Lose Jokes
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What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
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What did the sarcastic taximan say when he lost his job?
Oh well that's just uber, isn't it
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What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
Lost
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What is something we all lost?
The Game
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What do you call a tree that lost its family in a forrest fire?
Mourning wood
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Which is the quickest way to make someone lose?
The game.
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Why did the phone keep walking into the wall?
It lost its contacts.
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Why does Heisenberg hate driving?
He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer.
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Where do Doggos go when they lose their tail?
THE RETAIL STORE!
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What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?
Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!
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Why will Church's chicken be losing money?
Because I don't see black people going to church's anytime soon
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What is the fastest way to lose pounds?
Leave EU.
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Why couldn't Cauchy lose any weight?
Because every time he saw a street pole he imagined two pies.
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Why did the Chinese almost lose in Mulan?
They had way to many chinks in their armor.
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Why did Mr. T reject Marxism?
Because Marx said "You have nothing to lose but your chains."
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When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?
We do.
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Why did the marijuana addict lose the race?
He was running on fumes.
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What do tornadoes and redneck divorces have in common?
Either way, someone is going to end up losing a trailer.
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What is the most inappropriate thing to say to someone who just lost their job?
You had one job.
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What method did SFML perform when the Human lost to the AI?
Text.GetRect()
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Why did Snoop Dogg lose control of his Pontiac?
The drizzle
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What do an anorexic girl and the UK have in common?
They both lose pounds really fast.
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Why was the 45 year old businessman losing his hair?
He has cancer.
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Why are shopaholics in the UK generally very skinny?
Because they are always losing pounds.
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How many light bulbs did it take to screw a human?
None, there not too bright with doing anything except showing us where to go when were lost in the dark
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What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox?
If you don't know you must lose a lot of mail.
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Where do lions go if they lose their tails ?
To the re-tail store. :D
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What do you call LeVar Burton that survived months of being lost in the wilderness?
Geordi La Forage
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Why did the doctor make an old woman cry?
He lost his patients
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What do a Redneck divorcee and a Tornado have in common?
either way, you're gonna lose your trailer...
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Why did Rolf Harris leave Animal Hospital?
He heard they were getting hares and lost interest!
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How much do you think I will be losing with this?
Pharmacist replies: Well ... around 200 bucks.
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Why are you being so salty?
Her response - with a flat, even look: "I've been well seasoned." I lost it
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Why did Germany lose WW2?
Three Reichs and you're out
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Why is an Alabama divorce like a tornado?
One way or the other someone is losing a trailer.
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How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
A: Her crayons are still sticky.
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Why did Russia lose the race?
Because it was Stalin! (Sorry. Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them.)
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How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it?
Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
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Why is 'The Game' the most powerful rapper?
Because you lose every time you talk about him ( )
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What is the difference between J. Winston and a cat?
One ruins girls clothes and steals crab legs, the other one is also losing the Rose Bowl.
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Where should you go if you lost a corner?
To the Eagles, they can get corner-backs.
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What do you give a losing horse with lockjaw?
A new jaw-key
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Why did the banker dump his girlfriend?
He lost interest.
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What's the worst way to lose your job?
By firing squad.
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What does a dog do when it loses it's tail?
Goes to a retail store to find another one.
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Why did Victoria lose her job?
We don't know, it's Victoria's secret.
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What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire?
mourning wood
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What is yellow and goes click-click?
A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older Wizard: With luck yes. Witch:
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What do you call a nun lost in the woods?
A Roamin Catholic.
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What is worse than blacking out after a crazy night and losing money?
Blacking out and gaining money.
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What does an Eskimo girl say before she is about to lose her virginity?
Careful Dad, don't squish my smokes."
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How did Jared Fogle lose 40 pounds?
He dumped his girlfriend.
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Why did the lost tourist cross the road?
The chicken looked like he knew where he was going.
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How do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
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What television show best describes a mothers virginity?
Lost
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Why did the one eyed banker lose his job?
He didn't have any debtperception.
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What did Hillary say when she lost?
Putin end to my life.
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How does a crackhead lose weight?
