Kind Jokes

  • What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?

    A stega-snore-us.

  • What is a math teacher's favorite kind of toilet paper?

    The kind that has multi ply's.

  • What kind of gun does a firefighter have?

    A water gun.

  • What kind of weed do muslims smoke?

    Quranic

  • What kind of money do snowmen use?

    Iced lolly.

  • What kind of workout does Bob the electrician do?

    Circuit training.

  • What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?

    Eski-moos!

  • What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?

    A roundhouse.

  • What kind of musical instrument do mice play ?

    A mouse organ !

  • What kind of people should you stay away from?

    Trees. They're quite shady.

  • What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?

    Plymouth Rock

  • What kind of dance do buns do?

    Abundance.

  • What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets?

    The kind of soldier that's always shooting his mouth off.

  • What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to?

    Carp E.D.M. Credit to my friend for this one.

  • Why kind of cigarettes do Hawaiians smoke?

    Mahalo bro lights.

  • What kind of bagel can fly?

    A plain bagel.

  • Which kind of sharply dressed, tiny dwarves make the best drummers?

    metro gnomes

  • What kind of juice do you get from sick lemons?

    LemonAIDS

  • What kind of tree would have the best bark?

    Dogwood. Don't you dare judge me, it was on my popsicle stick. :P

  • What's in your mom's tummy?

    5-year-old: A baby. Woman: What kind of baby 5-year-old: A human one. Nailed it.

  • What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?

    A boo-tie.

  • What kind of bear is best?

    One that gets you an oscar

  • What kind of STD does a bird get?

    Chirpies. :-)

  • What kind of sound does a horny toad make?

    Rubbit, rubbit.

  • What kind of laptop calls you a thousand times?

    A dell

  • What kind of pants do the Mario Brothers wear?

    Denim denim denim.

  • What kind of Asian dish takes away your freedoms?

    Kung Pao Chicken

  • What kind of ants are very learned ?

    Pedants !

  • What kind of ring is the least exciting?

    A BOring

  • What kind of hair do oceans have?

    Wavy hair.

  • What kind of work out do parrots have on leg day?

    SQUAAATS! ...Polly want a cracker.

  • What kind of animal can record video?

    A cam-el. Get it, because a camera records things and a camel is a animal.

  • What kind of money do religious businesses make?

    Prophet.

  • What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

    Diddly-squats.

  • What kind of dance does your mother do?

    The MOMbo.

  • What kind of investments do musicians make?

    Sound investments.

  • What kind of oranges do you take on a boat?

    Naval oranges. I'msosorry.

  • What kind of cars do jedis drive?

    A toy-

  • What kind of cheese?

    Me: "American..." Her: "Want it toasted " Me: "I'll just make it myself."

  • What kind of dog chases anything red ?

    A bull dog !

  • What kind of car does a Japanese chef drive?

    Rolls Rice

  • What kind of nuts go on your feet?

    Cashews.

  • What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

    Diddly-squats

  • What kind of cars do shellfish drive?

    Mussel cars.

  • What kind of soap do you use to clean a dirty joke?

    Bawdy wash.

  • What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?

    A wash and wear wolf

  • What kind of girl does a hamburger like?

    Any girl named Patty!

  • What kind of ears does an engine have?

    Engineers

  • What kind of drugs to tumblr users take?

    Anti-oppressants.

  • What kind of coat does a vampire wear in the rain?

    A wet one.

  • What kind of bone do you find in a dinosaur steak?

    A T-Bone!!!!

  • What kind of music does a rubber duck listen to?

    Rub-a-dubstep!

  • What kind of pizza did they order on nine eleven?

    2 large planes

  • What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon?

    1/6 G My 8 year old son came up with this one.

  • What kind of snake is useful on your windscreen ?

    A viper !

  • What kind of computer can't sing?

    A Dell

  • What kind of root is only easy to find on paper?

    A square one.*

  • What kind of wood doesn't float?

    Natalie Wood.

  • What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

    Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

  • What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere?

    A Hyundai.

  • What kind of money do they use on superman's home planet?

    Kryptocurrency

  • What kind of sweets do trucks like?

    Lorrypops.

  • What kind of joke do peeping Toms like?

    In-ya-window

  • What kind of bat hangs upside-down?

    An acrobat.

  • What kind of organisation is Atheism?

    A non-prophet organisation.

  • What kind of pictures do turtles take?

    Shellfies!

  • What kind of STD does a blonde woman give you?

    Herp-n-derp-es

  • What kind of math can you do with light?

    Refractions

  • What kind of writing makes the most money?

    Ransom notes.

  • What kind of medicine do you give a kid having a fit?

    An anti-hissy-tamine.

  • What kind of bathroom does Napoleon use?

    A Waterloo

  • What kind of rice puts you to sleep?

    Ray Rice

  • What kind of bread always goes wrong?

    A rye

  • What kind of shoes do Frogs wear?

    Open Toad sandals... I'll show myself out - thank you

  • What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?

    Mariguana.

  • What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano?

    Oh, you guessed it right ... the tuna fish!

  • What kind of erection does a burn victim get?

    Firewood.

  • What kind of shrimp does Chris Brown like?

    Battered shrimp.

  • What kind of mouse walks on two legs?

    A: Mickey Mouse Q: What kind of duck walks on two legs A: They all do!

  • What kind of wolf never runs?

    Steppenwolf

  • What kind of knots only exist in space?

    Astro-knots.

  • What kind of room has no walls?

