Learn Jokes
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What's the difference between E.T. and a Mexican?
E.T. learned English and went home.
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Why aren't Pokemon very good dancers?
They can only learn 4 moves.
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What is the difference between a baby and a feminist?
The baby grows up and learns to stop crying.
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How did the executioner learn about knots?
By watching the noose.
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Where did Ronda Rousey learn how to take a punch?
Holm School
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Why did the worm want to learn kung-fu?
so he could flip the bird
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What's the best sport to learn when you are moving?
A: Boxing
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What do you get when you watch Cinderella backwards?
You see a woman learn her place.
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What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle?
There is no difference. The joke is you just learned math.
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What did Amelia Earhart learn?
Triplane fuel can't melt sea beams.
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How do birds learn to fly?
They just wing it.
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Why did the mechanic go to art school?
Because he wanted to learn how to make a van go!
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What Nationality has the easiest time learning sign language?
Italians.
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What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?
The asphalt.
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What do you call it when your child teaches you something they are interested in?
A: Learning from your mistakes.
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Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters?
She had never learned to spell properly.
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How did the violinist learn to play violin?
He just started fiddling with it.
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What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind?
That people exaggerate.
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Why did the philanthropist learn how to subtract?
Because he wanted to make a difference. My first original, time for open mic!
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What do you call a Bear who is just learning to use the force?
A PANDAwan learner.
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Why did Insane Clown Posse never learn about magnets?
They're repulsive!
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What did the ship captain say when his son learned to float ?
That's my buoy !
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What is the difference between Russian Optimist Pessimist and Realist?
An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.
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What's accounting?
Something Italians learn in preschool.
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When did Pinocchio learn he was made of wood?
when his hand caught fire!!
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When does a dog go "moo" ?
When it is learning a new language !
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Why didn't the girl cry after learning of her boyfriend's leprosy diagnosis?
She didn't have a shoulder to cry on!
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What is every blonde's ambition?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
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Where do you learn to make ice cream?
Sundae School
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What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup?
Waiter: Probably learning to read.
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Why is English such a hard language to learn?
Because it's
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Why is learning English confusing when you're camping?
Because running is past tents.
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What's your biggest weakness?
Interviewee: "I never learn from my mistakes" Interviewer: "Oh, why's that " Interviewee: "I never make any"
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Why don't women need to go to college?
Because it doesn't take four years to learn how to make a sandwich.
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What is the first nursery rhyme blondes learn in primary school?
A. Hump me dump me!!
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How is learning to ride a bicycle and 9/11 alike?
Because you never forget!
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What did you learn in school today?
Not enough I have to go back tomorrow!
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What's the most difficult percussion instrument to learn?
Conundrums!
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Why do you want to learn jujitsu?
Person 1: To defend myself. Person 2: Discipline. Me: My girlfriend keeps stealing my fries.
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Why does it take so long for pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at sea.
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Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
They're stuck at C for years
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What do you study to learn about acid?
A pHD
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What's the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse?
The ground!
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How are you doing in arithmetic ?
I've learned to add up the zeros but the numbers are still giving me trouble.
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What is another word for children who haven't learned how to do math?
yesallwomen
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What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to smoke. Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted.
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Where did you learn to make ice cream?
Sunday school.
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What did you learn in kindergarten today?
5-year-old: A doughnut would help me remember. Apparently she learned bribery.
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What did you learn at summer camp?
KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator For what KID: To charge our iPods
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How did the flea learn to use the internet?
He had to start from scratch.
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What did the amputee say to his mom when he learned to ride a bike?
Look ma, no hands!
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?
At sundae school.
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What do you call a Cloyster that wants to learn the move Rain Dance?
The clam before the storm!
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What do you call a dress that refuses to learn?
Clothes-minded.
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Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?
Because Somalia doesn't have an education system
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What's the difference between E.T and illegal immigrants?
E.T actually learned English and wanted to go home.
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When are you going to learn to drive?
I don't think they feel very safe in my taxi.
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Which joke has the maximum HOT Nuns in it?
You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)
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What's the first thing Aaron Hernandez learned in prison?
He's not a tight end anymore )
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What's an accordion good for?
A: Learning how to fold a map.
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Where did you learn to do that?
Don't wipe boogers on Mommy's pillow! Wipe it on Daddy's
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What's a spiders favorite way to learn?
A webinar.
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What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know they haven't taught us how to read yet!
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Why can't Albert Einstein drive?
Because he never learned.
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What is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
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Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car ?
Because she'd never be able to learn the language
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What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age?
A: "Today children we will learn our ABC's"
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Why do feminists always complain about video games?
Because they're too stupid to learn how to make them.
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Where have you learned aiming?
Response: In programming course.
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What is the first thing that vampires learn at school?
The alphabat.
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Why is Russian the most dangerous language to learn?
Because it's Russki.
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How do computers learn to read?
C:/ Dos C:/ Dos Run Run Dos Run
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How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.
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Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?
Because he was always lost at C!
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Why are modern women more likely to pursue a STEM degree?
They need to learn scientific notation to keep track of their n-count.
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Why did King Kong join the army?
To learn about gorilla warfare.
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What's the different between E.T. and a refugee?
E.T. learned English and wanted to go home
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Why must judges learn to spell well?
A: They must follow the letter of the law.
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What's the difference between a refugee and E.T?
E.T learned English and wanted to go home.
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What do insects learn at school ?
Mothmatics !
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What did Eminem learn to defend himself?
Marshall arts.
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What must a vampire earn to learn to fly?
His red wings.
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What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle?
The road.
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What do you call a crocodile when it robs drinks?
Gator-raid. <3 edit: Learned the difference between a crocodile and alligator.
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Where do children learn their ABC's ?
At LMN-tary school !
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Where do rabbits learn to fly?
The Hare Force
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Why do we need to be learned English?
Hmm.. Couldn't have worded that better myself, Luke"
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What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
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Where did Buzz feed learn to click bait so well from?
Me
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What do Santa's little helpers learn in school?
The Elfabet!
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What did the man say to the bee who wanted to learn the alphabet?
Nothing lmao bees cant learn.
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Why do pirates take so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they often spend years at C EDIT: made it more punny
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What did the Japanese General say to his kamikaze trainee?
Despite what everyone tells you, you'll never learn from your mistakes.
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Why are white people so bad at horror movies?
Because they're curious and want to learn. And that's why you don't see many black scientists.
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What does a Gorilla learn first in school?
The Apey-cees!
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Why didn't Hellen Keller learn to lip-read?
The braille left her lips numb.
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Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL?
Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.