Land Jokes

  • How can you tell if a cat is blonde?

    A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head.

  • What are you doing here?

    I just got fired from the circus "Oh my" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond

  • What's the difference between CNN and Al Jazeera?

    CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al Jazeera shows them landing.

  • What was the first thing the stowaway to Mars said after he landed?

    Just out of Curiosity...

  • What did the pigeon say after its friend landed a sick flip?


  • Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?

    Because they really wanted a third's eye view!

  • What did the pints say upon landing on Planet Metric?

    Take us to your liter."

  • Who is the most cowardly knight in all the land?

    Sir Ender

  • What lands first?

    The leaf, a rope stopped the emo.

  • What's the difference between a Pilot and a jet engine?

    A jet engine stops whining after it lands

  • What's North America's most famous red wine?

    Give back our land!

  • How does a Range Rover Evoque look after landing on it's roof?

    Exactly the same.

  • What's the difference between New York City and the Land of Mordor?

    Two Towers.

  • Why don't native Americans like snow?

    We don't like anything white on our land.

  • What happens when you sing a country music song backwards?

    You get your wife, truck, and land back.

  • Why do SCUBA divers fall backwards out of boats?

    Because if they fell forwards, they'd land in the boat.

  • What does a cat say when it lands on it's back?

    Me. Ow.

  • What is the oldest red wine?

    They took our Land!"

  • How do you know that a plane from the UK has landed?

    An hour after its landed its still whining.

  • What fictional city can ISIS not invade by land?

    Gotham City.

  • Why do scuba divers fall off the boat backwards?

    Because is they fell forward they'd land in the boat.

  • What's the difference between CNN and Al-Jazeera?

    CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al-Jazeera shows them landing. (Not mine, just heard it on the Jimmy Dore show) also "My favorite indie band is palestinian. I think they're really going to blow up."

  • What is a Nuclear Physicist's favorite Genesis song?

    Land of Cold-Fusion".

  • What does a dancing piece of land in the middle of nowhere?

    Plot twisting!

  • Who lands first?

    The Italian. The black is tied to the tree.

  • What's Peter Pan's brother's name?

    Peter Pot. He gets so high he never lands.

  • How many Syrians does it take to launch a missle?

    Two. One to launch it, and one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

  • What's the fastest thing on land?

    Stevie Wonder's speedboat.

  • Why do Native Americans hate snow?

    Because it's white and settles on their land

  • Why are sailors so impatient when they get on land?

    Because they're tired of waiting in the rhumb line.

  • What did the alien say when his flying saucer landed in a stud farm?

    Take me to your breeder !

  • What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough?

    He ate it quickly before the others could ask him to share.

  • How do you stop the government from making a pipeline across your land?

    You Sioux them.

  • What's the most popular red wine?

    We want our land back!!

  • Why is Peter Pan always flying around?

    Because he can never never land

  • Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?

    Because if they fell forward, they would land in the boat!

  • Why did the Native American curse the snow?

    Because it was white and on his land!

  • What would you call Neil Armstrong had he burnt up in the atmosphere returning to earth instead of landing safely?

    An unfortu-naut... God that was horrible....

  • How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?

    Two. One to launch it one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

  • What's the oldest red wine in America?

    Give us back our land!"

  • Why is the sea salty?

    Because the land does not wave back.

  • What did the mexican-american say when two houses landed on him?

    Get off me holmes!

  • What do you call the king of the jungle in the land down under?

    Australian. Yes I know lions aren't jungle animals, but as per common nomenclature etc etc yadda yadda raspberry :)

  • Why haven't Women landed on the Moon?

    Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!

  • What is white and hurts a homophobic man if it lands on him?

    An airplane

  • Which way will it fall?

    If a rooster lays an egg on a pointed roof, which way will it land Roosters don't lay eggs

  • Who's there ! Athena ! Athena who ?

    Athena reindeer landing on your roof !

  • What lands as often on its tail as it does its head?

    A penny.

  • What do you call a reptiloid that crashed landed its spaceship?


  • What happened when the icicle landed on the sowmman's head?

    It knocked him cold.

  • Why is the ocean so salty?

    Because the land never waves back

  • Why you cannot think of landing a job or business without internet?

    No connection

  • What if Superman landed in Mexico instead of Kansas?

    He'd be an illegal alien.

  • What happend to Tommen Baratheon?

    He made it to kings landing