Laugh Jokes
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What happens when an egg laughs?
He cracks up
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What does it sound like when Java laughs?
Java -jar jar.jar
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What is one of the funniest simple joke you have ever heard?
Literally... made you die laughing e.g. Why did the monkey fall of the tree bc it died e.g. How do you keep an idiot in suspense
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Whats the difference between man united and a clown?
ones a complete laughing stock and the other ones a clown.
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Why do I not laugh at your jokes anymore?
Because I've "reddit" before
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How do you spell "laughing out loud" by using binary?
1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1
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How was school?
4: Trenton said his dad likes to go outside and fight lions - laughs - oh honey - nobody would name their kid Trenton
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When a guy texts "your beautiful," reply with "my beautiful what?
then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again.
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How do normal people vs feminists laugh?
Normal People: HeHeHe... Feminist: SheSheShe..
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What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena ?
I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs !
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How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh ?
ten-tickcles.
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Why was the egg laughing when it fell off the table?
Because it cracked itself up.
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What happens to a laffy taffy joke in the rain?
It makes me laugh a little bit, in the rain.
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What do you call a laughing mayonnaise?
lmayo ahh
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Why did Leonardo Di Caprio laugh at the Oscar joke?
He finally got it!
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What do colors say when they laugh?
Huehuehuehuehuehuehuehue
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Who else is watching and laughing their a$$ off?
Turns out Martha Stewart is a boss
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What does someone have if they laugh at other people's eyes?
Aqueous humour.
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What's the best way?
I said "A big knife" She laughed and said "You're funny" I said "wise choice"
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What's an Alzheimer patient's favorite horror movie?
The Blair...Which project Made my roomie laugh at least
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Why are atoms so serious?
Because they're no laughing matter.
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How many walruses does it take to make a sandwich?
Don't be silly, walruses don't make sandwiches; women make sandwiches. Made this up to bug my sister. It worked. Her husband laughed.
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What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?
A Penguin rolling down a hill What's black and white and laughing The penguin who pushed him
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What is a clowns fart made of?
Laughing gas.
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Why are you laughing?
My dentist just pulled one of my teeth out. I don't see much to laugh about in that. But it was the wrong one!
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Why aren't orphans laughing?
Because jokes aren't apparent.
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What do you call chocolate eggnog?
Nignog. Eh I laughed.
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Why do Stormtroopers never laugh?
Because they always miss the joke
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What's the difference between a tribal tattoo and /r/jokes?
A tribal tattoo makes you laugh.
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What goes "ha ha, thump thump?
A guy laughing his balls off.
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Why can't Californians stop at stop signs?
I don't know and this is not a laughing matter.
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What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A: A Yamahahaha
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Why did the cookie not laugh at your joke?
Because it was crumby.
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What's a laughing condiment?
Ayy lmayo
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Whats the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?
I can get through his opening monologue without laughing
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Whos the funniest disney princess?
raPUNzel *sits there laughing to self* ...so lonely..
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What goes "Hahahahaha...*thud*"?
Someone laughing their head off
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Why does nobody laugh at zombie-Peter Pan's jokes?
He always tells them with a dead Pan face.
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What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?
It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.
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How did Paul, the octopus, originally die?
Torres went and asked Paul proudly, "How many goals will I end up with after thia this World Cup " Paul died laughing.
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How do cheese strings work?
I started to laugh, but then I stopped. How do cheese strings work
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What goes ha, ha, ha, clunk?
A man laughing his head off.
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What did the alcoholic Dad, away on business, say to the bartender at the hotel bar?
I'm ready to partiem with my perdiem *sorry, not a dad, and the bar tender didn't laugh either
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What does a neckbeard say when make him laugh?
You made m'laugh.
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How do you know if a Muslim is laughing online?
He types, "HALOL"
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What to do when the black guy in front of you gets shot?
Stop laughing and reload.
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Why does Bob Seger always laugh when he plays chess?
He thinks it's funny how the Knight moves.
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How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles
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Why are homeless people always laughing?
Because they crack themselves up!
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What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A Yamahahahaha.
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What type of memory card is always laughing?
The XD card.
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Why do burgers laugh when you surround them with pickles?
