Letter Jokes

  • How did Canada pick its name?

    There were two Canadians and an American. They put letters in a hat and drew. They got "C-eh", "N-eh", "D-eh". The American didn't know what was going on, but he relayed the message. I know i need to work on my execution.

  • What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?

    an Envelope EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

  • Why is C afraid of every other letter in the alphabet?

    Because they are not Cs.

  • Which word is the longest in the English language?

    Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters

  • What starts with "E" and has only one letter in it?


  • Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxy & z hate hanging out with the letter n?

    Because n always has to be the center of attention.

  • How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West?

    By Bony Express.

  • What do Ohio and Mackerels have in common?

    Nothing! Ohio is the only state in the United States that's name shares no letters with the word mackerel.

  • Why does the letter "r" make all the difference between Friday and Sunday?

    payday vs prayday.

  • Why do postmen carry letters?

    Because the letters can't go anywhere by themselves.

  • Why is the letter N the most powerful letter?

    Because it is in the middle of TNT.

  • How do you fit an elephant in the subway?

    You take the letter "S" out of "sub", and the letter "F" out of "way".

  • How do you spell candy with two letters?

    C and Y

  • Why the story tells that Cindarella was at the ball?

    Because the censor erased the letter "s".

  • Why is the letter 'B' commonly regarded as a pervert in the alphabet?

    Because he can see the D

  • What kind of letters would you send to capital cities?

    A: Capital letters.

  • Why must judges learn to spell well?

    A: They must follow the letter of the law.

  • What do the letters G, I, T, N, H, N & O have in common?


  • What's the longest word in the English language ?

    Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters

  • What's a pirate's most favorite letter?

    A letter of marque(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Letterofmarque).

  • What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters?

    With love and hisses.

  • How can you spell too much with two letters?

    XS (excess).

  • What starts and ends with a 'v' and is only one letter?


  • How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?

    You take the letter "f" out of the word "way" (there's no f in way) *joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said

  • Why did the letter arrive wet?

    Because it had postage dew.

  • What did the werewolf write at the bottom of the letter?

    Best vicious . . .

  • Why do American's take letters out of words?

    Because they're lazy, and they hate U.

  • What begins with P ends with E and has thousands of letters?

    The Post Office

  • What are the first three letters of the Greek alphabet?


  • What has more letters than the alphabet?

    The post office.

  • What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?


  • Why is "Z" afraid of all of the other letters?

    Because they're Not-Z's ( )

  • Where do ghosts mail their letters?

    At the ghost office.

  • What starts with a 'C', contains the letters U, N, and T, is hairy on the outside, and soft on the inside?

    A coconut!

  • Whats the similarity between Monkey in the Middle and Football?

    Both of the groups that are concered about the health of someone playing both begin with the letter P.

  • Where's the middle of nowhere?

    It's three letters in. "H".

  • How can you make seven even?

    How can you make seven even? Take away the letter S.

  • Which letter of the alphabet is the laziest?

    letter G (lethargy)

  • Who's there ! Adeline ! Adeline who ?

    Adeline extra to the letter !

  • Why is the letter "O" everywhere?

    Because it's a round U.

  • What do George Michael and Carrie Fisher have in common?

    Both their first names have six letters. That's it. For now. Edit: they're both dead.

  • What letter is like a vegetable?

    The letter P.

  • What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?

    The letter "D" !

  • What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers ?

    Fang letters !

  • What insect can be spelled with just one letter?


  • Whats the last letter in the alphabet?

    somebody help plz I need help on kindergarten project

  • What's the longest verb in the English language?

    Smiles. There is a mile between the first and the last letter.

  • Why is E the only good letter?

    Because every other letter is not E!

  • What does December have that other months dont have?

    The letter D.

  • What kind of turns do letters take?

    U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

  • What letter has to wait in line the longest?


  • What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?

    the woman asks her husband. "Keep sending them!"

  • What word has the most letters in it?


  • What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend?

    It's a dead letter day.

  • What three letters in the alphabet frighten criminals?


  • How do you make the number one disappear?

    Add the letter G and it’s “gone”!

  • What letter do pirates guess most often on Wheel of Fortune?

    T. Modern pirates are most likely based in Somalia, and T is the most common consonant in the Somali Latin alphabet.

  • How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?

    By hare mail!

  • Why the letter "G" is scary?

    In one fine evening it can turn your host into . . . GHOST.