    A mushroom!

  • Which kind?

    Friend: "Motivational."

  • What kind of magic do cows believe in?

    MOODOO.

  • What kind of bread do Rednecks like?

    Inbred

  • What kind of music does a mummy like?

    W)rap music!

  • What kind of car does a ghost drive?

    A boogati!

  • What kind of cars do rabbits drive?

    Hop rods.

  • What kind of gardening is done in the hood?

    Weeding

  • What kind of jokes do farmers tell?

    CORNY JOKES!!!

  • What kind of street to ghosts, goblins and ghouls live on?

    A Dead End.

  • What kind of plants grow in bathrooms?

    Toilet trees.

  • What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

    Reality

  • What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers ?

    Fang letters !

  • What kind of bus can cross the ocean?

    A Columbus.

  • What kind of bug can survive all winter?

    A bahumbug!

  • What kind of trucks do pigs drive?

    A pig up truck

  • What kind of car does Bill Cosby drive?

    A Honda quaalude. (Credit to my girlfriend)

  • What kind of movies do scurvy circles enjoy?

    rated movies.

  • What kind of fun does a priest have?

    Nun.

  • What kind of punch hurts the most?

    A Sandy Hook.

  • What kind of food do zombies hate?

    Fast food

  • What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow ?

    Reality. I'll show myself out now...

  • What kind of book does an Irish cultist read?

    The Leprenomichaun.

  • What kind of footwear do Whitewalkers use?

    The Hodor-eliminating kind.

  • What kind of bird flies around bays?

    Bagles

  • What kind of bee will not take credit for his contributions?

    A Humblebee.

  • What kind of pants to Mario and Luigi wear?

    Denim denim denim...denim denim demin I'll see myself out now...thank you

  • What kind of animal goes "LMAO"?

    Hy-Ayy-nas

  • What kind of cuisine did the rude Jamaican serve?

    Caribbean Jerk. Ayyyyy!

  • What kind of bees hum and drop things ?

    A fumble bee !

  • What kind of tree has the best bark?

    A dogwood

  • What kind of fish is made of just two atoms?

    2 Na

  • What kind of peanuts get warts?

    Planters.

  • What kind of music do phones love to hear?

    A symphony

  • What kind of doctors are like spiders ?

    Spin doctors !

  • What kind of movies do pirates watch?

    ARRRR Rated Movies!

  • What kind of ears do pumpers have?

    A. Engineers.

  • How do you catch a one-of-a-kind rabbit?

    Unique up on it. How do you catch a very calm rabbit The tame way.

  • What kind of cheese would you use to disguise a small horse?

    Mascarpone

  • What kind of jacket would Michael J. Fox wear if he was black?

    OC A parka, son.

  • What kind of fish loves to fix instruments?

    A tuna.

  • What kind of scary bees can produce milk?

    boo bees

  • What kind of money do polar bears use ?

    Ice lolly !

  • What kind of fruit is also a vegetable?

    Elton John in a coma.

  • What kind of key opens a casket?

    A skeleton key.

  • What kind of fish does Google have in their lobby?

    bettas

  • What kind of stories does Eli Whitney tell on Easter?

    Cottontales

  • What kind of guns do bees use?

    BeeBee guns

  • What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh?

    An Appaloosa!

  • What kind of bees get you high?

    Doo-bees... I'm so sorry for that

  • What kind of bars do lesbian Eskimos go to?

    Klondike Bars

  • What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

    a salad-manager

  • What kind of music does a pirate like?

    Arrr'n'B

  • What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween?

    Mash-scara!

  • What kind of car does a pirate drive?

    A Yarrrrrrrrris.

  • What kind of ant can count?

    An account*ant*.

  • What kind of disease do you get from birds?

    Chirpes. It's a canarial disease, and I hear it's untweetable.

  • What kind of drugs do ducks use?

    Quack.

  • What kind of money do monsters use?

    Weirdo (weird dough).

  • What do cows like to line dance to ?

    Any kind of moosic you like !

  • What kind of skin lotion do acrobats use?

    Cirque d'Olay

  • What kind of wig can hear ?

    An earwig !

  • What kind of medicine do bears take?

    Bayer Asprin

  • What kind of fish is the worst friend?

    The Sel-Fish

  • What kind of beer was Dr. Stephen Strange serving?

    It was his own Strange Brew. You would be Moranic not to like it.

  • What kind of bird does not make babies?

    A swallow

  • What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

    Thunderwear.

  • What kind of bird always sticks together?

    A velcrow Courtesy of Jokels.com:

  • What kind of wine do bears drink?

    Maulbec

  • What kind of cancer always stands by the government?

    Pro-state cancer.

  • What kind of tape do kidnappers use?

    abDUCT tape

  • What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

    A noisy noise annoys an oyster.

  • What kind of cell phone doesn't have a lock?

    A Nokia

  • What kind of dog is this?

    Well actu.." "Hes cute" *pets it* "Sir thats my.." *picks it up* "Your a good dog arent you " "PUT MY SON DOWN"

  • What kind of pants do Mario and Luigi wear?

    Denim denim denim.

  • What kind of body do you want to have?

    ME: *leans in close* I'd prefer human

  • What kind of doctor does a duck visit?

    A Ducktor.

  • What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear?

    Hor-crocs.

  • What kind of parasites do gangstas get?

    Thug Lice.

  • What kind of ideas do blind people get?

    Brailleant ones. Sauce: Am blind.

