Joke Jokes
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What did the set-up say to the punchline?
You're nothing but a joke.
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What is the only thing on earth that goes "ha ha" on a Monday?
A bit late, but.... A blonde who heard a joke on Friday.
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Who is the best Podracer in Star Wars?
Michael Chewbacca EDIT: Some people don't get the joke..... Michael schumacher is a F1 race car driving legend.
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What is a joke that only makes sense in your own regional dialect/accent?
Sorry for a post that's not a joke but I'm interested. Here's one from where I am. These two ducks are flying over Ballymena. The first one says, "quack quack" and the second one says, "slow down! I'm coming as quack as I cyan."
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Why are setups to jokes so important?
because seven ate nine.
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How do I submit a joke?
Do I hand my life in
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What happened when Helium told a joke?
There was no reaction
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What's a Sikh's favourite kind of joke?
A Nanak Nanak joke.
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How do you crack a joke on r/Jokes?
ctrl+v.
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How do you tell a joke about ISIS?
It's all about the execution
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How many times does a blonde laugh at a joke?
Three times - Once when you tell it, once when you explain it, and once when she gets it.
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How did the hour and minute hands of the clock get cancer?
Second hand smoking! My own joke that I've been meaning to put up for a while. Time to see how it goes haha.
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How many didn't?
Ten. (Shame this one doesn't work too well for reddit - the funniest part of this joke is the third punchline enjoying people struggle to understand what the hell you're talking about.)
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What is the penalty for telling a bad joke?
The joke is it's own pun-ishment.
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What type of jokes do Sikhs hate?
Puns
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What do my jokes have in common with toilet paper?
They're both tearable.
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What do two rights make?
An airplane! haha Wright brothers :-) I made this joke when I was in Junior high
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What do you call a person with memory problems telling a joke?
To get to the other side.
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What do you call jokes about bread?
buns
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Which profession has the worst sense of humour?
Well, chiropodists like jokes. But opticians like them .
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What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?
Dishcipline This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.
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How many /r/ users does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, one to complain that it has already been done before, and one to repost this joke.
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What do eggs do for fun?
They crack jokes.
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Whats the most essential part of telling a joke about terrorism?
an explosive punchline
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Why do people like office parties AND this joke?
The punch line.
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Who's there ! Beets ! Beets who ?
Beets me but I just forgot the joke !
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What's the best part of running a marathon?
Ha! You actually thought I ran a marathon! Jokes on you, I'm just drunk!
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What do r/jokes and my dads jokes have in common?
They don't get better with age
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What's the definition of "de javu"?
Jokes on
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Which joke is better?
How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten tickles. How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten tickles.
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What is the best anti-joke you know?
Well a joke that isn't funny, but still is because it isn't. If you know what I mean. These are kind of much easier to remember.
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Why do women and children evacuate first in an emergency?
So the men can go on Reddit and repost this joke.
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What do you call an unconscious foot?
Coma-toes! (I made up this joke when I was 10.)
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What's a boxer's favorite part of a joke?
The punchline
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Why didn't the blind person laugh at my joke?
Because he didn't see the funny side to it.
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What's your favorite medical joke?
I've memorized a lot of jokes from a previous "doctor joke" thread, and need some fresh material!
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What don't homeless people get?
Knock knock jokes
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What's the best language for jokes?
Punjabi.
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What's the best thing about banging 28 year olds?
There's 20 of them. don't get triggered, just a joke! Paedophilia is not funny
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Why didn't Silento knock before coming inside?
Because you already know who it's isss! My little sister told me this joke.
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Why can't you tell a joke to a dwarf?
Because it will go right over his head
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What did the thunder say when it understood the joke?
I feel so enlightninged!
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Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?
Never mind...it's tearable
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What's so unfunny that it's funny?
An anti-joke.
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What dies a little, when explained about?
A joke.
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Why the full we don't have any jokes about Islam?
Is it because it's a joke by itself or what.
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What happened when the joke about terrorists got to the front page?
It blew up
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Why would you get mad?
Because you cant take a joke.
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What would be the best color to make a joke about?
I was thinking black, but I'm not sure it would work?
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What does my jokes and cancer have in common?
Only my dad gets it.
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What does a National Geographic magazine or a JC Penney catalog have in common?
Sorry, the punchline is the joke. If you don't get it, ask your dad.
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Why did the dad say the joke instead of act it out?
Because it was cheesier said than done.
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What is this?
A Joke "
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Whats a Joke with no Punchline?
Life
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What kind of joke do you tell to a vegetarian?
One they've never herbivore.
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Why are there more jokes about Waco than Jonestown?
A: The punch lines were too long in Jonestown.
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What's your funniest yet least known joke?
I have a friend that absolutely loves cheesy, question and answer jokes and I wanna make a card with a list of them! The problem is that she knows just about every joke known to man so I challenge you to give me hilarious, short jokes that aren't very widely known. Make me laugh!
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What to hear a joke about dementia?
Pickles
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What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?
Barns and no-bulls. (This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)
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Why aren't jokes in base eight funny?
Because 7, 10, 11!
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What has an R at the beginning, a T at the end, and EPOS in the middle?
Most of the jokes in this subreddit.
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What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy?
Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.
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What does a fish say when he hits concrete?
Dam! A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.
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Why did the pregnant woman love to tell jokes?
Because she had a pun in the oven!
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What do you call a joke that includes a pun about weed?
OC High humor
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What is the most essential part of any joke?
The way that the punchline of the joke is delivered.
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What do you call a guy that can't make a joke?
A dead one.
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How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.
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What would be Jeopardy?
If this popular game show told a joke, it would put the punchline first.
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How would you describe a joke about bones?
Humerus.97
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What is Facebook?
Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE , She gets Hundreds of likes , comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's .
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How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know, they're all too busy complaining about this joke.
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What does a cat say when you tread on its tail?
ME-OW! I am very sorry. Just thought of it and felt like everyone should hear it. Maybe some jokes are better left untold...
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What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?
One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.
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Why are jokes in base 8 not funny?
