Leg Jokes
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What has six eyes, four wings and eight legs?
Two chickens and a goat.
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What did John Wilkes Boothe's stage partner wish him on the day of that tragic night?
Break a leg. So he jumped off the balcony... Sorry that I am not funny.
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What's the difference between writing your will and owning an ant farm?
One's a legacy, the other a sea of legs.
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What do you call a boy with no arms and legs in the middle of the ocean?
Bobby
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What has two legs and can't stand up?
Half a cat
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What has four legs and yells "Hodi doh, hodi doh?
Two black guys trying to catch an elevator.
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What do you call a lady with one leg that is shorter than the other?
Aileen
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What do you call someone with no arms and no legs being towed behind your boat?
Skip.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russel.
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How do you call a cow with no legs?
You don't, because cows don't have phones.
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What has six legs and goes "Hodeedo, hodeedo?
Three black guys about to miss the elevator
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What do you call a corn dog with no legs?
A *corn dog*, stupid! Corn dogs don't have legs!
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What is green sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together ?
Chimney Cricket !
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Why did the dog roll down the hill?
It didn t have any legs.
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Why do girls have legs?
ever seen the trail a slug leaves?
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What has four legs and says "hoe de doe, hoe de doe"?
Two black guys trying to catch an elevator.
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What do you call an Asian woman with a leg shorter than the other?
Irene
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What has four legs and several fins?
A: A happy bear!
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What do you call a woman with one leg?
Ilene What do you call an Asian woman with one leg? Irene
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What has four legs and one arm?
A K-9 unit on MLK Boulevard
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What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat?
Claude
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What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mother!
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What do you call a man on your porch?
Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.
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What's got two legs, spots and bleeds?
Half a cheetah.
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How did the psychiatrist break his leg?
He had a Freudian slip.
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How do black people get tans at the beach?
They lay down on their backs and put their legs and arms toward the sky.
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What do you do with a dog that doesn't have any legs?
You take him for a drag.
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What famous actor costs an arm & a leg to hire?
ARMold SchwarzenLEGger
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What do you call an Asian man with one leg?
Tai-Wan-Shu
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What do you call twins with no arms and no legs, hanging by a window?
Curt 'n Rod
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What's the only thing better than a gold medal at the Paralympics?
Legs
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What's white and crawls up your leg?
Uncle Ben's Perverted Rice
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What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other Ilene. What do you cal an Asian woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene
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Why did Oscar Pistorius lose his court case?
He hadn't got a leg to stand on.
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What's long, straight, and found between a pair of legs?
The hypotenuse.
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What is the definition of torque?
When you wake up in the morning with an erection so stiff, that when you bend it down to take a leak, your legs kick back and you hit your head on the toilet.
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What do you call a door with no legs?
A door.
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What has two legs but can't walk?
A dead duck.
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Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer?
He wanted to have webbed feet.
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What do internet pirates have on their legs?
j.pegs
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How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree! I may not be a girl, but I'm blonde and find blonde jokes hilarious. xD
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What do you call an Asian woman with one leg?
Irene
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What is better than winning a gold medal at the paralympics?
Having two legs
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What is brown and gray has eight legs and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk?
A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.
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What is red, slimy and crawls up your leg?
An abortion with home sickness.
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How'd Florida man break his leg raking leaves?
He fell off the palm tree
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What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russel
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water?
A: Bob
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What do you call a man who has lost the lower parts of his legs, but still somehow has his feet?
Tony.
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What's got two legs and bleeds?
half a dog Derek, s01e05
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Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs?
To give the ants a chance.
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What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg?
Limp Biscuit.
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What did the blondes left leg say to her right?
Nothing... They've never met
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, lying in a ditch?
Phil
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What has two legs and red all over?
Half a puppy... I'm sorry
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What did the kid with no arms and legs get for Christmas?
Cancer
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How much did the cannibal pay for his new sports car?
I don't know but I heard it cost him an arm and a leg.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip.
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Why do sumo wrestles shave their legs?
So that you can tell them apart from feminists
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?
Bob
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What did the squirrel say when he fell out of the tree and broke his leg?
AAAAAUUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
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What kind of mouse walks on two legs?
A: Mickey Mouse Q: What kind of duck walks on two legs A: They all do!
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Why don't snakes have legs?
