Jump Jokes
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Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
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Why did Johnny jump off the Eiffel Tower?
He was suicidal.
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Why isn't Mexico in the Summer Olympics?
Everyone who can run, jump, and swim are already over here.
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How do you stop black kids from jumping on the bed?
Put velcro on the ceiling.
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Why do scuba-divers jump backwards into the water?
Because if they jumped forwards they'd still be in the boat.
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Why did the sheep jump into the lake?
A: He wanted to take a ba-a-a-th.
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Why are there no mexican in the olympics?
Because any Mexican that can run, jump or swim is in america!
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What did Jeffery Dahmer yell when he jumped in the pool?
CANNIBAL!!!
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Which film star is always jumping around the forest?
John Treevaulter.
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Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain ?
To stop getting wet !
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Why don't the Mexicans have an olympics team?
Because anybody who can run jump or swim is in the States.
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Why were the children jumping for Joy?
Because Joy was stuck on the roof.
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What did the optimist say as he jumped off the building?
So far, so good.
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What sound does a pool make when someone you don't like jumps in?
DOOOOUUUUCCCCHHHEEEEEE!
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Why can't Mexico field a winning Olympic team?
Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is in the US.
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Why doesn't Mexico ever win any medals in the Olympics?
Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already crossed the border.
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What's the difference between a basketball player and a mexican?
Nothing, they both run, jump, shoot and steal.
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What does autocorrect and women have in common?
They both jump to concussion
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Why did the crab jump out of the water?
Because the SeaWeed..
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Why did the marine biologist jump off a bridge?
He lost his porpoise in life.
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Why did linkin park wrap themselves up in plastic wrap before they jumped off a cliff?
So in the end they didn't even splatter.
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Why did the fish jump out of the water?
Because he was hooked on worms.
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Why doesn't Mexico live up to it's full potential in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans that can run, jump, and swim are in America.
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What did the Japanese man say when he jumped out of Office Depot?
SUPPLIES!!!
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Why wouldn't the skeleton jump off the cliff?
A: Because it had no guts.
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Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine?
Boy: Because he read the label and it said 'shake well before using.'
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Who's there ! Candy ! Candy who ?
Candy cow jump over the moon !
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What do you call a frog that jumps half the distance to its destination every time?
An asymptoad.
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Why can kangaroos jump higher than a house?
Because a house can't jump.
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How do you make a sheep jump off a cliff?
Put a redneck behind it.
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What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?
Stew. Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.
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How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?
tape velcro to the ceiling.
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Why has Mexico never won olympic gold?
All those who can run, jump and swim are in Texas.
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Why are black people so good at jumping?
As developing children their knee grows.
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Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics?
Because most of them who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.
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What happens when a cow jumps over barbed wire?
Udder destruction!
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Why did so many blacks die in Vietnam?
Every time someone said "Get down!" they jumped up and started dancing.
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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
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Why hasn't Mexico won any medals in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can swim well, jump high and run fast are in the United States.
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What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of planes?
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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When pigs have a party who jumps out of the cake?
Nobody. The pigs all jump in.
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Why did the Ape jump off the building?
He wanted to show the world the stuff he was made of!
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Why doesn't Mexico ever do well in the Olympics?
Because every mexican that can run, jump, or swim is already in America.
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Why did the boy jump off the dock?
Pier pressure
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What did John Wilkes Boothe's stage partner wish him on the day of that tragic night?
Break a leg. So he jumped off the balcony... Sorry that I am not funny.
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Why did you jump on a turtle?
Me: Because I'm a plumber
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How did the autistic boy survive his jump from a plane?
He was retarded
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Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?
Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.
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Why'd the crazy guy jump out of the hot air balloon's basket?
He wanted to escape from the ballooney bin.
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What did the Asian janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!"
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How do you keep a black kid from jumping on the bed?
Velrow
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Why does Mexico do so badly in the Olympics ?
Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is in the US.
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What would happen if all Chinese people jumped off a chair, all at the same time?
I don't know either, but you would need a reeeally big chair!
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Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg?
Because he got cold feet.
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What reindeer can jump higher than a house?
They all can! Houses can't jump!
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What do you call attempting to jump to light speed before checking the Hyper Drive first?
A Wookie mistake!
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Why didn't you talk to me about renting a bouncy house?
me stops jumping: You would have said no
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What did the police officer say to stop the depressed man from jumping off the bridge?
You have potential. Sorry if this is a repost, just thought of it now.
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Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
All of them a crossbar can't jump!
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Why did the boy jump up and down on the letter?
He heard that you have to stamp letters or the post office won't send them.
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Why is there no mexican olympics?
Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder
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Who survived?
The pilot who jumped out with a parachute.
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Why could Darren jump higher than Zeus?
because he was mortall.
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Why did the horse run into the bar?
He didn't jump high enough.
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What jumps up and down in front of a car ?
Froglights !
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Why do the versions of Windows jump from 8 to 10?
Because no one wanted Windows Nein!
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Why can't Mexico field a good Olympic team?
Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is already here in the US.
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What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a cliff?
Nothing, she was wearing mittens.
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Why did u jump off that bridge?
My friend did it too "Well if your friend jumped off a bridge would u " Yes. I literally just said that
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Whats green and can jump a mile a minute ?
A frog with hiccups !
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Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands
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Why do scuba divers jump off the boat backwards?
Because if they jumped forwards they'd still be in the boat.
