Let Jokes

  • Why did the lead singer of Drowning Pool lose his job at Starbucks?


  • What happened to the fireman who let the house burn?

    He got fired.

  • Why does Mona Lisa smiling?

    The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.

  • Why should I let you into heaven?

    Me: Once a coworker said "supposably" 7 times in a meeting & I just let her StP: Get in here

  • Where do we go?

    Me: Left Axl: Where do we go now Me: Straight. Axl: Oh, where do we go now Me: Damn it, Axl, let me drive!

  • Who wouldn't let the gorilla in the ballet?

    Just... the person responsible for making those decisions...

  • Why does nobody like to sit next to Elsa?

    Coz...she "let's it go!"

  • What did 6 say to 9?

    Baby! Let's do a 69. Hahaha XD

  • What did the number 1 say to (pi)?

    Let's get rational you can't carry on like this!

  • What's the difference between a four year old and a bag of cocaine?

    Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.

  • Why couldn't Elsa hold on to a balloon?

    She would always let it go.

  • What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini?

    You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini.

  • What happens when you witness a shipwreck?

    You let it sink in.

  • What's the opposite of a hot dog "Um...a cold cat?

    Exactly. Now let's talk about Fluffy

  • What did the Skunk say at Church?

    Let us spray

  • Who should get the cat?

    I don't know...let's see who he loves the most" 3 weeks later Can you tell "Nope"

  • What did one pig say to the other?

    Let's be pen pals!

  • What would you're opening line be?

    Like outrageous, dark, funny whatever let's hear!

  • Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet?

    Just the people who were in charge of that decision.

  • What are you typing?

    Let me guess. Oh wait, stop right there, I know what it is. It's not that Okay wait.. I know it, I know it!" -Google.

  • How would you define yourself?

    ME: *don't let her know you're a delicious chocolate cake* Moist

  • How many bitter Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

    None, we've decided to let a man do the job.

  • Why was Herbert Hoover such a controversial president?

    Because he never let the dust settle.

  • Whats the best time to go to the dentist?

    4:30pm It let's you out of work a bit early with a valid excuse

  • How many chemicals are crack?

    Lets get this done in one sitting.

  • What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?

    He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, "Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"

  • Why is Mrs. Claus disappointed?

    because Santa came early! I'll let myself out.

  • Why did the lady at the bar slap the man next to her for stroking his mustache?

    Because in between stroking it, he said "hello, let me clear you off a place to sit."

  • What did the American WWI vet say to the angry German veteran?

    Can't we just let Argonne's be Argonne's?

  • What do you call a hotel special that lets policemen stay for two nights for the price of one?


  • Why did you leave your previous job?

    ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.

  • What did one cracker say to the other?

    Let's conquer the Americas, Africa, Australia, and Asia."

  • What's the one movie Rick won't ever let you borrow?

    He won't ever give you *Up*. No I'll show myself out . . .

  • How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?

    One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.

  • Why should you slow down to let another car move into your lane?

    good karma.

  • What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a small child?

    Eric Clapton would never let a small bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

  • How can you tell if someone is schizophrenic?

    I'll let my friend answer that one:

  • Why shouldn't you let a Pokemon take a shower with you?

    He might Pikachu.

  • What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbonzo bean?

    I wouldn't let a Garbonzo bean all over my face.

  • Why can't Elsa hold a balloon?

    A: Because she might Let it Go

  • Why wouldn't the piglet's mother let her read romantic novels?

    She was afraid her daughter would run away with a wolf.

  • When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?

    I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."

  • Why do unicorns only let virgin women get close to them?

    A: Because they are horny.

  • What's the one thing a hoarder has no trouble letting go of?

    Their mind

  • Why did the cat befriend the dog?

    Because the dog let the cat out of the bag! Haha!

  • Which do you let in first?

    Your dog, because it'll stop barking once you let it in.

  • What is the difference between a 2 year old and a bag of cocaine?

    Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.

  • What gets you hot, baby?

    Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent. H: Zoinks, like, there's a ghost! Let's get out of here Scoob! M: *swoons*

  • Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?

    It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

  • What's the difference between a chickpee and a garbanzo bean?

    I'd never let a garbanzo bean on my face

  • Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon?

    Because she'd just "let it go". My 6 year old told me this. I will show myself out now...

  • What do you call a physicist who makes lets play videos?


  • What do buccaneers let off on bonfire night?


  • What did Sushie A say to Sushi B?

    Wasa-B! Let's roll.

  • What do you call... What do you call an Italian romance novel model who's let himself go?


  • Why is Elsa not allowed a balloon?

    Because she'll let it goooo

  • Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha?

    I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

  • How many governments does it take to make an Egyptian happy?

    I'll let you know when I find out...

  • When two bears asked a pastor to marry them in the forest, what did he say?

    Hold on, let me get my bear rings."

  • Where do I see myself in ten years?

    I don't know. Let me think. *pictures self riding jet ski made of bones through space*

  • Why did the pirate have to change wenches?

    His old one wouldn't let him swab her poop deck.

  • What Pixar movie will Rick Astley never let you borrow?

    He's never gonna give you Up! Credit to my friend who doesn't even Reddit.

  • What do you get when you let 25,000 Syrian refugees into Canada during the winter?


  • What do you say to a girlfriend who calls you a lazy couch potato?

    Well let me tell you...

  • Whatever shall we do?

    Let us spray!" replied the other.

  • How the hell should I know?

    Let me talk to a few criminals and see who they think is scariest."

  • How do you know if there's an athiest on a reddit thread?

    Don't worry, they'll let you know.

  • What's the difference between a four-year-old and a bag of cocaine?

    There's no way Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window!

  • What did the cat say to the correctional officer?


  • Why won't the ocean let us drink its water?

    Because it's too salty.

  • What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other unemployed cancer cell?

    Let's get Jobs. Found in the comments of a post by

  • What did the two rednecks say after breaking up?

    Let's just be cousins.

  • What rhymes and let's you instantly know a redditor is a moron?

    Purple circle.

  • How do you keep getting in here?

    ZOO OFFICIAL: Wait. Let's hear him out.

  • Why do we let women and children off a sinking ship first?

    So the sharks aren't hungry anymore.

  • What did the farmer tell the hoe?

    Let's get dirty.

  • Why should every woman know a C++ programmer?

    Because they'll always let friends access their private members. Ba dum tiss.

  • What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy?

    Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.

  • What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife?

    Let's grow MOLD together!

  • Why won't the witch let the traveling pig actors into her gingerbread cottage?

    She's afraid they'll bring down the house.

  • What do women and Google have in common?

    They never let you finish first. (#s)

  • Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?

    Because she will "Let It Go.

  • How about Santa?

    Ok but let's add something fierce so they are afraid to defy him

  • Where do people already feel awkward & uncomfortable?

    Church " "K let's make 'em like that" -- funeral home designers

  • Why does the devil get such a bad rap?

    Because like everyone in marketing, he always lets his own stuff slide...

  • What did the thief say when he saw the man leave his coat behind?

    let's jack it.

  • Which one is the 'in' door?

    Let me show you", says the manager, and 'e walks in.

  • Why did Luke Skywalker bluff in a game of poker?

    He heard Obi-Wan in his head saying Out, I shall let myself.

  • What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

    Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit !

  • What is 1 + 1"?

    The mathematician says "2" The Physicist says "2, plus or minus 0.1" The engineer says "Probably around 2, but let's say 3 to be on the safe side".

  • How many dead-heads does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None. They just let it burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

  • Why should you never stand behind Elsa from Frozen?

    You never know when she'll Let it Go.

  • Why was Harry Potter hufflepuffed after his date with Hermione?

    She wouldn't let his ravenclaw slytherin her Gryffindor.

  • What did the flat iron say to the follicle?

    Now let me get this straight . . .

  • What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other?

    Lets get Jobs!

  • How many extroverts does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Let's throw a party while we're at it.

