Law Jokes
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What artistic dog chews a lot and follows the rules of the farm where it lives?
A Chihuahua that can draw and gnaw while obeying the law and lying on straw!
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Why must judges learn to spell well?
A: They must follow the letter of the law.
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How do you want to handle your mother in law?
Do you want her incinerated, embalmed or buried -All of them, lets not take any chances
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What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?
One's against the law, and the other's a sick bird.
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Why wasn't the man considered attractive?
The laws of gravity didn't apply to him.
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What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?
Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.
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What do laws and virgins have in common?
They're both there to be violated. (The sad part is that a Portuguese Taxi Driver actually said that seriously in a protest against Uber)
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What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?
You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.
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Why was the attorney kicked out of choir?
All she could sing was, "Law, law, law, law, law, law, law."
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How do you want your mother-in-law buried or cremated?
Hmm No risk do both.
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What's a mixed feeling?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
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How do you persuade the US Senate to regulate the laws on guns?
Put them inside a woman's body.
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Where have you been?
he asked. "To my mother-in-law's burial." "Then why the scratches on your face " "She kept resisting, that old fart."
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What do you call a midget psychic that's on the run from the law?
A small medium at large.
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Why is 17 called the "mother-in-law" in black jack?
Because you wanna hit it, but sometimes you cant.
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What do you call a black attorney?
A brotha-in-law
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What do you call someone who tells you they've successfully broken the Law of Excluded Middle?
WRONG.** ... or right, or something in between.
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What do you call a psychic midget on the run from the law?
A small medium at large.
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What does a musician train do when running from the law?
Covers tracks
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What do you get when you cross the Cosby Show with Law & Order: SVU?
Women Say the Darndest Things
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How do women defy the laws of physics?
The heavier they are, the easier to pick up!
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Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window?
Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.
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What do you call your wife and mother-in-law when they're riding in the same car?
Dual air bags.
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What kind of degree do you inherit through marriage?
A degree in law.
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What does a Gorilla attorney study?
The Law of the jungle!
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What do you call a midget psychiatrist on the run from the law?
A small medium at large.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted people
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Why Cant Coffee Shops Spell Correctly?
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, Marc, with a C. Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
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Why is Hillary running for President?
Because it's easier than running from the law.
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Why do ghosts make the best thieves?
Because possession is 9/10 of the law
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Why was schrodinger's cat in trouble with the law?
I don't know, but he was wanted dead and alive.
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Why did the college student change his major from Biology to Physics after his first exam?
He needed to see if how fast his grade dropped broke any laws of physics.
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What do you call a psychic dwarf running from the law?
A small medium at large
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What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?
One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
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Why are you hitting that spider?
wife: I don't like spiders me: Ooooh *grabs newspaper* mother-in-law leaving I don't have to take this
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What's the downside to bigamy?
More than one mother-in-law.
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How did Einstein prove you can break the law of relativity?
He married his cousin.
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Who's there ! Almond ! Almond who ?
Almond the side of the law ! Kn
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How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?
One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.
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Why was the tree in prison?
Because it broke every branch of the law.
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What do you call a midget psychic running from the law?
A small medium at large.
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What is the difference between in-law and vultures?
Vultures attack first, when you are dead.
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What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?
One is against the law and the other is sick bird.
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What kind of sick bird is against the law?
an ill eagle
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What do you have when you have a mother in law buried up to her neck in sand?
not enough sand.
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What defies the law of gravity?
Women. They heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.
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What's worse than your mother-in-law?
My mother-in-law.
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What is OHM's Law?
Ans. It is very good law, It is very useful law, Nice law, Its a Scientific Law, I have studied this law.
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What is the only law that Hillary obeys?
The law of gravity
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What do you call a midget fortune-teller who's on the run from the law?
A small medium at large.** (Hope this doesn't get posted often)
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What do you call a midget fortune teller, who is wanted by the law?
A Small Medium at Large
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What do you get when you cross the Cosby Show with Law & Order: SVU?
Women Say the Darndest Things
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Why did the bird get a ticket?
A: It broke the law of gravity!
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Which purse runs from the law?
Disburse!
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What do you call a midget psychic on the run from the law?
A small medium at large.
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What's a Buddhist's favorite physics law?
Om's Law.
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What is the difference... What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?
One is against the law and the other is a sick bird.
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What do a slinky and your mother in law have in common?
They're both fun to watch tumble down stairs.
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What are mixed feelings?
Watching your mother-in-law backing up towards the edge of a cliff in your new BMW.
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Whats the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
One of them is actually wanted!
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What's the penalty for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
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What's the definition of mixed emotions?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
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What do you do when your mother-in-law is swaying towards you?
You pull the trigger again.
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What do lawyers wear to court?
Law suits!