  • What two words have the most letters?

    Post office.

  • What is the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny?

    By hare (air) mail.

  • Why do people leave letters at the football ground ?

    They want to catch the last goal-post !

  • Which letter has the best bum?

    Big Rs

  • What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?


  • What do you call a woman who throws letters in the fire?


  • How do you spell a hated opponent with three letters?

    NME (enemy).

  • What two letters of the alphabet do snowmen prefer ?

    I.C. !

  • What's the difference between Botox and Borax?

    Two letters.

  • Why is the letter T like an island?

    Because its in the middle of water!!!

  • What are two letters a Brit can't live without?

    T and Qs.

  • What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

    Fang mail.

  • What's the best way to send a letter to Prince Charles?

    Heir mail

  • How can you spell chilly with two letters?

    IC (icy) .

  • Which two letters of the alphabet are nothing?

    MT (empty)

  • What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?

    Black mail !

  • Why is the letter E lazy?

    Because it's always in bed.

  • What girl's name is like a letter?

    Kay (K).

  • How many letters are in the alphabet during the Christmas Season?

    Only 25...because there's Noel.

  • What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?


  • What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

    The letter F.

  • How many trans women does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Just one, but first they have to sit in the dark for a year and then get letters from two electricians giving them permission.

  • How many letters are there in the Pirate Alphabet?

    Ten. Aye, aye, arr, and the seven seas.

  • Which two letters are rotten for your teeth?

    D K

  • Why does the letter A look like a flower?

    A: Because Bs like flowers.

  • Why is the letter E like London?

    Because it is the capital of England.

  • What are the ten letters of the pirate alphabet?

    Aye, Aye! Arrrr! & the Seven Seas!

  • How many redditors does it take to send a letter?

    Three. One to post it, and two to repost it.

  • What starts with 'D' and has two letters in it?


  • What do you call a Welshman who writes lots of letters ?

    Pen Gwyn !

  • What do I do after I die?

    Idk EDIT: Read the letters out loud :)

  • What did the letter F say when he became cool?

    Sup G

  • What letter stands for the ocean?

    The letter C.

  • How do you get a dead turtle to flip itself back over on its feet?

    You take the letter F out of way.

  • How do you take the letter "F" out of the word "WAY" ?

    There is no F in way.

  • What letters are not in the alphabet?

    The ones in the mail of course!

  • Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

    Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

  • What begins with E, ends with E, and has one letter?


  • Why does the Devil hate the holiday Season?

    Because he gets so many letters from dyslexic children.

  • What's the difference between an Elephant and a post box?

    Well, if you don't know I'm definitely not asking you to mail this letter for me.

  • Why is the letter 'c' afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

    Because all the other letters are not c's. *** *ba dum tss*

  • What don't you ever wanna call a black person that begins with the letter n. And ends with the letter r?


  • What starts with E, ends with E, and only has one letter in it?

    An envelope!

  • What's the difference between being artistic and autistic?

    Just one letter.

  • What starts with the letter "M" and picks up metal?


  • What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

    A letter from an ISP saying they've been downloading illegally.

  • What 8-letter word has one letter in it?


  • What do the letters G, I, T, N, H, N & O have in common?


  • What is the difference between a human dad and a moth dad?

    Two letters.

  • What two words contain the most letters?

    A: Post office.

  • Who does Dracula get letters from?

    His fang club.

  • Which two letters on the keyboard are the furthest from each other?

    X and V. There's a C between them.

  • Why was "C" afraid of all the other letters ?

    They are all "Not-C's" !

  • How do you know your boyfriend loves you?

    SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and kisses.

  • Why did the boy jump up and down on the letter?

    He heard that you have to stamp letters or the post office won't send them.

  • What is the longest word in the English language?

    SMILES because there is a mile between the first and last letters!

  • How many letters are there in the alphabet?

    Eleven. T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

  • How do you spell "we" with two letters without using the letters W and E?

    U and I.

  • Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters?

    She had never learned to spell properly.

  • What letter should you avoid?

    The letter A because it makes men mean.

  • Why is a racehorse like a letter?

    They both begin a trip at the post!

  • What two words have thousands of letters in them?

    Post office.

  • What has ten letters and starts with gas?


  • How many letters can you wear on your feet?

    10 E's

  • How did they name Canada?

    They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh.

  • How does a ghost start a letter?

    Tomb it may concern.