  • What's worse than a white guy walking into a church andshooting 9 black people?

    He let the others get away... I feel I'll be downvoted to hell for this...

  • What did the priest say when watering his garden?

    Let us spray.

  • What's the difference between a baby and a kilo of Coke?

    Eric Clapton wouldn't let a kilo fall out of a window

  • How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Oh don't worry, they'll let you know.

  • What's the worst way to convince an officer who's pulled you over not to ticket you?

    You can have my beer if you let me go."

  • Why do baby clothes have pockets?

    I've never heard a baby say: "cigarettes,phone and keys alright let's go"

  • What did the penny say to the other penny?

    Let's get together and make some cents.

  • How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing?

    Let's just say he felt overall sadness.

  • What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?

    Let us prey.

  • Who let the docs out?

    Google. Google docs.

  • What seems to be th- Me: -Medicinal marijuana! Doc: I'm sorry?

    Me: Let's start with the answer, then work on the problem, ok

  • What did the man say when the lobster gave him food poisoning?

    I'm not letting you cook dinner again

  • Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander?

    A: It's too little to be out alone.

  • Who's there ! Ben Hur! Ben Hur who ?

    Ben Hur an hour - let me in!

  • What did the car baby say to his car dad?

    Hey dad, let's tell a joke for car ma!

  • What about Take Me On?

    4 hrs of arguing later "Ok we'll say both. Now let's get perms."

  • What is the difference between an ounce of cocaine and an infant?

    Eric Clapton would absolutely NEVER let an ounce of cociane fall 49 stories out a window onto the streets of New York.

  • What did the stone say to the hill?

    Let's Rock and Roll.

  • What's the difference between a line dance instructor and a dentist?

    A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.

  • What did you just say!?

    I recommend an immediate heart attack and let the paramedics carry you out of the room.

  • Why is there no "Lets settle this like women"?

    Because it lasts forever.

  • What does a sheepdog say when he sees something shady going down?

    Let's get the flock out of here"

  • What was the other reindeer's name?


  • What's the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver?

    A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out.

  • How has society let things go so far down hill that it still takes two minutes to make popcorn?

    China probably can pop corn in one minute.

  • What's the difference between an 8 year old and a big bag of cocaine?

    Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall off a balcony

  • How do you make a pheromone?

    Let his people go!

  • What's the difference between a 4 year old and a bag of cocaine?

    Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window. Too soon

  • What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door?

    Let my peephole grow!

  • How are you so strong?


  • Why didn't Pope John Paul let dogs into the Vatican?

    Because they pee on poles.

  • Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

    She probably gets royalties

  • How many Gordon Ramseys does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, he lets the knives do the work

  • Why did they let the chicken join the band?

    Because he brought his own drumsticks

  • Why didn't Noah let the Tasmanian devil in?

    He was not an archdevil.

  • What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

    He let out a little wine.

  • Why did the farmer fence in the bull?

    The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!

  • Why did Jimmy get into a horrific car accident?

    He let God take the wheel Edit: He let take the wheel

  • Why was little Billy so sad when his friends played on the swingset?

    He had no arms. Sorry that joke was stupid, let me try again. Knock Knock "Whose there?" Not Billy

  • How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?

    Lets go play on our bikes.

  • What do you want to be when you grow up?

    Me: Let's not rush things, OK

  • How can you tell if someone got their dog from a shelter?

    Don't worry, they'll let you know.

  • What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

    Nothing! They just WAVED. SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Let MINNOW if you are not getting it. SHELL I continue?? No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead. Thanks ladies and gentlefish

  • Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning?

    Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning !

  • Why wouldn't the bald man let anyone use his comb?

    A: He couldn't part with it.

  • What is Oedipus Rex's Mom's favorite Elton John song?

    Don't Let The Son Go Down On Me

  • What's the one movie that Rick Astley won't let you borrow?

    He's never gonna give you Up.

  • What do a loading bar and my girlfriend have in common?

    Both equally inefficient at letting me know when they are actually ready.