Because otherwise they'd be lizards.
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What do you call a dog with no legs and balls of steal?
Sparkie.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!
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What did the guy with no arms and no legs get for christmas?
Cancer.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob.
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What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and sits in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
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What's got two legs and bleed a lot?
half-a-dog!
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What do you call someone with no arms or legs?
Jeffrey. Knock knock, Who's there? NOT JEFFREY
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What do you call a black man with no arms or legs?
TRUSTWORTHY!
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Whats better than winning a medal at the paralympics?
A pair of legs.
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What has two legs and bleeds?
Half of your dog...I hit it with my car.
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What's the good word?
Legs. Spread the word.
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What's the difference between a sumo and a feminist?
A sumo shaves their legs.
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What has four legs and goes meow?
A crocodile. -You won !"
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What's Red and crawls up your leg?
A Homesick Abortion.
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What do you call a kid with no arms or legs at the front door?
Matt.
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Why couldn't the redneck kid play baseball?
Because he fell down a stairs and his dad definitely didn't break his legs.
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How do you find out that a cricket hears with its legs?
First, you put the cricket on a box, tap the box, and you see that the cricket jumps away. Now, you cut his legs off, put him on a box, tap the box, and you'll see that the cricket does not jump away.
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Why did sumo wrestlers start shaving their legs?
To stop getting confused as feminists
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Why do moths fly with their legs spread?
Have you ever seen the size of mothballs?
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When you put a baby into a blender, why do you put her in legs first ?
A : So that you can see the expression on the face.........
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Why do stoners carry lighters everywhere?
Because they don't have legs to walk, man.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?
Bob
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Why couldn't the soldier feel his legs?
Because his arms were blown off.
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Why do Japanese Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from feminists.
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What has six legs two arms four eyes and a tail?
A man holding an aardvark.
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What do you call 5 guys who have no arms or legs and a woman floating in the water together?
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob and Ann
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How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.
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How much for this toaster?
An arm & a leg." "How about a leg & 2 fingers " "A leg & 3 fingers." "Deal!" - Cannibal Pawn Stars
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Why did Jill fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms. Why did she not get back up? Because she had no legs. What did Jill get for Christmas? A bicycle.
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What do you call an Asian lady sitting on a fence with no arms or legs?
Pai-Ling
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What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names
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What has two arms and 14 legs?
Guy who collects legs.
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What do you call a cow that's missing a leg?
A 3 legged cow
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What has no eyes and four legs?
No idea.
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Why did the dog say he was an actor?
His leg was in a cast.
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What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
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Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?
She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.
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What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?
One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.
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What was special about Three-Eyed Suzie?
She had no legs.
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What do you call a man with no arms & no legs... ...hanging on the wall?
Art ...floating in the sea Bob ...laying on the floor Matt ...down in a hole Phil ...sitting in a pot Stu ...
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Whats better than winning gold at the paralympics?
Having legs.....
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What is it?
It has legs, but doesn't walk, beak, but it doesn't bite and wings, but it doesn't fly. What is it? -A dead crow
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What's better than winning gold in the Paralympics?
Having a pair of legs...... I know, I know, I'm going to hell
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What do you call a judge with no left hand and left leg?
He is alright, but one sided!
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russel
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying under a pile of leaves?
Russel.
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What has five arms, three legs and a head?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon
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Why did Mary Poppins break both her legs?
because she had Supercalifrajilistic Osteoporosis
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What do you tell a hitchhiker with one leg?
Hop in
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What has four legs but isn't alive?
The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!" "Not this time son, our dog is dead"
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What do you call an Irishman with no arms and no legs on a pool table?
Rick O'Shay
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What did one leg say to the other?
Shorty's growin a beard.
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What happened to the american man who broke his leg?
He went... broke.
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What do they have for lunch at Monster School?
Human beans boiled legs pickled bunions and eyes-cream.
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What do you call a dog with no legs in the ocean?
Bob Barker
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What's a pirate's favourite letter?
A P. Because it's like an ARR, but it's missing a leg.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob
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What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim ?
An octopuss !
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Why was the double leg amputee sentenced to life?
He had no leg to stand on.
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What do you call a Sandwich with legs?
Bready Legs
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Why do cows need four legs to walk?
Because they lactose. Moo
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How did the turtle with no arms and no legs cross the freeway?