Because 7,10,11!
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What did the fish say when it crashed into a wall?
Damn! (This is my go-to joke that someone told me in highschool like 7 years ago. Felt like sharing it.)
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Where does the thumb meet its type?
At the SPACE BAR! reddit is fun! I'm staring at the keyboard tryin' to think up a joke and voila'!
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Why should you always finish telling your jokes to David Carradine?
He doesn't like to be left hanging.
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What happens when you take a joke too far?
The 45th President of the United States of America.
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Where does He-Man keep his towel?
BY THE SHOWER OF GREYSKULL!!! I wrote this joke today. Feel free to steal it.
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What's the difference between organized crime and the government?
Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.
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Whats a joke so bad its funny?
I just want some really hillarious jokes, preferably long ones
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Why do people at work always laugh at my jokes?
Because they're paid to.
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How can you tell this joke was submitted by a woman?
No, wait.
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Why was the monkey attracted to the paint?
Cuz it was yellow and appealing! Sorry if this is bad. Seen too many of the same jokes here and I wanted to add an original joke.
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Who's there A blond Blond who I'm just blond, does this seem like a joke?
No, you're the joke :3
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What do you call a joke with no punchline?
Ba-dum-tss
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What do people with memory loss and posters on r/jokes have in common?
They both say the same jokes over and over again.
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Why aren't there any jokes about Jonestown?
The punchline was too long
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What's yellow and lies in a pond?
Disclaimer: I don't know how well this joke will work in english. What's yellow and lies in a pond? An excevator. You don't think this is funny? Neither does the operator.
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Why are some jokes so funny?
Doctor, Doctor why are some jokes so painfully funny -It must be the punchline
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What do you call a waffle that's been buried in sand?
Sandiego (The first joke I ever made as a kid)
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Why do ISIS fighters only drink instant coffee?
Because they hate the French Press. (This joke used to be more topical)
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What did the boulder say to the other boulder?
I rock. You Rock. We Rock. Disclaimer: This joke was made during a 6 hour road trip with the family. My only scenery was rocks.
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What did one smell say to the odor?
You stink at telling jokes."
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Why do Canadians prefer their jokes in hexidecimal?
Because 7 8 9 A
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How many redditors does it take to repost a joke?
About four.
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What would Germans call a painfully offensive joke?
Ouchwitz >say ouch when offended or in pain >Witz is the German word for joke >sounds like auschwitz
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What's better than a joke on /r/Jokes?
The inevitable comment from
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What was the humor like back then?
I was just wondering about how many jokes today maybe irrelevant 100 years into the future. To test this theory, what are the oldest recorded jokes?
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What's a Chinese woman called with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene. (Normally start this as a two part joke with, "What do you call a woman with... Ilene." Ha... But figured everyone had already heard that).
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What's the worst kind of joke?
Clickbait. Edit: Added a space which triggered someone.
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What are your best Sports Team jokes?
With the NHL season getting started tonight. I am wondering what are you best jokes making fun off sports teams. All Sports (Baseball,hockey,football, soccer etc).
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Why does everybody else get the brunt of the jokes?
Let me hear something different.
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What do you call making jokes of a chicken on fire?
Roasting a chicken.
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What does a rock do all day?
Nothing. (this joke was made by daughter when she was 5)
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What is the South American Music Scale?
Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti No (This is a joke I wrote a loooonnngg time ago, tell me what you think.)
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Why do horses make terrible congressmen?
Because they can only say "neigh!" I wish this was a joke made up by my 7 year old cousin, but she's imaginary.
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What do you call a room with no walls?
A mushroom. Some people don't think that this is a joke. But it makes me rofl all over the place.
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What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?
I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me
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Why was little Billy so sad when his friends played on the swingset?
He had no arms. Sorry that joke was stupid, let me try again. Knock Knock "Whose there?" Not Billy
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What do you get when... what do you get when you mix a joke and a rhetorical question?
a rhetorical answer
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Why aren't there any jokes about Jim Jones?
The punchlines are too long.
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What would she do for $20?
Wasn't there a joke before posted about asking what a girl would do for $20 or something A dirty joke I'm trying to find it but I can't....
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What makes a joke bad?
redundancy.
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How do you make a blonde laugh at Easter?
Tell her a joke at Christmas
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What is crucial to any joke about ISIS?
The execution
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What thoughts do Blondes have after reading these jokes?
A: None as usual... and they most likely didn't understand them either.
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How many religious people does it take to change a light bulb?
This is a joke I came up with. Q: How many religious people does it take to change a light bulb? A: There's no need to change it when you can easily convince everyone that it still works, but they've gone blind.
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Why can't your jokes ever make NRA members laugh?
Because jokes don't make people laugh, people make people laugh.
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What is the type of humor do you hate the most?
Dark humor... I hate it when black people tell jokes.
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How do we know there are so many environmentalists on reddit?
A. Because everyone keep recycling the same jokes
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What did one potatoe say to another?
Dan Quayle wrote this joke.
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Why is it a bad idea to give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll "Let it go! Let it go!" This joke was made up by my 5 year old nephew.
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What jokes do you know that can only be understood if you know two (or more) languages?
Like a joke that involves a pun on a word that has different meanings in different languages. Please tell us what languages they are in.
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Why don't people tell jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones?
The punchline is too long.
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Why should you not tell jokes to sand paper?
It's a rough crowd ...Ba da bum chssh
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What's a joke?
My life...
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Why the big pause................................?
Said the man in the pub to the bear. First heard this joke told by Eddie Izzard.
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What do you call a person with no skin?
Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet.
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What do you call a cow that gets hit by a car?
A dead cow! (My 5-year old made up this joke)
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What's long, hard and bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?
Your spine.
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What do you call a tree that hates this joke?
A face palm.
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Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it's two gross! (A gross is a measurement unit for "144". So 2 * 144 = 288. Or "two gross".)
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Where do dads keep their jokes?
In their dadabase.
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Why did the fish sink?
This joke composed by my seriously autistic friend Neil, who LOVES jokes) Because it was a brick.