  • What kind of tree grows in your hand?

    A palm tree.

  • What kind of doctor deals with pussies?

    A whinecologist.

  • What kind of house does Fonzie live in?

    An "A" frame...

  • What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua?

    A short one!

  • What kind of pictures does a mermaid take on her phone?

    Shelfies.

  • What kind of house is easiest to pick up?

    A: A light house.

  • What kind of database does a Pokedex use?

    PokeMongoDB

  • What kind of sharks make good carpenters?

    Hammerheads!

  • What kind of disease did the guy get when he skipped the condom and plowed a girl with down's syndrome?

    Slow clap

  • What kind of shoes does Jack Lew wear?

    Cashews.

  • What kind of phone makes music?

    A saxophone.

  • What kind of music can't Ed Sheeran play?

    Soul

  • What kind of gum do bees chew?

    BUMBLEGUM. Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not.

  • What kind of ship never sinks?

    A dictatorship. *sobs*

  • What kind of stretches does a pencil do?

    Ticondeyoga

  • What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?

    Any kind, buildings can't jump.

  • What kind of game are Americans worst at?

    Tower defense.

  • What kind of cancer was Jar Jar diagnosed with?

    Meesathelioma.

  • What kind of dog should you get a spanish speaker?

    A spaniel.

  • What kind of jeans does mario wear?

    Denim denim denim.(http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) shamelessly stolen from tumblr

  • What kind of shampoo do people with Down Syndrome use?

    Tresemme 21

  • What kind of books do fruit read?

    Pulp Fiction

  • What kind of room doesn't have any doors/windows inside?

    A mushroom.

  • What kind of shoe does Mr. T wear?

    T-shoes!

  • What kind of undergarments do mermaids wear?

    An algebra

  • What kind of music does your mailman like?

    Postrock/Postpunk

  • What kind of condoms do frogs wear?

    Rib-bed

  • What kind of computer can also sing?

    A Dell.

  • What kind of trainer are you?

    T: I'm a Megan Trainor.

  • What kind of potato chips do dogs like best?

    RUFFles

  • What kind of skeleton are you?

    An XO skeleton"

  • What's the difference between America and a tub of yogurt?

    After 200 years the yogurt would have developed some kind of culture.

  • What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air ?

    A seahorse !

  • What kind of health insurance does a llama need?

    Ollamacare

  • What kind of soap do Middle Eastern citizens use?

    Arab spring

  • What kind of work does a weak cat do?

    A: Light mouse work.

  • What kind of music do wind turbines listen to?

    They're huge metal fans.

  • What kind of floor do dinosaurs' bathrooms have?

    A: Rep-tiles.

  • What kind of jeans do ghosts wear?

    Boo Jeans

  • What kind of cheese is best to watch Lost with?

    Smoked Muenster.

  • What did the Japanese buck say to the doe he was courting?

    OC I don't know how to put this but...I'm kind of a big deer.

  • What kind of education does a horny mathematician impart?

    Sets education.

  • What kind of bee can't be understood ?

    A mumble bee !

  • What kind of fruit isn't allowed to get married?

    A cantaloupe.

  • Who's there ! Chloe ! Chloe who ?

    Chloe's Encounters of the Third Kind !

  • What kind of snake is good at math?

    A: An adder.

  • What is bruce banners favourite kind of potato?

    HULK'S MASH! no idea where she picked it up from, but it made me chuckle

  • What kind of pizza would the twin towers order?

    Two plains.

  • What kind of jeans does mario wear ?

    Denim denim denim

  • What kind of cancer does an amnesiac oncologist diagnose?

    Adenocarcinoma

  • What kind of a fish do you always find on a beach?

    A dead one...

  • What kind of car does a viking drive?

    A fjord

  • What kind of dog is the most colorful?

    A paint Bernard!

  • What kind of guitar did the pool player own?

    A: A-cue-stick.

  • What kind of baseball do burgers play?

    Ketchup baseball!

  • What kind of batteries does a Harvard undergrad use?

    AAA

  • What kind of pants does agent Mulder wear?

    Just a pair 'a normal pants.

  • What kind of luggage does a vulture bring on a plane?

    Carrion.

  • What kind of jackets do Audiophiles wear?

    FLAC jackets

  • What kind of car did the German cowboy purchase?

    Audi *tips hat*

  • What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

    Ruth-less.

  • What kind of shoes does a thief wear?

    Sneakers

  • What kind of dough do Hobbit bakers use?

    Frodough.

  • What kind of girls date firefighters?

    Hose.

  • What kind of watch does Germs Bond wear?

    An Amoeba.

  • What kind of apple has a short temper?

    A crab apple.

  • What kind of food can you color with?

    A cranberry! Esher (my Grandson) age 5

  • What kind of papers do dogs write?

    A ruff draft.

  • What kind of tree smells like bacon?

    Original ) A Porcupine!

  • What kind of dogs are full of Chinese scientists?

    Yellow labs

  • What kind of music does a factory worker listen to?

    Industrial Metal

  • Which kind of ink do you put in your computer's printer?

    Black Red or Iced Iced Ink Well yes you do but I didn't want to mention it.

  • What kind of bird works on a construction site?

    A Crane.

  • What kind of tree likes a high five?

    A palm tree

  • What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights?

    Hypertrophy!

  • What kind of pickles does Miley Cyrus like in her relish?

    twerkins

  • What kind of tableware do gym trainers use?

    Pilates

  • What kind of cigars does Baby Jesus smoke?