Here's a hint: take the F out of Free and take the F out of Way
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What do you call a man in the middle of the ocean with no arms or legs?
Bob
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What animal has five legs?
A pitbull returning from a playground.
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Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
She got hit by a bus. Why did Sally fall off the swing? She lost her arms when she was hit by a bus. Why did Sally not get back on the swing? She also lost her legs. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally. What did Sally get for Christmas? I don't know, she couldn't open it.
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What's red and has two legs?
Half a cat
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How do you call a dog with no legs ?
You don't call it, you pick it up.
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What has four legs and see just as well from either end?
A horse with his eyes closed!
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What would Paul McCartney say after losing both his legs?
Suddenly....I'm not half the man I used to be....."
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What's the difference between a small bird?
One of it's legs is a little smaller.
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What do you call a Chinese guy with one leg?
Thai-Won Shu.
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What do you call a ginger bread man wit one leg?
A. Limp biskit
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What do you call a witch with one leg?
Eileen.
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What has a bottom on top?
A leg.
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Why do legs have to be at least 25 inches long?
They're over two feet
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What has four legs but can't walk?
A chair.
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What does a leg do when it gets exasperated?
It thighs.
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How many possibilities does a man with no arms and legs have?
Limbitless
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Why does a flamingo lift up one leg ?
Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over !
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What has two heads and six legs?
Nirvana
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What has four legs and is made out of wood?
A horse.
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What do you call 1000 soldiers with no legs?
An army.
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What do you call a kid with no legs, no arms and an eyepatch?
Names.
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Why are double amputees always wrong?
Because they don't have a leg to stand on. Note: I'm a right leg amputee and I made this up myself.
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What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?
The handycap.
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What do you call a guard with a hundred legs?
A sentrypede.
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Why don't ghosts have legs?
Because they're so white the can't dance.
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What do you call a kid with no arms and legs and severe Down syndrome?
Names
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What do you call a man without arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?
Claude!
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What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
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How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
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Why did the milking stool only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs playing in the leaves?
Russell.
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What has four legs and is always ready to travel?
A zebra with a private jet.
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What do you call a dog without front legs?
Chester.
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What do you call a dog with no back legs and metal balls?
Sparky
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What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs?
Names
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs... ... sitting at your door?
Matt. ...floating in your pool Bob. ...hanging on your wall Art. ... water skiing Skipper.
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What do you call a cookie without legs?
A cookie
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How much does automail cost?
An arm and a leg.
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What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs driving a car?
Rex (made this one up myself!)
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What has ten legs and nine arms?
Def Leppard
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What do you call a girl with no legs?
Disabled.
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Why do women have legs for?
To not leave a snail trail behind them.
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What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eyepatch?
Names.
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Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?
If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.
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What did the boy with no legs and arms get for Christmas?
Cancer
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What has four legs, two horns, and always brags about climbing really tall things?
A mountain gloat.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell
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What has two legs and bleeds profusely?
What has two legs and bleeds profusely? Half a cat
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What has four legs, two humps, and is given a copy of Metal Gear Solid for their computer?
Revolver Camelot!
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How do you walk a dog with no legs?
You don't, you pick it up.
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What do you name a dog with no legs?
Cigarette" because you take him out for a drag.
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Where did the Gingerbread man lose his leg?
He lost it back in the 'Nom War
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What do you call a Hispanic woman with no legs?
Consuelo! My mother told me this one
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What's got four legs and no ears?
A: Mike Tyson's dog.
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How did the blonde break her leg from raking the leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs?
Russel
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Why do women have legs?
Have you seen the mess snails make?
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What are your best 'no arm, no legs' jokes?
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on his porch Matt.
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What is the name of a dog with no legs and metal balls?
Sparky
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What do you call a Chinese man with one leg shorter than the other?
Li Ning
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What has got four legs and an arm?
A: A Rottweiler in a playground.
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What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?
Bob.
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What's got six legs and can fly long distances ?
Three swallows !
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?
Bob.
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What do you call a mentally ill person without arms and legs?
Call him whatever you want, its not like he's gonna get up and do anything about it.
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How do I feel about your goatee?
I shave every part of my legs except the knees, how do you feel about that
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Why is it that sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So they don't get mistaken for feminists.
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What has eight legs and an IQ of forty?