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What did the cow say when she got hit by a car?
Moo." What did the cow saw when she fell into a ditch? "Moo." What did the cow say when she fell onto the electric fence? "Moo." What did the cow say when she got hit by a train? "Why does everything always happen to meeee?" Protip: My dad wrote this joke for me when I was six.
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What does Mrs. pancake say when you compliment her on her weight?
Thank you, I'm flattened! I made this joke up on my drive home and am very proud of it. You monkeys better find it funny!
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Why should optometrists never tell jokes?
Because they're too cornea.
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How to be part of a joke?
One must simply walk into a bar
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Why is it good to post jokes about feminists?
It promotes equality.
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Why do I not laugh at your jokes anymore?
Because I've "reddit" before
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What sounds like a joke, but isn't funny?
an anti-joke.
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What joke?
Exactly".
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How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who gives a cluck (I wonder if the moderators will censor this joke merely on the grounds that it is categorically terrible )
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What kind of jokes does a mute clown tell?
Dumb ones!
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How do you know a joke is a repost?
It's on the front page
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What do the Scottish people call iPhone?
A: an AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)
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Why are there no joke about Jonestown?
The punchlines are too long.
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What kind of jokes do filipinos make?
Punny ones
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What language does a boxer who punches jokes speak?
Punjabi-ng.
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How do you ruin a joke?
By reposting it every week!
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Why should I submit a joke today?
Because today's April full!
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Why do Stormtroopers never laugh?
Because they always miss the joke
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Where do black person go to travel cross-country?
The Newport (My first joke, sorry if bad 8)
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Why isn't there any knock knock jokes about the United States?
Because freedom doesn't knock. It rings.
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How many babysitters does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you joking? They can't even change a dirty diaper!
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What is your best sushi-related joke or pun?
My dad and I are going out for sushi tonight, and he has rescheduled this dinner with me several times for dumb reasons (one night was because he randomly decided to go out drinking instead). Would love to get my revenge by making sushi puns and jokes all night, but Google is failing me--I've only been able to find jokes that either make no sense, or are just not funny at all. Help!
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Why did Vanilla Ice steal a can of hair spray?
Because the label said, "Contents Under Pressure" Got this joke from my brother :D
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Who plays those kind of jokes anymore?
You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.
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Why didn't the skelton cross the road?
Answer in comments so you can fully appreciate the joke)
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What subject did Dracula major in during college?
AcCOUNTing This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.
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Why don't jokes in base 8 work?
Because 7 10 11
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What has two thumbs and doesn't understand jokes that require a visual component?
This guy!
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Who laughs the last?
The one who you have to explain the joke to.
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What do frogs say that surf the internet?
Reddit reddit.. First joke i thought of. :)
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Why wasn't the joke funny at the dance?
There wasn't a punch line.
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What do you say when somebody else has ruined your joke?
RIP post
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What do you get when you cut up an avagadro?
Guaca**mole**y edit: how do I make it not say this joke is Dirty
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Why was Stalin a Bad leader?
Because he was staling a country that was rushing..(Russia) This joke was bad. Im going to bed now.
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What do you call a lawyer up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement EDIT: Okay thanks for pointing out that I messed up the wording but the joke is supposed to be the funny part
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When jokes go to parties, where do they wait for drinks?
In the punchlines.
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Why is it never safe to tell a joke about corn?
A corn has ears.
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What's the worst thing you can do when posting a joke?
Accidentally hit submit before you
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What do you call Dracula's retarded cousin?
Countdown This was a joke I heard on TV some time ago ... Thought it was worth a share.
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What's joke #1?
THIS IS NOT A JOKE I'm sure you all have heard the joke where has a number for each joke and that everyone just remembers the numbers instead for typing out the jokes. This always made me think "What would joke #1 be?" What do you think it'd be?
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Why shouldn't you tell a philosophy major a joke?
They don't find them Hume-erous.
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What's the most important part of a joke, the setup or the punchline?
To get to the other side.
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What do you call a fuzzy animal that grows on trees?
A root bear! (I came up with this joke a few minutes ago. I hope it's funny)
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What did Journey say to the critic as he stormed out of their concert?
Don't stop! Be leaving!" Just a joke I thought up the other day.
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How many suh boys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, its already lit fam. I cannot take credit for this due to being told this joke by a freind. He was in fact lit af.
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How do police informants begin their jokes?
Nark Nark
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Why can't ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Cause they would quack up.
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Why are they called jokes?
Because calling them republican presidential candidates would make me cry.
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What joke has sebadoh for a punch line?
A joke about what kind of dough does an italian use to make seb bread, with really good delivery.
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What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)
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Why did the cookie not laugh at your joke?
Because it was crumby.
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What did the idiot do after seeing a joke that wasn't very funny?
Downvote it.
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What's the difference between a contradiction and a punchline?
There's no punchline for this joke.
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Why aren't there more jokes about Jim Jones?
I think it's because usually the punchline is too long
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Why can't you email jokes to a jedi?
Because attachments are forbidden
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How do you know when a joke has gone too far?
It's elected President.
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Why did the kids tell jokes to the mirror?
They wanted to see it crack up!
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Why can't you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs?
Because they always take things, literally.
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How many 3rd wave feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Whats the point? 3rd wave feminists can't take a joke anyway.
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What do STDs and jokes have in common?
They're both easily spread.
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What's the best things about Anti-Jokes?
They have a large following!
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Why didn't the cashier laugh at my joke?
It didn't make cents
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What do you call a scientific measuring instrument with degrees?
A graduated cylinder. This is the only joke I've ever thought of.
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Why does Peter Pan always fly?
He Neverlands. I really love this joke because it never grows old!
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Why did ISIS leader bring a car-door to the desert?
So he could roll down the window when it gets too hot. How we joke in Kurdistan
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What did the car baby say to his car dad?
Hey dad, let's tell a joke for car ma!
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What was the last thing that went through the Sandy Hook child's mind?
A bullet. I apologize if that joke was aimed for a younger audience. I love Sandy Hook jokes, they never get old. Just like those children.
