese better than Al Qaeda?
At least the Japanese were considerate enough to bring their own planes
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What do you call a group of people addicted to Japanese drugs?
We abuse
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What did the Japanese man say when he jumped out of Office Depot?
SUPPLIES!!!
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Why couldn't the Japanese guy see his car?
Because he had a cataract!
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What do Japanese emperors and rappers have in common?
They're both wondering where their ninjas are at.
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What does a cranky Japanese person suffer from?
PAST: Post Atomic Stress Disorder
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What if Lady Gaga was half Irish, half Japanese?
Rady O'Gaga
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Whats the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.
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What is a Japanese favourite beverage that they don't remember?
Affogato"
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Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?
He was sick of all its shiitake.
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How do you tell a Japanese girl you're breaking up with her ?
You drop it on her twice.
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What's the hardest part about dumping a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
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Why do Japanese people look so serious in pictures?
Last time they saw a flash it destroyed their country
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What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets the point.
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Where do the Japanese store defective mannequin feet?
In bent-toe boxes.
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What did one Japanese man say to the other?
I'm not quite sure. I only took one year of Japanese in high school.
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What does an excited Japanese horse say?
Oshio des neighhhhh
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What do you call a Japanese Cougar with exceptional taste?
Umami
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Whats worse than having to break up with your Japanese girlfriend for the first time?
Her not hearing you, so you drop the bomb a 2nd time.
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Why do Democrats like to play Pokemon?
They've always enjoyed rounding up Japanese monsters.
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What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to repost the joke twice before she realizes that it isn't funny anymore
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What Job will Mr Miyagi take on when he retires from Martial Arts?
Plastic Surgeon. Japanese accent "Rax on, Rax off"
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How do you tell apart a Chinese from a Japanese?
With a Geiger Counter.
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When do spare parts from Japanese cars start falling out of the sky?
When it's raining Datsun cogs.
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What is Shaka's favorite Japanese food?
Shakitori!
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What do you call someone obsessed with Japanese food?
a weeafood
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Why did the Japanese funeral home have to turn away new business?
They ran out of san storage
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What do you call an alcohol free Japanese city?
Nadasaki
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What is Batman's Japanese emergency number?
7777-Batman
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What do you call the study of Japanese sound?
Yakuztics
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What did the japanese chef do after he dishonored the emperor?
Commit sushi
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Why did the Japanese American bring his server with him?
He thought they said internet camp
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Whats the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?
Having to drop the bomb on them twice before they get it.
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What do you call a half Mexican half Japanese jedi master?
Obi Juan Shinobi
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Why are Japanese people all skinny?
Because of their national diet.
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What do Arabs and the Japanese have in common ?
They both like bombs
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What did the Japanese chef say when his mother died?
Well, that's the edamame.
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How do Japanese people ask for rice?
Samurais?
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What do you call a Pho restaurant run by 9 Japanese chefs?
Pho Kyuu EDIT: No one understands how to pronounce "Pho". ;;
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Why do Japanese Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from feminists.
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What food do Japanese people serve as an apology when they have offended someone?
Miso sorry...
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What is "YEAH" in Japanese?
HAEY, obviously.
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What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese women?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
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How do you say goodbye to a thousand Japanese people?
A big wave
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What do Japanese people say after a Thanksgiving prayer?
Ra'men.
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What's the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
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What do you call a Japanese pirate?
J-Peg.