Four guys watching a baseball game.
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What do you call a woman with only one leg?
Eileen.
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What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs hanging over a window?
Kurt and Rod
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What's the riddle?
What has a foot but no legs?
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How do you call a dog without legs?
you don't you go and grab him
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Why are snakes hard to fool ?
They have no legs to pull !
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What has two eyes but can't see, two wings but can't fly, and two legs but can't walk?
A dead bird.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt
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What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eye patch?
Names.
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Why does a blond wear a tight skirt?
To keep here legs closed.
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What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and is on fire?
Bernie.
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How many thingamabobs does Ariel have?
20 "Twenty-*one*. She got the last one when she wished for legs."
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What do you call a cow with five legs?
Rare.
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What's Mary short for?
She's got no legs.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs?
Matt. No arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob.
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What do you call a terrorist with eight legs?
An Iraqnid.
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What do you call two guys with no arms or legs hanging from a window?
Curt and Rod
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How do you keep your hair from blowing everywhere when you drive in a convertible?
Cross your legs
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What did the children with no arms and legs get for Christmas?
Cancer
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What has three feet but no legs?
A yardstick.
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What's the difference between KFC and China?
At KFC, you can only get breasts, legs, and thighs.
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What has bottom on the top?
Legs.
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How does a black man ride a black stallion?
With no legs.
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What is red and crawls up your leg?
An abortion with homesickness.
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Why do sumo-wrestlers shave their legs?
So they don't get mistaken for feminists.
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What do you call a dog with no legs and metal balls?
Sparky.
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What do you call a fox with one leg?
Terry :D
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What did they call the Pillsbury Doughboy after he hurt his leg?
Limp Biscuit
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How does a blonde count a thousand sheep?
She counts the legs, and divides by 4.
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What do you call a women with one leg?
ilene
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What do you call a Chinese lady with one leg?
Irene.
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What's better than a tall woman wrapping her legs around you?
A short woman trying like hell.
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What's a man idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs?
Matt
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled behind a boat?
Skip
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What's got four legs and one arm?
An attack dog in a preschool.
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What do you call?
What do you call a donkey with three legs?? A wonkey!!
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What do you call a Kiwi with one leg?
Not even bro.
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Why did jillian fall of the swing?
She had no arms! Why didnt jillian get back up? She had no legs! Knock knock! Whos there? Sure as hell not jillian :)
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What did the bobby (English policeman) say to the hitchhiker with three heads, no arms and one leg?
Ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, 'op in."
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What has got two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog!
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What mouse has two legs?
Mickey Mouse. What duck has two legs
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What happens to a legend's career when he loses his leg?
It ends.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Bob
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What do you call an Asian lady with one leg longer than the other?
Irene
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Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
Because if they didn't they'd fall over.
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What has four legs and quacks?
A paradox
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in water?
Bob
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What has four legs and goes 'Boo'?
A cow with a cold.
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What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog
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What walks on two legs, but can't move forward?
Americans who voted for Hillary
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Art.
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What do you call a person who is missing his left eye, left ear, left arm and left leg?
Alright.
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What has long ears four legs and is worn on your head?
An Easter bunnet!
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a high school?
Names
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What is brown and has got four legs and an arm?
A Rottweiler on a children's playground.
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How many legs does the dog have?
4 y.o: Five Me: There's something wrong with your counting. 4: There's something wrong with the dog.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?
Matt. Others:
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What has a mouth but never speaks, Has a bed but never sleeps, And has legs but never walks?
amp;nbsp; A mute, crippled insomniac
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What do you call a man with no arms and legs that falls into a body of water?
Bob.
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What is a double amputee's favorite video game?
League of Leg ends.
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What do you call a pirate with two legs, two arms and two eyes?
Noob.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?
Frank
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What do you call... ...a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob
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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer
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Which part of the body goes to heaven first?
A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD
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How many legs does an elephant have if you count his trunk as a leg?
Four. Because calling the trunk a leg doesnt make it a leg.
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What has four legs and isn't alive?
Son: "nice try, a chair!" Dad: "Nope. Our dog just died."
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What do a chick and KFC have in common?
Once you're done enjoying the legs, thighs and breasts your left with a greasy box to stick your bone in.
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How could a leper afford a nice house?