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Whats does dissecting a frog and explaining a joke have in common?
Sure, you know how it works, but now it's dead.
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How can you tell when a German is joking?
Don't worry, he will inform you after delivery of the punchline has taken place. Just a joke!
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Why do all polish names end in ski?
Because they can't spell toboggan (This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)
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What to hear a joke?
Women's Sports.
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What kind of jokes do farmers tell?
CORNY JOKES!!!
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How many muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Sorry comments are unavailable on this joke.
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What kinds of jokes do cats play on each other?
Purranks.
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Why was Joe disappointed when he read the newspaper in Washington?
There were no jokes in the Post.
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How can you tell someone is a vegan, cross fitter, or an atheist?
alt) Make a joke about them, and then they'll get real offended.
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Why don't you hear any knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings.
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What was the first joke ever written?
Ugh, Ugh Ugh? Uggh!
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Why are pirates so bad at telling jokes?
Instead of 'knock knock', they say, 'Arrr you there !'
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Why didnt Spock make a record of their voyage?
Because it was deep space . (the joke is how the outer space was very deep)
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What do you call a joke that only works written down instead of told orally?
A sic joke
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Who joke what do Dr. Who's enemies do when they get dirty?
Dalek themselves clean
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Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?
Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)
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Why should you be scared of a white man in prison?
Because you know he is actually guilty. Credit to for the joke!
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What do you call joke told by a duck?
A wise quack.
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What do you call a blind, legless buck?
No eye-deer. EDIT: I totally messed this joke up. Please give me another chance with another joke
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Why will a blonde laugh at a joke three times?
A: Once when you tell it once when you tell her the punchline and once when she gets it.
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How do you know a homeless woman is menstruating?
If she's only wearing one sock. (This joke brought to you courtesy the homeless guy outside my local 7-11.) Edit: tweaked the punchline.
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How many boxers does it take to change a light bulb?
One. They're used to having their lights knocked out.That joke turned dark fast. I'll see myself to my respective corner.
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What do a pizza and this joke have in common?
They're both cheesy.
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How to ruin a joke on Reddit?
Misspell the paunch line.
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How did I know my joke was not alright with my audience?
They all left.
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What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to repost the joke twice before she realizes that it isn't funny anymore
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Who's got two thumbs and finds this joke funny?
Not this guy!" -Thumb amputee victim
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What do you call jokes that belong to everyone?
r/Jokes
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How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?
Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.
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Why is this joke bad for the environment?
Because it wasn't recycled.
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What's an easy way on /r/jokes to find feminism jokes?
Just look for ones that have a "JOKE:" disclaimer
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What are your go to jokes?
I was at an event the other day and someone asked "So... anyone know any jokes?" What's everyone's "go to" joke in social situations?
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What did the guy who liked mustard say when he opened his fridge and saw no mustard?
You mustard be joking!
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Why are redditors so bad at "getting" jokes?
this isn't even a joke... some of y'all are borderline retarded, "I don't get it" is like a given for 50 upvotes around here. If you don't get a joke, just take the L and move on to the next post....
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I was gonna tell you a joke about UDP...
...but you might not get it.
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What do you call a group of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA finals ?
The Lakers . (Laker fan here. Sorry prob would have been more appropriate last week during the finals. ) Edit: I heard this some where the other day. I can't take credit for the joke .
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What song does Freddy Krueger listen to when he gets a manicure?
I got Kniiiiiives on it! that inspired the joke.
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How do you know a joke isn't a repost?
When it doesn't reach the front page.
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What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle?
There is no difference. The joke is you just learned math.
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Why does the house only have one window?
Cheeseburger (joke from my 3 year old neice this evening)
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How do you shoot a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun. You hold his trunk until he turns blue, then you shoot him with the blue elephant gun Edit: My 5 year old nephew loves this joke.
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What happened to the joke that insulted the mods?
People laughed, because it was a good joke.
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When you tell Optimus Prime a joke, what do you hear?
Vehicular man's laughter
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Why I don't joke about politicians?
Because I don't joke about jokes.
-
Why was the kleptomaniac frustrated by that joke "why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
He couldn't take a joke.
-
What is the appropriate response when your cat tells you a joke?
You've gotta be kitten me. You can SPEAK?!?
-
How many redditors does it take to post a joke to /r/Jokes?
Three. One to post it, another to post a better punchline in the comment section, and another to repost it with the new punchline.
-
Why do Kenyans always win marathons?
At the end, they get a bag of chips and a Coke. -My dad told me this joke when we went to a race-
-
Why aren't cowboy jokes funny?
Ya herd one, ya herd em all.
-
What do you call a joke that is based on a misunderstanding?
Ironic
-
What's the difference between the Holocaust and this joke?
The Holocaust was funny.
-
What black and yellow and makes you laugh when it goes off a cliff?
A school bus full of black people (Sorry for racism, it is just a joke, nothing personal)
-
Why did Tony cross the road?
To get to the other side. He then turned around, stuck up his middle finger and said, "Hah, you were all expecting a joke, and all you got was an Anthony joke!"
-
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pear. P.s. got this joke in a cracker. If anybody gets it can you please explain it. My family is stumped.
-
What's the difference between one polar bear and 10 polar bears?
9 polar bears (joke on a mug at work. lame, ik)
-
What's the difference between a joke and a pretty girl?
sometimes i get the joke.
-
What does the internet need to take when its constipated?
Google Fiber Note: Randomly came up with this joke today
-
What do these jokes and a ghost have in common?
Boo man! Boo!
-
What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
-
What will they ask Jared of Subway in the prison shower?
Do you want a 6 or a 12 inch one?' I heard this joke on Bill Burr's podcast.
-
Which joke has the maximum HOT Nuns in it?
You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)
-
What do you call a day when all jokes on this sub are re-posts?
EVERYDAY !!
-
What do you call someone who can't take a joke about cancer?
Someone with no sense of tumor.
-
Why are there no Bruce Lee jokes?
Because Bruce Lee is no joke.