  • How to make Holy Water Friend: Hey, how do you make Holy Water?

    Me: Uhh...Let me think... Why Friend: You boil the hell out of it! Me: Get out.

  • Why does everybody else get the brunt of the jokes?

    Let me hear something different.

  • What do you tell a man with two black eyes?

    Nothing, he's been told twice already. (And be cool, if you get the reference keep quiet and let em wonder.)

  • What did the urologist say to his physician before he hired him?

    URINE. I'll let myself out.

  • What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile?

    Robin, let's get in the Batmobile." Bonus joke: What did one orphan say to the other orphan as they got into their car? "Robin, let's get in the Batmobile."

  • What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?

    The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful ; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!

  • What is the favorite saying of a police officer in the Simpsons?

    If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown shoot it down.

  • What did Captain Cook say to his men before they got on the ship?

    Let's get on the ship, men!

  • When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

    Me: I see myself you friggin idiot. Let me see your degree

  • Why was the girl with the Frozen balloon sad?

    Because she...let it go!

  • Why are you here?

    And Elsa answers: "Because they don't let me go."

  • What did the cat say to the prison guard?


  • Which one do you let in?

    The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!

  • Why wouldn't they let Helen Keller drive a car?

    Because she was a woman

  • Why are people in silicon valley better coders than others?

    Because of their proximity to the I'll let myself out..

  • What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

    Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

  • Why did the snail cross the road ?

    It is not clear yet , let it cross the road first. Update : It has been confirmed that it was to meet the Chicken who crossed the road earlier.

  • How about a private dance "Okay let's go" *heads to private room* "You ready?

    Oh hell yeah *we both do the cha cha slide*

  • Who let them out?


  • Whose funeral was this photo taken at?

    John, serious tone: "I dunno. Let's see who's missing" possible funniest thing john has said

  • Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?

    She'll let it go!

  • What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight?

    Put up your Dukes! I'll just let myself out...

  • How do you know if someone was in the military?

    Don't worry, they'll let you know.

  • What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage?

    Let's knot."

  • What does an American actor say when going to Europe?

    Let's go PAL.

  • What was the statistician's fetish?

    Let's just say he had the standard deviation.

  • What's the similarity between iPhone 7 and my girlfriend?

    They both let me stick it in only one place.

  • Why are there school shootings?

    Mr.Garrison: "Let's start the day with a world news question. Why are there school shootings?" The media: "Violent video games?" Mr.Garrison: "Okay, now lets try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard.

  • What did Anna Freud let her underwear show?

    It was a Freudian slip

  • What's supposed to be funny, but let's you down?

    This joke...

  • What did the doctor say to the parents of an ugly baby?

    I charge five dollars if its a boy and five dollars if its a girl. Lets just say this ones on the house.

  • Why didn't the Duke of Windsor let his French servant help him tie his tie?

    He never does it with a four-in (foreign)-hand.

  • What does Delia Smith say when she wants to fight a road?

    Let's be avenue.'

  • How are that many Republicans candidates supposed to debate each other at once?

    Throw a dollar bill in the floor and let the last one alive run for president.

  • How many ADD's does it take to change a light bulb?

    Let's go fishing

  • Why is it called Justice League of America?

    Do they follow territorial boundaries? If the Kaos Kommandos start a brawl in El Paso and it rolls over into Juarez, do they say "screw it, let Justice League of Mexico handle it"? (Sorry if this isn't technically a joke; it was my shower thought this morning and I thought it was funny.)

  • What did Norman Bates call his little sister?

    You know you see it coming...) A: Psycho-sis! (I won't let the doorknob hit me on the way out..)

  • Why is it a bad idea to give Elsa a balloon?

    Because she'll "Let it go! Let it go!" This joke was made up by my 5 year old nephew.

  • What is the difference between Snow White and Brazil?

    Snow White had the excuse of being asleep before letting seven in.

  • What did the angry inflatable teacher say to the irresponsible inflatable child in the inflatable school?

    Not only have you let me down, you've let yourself down, and you've let the whole school down!

  • Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?

    the guy likes his power chords too much.

  • What's the difference between a dog barking at the front door and a woman screaming at the back door?

    If you let the dog in, it will shut up.

  • What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

    Let Meowt!!!!"

  • Who has the better search engine: Yahoo, Google, or Microsoft?

    I dunno. Let's google it!

  • What color are mirrors?

    I don't know, let's reflect on this.

  • Why was the snow yellow?

    Elsa let it go!

  • How many ADD's does it take to change a light bulb?

    Let's go fishing

  • What did one tornado say to the other?

    A. "Let's twist again like we did last summer...."

  • How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: Well first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.

  • Who let the boys out?

    Me: Woof woof woof! Her: Who let the boys out ! Me: Woof woof woof! Her: KIDS ARE IN THE STREET! Me: I'm going..

  • How do you know that one of them is a Marine?

    Don't worry he'll let you know

  • How can you tell if someone is a marathon runner?

    Don't worry, they'll let you know.

  • What should you do when freedom calls?

    Let it ring.

  • What's on at the cinema?

    Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see.

  • What do you get when you cross a garden, a rabbit, and some ExLax?

    For the love of everything sacred on reddit please do not make me actually key the answer....okay, let's say it together, "Salad Shooter".

  • What is worse than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?

    1 baby nailed to 10 trees Sure, oldest one in the book but whatever lets hear what you got gang

  • Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique?

    It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"

  • Where's the dog?

    flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.

  • Who Let The Dogs Out?

    Ramsay Bolton.

  • What did adam say to eve?

    Let's save humanity.

  • Why did Florence Welch sing 'Sweet Nothing'?

    Because she was out of lemo-nada. It's okay guys, i'll let myself out...

  • Why doesn't cancer let anyone in a music store?

    It doesn't want anyone to find The Cure.

  • How's the meal?

    Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...

  • What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a seven year old?

    Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window. EDIT: Damn it he was four

  • What's the difference between Snow White and the Brazil soccer team?

    Snow White had the excuse of being asleep when she let seven in.

  • Why can't you give a balloon to Elsa?

    Because she'll Let It Go.

  • Why don't they let gansters play Quidditch?

    Cause gangsters always catch the snitch!

  • What did one wall say to the other wall?

    Let's meet up in the corner.

  • What does a cat say when its trapped in a box?


  • What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?

    please let me know... I have a terrible sense of humor!

  • What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day?

    Let me call you Tweet heart!

  • What did Olivia Newton-John say to her doctor?

    Lets get physical!

  • What did the predators say before they went hunting?

    Let us prey first.

  • Why were all the computers in the company frozen?

    Because they let IT go

  • What did one cancer cell say to the other cancer cell ?

    Let's go get Jobs.

  • What did the bishop say to a large group of priest at the overnight camp for young boys?

    Let us prey.'

  • Why don't you shoo those flies?

    Bull: I'll let them go barefoot!

  • What is the difference between a garbanzo beans and a chickpea?

    I would never let a garbanzo bean in my mouth.

  • What am I called?

    Ant: *checks, shuts book* Let's not focus on labels

  • Why didn't Wilma let Fred in when he was banging at the door?

    Because she was in the shower and didn't hear him because the elephant stump was on full blast.

  • How do I love thee?

    Let me count the ways... Five.

  • How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.

  • What do you get when ant's parents won't let him marry his girlfriend?


  • Where are you at?

    Me: Before I tell you let's talk about ending sentences with prepositions.

  • How do you know if you're a bogan?

    You let your 15 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table... in front of her kids.

  • Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

    Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)

  • Why is everyone afraid of Vladimir Putin?

    Because Vlad is Putin everyone in their place. I'll let myself out.

  • How do cats let us know that they are in pain ?


  • What did the plant say to the other plant that it really liked alot?

    let me be your *soil*mate

  • What is WRONG with you?

    Me: *slowly counting on fingers* let's see... ok... carry the 1... um... That would be everything

  • Why we going into the woods?