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Why do elephants jump across rivers?
So they won't step on the fish.
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What do white people and fences have in common?
They both get jumped by Mexicans.
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What do you do if you step on a landmine?
Well standard procedure is to jump 50 feet and spread over a wide area.
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Why did the Mexican jump the border?
To get back to Mexico
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Why aren't you married yet" is like asking "Why haven't you jumped from a moving car yet?
B/c it's painful and not required
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How did the hipster break his neck?
He jump off the diving board before it was pool.
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What did the physicist say to the man about to jump off a building?
Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
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Why did your sister jump out the window ?
Because she wanted to try out her new spring suit
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Why does Mexico never do well in the Olympics?
Anyone who can run, jump or swim is already over the border
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How does a sloth hang itself?
By trying to jump rope.
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How do you get half of Mexico to jump off a cliff?
Throw a penny off. How do you get the other half to jump too? ... Tell them no one found it yet.
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Why does Mexico never win the Olympics?
Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim already left.
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What is the name of a bag pipe band that likes to play while jumping on squares?
hopscotts.
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Why did the dog jump into the sea?
He wanted to chase the catfish!
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What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building?
The Czech bounced.
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What dog can jump higher than a building?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!
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Why did the nickel jump off the building but the dime didn't?
The dime had more cents.
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What did the cow say... What did the cow say when she jumped over the barbed wire fence?
I'm udderly ruined!" credit: my grandma, at every party she's ever been to
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Why doesn't Mexico send a team to the Summer Olympics?
Because all the one that can run, jump, or swim are already in the US.
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What's big, grey and makes you jump?
The elephant of surprise. :)
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How do you find out that a cricket hears with its legs?
First, you put the cricket on a box, tap the box, and you see that the cricket jumps away. Now, you cut his legs off, put him on a box, tap the box, and you'll see that the cricket does not jump away.
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What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
I'M BREADY TO DIE"
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Why doesn't Mexico have its own Olympic team?
Because all those who can run, jump, or swim are already in the US.
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What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back?
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"
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What's the definition of a tree?
Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
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Why doesn't Mexico have a team in the summer Olympics?
Because all the ones who can run, jump or swim are ready in the US.
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Why no pants on?
We think he tried to jump into his pants & fell
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Why was Sir Lancelot too tired to jump over the moat?
He didn't get a good knight's leap. Wakka wakka!
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How do you jump out of a fifteen-floors building without getting hurt?
You jump from the 1st one.
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Why did Erdogan stop a man from jumping off a bridge?
One does not simply fly in Turkish airspace without Erdogan's permission.
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Why did the Chihuahua laugh?
The cow jumped over the moon.
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Why isn't the Mexican olympic team any good?
Anyone who can run jump or swim is already across the border.
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Why aren't their Mexican Olympics?
Because all of the Mexicans that can run,jump,and swim are in America!
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Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence?
It was udder destruction.
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Why are lilypads round?
So that it's easier for the hippos to jump on them.
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Why did the chicken jump into the bag of popcorn?
The kernel was looking for him.
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What do you call it when a rabbit tactfully jumps in front of a line?
A nice hare cut
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Why did Tigger jump down the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh.
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How do you get a black man to stop jumping on the bed?
Put velcro on the ceiling.
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Why hasn't Mexico got an Olympic team?
Because the ones who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S
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What do you get when a cow jumps in cold water?
Utter udder shudder.
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Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?
Because all the ones that can run, jump and swim are already in America.
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Why doesn't Mexico have any good athletes?
Because anybody who can run, jump, and swim is already in America
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Why does Mexjco do poorly in the olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run fast, swim fast and jump high are in the states.
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What's it called when a cow attempts to jump a barbed-wire fence?
An udder disaster
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Why did Microsoft jump from Windows 8 to Windows 10?
Because Windows 7, 8 9.....
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Why can't Mexicans win the Olympics?
Because every one that can run, jump or swim has already crossed the border.
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What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?
Any kind, buildings can't jump.
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How do you stop a black guy from jumping on a bed?
Put velcro on the ceiling.
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Why does Mexico do so poorly in the Olympics?
Because everybody who can run, jump, or swim is already in America.
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Why does Mexico always underperform in the summer olympics?
Because everyone that can run, swim or jump is in USA.
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How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin?
She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions.
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What did the cow say when she jumped off a cliff?
Geronimoo!"
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Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle between two and four in the afternoon?
That's when dinosaurs are jumping out of palm trees.
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Whats the difference between a hippie and a trampoline?
You take your boots off before you jump on a trampoline.
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How do you get a hippie to jump off a cliff?
Tell them it will "cleanse toxins."
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Why does the Clyde run through Glasgow?
Because if it walked, it'd get jumped!
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Why did Michael Bay jump off a bridge?
Cause Tony Scott did it first.
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What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?
A:('A jump rope')"
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Why do scuba divers always jump backwards off the boat?
If they jumped forwards, they would still be on the boat! Sorry.
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What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds ?
An elephant with hiccups !
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What do you say to the guy who just jumped in the septic tank?
Urine over your head!
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Why is a cow that he jumps?
Because he higher and higher. (I translated the joke from Dutch, and yeah it's supposed to not make any sense, it just sounds funny, in Dutch at least. :-$)
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Why did all the potato chips but one jump off the cliff?
He was a Wise Potato Chip.
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What does the janitor say when he jumps out of the closet?
supplies!!!!!!!!!!