-
Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work 8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here
-
Why did the joke on /r/jokes get removed?
removed
-
Why does the Pope keep his underwear on while bathing?
Because he doesn't like looking down on the unemployed. First to ever post this joke here, yay!
-
What's the difference between a hammer and a mallet?
I don't remember the rest of the joke, but your mother's a whore.
-
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to smoke. Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted.
-
How do you tell jokes?
Repost :(
-
What's an "oying"?
This joke
-
How many Poaz does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
None she is the joke
-
Where does Khal Drogo keep his DVDs?
In Yeah you'd probably only get this if you read ASOIF but the joke came to me randomly.
-
What do you call a joke that is not funny?
An unfunny joke
-
What's the difference between a joke and your friend's blog?
You enjoy it when a joke is posted on Facebook
-
How do you find hundreds of jokes about finding Will Smith in the snow?
Type "fresh prints" in the "search reddit" box at the right.
-
What's a joke that you invented?
Here's mine: Did you hear about the guy who had to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted.
-
What the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
The bench can support a family my first post here, a friend told me this joke.
-
How does R.Kelly end a joke?
Ba dum
-
Why Is Chemistry Racist?
It's very selective. Edit. My first time making a joke. I know I can't make a joke. This is not directed at anyone.
-
What are jokes about janitors called?
Sweeping generalizations.
-
What is a joke that so stupid that is actually funny?
There was a thread months ago but i lost it...
-
Why don't they tell jokes in base 8?
Because seven ten eleven!
-
Where did you buy all that junk?
Kid: At the Joke shop.
-
What are your best "If I had for every time..." jokes?
Two of my favorites are:
-
Why are there no knock knock jokes about the United States?
Because in America, freedom rings.
-
What's an Australian Kiss?
A French kiss down under ;) *first post here, a coworker of mine told me the joke. Go easy :)*
-
What's the difference between your momma and a mallard with a cold?
One's a sick duck, and I forget the rest of the joke but your mother's a whore.
-
What do you get when you have barbie dolls standing in a line?
A barbie queue (BBQ)! Also, I made a quick sketch on my iPad. I found the genesis to this joke as a text note in my Evernote this morning, after what seemed like a night of free flow beers. Feel free to downvote me to oblivion.
-
How do the Kardashians tell a joke?
They get Kim to talk slowly to him.
-
Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?
Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.
-
What are some good Asian jokes you know?
I read some jokes from this sub to my Asian co-worker and she wanted me to ask if you guys have some good Asian jokes to help us get through the rest of the work day.
-
What does the interrupting cow say?
HE SAYS MOO oh wait this joke totally doesn't work in text
-
How do you tell if you've posted an anitjoke in /r/Jokes?
If someone comments saying you posted an antijoke and that you should rather post your joke in /r/antijokes.
-
Why is it called Justice League of America?
Do they follow territorial boundaries? If the Kaos Kommandos start a brawl in El Paso and it rolls over into Juarez, do they say "screw it, let Justice League of Mexico handle it"? (Sorry if this isn't technically a joke; it was my shower thought this morning and I thought it was funny.)
-
What did the 80 grit sandpaper say to the 36 grit sandpaper?
You're a little rougher than I'm used to, but I'll grit and bear it. I'm sorry, that joke was a little rough ;D
-
Where's the best place to look for a joke?
The mirror
-
How is this joke similar to a musical about a thesaurus?
Both are a play on words.
-
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday?
Tell her a joke on a Monday!
-
How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.
-
Why did the Chinese man tell a joke?
Just China be funny.
-
What happens when a feminist and a sociopath date?
I need a punchline for a joke.....What happens when a feminist and a sociopath date? OK GO!
-
What does a redneck and yeast have in common?
They are both "in-bread" Downvote me to hell if you want. This is my only joke.
-
What's supposed to be funny, but let's you down?
This joke...
-
What's the difference between the jokes I read today, and the jokes I read last week?
The posters
-
What do you call Stephen Hawking rolling away from an explosion?
Hot wheels (First joke, hope you like it.)
-
Why do Canadians prefer their jokes in hexadecimal?
Because 7 8 9 A.
-
What do you call a nosy hot pepper?
Jalapeno business! ha ha.. haha.. ha love this joke (Usually accompanied with three snaps of the fingers in the shape of the letter Z and moving my head from side to side)
-
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday!
-
What is a better name for cows?
Lawn mooers! My 12 year old sister made this up... She out dad joked me..and I'm a dad!
-
How many Germans does it take screw in a lightbulb?
He said Nein My dads jokes are the wurst I tell you.
-
How do you sink a norwegian submarine?
Swim down and knock on the hatch. (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. They do the same about swedes)
-
What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?
Oranges have thick skin. Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one! Edit: Did not expect this joke to get this good of a reception. Thanks, guys!
-
Why don't kleptomaniacs get jokes?
Because they take everything literally.
-
What's faster than a black man with your TV?
His son with your DVD player! I mean no racism in this joke*
-
Why did the cyclops close his school?
Because he only had one pupil! The joke is that I have no friends
-
Who is Thor?
A very worn-out thuper hero. (An excerpt from Brother Time and the Turtle: More Excuses for Jokes: )
-
Why didn't the armless man get the joke?
He just couldn't grasp it.
-
How many redditors does it take to get a joke?
Three. One to get the punchline, and one to point out the math is wrong.
-
What does Ray Charles' fictious girlfriend and this joke have in common?
They're both gold-diggers
-
Why do cows like being told jokes ?
Because they like being amoosed !
-
Why is r/Jokes only text, and forbids external links?
Because black people can't be offended if they're only reading jokes.
-
How do you stop hearing jokes written for 12 year olds?
Unsubscribe from r/jokes!
-
What's the deal with Jerry Seinfeld?
Did you ever notice he seems to start off all of his jokes in one of two ways
-
Why did the dad make the joke?
For the pun of it.
-
What do drug dealers sit on?
KUSHions please tell me that joke is funny, my girlfriend is trying to tell me that it isn't funny. We all know it is.