    Mmmph!) Meek & Milds!!!! :0

  • What kind of bug bites only at your feet?

    Mosqui-toes

  • What kind of mint is the hardest to swallow?

    Abandonment.

  • What kind of physician works on a cruise liner?

    A dry doc.

  • What kind of gum do astronauts chew?

    Hubble Bubble

  • What kind of furniture do pigs like best?

    Overstuffed.

  • What kind of music do rabbits listen to?

    HIP HOP

  • What kind of jokestuff do farmers like?

    Corny jokes.

  • What kind of bath can you take without water?

    A sun bath.

  • What kind of coffee do the Islamists hate the most ?

    French press

  • What kind of court order would be placed on a pig in order to prevent it from taking a specific course of action?

    A: An inj-oink-tion.

  • What kind of batteries do stuttering Canadians use?

    Triple Eh's.

  • What kinds of birds are raised by only their mothers?

    Blackbirds

  • What kind of cereal does Microsoft make?

    Wind O's

  • What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

    Amputee

  • What kind of eggs do Canadians prefer?

    Grade eh

  • What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?

    A: Rep Tiles

  • What kind of explosive is popular with terrorist school-children?

    The satchel charge.

  • What kind of dog does Sauron have?

    A La-Barad-dr

  • What kind of sandwich is this?

    She asks. "It cheese ma."

  • What kind of patients?

    All of them"

  • What kind of music do cows listen to?

    dadjoke) MOOOOOsic.

  • What kind of chili do they serve at the cannibal prison??

    Chili CON Carne!

  • What kind of elephants live in Antartica ?

    Cold ones !

  • What kind of type face does a pachyderm use?

    ele-font

  • What kind of an erection does a necrophiliac get?

    Mourning wood! :)

  • What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?

    Barns and no-bulls. (This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)

  • What kind of math do owls like?

    Second Caribou: Owlgebra.

  • What kind of water do you drink when the snow melts?

    Spring water.

  • What kind of fish has two knees?

    A tunee fish.

  • What kind of pizza do pilots like?

    Plain.

  • What kind of bird brings no babies?

    A swallow.

  • What kind of cake does a baseball player prefer?

    A bundt cake!

  • What kind of tea isn't fake?

    A property

  • What kind of bird opens doors ?

    A kiwi !

  • What kind of cheese gives out money?

    Prova I just came up with that and feel pretty proud (:

  • What kind of underwear do old people wear?

    Depends.

  • What kind of a star can be risky?

    A shooting star!

  • What kind of birds do girls like?

    My-cawk!

  • What kind of pizza did the Dalai Lama order?

    one with everything

  • What kind of dog did the sad cantaloupe get?

    A melon collie!

  • What kind of engine did you put in it?

    cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.

  • What kind of insects to secret agents like?

    as told by my 9 yr old) Spiders.

  • What kind of dinosaur would Eminem be?

    A veloci-rapper. What about Stalin? A Tyrant-a-saurus rex.

  • What kind of math do feminists study ?

    Triggernometry

  • What kind of fruit can't get married?

    A Cantleope

  • What kind of shoes do thieves wear?

    Sneakers.

  • What kind of suit does a lawyer like best?

    The Spanish Inquisition.

  • What kind of degrees do slaves get in college?

    Their Master's.

  • What kind of alcohol gets stuck in your head for days?

    Red Red Wine!

  • What kind of music venues do gun lovers like the most?

    Carry OK

  • What kind of vision does Fetty Wap have?

    17/38

  • What kind of line gets thicker and thinner at the same time?

    A line of marathon runners

  • What kind of tree fits in your hand?

    A palm tree!

  • What kind of car trouble?

    Me: "It doesn't go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."

  • What kind of music do welders like?

    Heavy metal.

  • What kind of tea does an anarchist drink?

    Cheap generic iced tea. Because proper tea is theft.

  • What kind of back problem did the terrorist have?

    Scoli-isis

  • What kind of vitamin does a pirate take?

    Vitamin sea.

  • What kind of shoes do they wear in Holland?

    Wooden shoe like me to tell you. Props to my 8-year-old daughter for this one

  • What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?

    A URLologist.

  • What kind of government does Disney World have?

    A plutocracy

  • What kind of tea do the crime investigation team drink?

    A "casual tea"

  • What kind of company is a 24 hours hamburger joint?

    Fry-by-night!

  • What kind of vehicle swerved to miss a talking lizard in the road?

    Dodged-a-Rango

  • What's that again?

    A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.'

  • What kind of wine causes the most accidents?

    Shartonnay

  • What kind of bike does hipster Jesus ride?

    A Cruci-fixie.

  • What kind of tree barks?

    A dogwood!!

  • What kind of olives do I like?

    Olive them

  • What kind of fence goes on strike?

    A picket fence.

  • What kind of house does a stoned loaf of bread live in?

    A high rise

  • What kind of boats do smart people ride on?

    Scholar ships!

  • What kind of cologne applies itself?

    Elon Musk

  • What kind of currency do astronauts use in space?

    Starbucks

  • What kind of computer is optimized for sad songs?

    A Dell.

  • What kind of cereal do you find in a haunted house?

    Cinnamon Ghost Crunch

  • What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the Yukon?

    Sow-r dough bread.

  • What kind of rodent DDOS attacks Al Queda's Twitter account?

    An anonimouse

  • What kind of pants do Bostonians wear?

    Car Keys

  • What kind of suit does a bee wear to work?

