Line Jokes
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How did the dyslexic American mathematician sing the first line of his national anthem?
Oh secant, you say "
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Whose Line is it Anway and /r/jokes?
On Whose Line is it Anyway, is made up.
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Why did the chicken cross the road half way ?
He wanted to lay it on the line !
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What is your line of business?
Me mumbling: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening.
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Why do French tanks have review mirrors?
Because they want to see the front line too
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Why did the chicken cross the road half-way?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
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How do you drown a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When the polar bear takes a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
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What was the last line in Anne Frank's diary?
Just a moment, someone's knocking on the door..
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What equine likes to cut in line?
A sawhorse!
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How many retards does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, line up so that I can find out..
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Why is the Champs-Elysees lined with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade.
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Why did Jon snow stand in line at the Apple store?
For the watch!
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What helps humans get laid but is deadly for fish?
Pick up lines
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What do you have when you get 32 rednecks in a line?
A full set of teeth
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Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?
For the watch
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What did the soccer player shout to the baker who's cakes kept sticking to the tin?
LINE IT!"
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What do you say when somebody cuts in front of you in line for Vietnamese noodles?
Hey, pho queue, dude
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What's the difference between a line of naked women and a magician?
Well, the magician has a cunning array of stunts...
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Whats long and black and hard to cut into?
The line at KFC
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What do you get when you line up 12 girls from Kentucky?
A full set of teeth.
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What's your best pick up line?
Cocaine Edit:spelling
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What kind of line gets thicker and thinner at the same time?
A line of marathon runners
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What do you call it when people line up well?
High queue-ality.
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What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?
One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.
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Why do people at Disneyland hate coke heads?
They're always cutting lines
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What's your favorite pick up line?
Mine is the Ford F Series.
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What did the asian say when he saw a line at the local soup kitchen?
Ugh.... Pho queue...
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What's the difference between shame and pride?
It depends on where I draw the line.
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Why are chorus girls like barge horses?
They have to tow the line!
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What's white and in the men's 100m track final?
The lines.
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Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
So they can see the front-lines.
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What is Weird Al Yankovic's favorite pick up line?
Hey, so are you familiar with my parodies? Yeah my PAIR O DEEZ NUTS!!!
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Whose line is it anyway?
generous cocaine party guests
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What's the programmer's favorite drug?
A line of code.
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What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough?
Mmm. Canapes."
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What's long, black, and dangerous to cut?
The line at KFC.
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What do you call a line of diamonds on fire?
Hotline Bling.
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How can a line be both short and long?
It's a long line of midgets!
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Why was the illegal immigrant so offensive?
Because he crossed the line
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How does the Addidas executive work through the night?
Three lines
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What do you call fifty blondes lined up ear-to-ear?
A: A wind tunnel. #ThugLyfe
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What do you call a line of iron cats?
A Feline...
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Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?
She wanted to lay it on the line!
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Why are Slavs always squatting?
what else is there to do while you're waiting in line?
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Who was the naughtiest character in Star Wars?
R2D2. All of his lines are bleeped out.
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How does the Pirate watch his movie?
He PIRATES them off line. (Or torrents them off Pirates Bay) =)
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What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut?
A Barbecue. Christmas crackers are just full of laughs.
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What do you call it when a rabbit tactfully jumps in front of a line?
A nice hare cut
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What would you're opening line be?
Like outrageous, dark, funny whatever let's hear!
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What's a cokeheads favorite TV show?
Whose Line is it Anyway
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Why wouldn't the Doctor wait in line?
He had no patients
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How does a baboon make phone calls?
He just monkeys around on the line!
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Why do french tanks have rear mirrors?
So they can also see the front lines.
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What is cosmetics?
ANSWER: Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.
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Why does Paris have tree lined streets?
Because the German army likes to march in the shade.
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What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech?
What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech? Give me a moment...ummmm.(momentum)
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Why are Paris's streets lined with trees?
German soldiers like to march in the shade.
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What do you call a line of black people?
A chocolate bar
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What happens if a line doesn't get enough Vitamin C?
It gets curvy.
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What letter has to wait in line the longest?
Q
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Why are the streets of France lined with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade.
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What did the snake say to the cornered rat ?
Hiss is the end of the line for you !
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What was the terrorist's pick up line?
hey babe, I've got a large pipe bomb and I never pre-maturely detonate."
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What's white and in the men's 100M final?
The lines.
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When does a fisherman offend you the most?
When he's completely out of line
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What do cows like to line dance to ?
Any kind of moosic you like !
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What's black and white stinks and hangs from a line?
A drip dry skunk.
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What do you call a line of Barbies?
A. A Barbecue!
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What's a joke that you invented?
Here's mine: Did you hear about the guy who had to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted.
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What do you call people waiting in line for Vietnamese soup?
Pho queue.
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Why are the streets in Paris lined with trees?
So the German soldiers can march in shade.
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What do you get if you cross a pig and a telephone ?
A lot of crackling on the line !
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What did you do at preschool?
3-year-old: We had to color inside the lines the WHOLE time. Me: 3-year-old: I need to lie down.
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Why did you tie a rope on that criminal?
Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.
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How do I get to 280?
A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"
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Why was the algebra teacher arrested on drug charges?
He was caught doing lines of math!
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What's long and white?
The line to Starbucks.
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Whats is long and black?
The line to KFC
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Why are the avenues in Paris lined with trees?
A:Because Germans like to march in the shade.
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Why does it take so long when Satan is in front of you in line at the post office?
Because the devil takes many forms.
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What do you get when you have barbie dolls standing in a line?
A barbie queue (BBQ)! Also, I made a quick sketch on my iPad. I found the genesis to this joke as a text note in my Evernote this morning, after what seemed like a night of free flow beers. Feel free to downvote me to oblivion.
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How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
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Why is the Champs-lyses lined with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade.
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Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?
The Germans like shade
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What do tired line dancers do?
A. They Line Down :-)
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Why did Jon Snow wait in line at the Apple store ?
For the watch .
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How do Mexicans line up?
Juan by Juan
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What do you call a line of hundreds of rabbits, moving backwards slowly?
A receding hareline
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What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
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Why did NBC add the Michael J. Fox Show to its line-up?
To shake things up on network tv.
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What do you call a line of men waiting to get a hair cut?
A barbecue
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What do you call the line at a Vietnamese restaurant?
Pho queue!
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What's the best thing about a swimming pool bar?
There's never a line for the bathroom.
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Why was Cleopatra angry?
She was on her pyramid. Stolen from Whose Line Is It Anyway.