-
What's the joke where the punchline is 'thats the punch-line' ?
This is no joke.
-
How many /r/Jokes users does it take to make a Joke?
WRONG! They don't make it, they steal it...
-
How do you get even with Hellen Keller?
Comment your favorite Hellen Keller jokes) How do you get even with Hellen Keller Leave the plunger in the toilet
-
What did Samsung Galaxy S 5 say to the iPhone 6?
Get bent" I hope you guys like this joke. I just came up with it.
-
What part of a chicken is a musical instrument?
The drumstick. (Had this joke stuck in my head for a while so felt like sharing it.)
-
What do they say for jokes about German sausages?
They are the wurst.
-
How can you tell when a white guy is about to tell a joke?
He glances over his shoulder.
-
Why did the leper chase the leopard?
Because she wanted the D. (I dreamed this joke last night. Not bad for a dream joke.)
-
What word starts with M and ends in arraige and is a man's favourite thing?
Miscarriage. This joke never gets old, just like the baby.
-
What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker?
30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke.
-
Why is a cow that he jumps?
Because he higher and higher. (I translated the joke from Dutch, and yeah it's supposed to not make any sense, it just sounds funny, in Dutch at least. :-$)
-
What do you get when you cross a pig with an elephant?
A very large animal that knows a lot of jokes.
-
Why can you never get caught with a 0 in math?
because cot(0) doesn't exist ... This joke... it burns my eyes...
-
How do you make a cat go "Woof!"?
Soak it in petrol and put a match to it. (This is a joke, not and instruction, Reddit)
-
Where do Russian Spy's live?
In a Snow Den. (This is a joke. Please refrain from yelling at me, that he is not a spy. Thank you and have a nice day.)
-
Who's there Boo!! Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only a joke
-
Hey, wanna hear a joke?
Parsing HTML with regex.
-
What kind of jokes does a zombie make?
Dad jokes.
-
Where do conspiracy theorists keep their ideas?
In a skeptic tank. (Note: I just made up this joke earlier today. I'm not 100% sure the joke is obvious feel free to suggest a better wording!)
-
What's the last thing you want to see on the reddit frontpage?
This joke. PS: You don't think so Prove me wrong.
-
What do you call an octopus that loves jokes?
A knock-knocktopus.
-
Why did yo girl cross the road?
Joke from one of my 5th graders) Cause she saw me. Another: Why did the chicken cross the road Cause he saw some chicks.
-
Why don't Germans tell jokes about sausage?
Because they are the wurst.
-
Why aren't there very many jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones?
The punchline is too long.
-
Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00?
Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. to make joke more apparent
-
How do you get rid of pubic lice?
Seriously, it is not a joke. I really want to know.
-
What's the difference between your dad and this joke?
This joke will be back someday
-
Why couldn't the joke walk?
It was lame. (I think this is an original by me)
-
Why are there exactly two hundred and thirty nine beans in an Irish Bean Soup?
Because if there were one more, it'd be two forty. (Too farty) This works much better when spoken out loud. The joke how Irish people pronounce "forty."
-
Why are highly successful people named Mark always so depressed?
Because they can't stop hitting themselves. This joke came to me while I was half asleep this morning. I'm not sure how original it is. I probably heard some variation of it somewhere and have just forgotten. Any suggestions for improving it?
-
How do you get a post that's not a joke into /r/jokes?
Like this.
-
Why doesn't Nigel Farage like election forecasts?
He dislikes poles polls How do you type jokes that rely on similar sounding words It hard :(
-
What do you call a joke with the wrong punchline?
To get to the other side!
-
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna and a jar of glue?
You: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna! Person getting told joke: What about the jar of glue? You: I knew you'd get stuck there
-
How many people from rio does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A Brazilian. Saw this joke elsewhere and thought i'd share it here.
-
What do you call Captain Forte and his sidekick Piano?
A dynamic duo! This joke came to me in my delirious state after hours of band camp practices.
-
What's the difference between a joke on Reddit and a joke on 9Gag?
About a day.
-
What do you call a pilot who tries to tell a joke but gets distracted and crashes his plane into a building?
A comickaze
-
How many people does it take to tell a joke on reddit?
Two. One to post the joke and one to post a better punchline in the comments.
-
Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun?
She was a roman catholic.
-
Why did they fire the contract lawyer with lazy eye?
He was always dotting his T's and crossing his I's. (I made up this joke myself)
-
What's in front of a woman and in the back of a cow?
The W. Yeah my dad just busted this joke on me.
-
Where did the joke wait to get a drink?
The punch line...
-
Why was the orphan so successful?
When he was told to "go big or go home," he only had one option. (I've posted this joke here before, but I believe I've been the first, so if you recognize it as a repost it's because I wanted to tell it again!)
-
What's the difference between my face and my jokes?
People laugh at my face.
-
What would you like it to be ?
A joke .
-
How many boxers does it take to change a light bulb?
One. They're used to having their lights knocked out.That joke turned dark fast. I'll see myself to my respective corner.
-
How do you make cultured milk?
You take it to the Moo-seum. I know this joke is terrible, but I totally came up with it on my own, but I'm sure it exists already.
-
How can you tell when Halloween is coming too soon?
The sight of premature Ejack-o-lanterns in the neighborhood. I'm a Dad so this joke is OK
-
What happens to Eminem when he dies?
I accidentally this joke the other day. Do you think it has potential?
-
Why can't a terrorist tell a joke?
They always bomb the punchline!
-
What's the tallest building in the world?
A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)
-
What's something a third wave feminist can't take?
A joke.
-
What types of jokes grow on you?
They ones that go viral. I'll see my self out.
-
Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac?
because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)
-
Why did Bernie Sanders cross the road?
He didn't, he was distributed evenly on both sides. Bernie supporters, please don't downvote me to hell, it's just a joke
-
What do you get when you cross a Sith Lord, and a Donkey?
Darth Mule! A joke, from third grade me... Happy Star Wars day!
-
What did the painter say to the paint can?
A lot of good you are . (the joke is that the paint can is empty)
-
How does someone with amnesia tell a joke?