Who knows - maybe they're picklish!
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What do you call a peanut with a cold?
Cashew! she was so proud of herself for making me laugh with this one.
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Why shouldn't Canadian adults laugh at children who believe in the Easter Bunny?
Because most of them still believe in Justin Trudeau
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How do chinese people laugh over the internet?
Lmao Zedong
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What do you do when you see a half dead native man crawling across your lawn?
Stop laughing and reload
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How many times does a woman laugh after you tell her a joke?
Three. When you tell it to her, then when you explain it to her, and then when she gets it.
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What does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten tickles.
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Why can't your jokes ever make NRA members laugh?
Because jokes don't make people laugh, people make people laugh.
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What do you call a happy cow?
Laughing stock. What do you call a grumpy cow? A Feminist
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Why do blind people always laugh at jokes?
Same as why they don't drive. They never see it comming.
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What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)
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How do you stop a clown from laughing?
Hit it in the face with an axe.
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Why does a German always have the last laugh?
He has to wait for the verb.
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What was Rudolph's nickname?
Names. Because they used to laugh and call him Names. Credit to my dad.
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How do u get a pool table to laugh?
tickle its balls.
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What did the noble gas sound like when he laughed?
He He He
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What's your funniest yet least known joke?
I have a friend that absolutely loves cheesy, question and answer jokes and I wanna make a card with a list of them! The problem is that she knows just about every joke known to man so I challenge you to give me hilarious, short jokes that aren't very widely known. Make me laugh!
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What do you call a fruit that makes fun of someone?
A banana-nana-nana Got it on a popsicle stick. Laughed for way too long.
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If you boil a clown...
Do you get a laughing stock?
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How do Muslims laugh?
Muahahahamed Note: I don't have any prejudices against Islamic people.
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Why do mountains make people laugh?
Because they're hill-areas!
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What did they sew you up with?
My Dad laughing so hard - as he said "That's not funny!" Cat Gut
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What do you get if you turn an evil laugh backwards?
A laughing cow. Ahahahahahahahamoo.
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What do you call an outdated joke that, while sharp, has little potential for laughs?
I used to know, but then I took an arrow to the knee
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Why was the 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered six offender... that's not a laughing matter...
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What do you call a Chinese guy when he's laughing?
Lmao
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What's the difference between me and Jimmy Kimmel?
I can make it to the end of a Jimmy Kimmel joke without laughing.
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How hard do you think Joe Biden laughs when a senate's bill gets 69 votes?
I bet he has to leave the room.
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What did the orphan say when the orphanage burned down?
Nothing. He just laughed.
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What happened when the lepers played poker?
One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off. This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.
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Why did the boy laugh when he was molested by a test?
Because the testicles
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Why do Gypsy's walk funny?
Because of their Crystal Balls EDIT: I'm not sure if anyone's posted this before my mum's sister emailed her from across the globe.(New Zealand) I laughed so hard I thought I'd put it here. Credit goes to my Mum's sister though.
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Why did Leonardo Take forever to laugh at my Oscars joke?
Cause he just got it!
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How many times do you have to tickle a squid to make it laugh?
ten tickles
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Who was that, your girlfriend?
Everyone laughs* NERD: "Nope. It was yours." *Dead silence*
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Who laughs the last?
The one who you have to explain the joke to.
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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage I do realize this is a sick joke but it still makes me laugh when I hear it. I'm a horrible person
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What did some kids call him?
A "Chigga" (i'm not a racist, but this made me laugh for long enough to post it here. Please don't get triggered)
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Why did the family not laugh at the Obstetrician's joke?
Because he screwed up the delivery...
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What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
DAM! (airplane stewardess told me and had me on ground laughing)
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What the sound of a rainbow laughing?
Hue hue hue hue
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What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
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Why did the man hit the fortune teller when she started laughing?
A: He was striking a happy medium.
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How many tickles... How many tickles before a squid starts to laugh?
Ten tickles
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Why did the bacon laugh?
Because the egg cracked a yolk.
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Why didn't the blind person laugh at my joke?
Because he didn't see the funny side to it.
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How can you tell which end of a worm is which ?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs !
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What's it called when you poke a Scantron to make it laugh?