    A: A buzzness suit!

  • What kind of nuts go on a carrot cake?

    First time posting to .

  • What kind of overalls does Super Mario wear?

    denim denim denim...

  • What kind of cheese do you use to entice a bear?

    Camembert!

  • What kind of dog is best at keeping secrets?

    hush puppies

  • What kind of marijuana do cows smoke?

    moo-dicinal

  • What kind of seagull flies over a bay?

    A Bay-gull

  • What kind of photos do turtles take?

    Shellfies

  • What kind of robbery is not dangerous?

    A safe robbery.

  • What kind of bear likes the rain?

    A drizzley bear.

  • What joke has sebadoh for a punch line?

    A joke about what kind of dough does an italian use to make seb bread, with really good delivery.

  • What kind of native American is Nikki Minaj?

    Arapahoe.

  • What kind of fish is made out of two sodium atoms?

    Tuna (2Na).

  • What kind of coffee does a peg legged pirate drink?

    Decalfinated.

  • What kind of turns do letters take?

    U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

  • What kind of cigarettes do California kids smoke?

    Yours.

  • What kind of soda do dogs drink?

    Barq's Root Beer.

  • What kind of dog can you best see in the dark?

    A glowberman pinscher!

  • What kind of witch goes to the beach?

    A: Sandwitch

  • What kind of CB Radio do seagulls use?

    Squawky-talkies!

  • Which Kind Of Girls Wear Transparent Clothes?

    Answer : "Those Girls Who Don't Trust The Imagination Power Of A Boy"

  • What kind of light makes the best US president?

    A blinkin' light

  • What kind of donuts did Bob Marley prefer?

    The ones with Jam in

  • What kind of sounds does Jaimie Foxx make in the bedroom?

    No sound at all, the D is silent

  • What kind of clothes do lawyers wear?

    Lawsuits.

  • What kind of bee can never make up its mind?

    A maybe

  • When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up?

    This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.

  • What kind of Dog does Homer Simpson have?

    A DOH-berman!

  • What kind of operating system do horses use?

    None. Horses are not known to use operating systems nor computers for that matter.

  • What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls ?

    Reptiles !

  • What kind of name is Joaquin?

    It's not Russian

  • What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?

    It didn't matter, they were all ears

  • What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?

    Quantum Mechanics.

  • What kind of exercise did Jesus do?

    Crossfit

  • What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

    Birds of Pray

  • What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers ?

    A bud hound !

  • What are the three kinds of women's cancer?

    1. Breast Cancer 2. Ovarian Cancer 3. Feminism

  • What kind of car does Yoda drive?

    A Toy-Yoda

  • What kind of musical instrument can you use for fishing?

    The cast-a-net.

  • What kind of car does god drive?

    A Christler

  • What kind of street does a ghost like best?

    A dead end.

  • What did the Morman say when asked what kind of wives he wanted?

    Brigham Young"

  • What kind of khakis do birds wear?

    Khakaws!

  • What kinds of stories do dolphins tell around the campfire?

    They're just ghost stories for all in tents and porpoises.

  • What kind of pizzas can tell the future?

    Medium Pizzas

  • What kind of dog can do magic tricks?

    A labracadabrador

  • What kind of bagel can fly?

    A plain bagel.

  • What kind of cake did Noah enjoy?

    Mabul cake.

  • What kind of underwear do the GI Joes wear?

    None, they go commando.

  • What kind of coffee does an executioner drink?

    Decap

  • What kind of photograph does Arnold Schwarzenegger take?

    Polaroids.

  • What kind of water do you put into a waterbed?

    Spring water

  • What kind of church does a triangle attend?

    Anglican.

  • What kind of code does a volcano use to make its website?

    HTMelt

  • What kind of music do you like?

    The other says, "I'm a big metal fan"

  • What kind of ant is good at maths ?

    An accountant !

  • What kind of TV show do felines watch?

    Catoons

  • What kind of railway is an Italian engineer's favourite?

    Funicula

  • What kind of jean's do Mario prefer?

    Denim Denim Denim.

  • What kind of noise annoys an oyster ?

    A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)

  • What kind of dog can tell time?

    A clockshund!

  • What kind of coffee do terrorists hate?

    French press. (Too soon?)

  • What kind of dog do IT people prefer?

    A Dobie

  • What kind of shark is always drunk?

    A hammeredhead

  • What kind of milk does Mitt Romney drink?

    1%

  • What kind of pizza does Buddha like?

    One with everything.

  • What kind of underwear does Severus Snape wear?

    Always.

  • What kind of currency do they use in space?

    Starbucks

  • What kind of wine does ISIS drink?

    White Infidel.

  • What kind of jokes do filipinos make?

    Punny ones

  • What kind of aids he got?

    Financial aids ! !

  • What kind of whale flies?

    Pilot whales!

  • What kind of shoes to frogs like ?

    Open toad sandals !

  • What kind of fish would you want to go to bed with?

    A cuddlefish! (corny I know)

  • What kind of shoes do bears wear?

    None because they go barefoot.

  • What kind of reptile do you bring on an expedition?

    A navi-gator!

  • What kind of music did Jesus hate?

    Anything by Judas Priest and Nine Inch Nails.

  • Why do rabbits prefer IPA's over other kinds of beers?

    Because they use extra hops

  • What's the one kind of marriage that's still frowned upon in Alabama?

    Interracial

  • What kind of computer says "Hello"?