I don't remember.
-
What do you call a man who jokes that women always make mountains out of molehills?
An ambulance.
-
What joke never gets old?
Besides that's what she said and yo mama.
-
What does a redditer say when he reads a joke on r/jokes?
We saw that same joke two days ago
-
What is JPA? Joke point average. Where do people with high JPAs go to?
Hahaharvard
-
Why did the priest dislike geometry?
It's sin-ful. self made joke
-
What makes a joke about ISIS funny?
The execution
-
Who's the founder of the Japanese Wikipedia?
Yojimbo Wales! (Joke stolen from co-worker)
-
Why do the ladies love Jesus?
This joke makes more sense if you can see it in person, but we'll give it a shot, anyway. Use your imagination. Why do the ladies love Jesus? Because he was hung like this!
-
When is a --- not a ---?
joke I'll start you off: When is a door not a door >
-
Why can't you tell jokes in base 8?
Because 7, 10, 11!
-
What's the difference between Batman's parents and jokes about Batman's parents?
Jokes about Batman's parents can get old.
-
What's the difference between a pizza, and this joke?
One has cheese on it, the other's just plain cheesy.
-
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?
This one will sleigh you !
-
Why aren't jokes in base 8 funny?
Because 7, 10, 11.
-
How many cops do you need to change a light bulb?
None. They just shoot the room for being black. Credit: donator on some stream said the joke and just wanted to share it.
-
Why Weren't There Many Jokes in the Dark Ages?
No one could perform the execution well enough.
-
Why do blind people always laugh at jokes?
Same as why they don't drive. They never see it comming.
-
What's the difference between the jokes from today and next week's jokes?
The posters.
-
A user interface is like a joke.
If you have to explain it then it is not that good.
-
How long have you been waiting to use that joke?
He happily says, "Since 2009!"
-
What joke did drake get when talking to diddy?
The punchline
-
What do you call a group of 8 hobbits?
a hobbyte Cortana told me that joke
-
Why did the train go left?
Cause it couldn't get on the right track. I made that joke when I was little and remembered it today, might as well post it.
-
How many times does a woman laugh after you tell her a joke?
Three. When you tell it to her, then when you explain it to her, and then when she gets it.
-
What is the best animal related joke you know?
These jokes should be any jokes that are even vaguely related to animals!
-
What do you call an egg that cures cancer?
A keurig. Joke written by my 9 year old son.
-
Why should you never tell jokes on the ice?
The ice might crack up! I use this at the beginning of conversations... it's a reall ice breaker.
-
What's the difference between a kid and a joke?
A kid can joke but a joke cannot kid.
-
Why are the twin towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be 2 of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
-
What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside?
A Lift (only a joke, my American friends)
-
Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?
In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.
-
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Walks away*
-
What do you call jokes about eyes?
Vitreous humour.
-
Where do Robots go for fun?
The Circuits! (this is a joke i made up when i was like 10, i don't think it ever caught on)
-
What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)
-
What did little no armed Jimmy get for Christmas?
Gloves! Haha I'm joking. He hasn't opened it yet.
-
What's a sharks favorite game?
Swallow the leader. *This joke has been brought to you by my 8 year old's math homework.*
-
Where does monty python buy his water?
From the knights Da-sa(y)-NI! This joke is best delivered verbally.
-
What organ in the body never dies?
THE LIVER. ometrist will copyright this joke. hopefully.
-
What type of jokes are the least upvoted ones?
Original Jokes.
-
What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?
I'm going to be the mother of your children." I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...
-
What do you call a joke that has been internet obsolete for a while?
The Game.
-
What's the difference between /r/funny and /r/jokes?
is funny and is a joke!
-
What's musical and useful at the grocery store?
A Chopin Liszt Note: taken from one of those horrible "Joke of the Day" desk calendars. It took almost 12 months to get something clever.
-
How fast can Klingon's run?
About Warf speed. My mom made this joke up last night at a bbq party. She likes to think she is funnier on holidays. Thanks, Mom.
-
When does a joke stop being funny?
When you repost it.
-
What do dead kids and jokes about dead kids have in common?
They never get old.
-
How do you start a joke about Vladimir Putin?
By looking over your shoulder.
-
Why aren't there any white jokes on /r/Jokes?
Because jokes are the white man's burden."
-
What do you call a joke that makes fun of a woman, who has not consented to be made fun of?
misogynistic.
-
What happened to the egg when it heard the joke?
It cracked.
-
How do you bring a joke to the front page?
deleted
-
When is the best time to make jokes?
When you are ill, because they are sick
-
Why did users stop coming to r/jokes?
Because their jokes weren't very funny.
-
Who's there ! Cugat ! Cugat who ?
Cugat to love my jokes !
-
How many paranoids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who wants to know? .... saw this joke in today's
-
Why do I tell jokes in elevators?
Because they're funny on many levels.
-
What does a fencing Redditor always do with their jokes?
Ripostes them
-
Why can't you tell a joke in a cornfield?
Because the stalks are all ears.
-
What's the most important part about telling a joke?
Your PUN-unciation
-
Why wouldn't Samus go below Brinstar?
Because she was a-Kraid to. Now I think about it, this joke is a bit more "Riddle-y," than say an actual joke.
-
Why was Mohamed Ali born a fighter?
In the womb, he used to fight bald clowns. (Self made joke)
-
How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life ?
Tell him a joke when he's a baby !
-
How did Henry VIIIs wife enter the room?
Amble in (Anne Boyeyn) I made this joke up and am very proud of it :)
-
How many 3rd wave feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Whats the point 3rd wave feminists can't take a joke anyway.
-
What kind of a joke does a black person not get?
Dadjokes
-
Which of these jokes do the pigs like best?
The corniest ones.
-
What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?
A: "The C" COMMENT A JOKE BELOW!
-
What planet smells the worst?
Poopiter. This joke courtesy of my 7 year old son. He was very proud of it.
-
What's wrong with a joke containing Cobalt, Radon and Yttrium?