A test tickle.
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What do you call cows that have a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.
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How do you make God laugh?
Tell him your plans.
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What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?
I can get through one of his skits without laughing
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What's a funny non-racist joke a Polish person would laugh at?
Just trying to make a Polish girl I like laugh
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Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery?
Q: Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery? A: Because her career as a comic was stuck, but no matter how he tried, the Dr. couldn't pull a laugh out of her.
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Why didn't the cashier laugh at my joke?
It didn't make cents
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How did the sad clown smile and laugh again?
They told him his wife died recently.
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What happened to the joke that insulted the mods?
People laughed, because it was a good joke.
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Why is it that in girls tampons commercials they're always laughing and dancing?
Shouldn't they be revving chainsaws and burning stuff down
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What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut?
A Barbecue. Christmas crackers are just full of laughs.
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How many tickles does it take to make a japanese girl laugh?
Ten Tickles
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Why do people at work always laugh at my jokes?
Because they're paid to.
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Why didn't DiCaprio laugh at Oscar joke?
Because he didn't get it.
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Why was the man intently watching the bowl of snickers?
He wanted to see who would have the last laugh. back to work...
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What do you call corn with a sense of humor?
Laughing stalk
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What happens to Stephen Hawking when he stops laughing?
He writes scary stories.
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Why shouldn't you laugh when a black man falls off his bike?
It could be your bike. EDIT: Spelling.
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Why are you just telling me now?
He said, Because I couldn't stop laughing.
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Why couldn't the octopus stop laughing?
Because it had ten tickles
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What's the difference between Jimmy Fallon and myself?
I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.
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What do you call a laughing labradoodle?
A snickerdoodle.
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What do you get if you boil funnybones?
A laughing stock.
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What are your symptoms?
I can't laugh and I can't sing. I'm finding it hard to do anything!"
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What if they had a call center where they call you everyday with a mission to make you laugh?
But instead of a call center, they called it a lol center! So much lol, that it will make you fall!
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What website are the germans least likely to laugh at?
Neingag.
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When do accountants laugh out loud?
When somebody asks for a raise
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What do lightning bolts do when they laugh?
They crack up
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Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs?
He was always horsing around.
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Why was everyone laughing at the sculptor?
He was making a funny face
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What's the difference between a political speech and a stand-up comic show?
They both tell the audience what they are glad to hear. But at the end, the audience laughs at the comic, and the politician laughs at the audience.
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What's the difference between my face and my jokes?
People laugh at my face.
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What did the feminist say when she saw a guy laughing at her picture on the Internet?
Topical meme."
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How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh?
Tentickles.
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How many women have you slept with?
she asked. I said, "Do you want me to round it to the nearest ten " "Oh, I say. Go on then." she laughed. I said, "0."
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Why do the ghosts never win races?
Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.
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What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?
Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.
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How do rainbows laugh?
Hue hue hue
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How many tickles does it take to make laugh an octopus ?
Ten tickles
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How does an octopus make you laugh?
With ten-tickles
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Why were you driving around in circles and laughing?
Motorist: I thought I was on a merry-go-round.
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Why did God invent economists?
So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
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Why are you not laughing?
Cos I'm quitting today."
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What do you do when you see a black man lying on the floor?
You stop laughing and shoot him again.
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Why should you never laugh at thieves in a car-accident?
It could be your car
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Why did the Chihuahua laugh?
The cow jumped over the moon.
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How do you keep a clown from laughing?
Hit him in the face with an axe.
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Why was the atom laughing?
Because part tickles.
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What goes HO HO HO thud?
Santa laughing his head off. What goes HO HO HO A Pimp taking inventory.
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How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?
Ten tickles
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What does a television have in common with a rabbit?
His ears! Yes, this is a real joke I got from a Laffy Taffy wrapper today, not 30 years ago. I did not laugh.
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What's yellow and black and makes you laugh?
A school bus full of black people driving off a cliff
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How many IT guys does it take to Fix a printer?
Three, one suggests to check if it is plug in, another recommends to reboot the printer, and finally one to check to see if the printer had paper and laugh about how easy the solution was.
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What does /r/funny and /r/jokes have in common?
I laugh at neither of them.