Listen Jokes

  • Why does noone listen ever to the guy who talks with his mouth full?

    He is so misunderstood.

  • How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods ?

    Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !

  • What did the man do after listening to a Pink Floyd album for two hours?

    Skip to the next track

  • How can you tell a cow isn't listening to you?

    Everything you say goes in one ear and out the udder!

  • Why did Bin Laden listen to Eminem?

    He was an Afghani-Stan.

  • What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?

    Nobody is sure but if it opened its mouth to speak you'd listen!

  • Why do so many people listen to Taylor Swift songs after a breakup?

    Because they were tailor made for it.

  • How many times we need to tell you that she died?

    Man: It pleases me to listen that she died.

  • What's the best thing about being black?

    Not having to listen to awful dad jokes.

  • What do Greeks use to listen to music?


  • How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft?

    When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No

  • What type of music do lightning bolts listen to?

    Rock and Roll

  • Why did the parasite listen to the clock?

    A: Because it liked the tick talk.

  • What did she say?

    Jim: I dunno. I never listened!

  • What kind of music do sponges listen to?


  • What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet?

    Anything you like they're not listening to you anyway.

  • How does ISIS listen to its favourite tunes?

    On a boombox.

  • Why did Gandalf never listen to the song "Dream Police"?

    Because he was no conjurer of Cheap Trick

  • What music is good to listen to while having a snack?

    8 a bit music.

  • What type of music do Irish people listen to?


  • Why is it so hard to help deaf people?

    Because they never listen.

  • Why does pooping get more intense while you're listening to music?

    Because it's logarythmic.

  • What are you reading ?

    Pupil : I dunno ! Teacher : But you're reading aloud ! Pupil : But I'm not listening !

  • Why is Def leppard the best band to listen to while driving?

    Because you only need one arm to drum along..

  • What exactly had the "NOW That's What I Call Music!" guy been listening to before?

    Sound FX CDs Whale noises

  • Why don't north Koreans listen to funk?

    Cos they've got no Seoul! Thank you very much.

  • What kind of music does a factory worker listen to?

    Industrial Metal

  • What do you call it when you have to listen to rock music obsessively?


  • What did Goku say when he heard his wife listening to the song, "Fancy"?

    Aye, Chi-Chi, Why?

  • How do Asian's name their children?

    Throw a frying pan down the stairs and listen to the sounds. *Ting tong tow*

  • What type of music does the Easter Bunny listen to?


  • What do you say when a Canadian won't listen to you?

    He'll have Nunavut

  • What could you bring to this company?

    Me: Well I guess I could bring my stereo, but I get to choose what we listen to.

  • What do cows like to listen to?


  • What kind of music do planets listen to?


  • What did the stoner drop when he listened to dubstep?


  • What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?


  • What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to?

    Carp E.D.M. Credit to my friend for this one.

  • Why does Daenerys Targaryen listen to Hoagy Carmichael?

    Because she's got Jorah on Her Mind.

  • What kind of music do chiropractors listen to?


  • Why don't black people listen to country music?

    Every time the hear the word hoedown they think their sister's been shot.

  • Whoa- is that Elvis?

    Angel- no, it's an impersonator M: Wow, is that... A: listen man all we got is impersonators

  • What kid of music do old people listen to?


  • What type of music do they listen to in the Czech Republic?

    Prague Rock.

  • What did the robot say to the gas pump?

    Take your finger out of your ear and listen to me!" I saw this in a Highlights magazine when I was a kid.

  • How do you listen to Taylor Swift and N.W.A one after the other?

    Make a mixed tape.

  • Which composer do lumberjacks prefer to listen to?


  • What's the best music to listen to while stoned?


  • How do you identify a vegan?

    Listen closely.

  • Why do we have to listen to a 45 second instructional to leave someone a voice mail?

    Beep, talk. We get it, condescending cell companies.

  • What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop?


  • What do you call the James Brown songs no one listens to?

    Defunct funk.

  • What kind of music do rabbits listen to?


  • How do you get your wife to listen to every word without interrupting?

    Talk in your sleep.

  • What music do dyslexic programmers listen to?


  • What music does a mummy listen to?

    Wrap music

  • What branch of government actually listens to the people?

    What branch of government actually listens to the people?

  • What do you call a rabbit in a beanie and listening to vinyl?

    A Hopster.

  • What does Jean Valjean use to listen to music?


  • Why do ducks nod their head when they walk?

    They're listening to duckstep!

  • Why did the hipster only listen to dead musicians?

    So he could say he listened to them when they were underground.

  • Who do fish listen to when they want to hear some dubstep?


  • Which joke has the maximum HOT Nuns in it?

    You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)

  • What kind of music do cows listen to?

    dadjoke) MOOOOOsic.

  • Why can hipsters listen to Michael Jackson again?

    He's been underground for five years now.

  • How many verses did the Prophet Muhammad write?

    Allah-t. Thanks for listening.

  • What do cats listen to during their free time?

    they listen to podcats.

  • Who's there ! Alice ! Alice who ?

    Alice N. Tew if you'll listen to me !

  • Which band does rockclimbers listen to ?

    Rolling Stones

  • What does Santa listen to while delivering presents?


  • What does a hiker love to listen to?

    A trail mix!

  • What song does Freddy Krueger listen to when he gets a manicure?

    I got Kniiiiiives on it! that inspired the joke.

  • Why didn't the piglets listen to the teacher pig?

    Because he was an old boar.

  • How does Lil Wayne get inspiration for his new music?

    He listens to his old music.

  • What do mummies like to listen to on Halloween?

    Wrap music

  • Why can a woman never be a good DJ?

    They will never listen to Logic or Reason.

  • What kind of music does a rubber duck listen to?


  • Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?

    Listening to an antijoke.

  • How is that racist?

    I said I wasn't racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.

  • Why did the stool not listen to the stepladder?

    Because it wasn't his real dad

  • What do dolphins like to listen to?


  • What kind of music do wind turbines listen to?

    They're huge metal fans.

  • Why do people on acid listen to Dubstep?

    Because if they didn't drop the base it would be a neutral reaction and they wouldn't feel the psychedelic effects.

  • How do ghost listen to music?

    With a bootooth

  • How to blind parachutist know they're close to the ground?

    The feel the leash go slack! (heard this one while listening to some irish tunes)

  • What do all battered women have in common?

    In a frustrated voice) They just don't listen.

  • Why would no one listen to the percussion section?

    Because they couldn't drum up enough support.

  • What does a blonde woman is doing with her ear bonded to the wall ?

    Listening .

  • Why parents don't allow their children to listen to M. Jackson songs?

    because they are very touching