    A Dell

  • What kind of fish is made of only two sodium molecules?

    2 na

  • What kind of ears do trains have?

    Engineers (engine ears).

  • What kind of bird does 2 Chainz own?

    Toucan

  • What kind of music do chiropractors listen to?

    Hip-pop.

  • What kind of genie only grants wishes to men?

    A misogenie.

  • What kind of monkey can fly?

    A hot air baboon!

  • What kind of socks do you find in your backyard?

    Garden hose.

  • What kind of a car does a crazy man drive?

    A LOCOmotive.

  • What kind of bar do fish go to?

    A sand bar.

  • What kind of tie does a pig wear ?

    Pig's tie !

  • What kind of pie can fly?

    A Magpie.

  • What kind of zoo has no animals except for a small, yappy dog?

    A shih tzu

  • What kind of bug do you find on a long car ride?

    An I-shoulda-pede.

  • What kind of pants does Mario wear to work?

    Denim denim denim p

  • How do blind people know where to find Braille signs on walls and doors?

    They just have a feel for that kind of thing.

  • What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?

    An algae bra.

  • What kind of punch hurts children the most?

    A sandy hook.

  • What kind of melons always have big weddings?

    Cantaloupe.

  • What kind of doctor is always on call?

    An oncologist.

  • What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?

    A: Women!

  • What kind of pictures do hermit crabs take?

    Shellfies

  • What kind of bug wants to buy lawn turf?

    A gras shopper.

  • What kind of bell doesn't ring?

    A dumbbell.

  • What kind of trees watch kids in Mexico?

    Baby cedar

  • What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day?

    Cauliflowers!

  • What kind of tools do I need to make a cake?

    Him: The fact that you're calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.

  • What kind of car does a cat drive?

    A Cadillac.

  • What kind of shoes does bread wear?

    Loafers.

  • What kind of overalls does Mario wear?

    Denim, denim, denim.

  • What kind of letters would you send to capital cities?

    A: Capital letters.

  • What kind of tie is best to wear in a fight?

    Muay Thai

  • What are a plumbers least favorite kind of shoe?

    Clogs.

  • Why did the yankee wolf like southern ladies?

    By the time they said "I'm not that kind of girl" they were.

  • When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

    A zoo-t suit!

  • What kind of car do ghosts drive?

    BOOgatti!

  • What kind of jokes does a mute clown tell?

    Dumb ones!

  • What kind of money do fishermen make ?

    Net profits !

  • What kind of drugs do ducks take?

    The snort quack.

  • What kind... What kind of vitamins pirates take?

    Vitamin "D".

  • What kind of car does Jesus drive?

    A Christler.

  • What kind of vehicle did they use to transport prisoners to concentration camps during the holocaust?

    Ju-Haul

  • What kind of chemical bond is Hispanic?

    An Ester Bond

  • What kind of snake is good at building things?

    A boa constructor.

  • What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?

    Neck-romance-y.

  • What kind of fish is made from two sodium atoms?

    A 2na

  • What kind of cheese do you use to hide a small horse?

    Mascarpone!

  • What kind of country has a clown problem?

    The same one that has 2 clowns running for president!

  • What kind of Fuel does the Iron Giant run on?

    Vin Diesel!

  • What do sea mammals say when something happens against their kind?

    Oh, the huge-manatee

  • What kind of goat did Houdini have?

    A scapegoat.

  • What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?

    Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.

  • What kind of book did Frankenstein's monster like to read?

    One with a cemetery plot.

  • What kind of music do planets listen to?

    Nep-tunes.

  • What kind of container is appropriate for noble gases?

    An innertube.

  • What kind of car does depressed Daniel drive?

    Sad Dan

  • What kinds of guns do T-Rex's prefer?

    mainly SMALL ARMS.

  • What kind of stupid phone you got there?

    Him: Windows phone Me: Oh takes it and lobs it out the window Yes it is

  • What kind of Internet creep can swim the fastest?

    A TOR pedo.

  • What kind of underwear does a person wear when buried?

    Fruit of the tomb

  • What kind of fabric does Mario use?

    Denim denim denim.

  • What kind of liquid does a pig's printer use?

    oink

  • What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?

    Yours.

  • What kind of lizard goes into salad?

    A Salad-Mander! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHILARIOUS

  • What kind of cheese can be used to build a structure?

    Cottage cheese.

  • What kind of computer sings?

    A Dell

  • What kind of yoga do you do in a casket?

    Decom-pose.

  • What kind of birds stick together?

    Vel-crows

  • What kind of bird can write?

    A penguin.

  • What kind of pizza does Lil Wayne like?

    Little seizures.

  • What kind of boy is he?

    A noughty one.

  • What kind of people have the most beautiful eyes?

    Beekeepers. Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder.

  • What kind of superhero would Caitlyn Jenner be?

    An Ex-Man.

  • What kind of fun do priests have?

    Nun

  • What did Picard say when Riker asked him what kind of Chinese food he wanted?

    Make it Tso's Number One."

  • What kind of organization is Atheism?

    Non-prophet.

  • What kind of memes do Germans like?

    Danke memes

  • What kind of bait do you need to catch a master fish?

    Super Bait

  • What kind of a pitch did Sandy Koufax of the old Burger-lyn Dodgers have?

    A fastball - a sizzler.

  • What kind of eye disease do vampires get?

    Dracular degeneration.

  • What kind of mic did Kurt Cobain use?

    A shotgun mic!

  • What kind of wine does Bruce Lee pair with a fish dinner?

