Land Jokes
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How can you tell if a cat is blonde?
A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head.
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What are you doing here?
I just got fired from the circus "Oh my" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond
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What's the difference between CNN and Al Jazeera?
CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al Jazeera shows them landing.
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What was the first thing the stowaway to Mars said after he landed?
Just out of Curiosity...
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What did the pigeon say after its friend landed a sick flip?
Coo.
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Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?
Because they really wanted a third's eye view!
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What did the pints say upon landing on Planet Metric?
Take us to your liter."
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Who is the most cowardly knight in all the land?
Sir Ender
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What lands first?
The leaf, a rope stopped the emo.
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What's the difference between a Pilot and a jet engine?
A jet engine stops whining after it lands
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What's North America's most famous red wine?
Give back our land!
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How does a Range Rover Evoque look after landing on it's roof?
Exactly the same.
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What's the difference between New York City and the Land of Mordor?
Two Towers.
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Why don't native Americans like snow?
We don't like anything white on our land.
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What happens when you sing a country music song backwards?
You get your wife, truck, and land back.
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Why do SCUBA divers fall backwards out of boats?
Because if they fell forwards, they'd land in the boat.
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What does a cat say when it lands on it's back?
Me. Ow.
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What is the oldest red wine?
They took our Land!"
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How do you know that a plane from the UK has landed?
An hour after its landed its still whining.
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What fictional city can ISIS not invade by land?
Gotham City.
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Why do scuba divers fall off the boat backwards?
Because is they fell forward they'd land in the boat.
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What's the difference between CNN and Al-Jazeera?
CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al-Jazeera shows them landing. (Not mine, just heard it on the Jimmy Dore show) also "My favorite indie band is palestinian. I think they're really going to blow up."
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What is a Nuclear Physicist's favorite Genesis song?
Land of Cold-Fusion".
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What does a dancing piece of land in the middle of nowhere?
Plot twisting!
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Who lands first?
The Italian. The black is tied to the tree.
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What's Peter Pan's brother's name?
Peter Pot. He gets so high he never lands.
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How many Syrians does it take to launch a missle?
Two. One to launch it, and one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.
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What's the fastest thing on land?
Stevie Wonder's speedboat.
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Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land
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Why are sailors so impatient when they get on land?
Because they're tired of waiting in the rhumb line.
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What did the alien say when his flying saucer landed in a stud farm?
Take me to your breeder !
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What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough?
He ate it quickly before the others could ask him to share.
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How do you stop the government from making a pipeline across your land?
You Sioux them.
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What's the most popular red wine?
We want our land back!!
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Why is Peter Pan always flying around?
Because he can never never land
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Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they would land in the boat!
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Why did the Native American curse the snow?
Because it was white and on his land!
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What would you call Neil Armstrong had he burnt up in the atmosphere returning to earth instead of landing safely?
An unfortu-naut... God that was horrible....
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How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?
Two. One to launch it one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.
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What's the oldest red wine in America?
Give us back our land!"
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Why is the sea salty?
Because the land does not wave back.
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What did the mexican-american say when two houses landed on him?
Get off me holmes!
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What do you call the king of the jungle in the land down under?
Australian. Yes I know lions aren't jungle animals, but as per common nomenclature etc etc yadda yadda raspberry :)
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Why haven't Women landed on the Moon?
Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!
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What is white and hurts a homophobic man if it lands on him?
An airplane
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Which way will it fall?
If a rooster lays an egg on a pointed roof, which way will it land Roosters don't lay eggs
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Who's there ! Athena ! Athena who ?
Athena reindeer landing on your roof !
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What lands as often on its tail as it does its head?
A penny.
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What do you call a reptiloid that crashed landed its spaceship?
Imsosaurus!
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What happened when the icicle landed on the sowmman's head?
It knocked him cold.
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Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back
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Why you cannot think of landing a job or business without internet?
No connection
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What if Superman landed in Mexico instead of Kansas?
He'd be an illegal alien.
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What happend to Tommen Baratheon?
He made it to kings landing