It cost an arm and a leg
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Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it
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What has three eyes, three hands, and three legs?
Two pirates
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob.
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What do you call an Irish guy with no arms and no legs hanging out on your front porch?
Patio Furniture.
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Why do moths fly with their legs apart?
Have you ever seen the size of moth balls
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Why do milking stools only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder
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What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?
The Weasley twins
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What do you call Chinese woman with one leg?
Irene.
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What happens when a guy with no legs dies?
He punches the bucket
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What did your mom's leg say to her other leg?
Nothing they've never met.
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What did the little boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs playing in a pile of leaves?
Rustle
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs inside a volcano?
Anakin Skywalker. (Happy Geek Pride Day!)
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What do you call an Irishman with no arms and no legs who's rolling down a hill?
Rick O'Shay.
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What has four legs but doesn't move?
A: A statue of a dog!
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What do you call a cow with only legs on one side?
Lean Beef.
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake?
Bob
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What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
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What do you say to a man with no legs?
Nothing, he'll shoot you.
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What do you call a person who is outside a door and has no arms nor legs?
Matt
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Why was the rabbit hopping in circles?
Because I shot its leg off.
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What do you call a guy with no legs at your front door?
Matt
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What has two legs and looks like a spider?
A spider. (They have two legs and an additional six legs also)
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What do you call someone with no legs?
30 a week poorer.
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What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?
A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit) (Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet )
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What's brown, sticky and runs down your leg?
Chocolate Ice Cream in July!
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What does the kid with no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
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What do you call a spider with no legs?
A raisin
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What did the boy with no arms & legs get at the World Cup?
Cancer. ( )
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What do you call a sheep with no legs ?
A cloud.
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What do you call a Chinese lady with no legs?
Dragon lips. And a Mexican lady with no legs Consuelo.
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Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air ?
Because eggs were going up !
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Why have sumo wrestlers began shaving their legs?
They were getting tired of being mistaken for feminists
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What do feet and fairytales have in common?
They're both leg ends.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch?
Matt
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How did the woman feel after her legs were amputated?
Defeeted
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What do you call a Scottish man with no arms and no legs?
a bell.
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How much did the skeleton charge for his excellent legal services?
An arm and a leg.
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Why could Jimmy not drive a tractor?
Because he had no arms or legs. Why Because he is a potato.
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What has two legs and bleeds a lot?
Half a dog
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How much does it cost to buy multiple prosthetic limbs?
An arm and a leg.
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What has 2 heads and six legs?
Nirvana
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What do you call a race where all the runners have no legs?
An arms race.
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What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?
Amputee
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home?
A taxi
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How do you teach a girl math?
Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, give her a square root and watch her multiply.
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What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pit bull.
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What did the child with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
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Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So people don't confuse them for feminists.
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What's the difference between a duck?
One leg is both the same.
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What is better than getting a gold medal at the paralympics?
Having legs.
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What do you call a blind buck?
No idear. What do you call a blind buck with no legs? Still no idear.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?
Mat
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What does have eyes but can't see, has legs but can't walk, and has wings but can't fly?
A dead bird.
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What do you call a mexican with no legs?
consuelo
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What do auditioning for an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your swimming pool?
Bob
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What did the little girl with no arms or legs get for Christmas?
Cancer. :(
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What has two heads, four eyes, six legs, and a tail?
A: A horse and rider.
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What has fifty legs but still can't walk?
A: Half a centipede.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom! Oom!"?
A cow walking backwards!
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What has four legs and can fly?
Two Birds!
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What's better than winning the Paralympics?
A: Having legs!
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What do you call a cholo with one leg shorter than the other?
A Crip
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What has four legs a tail whiskers and flies?
A dead cat.
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What do you call a kid with one arm and three legs?
Unfortunate.
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What do you call a panda who's legs don't work?
Pandapalegic
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What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs?
Consuelo.
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What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms or legs?
Bob.
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What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball?
2nd base.
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What do you call it when two Mexicans were in a car accident and one had both legs amputated?
Juan and a half
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What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other?
Ilene. What if she is Chinese? Irene.
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What is Mary short for?
She has no legs
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How do you find a girl with no legs?
Follow the slime trail.
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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas?
I don't know, he hasn't opened his presents yet.
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What's better than winning the wheel chair basketball championship?
Having legs...
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.