    None, he just has some WATAH!

  • What kind of cereal do zombies like?

    Kellog's All Brain

  • What kind of bears don't have teeth?

    Gummi bears. )

  • What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?

    A Holly Davidson!

  • What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best?

    Lap-top!

  • What kind of lizard can run the mafia?

    The Iguanodon

  • What kind of buildings do terrorists have on their farms?

    Allahu akbarns (I'm going to hell)

  • What kind of parents are see-through?

    Transparence!

  • What kind of hotdog did the Buddha order from the street vendor?

    One with everything

  • What kind of car drives over water?

    Any kind of car if it goes over a bridge.

  • What kind of snake is it good to have on a car?

    Windshield vipers.

  • What kind of people like Scottie's hair?

    Chubby 7th grade girls!

  • What kind of tree would Hanna Montana be?

    A 'Miley Cyprus'. Dear god, shoot me.

  • What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar?

    Buck teeth!

  • What kinds of clothes do protons wear?

    Plus sizes!

  • What kind of triangle jokes can never be made right?

    Ones with an obtuse angle.

  • What kind of ANIMAL would DO this?

    Well, that's a gazelle Jeff, so probably a lion *to other ranger* Jeff's new here

  • What kind of joke do you tell to a vegetarian?

    One they've never herbivore.

  • What kind of fish will help you hear better ?

    A herring aid !

  • What kind of television do horses like?

    A: Saddle-lite TV

  • What kind of music do balloons hate the most?

    Pop music.

  • What kind of drink does a ghetto drinks?

    A GHETTOrade

  • What kind of music do they play at Stonehenge?

    Hard Rock.

  • What kind of water do ducks drink?

    Bottled Waddle.

  • What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

    Fang mail.

  • What kind of watch is best for people who don't like time on their hands?

    A pocket watch.

  • What kind of injury results from having an omega-3 bottle thrown at your head?

    A super-fish-oil wound

  • What kind of tea does water make?

    Humiditea.

  • What kind of drug is /r/theRedPill?

    It's a beta blocker

  • What kind of church music do they sing in Finland?

    FINNISH HYMN!

  • What kind of bikes do girls ride?

    Menstrual Cycles (I'm 99% sure I made this up!)

  • What kind of tea does a house drink?

    Propertea

  • What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

    A wet one.

  • What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?

    Diddily-squats.

  • What kind of a joke does a black person not get?

    Dadjokes

  • What kinds of jokes do cats play on each other?

    Purranks.

  • What kind of tea did the American colonists want?

    Liberty

  • What kind of apple isn't an apple?

    A pineapple.

  • What kind of car does a rich baker drive?

    A Rolls-Royce.

  • What kind of money does Mario use?

    8-bitcoins

  • What kind of Aircraft is into Men and Women?

    A Biplane.

  • What kind of dinosaur writes poetry?

    A Bronte-saurus.

  • What do you call a tree if you don't know what kind of tree it is?

    It's a mystery.

  • What does a college kid do when confronted by an evil spirit?

    He drinks it just like he drinks every other kind of spirit.

  • What kind of pants does Mario wear?

    Denim Denim. Denim

  • What kind of bird is that?

    Just look at that bird!

  • What kind of mane does a Chinese lion have?

    Lo mein.

  • What kind of cat should you take into the desert ?

    A first aid kitty !

  • What kind of tumors do tough guys get?

    Heman-giomas

  • What kind of bee can never be understood?

    A mumble-bee.

  • What kind of sick bird is against the law?

    an ill eagle

  • What kind of NUT would make a pie for THANKSGIVING?

    Pecan, typically.

  • What kind of jokes does a zombie make?

    Dad jokes.

  • Who plays those kind of jokes anymore?

    You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.

  • What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator?

    A Fermilabrador Retriever.

  • What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?

    An amoeboo!

  • What kind of laundry detergent do handicapped people use?

    Downy. I apologize for this one, it's pretty mean. I really do sympathize with handicapped people.

  • What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?

    Reality

  • What kind of tree is a must?

    An obliga-tree.

  • What kind of hair do oceans have ?

    Wavy !

  • What kind of a friar loves philosophy?

    A deep friar.

  • What Kind of Motorcycles do Lesbians ride?

    Chowasaki. - Pat H.

  • What kind of fish is funny, beautiful and a good role model for young women?

    Tuna Fey.

  • What do you mean you're not going to spank me?

    I mouthed off and everything. What kind of man are you

  • What kind of limes open doors?

    A: Key limes.

  • What kind of pants do the Super Mario Bros. wear?

    Denim denim denim..... I'll see myself out.

  • What kind of fish can you find in a hospital?

    A sturgeon.

  • What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?

    Coffin medicine.

  • What kind of dreams do dustmites have?

    Mitemares

  • What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use?

    A salt rifle.

  • What kind of flooring does a Mexican fit?

    Underlay! Underlay!

  • What kind of bear dissolves in water?

    A polar bear.

  • What kind of birds do you usually find locked up ?

    Jail-birds !

  • What kind of cheese is made backwards?

    Edam.

  • What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

    A: A counter spy.

  • What kind of fruit tells the best jokes?

    A punkin. Edit: and apparently not me.

  • What kind of dog suffers most from being inbred?

    A hot dog

  • What's a politicians favorite kind of dance move?

    Poll dancing!

  • What kind of ant can you colour with ?

    A crayant !

  • What kind of eel is this?