    Let me out"

  • How's my life?

    Let's just say I'm starting a lot of sentences with "let's just say".

  • Why do I vape?

    It's how I let off a little steam.

  • Why shouldn't you let the scientists have an antelope?

    They'll turn it into a bombardeer

  • Which one!?

    I mean let me see your license

  • Why should you not let your kids go to Korean Discos?

    Because you don't want them hanging around Parks at night.

  • Why should you never give Queen Elsa a balloon?

    Because she'll just let it go.

  • What's the form of public transit most rife with filth and disease?

    Let's name our sandwich shop after it

  • What do women and police cars have in common?

    They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

  • What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

    Oranges have thick skin. Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one! Edit: Did not expect this joke to get this good of a reception. Thanks, guys!

  • Why didn't Rose get an iPhone 7?

    She never let go, Jack.

  • Why don't they let Italians swim in Long Island Sound?

    If you know that one, try this one: Why do seagulls fly to the dump

  • What did one Christmas ornament say to the other Christmas ornament?

    Let's hang.

  • What happened to the boy-band member who dropped the soap In the prison shower?

    Let's just say that his backstreet went more than one direction.

  • What key won't let you through any doors?

    A turkey.

  • What's the difference between a bag of cocaine & a small child?

    Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window...

  • What did the ghost say to the other ghost at the Halloween party?

    Let's get sheet-faced!

  • What did they suicidal news reporter say when they went on air?

    Lets get right into the noose.

  • What do you want for breakfast?

    Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast

  • Why didn't the TSA let the chair through security?

    It was armed.

  • Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads?

    She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs.

  • Who were the shortest people in the Bible?

    Let's see. There'sKneehighmiah, Bildad the Shoe-Height...oh, and Peter, who said, "Silver andgold I have none," and no one could be much shorter than that.

  • Which street does the police officer live in?

    Let's be Avenue

  • How to end world hunger ?

    By letting the hungry die.

  • What did the hen say to his bar pals?

    Let's get some chicks!

  • Why did the young Mexican solve the problem so easily?

    It was a no buena My girlfriend is Mexican so I love Mexican jokes. Let me know if you have one!

  • How do you know you let a hippie stay at your house?

    He's still there.

  • How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom?

    A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, "Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?" His friend says, "Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!" The student says, "So you're saying if i find her, i can take her?"

  • What did the atom say to the other atom?

    Let's bond!

  • How do you pump up a room full of shy introverts?


  • How do you spot a vegan at a party?

    Don't worry, they'll let you know.

  • Who knows... Maybe Japan hacked Sony?

    Yeah... Lets blame Sony.

  • How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Let's go ride bikes!

  • What do you with a crazy girl knocking on your door?

    You don't let her out.

  • What is the difference between a creep and a kid?

    I wouldn't let a creep sit on my lap.

  • Why gypsies boys let their mustache to grow?

    To look more like their mom.

  • How on earth can you defend a man like Adam Johnson?

    it's easy, he's all left foot - just constantly show him down the right side and don't let him cut in.

  • Why are you letting people touch your new born?

    I don't let people touch my new iPhone

  • What is another term for ob gyn?

    A Klingon! since obstetrician gynaecologist is too long, and OB GYN doesn't make sense ,lets call them Klingons

  • What's the difference between a herpes and jacuzzi?

    i let women know that i have a jacuzzi

  • What's a let down Chinese lobster called?

    A crushed asian

  • What do you call someone who lets people rent wifi signals from them?

    The lanlord!

  • What do beekeepers say when they go to work?

    Alright, let's get down to beeswax!"

  • What do post-impressionist painters sing when painting a Frozen landscape?

    Let it Gogh!

  • Why does Wally (Waldo) always wear stripes?

    Because he doesn't want to be spotted! I'll let myself out.

  • What time is it when your watchdog lets a robber take the family silver?

    Time to get a new watchdog.

  • Why don't we let Google Chrome drive?

    Because it crashes all the time.

  • What's better, Google or Yahoo?

    Let's Google it.