It's CoRnY
-
Why am I just so naturally funny?
Because my life is a joke. Dont worry Im not scuicidal
-
Why doesn't anyone tell jokes about Jonestown?
The punchline is too long.
-
What's black and white and can't turn around in a corridor?
A nun with a javelin in her throat. (The only joke I can ever recall when asked for one. Told to me by my art teacher in Grade 11. Needless to say, he was my favourite teacher)
-
Why did the redditor cross the subreddit?
To recycle a joke from the other side.
-
Why are woman's feet always so cold in bed?
Because they have no soles. Joke my fiancee just said to me.
-
Why aren't there any knock knock jokes about America?
Because Freedom Rings.
-
What joke is the darkest?
Fire away please! I want to hear it all!
-
How do you know a white person is about to tell a joke?
He's looking over his shoulder
-
Want to hear a joke about construction?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
-
Why do Chinese people sound like lions when you tell them a joke?
Because they ror.
-
What happens when you goose a ghost?
You get a hand full of sheet. (Joke from my mom)
-
What kind of joke do peeping Toms like?
In-ya-window
-
What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?
3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)
-
Why did the toilet make a joke about the balls?
It was low hanging fruit.
-
How do you call a joke that is not funny?
Lame.
-
Why did EA cross the road?
The punchline for this joke is 0.99$
-
What did the irritated man say to his inguinal hernia?
Get off my nuts!" (ps. I made this joke up yesterday... i am having hernia surgery tomorrow, and i lol'd so hard at myself that i about caused a second one to pop out)
-
Why are jokes about rotten eggs banned?
Because they're infeggtious
-
What's faster than Usain Bolt ?
Jokes reposts
-
What's the difference between blue paint and red paint?
The color. Yes, this is an anti-joke. Downvote please.
-
What's the difference between three black guys and a joke?
Your mom can't take a joke.
-
Why did the mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause she was too big for B- shells! (my 6 year old niece likes to tell this joke)
-
What's the most annoying thing in the internet?
People who comment "repost" on a Joke subreddit.
-
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
Because they would crack each other up.
-
Whats a mans favorite word that starts with 'm' and ends in 'arriage'?
A miscarriage! This joke never gets old, just like the baby!
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What do you call a joke that gets posted over and over again on reddit?
Al-redi-reddi-tt.
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Why aren't there more jokes based on haptics?
It's a touchy subject.
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Why didn't the melons get married in Vegas?
Because they cantaloupe. This joke was brought to you by Dads inc.
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Why do you need to take notes during jokes?
Joke was supposed to be this: Why do you need to take notes during church? because the peoples of noah's day, "took no note".
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What word begins with M and ends in arriage and is a mans favourite thing?
A: Miscarriage This joke never gets old, just like the baby.
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Whats the V in DVD stand for?
Cuz if it were lying down it wouldnt make any sense. (first post to reddit, made up this joke today .. be kind)
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What's the creepiest body of water?
Lake Eerie. Note: This joke has probably been made before.
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How many people does it take to make a joke on /r/Jokes?
Three. One to post it, one to make a better punchline in the comments, and one to repost it the next day.
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How do you know if a joke has been posted on reddit before?
Oh, they'll tell you.
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Why isn't /u/JokeExplainBot here anymore?
There aren't jokes here. There are reposts here.
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Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?
THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER.
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What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes?
A funny bunny
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Why won't you read this joke?
Cause you've already reddit!
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What joke has recieved the most upvotes on Reddit?
Redditors.
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Why was the ink happy?
Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.
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What do you call a dark skinned surfer?
A RADICAL muslim. Sorry if I offended anyone but just thought I would share a funny thought I had that I turned into a joke.
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Why are ducks funny?
Cause they be quacking jokes
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What do you call people who don't repost jokes?
liars
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Whats the difference between a shower thought and a joke?
I don't know you tell me.
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What do you call Washington State after a long rain storm?
Washed a Ton State. I woke up with that joke in my head this morning. My brain is weird. Had to share it with someone.
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Why wasn't Michael Jackson allowed to perform at the children's hospital?
Because he is dead. ((I came up with this joke when I was very tired.))
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Why do SJWs hate Pong?
It's a wildly successful game that only has straight, white main characters (I stole this joke from somewhere but am not allowed to say where)
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What is a joke that works on many levels?
HR Department.
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What type of jokes do planets tell each other?
Cosmic jokes.
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What do monkeys sleep on?
Apricots. I used to love this joke when I was a little kid and told it over and over. I'm still a little in love with it for that reason. What are some of your favorite jokes from when you were a little kid?
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How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?
You take the letter "f" out of the word "way" (there's no f in way) *joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said
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What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphrey. (I was told this joke by an actual dad, it was his response to one of my jokes)
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What falls faster from a tree, a leaf or an Emo?
The leaf, the Emo is too depressed to go outside. I saw this joke reposted so many times. I figured I'd mix it up a bit.
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What form of humor is nonexistent in black culture?
Dad jokes
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Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes?
Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.
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Why aren't orphans laughing?
Because jokes aren't apparent.
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How many of you know this funny man pakalu papito ?
Its one of his joke.
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Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings.
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What do you call a joke on drugs?
Highlarious
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When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
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What happens if you're late to extremophile school?
You get a tardy grade. ( that explains the joke if you don't get it.)
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Why couldn't the Pokemon tell a joke?
Because he fainted.
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What do you have left after you burn a French alphabet?
H Edit: I don't like explaining jokes but since the first guy didn't get I might as well: When pronounced in a French accent it sounds like ash.
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What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?
A:.........
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What do cats and people that submit jokes with the punchline "PLAGIARISM" have in common?
THEY BOTH LICK THEIR PAWS!
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What do you call someone who knows all?
Nostril-damus.   Works better if you read the joke out loud.
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Why are astrophysicists always nervous before they launch a new satellite?
It can be a very Hubble-ing experience. These jokes may not be funny for you, but they are Fermi.
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What did the terrorist say to the racist and the socialist?
We are the 2016 presidential candidate frontrunners. This is a joke take it that way