    Diner at the sushi restaurant: "What kind of eel is this?" Waiter: "Do you love it?" Diner: "yeah" Waiter: "Then, that's a moray"

  • What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

    sneakers( iknow its old but its nice)

  • What kind of beer does a cow brew?

    Heifer-weizen.

  • What kind of ships can't go in salt water?

    Snail-boats

  • What kind of phone does The Flash use?

    Not an iPhone because Apple doesn't support flash

  • What kind of milk do the wealthiest people in the world give to their children?

    1%

  • What kind of fish is made of two sodium atoms?

    2 Na!

  • What kind of pants do you buy for your pet Chihuahua?

    Shorts!

  • What kind of bees make the best milk?

    Boo Bees!

  • What did Kris Kross tell the nervous paratrooper?

    Tell her you're a paratrooper. Chicks dig that kind of thing."

  • What kind of medicine do Ants use when they have eye problems?

    Ant-Eye Biotics (Dad joke, I know)

  • What kind of woman are the most irrational?

    The ones with the golden proportions!

  • What kind of music does a printer make?

    A paper jam.

  • What kind of music do sponges listen to?

    Raggaeneration.

  • What kind of a shoe has a problem?

    An issue.

  • What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

    A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.

  • What kind of stationary can't you defend yourself with?

    A TACK

  • What kind of venereal disease does a Stormtrooper get?

    An AT-STD.

  • What kind of house does cheese like to live in?

    A cottage"

  • What kind of toothpaste do MLG use?

    Pretty much anything, just no Scope.

  • What kind of drugs to frogs take?

    methamphibians.

  • What kind of jeans do Mario and Luigi wear?

    Denim denim denim!

  • What kind of modeling clay does a dog use?

    Fi-Do!

  • What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals ?

    A guard dog !

  • What kind of degree do you inherit through marriage?

    A degree in law.

  • What kind of bee can keep an aeroplane dry ?

    An aero-drone !

  • What kind of doctor never leaves the hospital?

    An Oncologist

  • What kind of a fish does your Parrot sit on?

    A Perch!

  • What kind of TB do potatoes get?

    culosis.

  • What kind of cats lay around the house?

    A: Car-pets!

  • What kind of award did the dentist receive?

    A little plaque.

  • What kind of flower grows on your face?

    A: Tulips.

  • What kind of trails does a crazy person travel?

    Psychopaths. (I hate myself)

  • What kind of dog doesnt bark?

    A hot dog

  • What kind of story does a rabbit tell?

    A fluffy tale.

  • What kind of flour is independent?

    Self-Raising flour.. I'll get my coat.

  • What kind of people are always in a damn hurry?

    Russians

  • What kind of martial arts do birds practice?

    Wing Chun

  • What kind of database does a Pokdex use?

    PokMongoDB

  • What kind of printer does a pig use?

    A: An oinkjet.

  • What kind of cards do donkeys send out near Christmas?

    A: Mule-tide greetings.

  • What kind of pizzas did Al Qaeda deliver to the World Trade Center?

    Two large plains.

  • What kind of a battery does Dj Khaled use?

    A Li-ion battery.

  • What kind of tea do koalas drink?

    Euca-lipton

  • What kind of present did the armless boy get for Christmas?

    Gloves. Jk he hasn't opened it yet!!

  • What kind of Pop do you cook with?

    Baking Soda

  • Which kind of shark is also the saddest dog?

    The porbeagle.

  • What kind of tea do wealthy people own?

    Proper-Tea

  • What kind of dish does LeBron like?

    anything with curry in it.

  • What kind of pants does Super Mario wear?

    Denim denim denim

  • What kind of phone does a burglar use?

    A no-key-a

  • Why kind of motorcycles do cows ride?

    Mooooootorcycles!

  • What kind of pants does the Pink Panther wear?

    Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Deniiiiim

  • What kind of Ant lives in rented accommodation?

    Tenants.

  • What kind of subreddit dedicates itself to darkness and shadows?

    No it is not r/shadow removed

  • What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger?

    The bogeyman.

  • What kind of dog always needs a shave?

    A bearded collie!

  • What kind of newspaper do cows read?

    The Moo York Times

  • What kind of underwear does John Grisham use?

    Pelican Briefs I'll go find a bridge

  • What kind of person are you if you open the door from the bottom of the door?

    A low-key person

  • What kind of poker do stoner cows play?

    High Steaks

  • What kind of chocolate swims in the ocean?

    scubGodivas.

  • Whats a yoga instructors favourite kind of coffee?

    Pilatte

  • What kind of dog can turn on your car?

    Yorkies

  • What kind of environment do hobbits live in?

    A hobbitat

  • What do you call the belief that one kind of shoe is better than another?

    Shoepremacy.

  • What kind of bird lays electric eggs ?

    A battery hen !

  • What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

    Boo jeans.

  • What kind of dog is a person's best friend?

    A palmatian!

  • What kind of cheese do you use to entice a bear down from a tree?

    Camembert!

  • What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese?

    Swish cheese.

  • What kind of beast is it you hear?

    A duck. ... with hiccups.

  • What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch?

    rated movies

  • What kind of haircut does the black judge have?

    Jury Curls

  • What kind of lotion does a bullfighter use?

    Oil of Ole'

  • What kind of dog is the quietest?

    A "shhh"nauzer

  • What kind of car did Jesus drive?

    a manual.

  • What kind of martial art does a chef do?

    Kung food (Don't hurt me, I know it's bad)