Diet Coke.
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Why didn't Anna and Elsa's parents teach them the alphabet?
Because they got lost at C.
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What did the Alabama woman say when she lost her virginity?
Dad you're crushing my cigarettes.
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What did the balding German frau exclaim when her husband left her?
Ach! I tink I'm losing mein Herr!
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Why is an Oklahoma divorce like a Texas twister?
Somebody's 'bout to lose a trailer.
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Who did the sea captain lose his virginity to?
His first mate
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What does an Arab say after losing his virginity?
Good goat!
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Why did the farmer fail to bring in the whole harvest before winter frost?
He got lost in the maize.
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Why couldn't Robin play cricket?
Because he lost his bat, man.
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What happened to the concussed gravedigger?
He lost the plot.
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Why do people with heart disease always lose at poker?
They have to take ACE inhibitors.
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How is November's election like the Alien vs Predator movie?
Whoever wins...we lose.
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What muscle do Egyptian soldiers generally lose control of, shortly before major battles?
The sphinxster ....
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How did Helen Keller lose her arm?
Trying to read the road signs!!!
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What is the best way to get called a ,"genius?
by losing a billion dollars in business.
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What did the big hairy monster do when he lost a hand?
He went to the second-hand shop.
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What do you call a bottle of seltzer that lost all its bubbles?
Water...
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What happened when the shoe factory burned down?
500 soles were lost.
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How do fireflies lose weight?
They burn calories.
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What happens to a legend's career when he loses his leg?
It ends.
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What is it called when a reptile loses its tail?
Ereptile Dysfunction
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Why did the Russians lose the space race?
Their rocket kept Stalin!
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Why did the short guy lose the basketball game?
Because he four feet.
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How many NRA members does it take to stop a 6-year-old paraplegic from stealing a candy bar?
Nobody knows - they usually lose count at 800 rounds.
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What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?
You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.
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What did the duck do after he lost his wife, his job, and his house?
He became a quack head
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How does a nun lose her virginity?
Dresses up as an altar boy
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Why did Mike Dukakis lose the 1998 Presidential election?
He TANKED his campaign!
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Where do animals go when they lose their tails?
The retail store!
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Why are you late?
Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.
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What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost.
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What did the cat say when he lost all his money ?
I'm paw !
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What's the best way to lose some pounds?
Leave the EU.
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Why did Prince William lose his cool?
He wasn't properly heir conditioned.
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How to lose a gf: Gf: which of my friends would be the most fun to have a 3some with?
Me: *names two of them*
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What do you call an honest man in the Oval Office?
Lost
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Where are the Atlantis and the lost treasures of many renowned pirates?
Nobody knows.It's a well kept seacret.
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Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?
Because he was always lost at C!
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Why did the aquarium have an existential crisis when the dolphins were released to the wild?
It lost its porpoise.
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Why did Jesus lose the basketball game?
Because Peter denied him three times.
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Who did E.coli call after it lost a fight in school?
Broccoli
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How did the possessed lady lose weight?
Diet and exorcise.
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Why is being a pirate addictive?
They say that after you lose your first hand, you get hooked!
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What's the worst part about season 1 of Lost?
The episode.
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What makes me want to lose the will to live?
r/Jokes!
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What happened after the man borrowed a sad movie from his friend?
He lost it.
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Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?
He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving.
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What happened when Honey Boo Boo's mom lost 120 pounds?
An amber alert was issued
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Why did Jared lose so much weight?
He always went for the 6 instead of the 12
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Why didn't the recently single goose lose her job when she made a mistake?
Because she had one heck of an ex-goose
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What do you call a chicken at the north pole?
Lost.
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Why did little Johnny lose his ice cream?
He got his by a bus. My little brother just told me this!
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What happened to the man who went to court for making deafening noises?
He lost his hearing.
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How does the Terminator lose weight?
By counting Kylereese.
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Why are Americans bad at chess?
They lost two towers
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What would be the worst possible thing to see on Reddit after losing your family in a car crash?
removed (two children)
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Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.
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What is Apple's CEO's favourite TV show?
Lost
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What's the difference between the stock market and women?
With the stock market you can only lose when you pull out.
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When do ghosts have to stop scaring people?
When they lose their haunting licenses.
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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor?
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What do a tornado and a redneck wedding have in common?
Either way you lose a motorhome.
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What're you in for?
I had a solid tweet *takes drag off cigarette* and no one faved it. I just lost it." "We've all been there, brother."
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What did the redneck say when she lost her virginity?
GET OFF ME DAD, you're crushing my cigarettes!
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How are new marriages just like LOST?
The Significant Others just want babies.
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Why can't a Pirate make it through their ABC's?
They always get lost at C.
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What do you call a Korean girl, who lost her virginity at a young age?
Sum-Young Ho
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What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?
I'm going to be the mother of your children." I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...
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What's your enemy called?
Dr Doom. Yours " "Joker" stifles laughter "I HAVE OTHERS" "Ye-" "Penguin" just loses it
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How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
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What does a girl from Arkansas say when she loses her virginity?
Get off me paw, you're crushing my smokes."
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What would Paul McCartney say after losing both his legs?
Suddenly....I'm not half the man I used to be....."
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What did the baker say after he found the dough he had lost?
That's just what I kneaded!
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What's a big game hunter?
Someone who's lost his way to the match.
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Why did the banker resign?
His customers lost interest in him.
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Why did my local sandwich shop lose all of its workers??
I was told they were sick of being subordinates.
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Why did the Mexican lorry driver lose his job?
He ate his tacho.
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What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
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What's the quickest way to lose pounds?
The UK National Lottery!
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What drove the British mystery fan insane?
He lost his Marples.
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What did the farmers daughter say when she lost her virginity?
Get off me dad your crushing my smokes!
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What's the difference between a tornado and a redneck divorce?
Nothing. Either way they're losing the trailer.
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Why will the columbine high basket ball team lose the tournament?
Because they lost their 2 best shooters
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What do you think about the coming battle General?
God knows it will be lost. - Then why should we go for it - To find out who is the loser.
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What dogs never get lost?
Newfound-lands!
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Why did Mario lose a life?
He stubbed his MiyamoToe. ...I'll see my way out.
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Why did Brazil lose the World Cup?
Weak back.
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How did you lose your last job?
I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.
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What do you call a Pirate who lost his anchor?
can't anchor us" /bow.. this is as clever as i get, people.. so sorry.
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What do you call a guy who likes to lose?
Ewan
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Why did the doctor lose his job?
He lost his patience
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What do you do when you lose your Kia car?
You go Soul-searching.
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Why did the marine biologist jump off a bridge?
He lost his porpoise in life.
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How did the dog feel when he lost his flashlight?
Delighted.
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Why won't bankers go to the opera?
Because they quickly lose interest
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What did the farmer's daughter say when she lost her virginity?
Get off me dad you're crushing my smokes! Or "That'll do pig, that'll do." I have heard it both ways.
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Why is the alphabet of a pirate incomplete ?
Because they lost an I.
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Why are we here?
Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions
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What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?
Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes."
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How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods ?
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !
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What do Apple and Rose have in common?
They both lost jack.
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What do you call a camel in Alaska?
Lost.
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Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?
Now we just have to call him Dav.
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Who loses in a basketball game between two Vietnamese guys?
No one... its Nguyen Nguyen!
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What do you call a ghost without any feet?
A lost sole
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Why did China lose WW2?
Because their weapons were made in China
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Why do bald-headed men never use keys?
Because they've lost their locks.
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What's the difference between a gambler and a Kasich supporter?
A gambler might lose.
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Why did Heisenberg remove the speedometer from his car?
So he would stop getting lost everything he checked it.
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What do you do if you're lost in an Icelandic forest?
Stand up!
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Why does Lichtenstien never lose a race?
Because nothing is faster then Liecht!
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Why was the steel angry?
Because it lost it's temper.
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What do you call Michael Buble's long lost evil twin brother?
Pu-pu puble
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What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?
A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!
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Who loses?
America.
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Why should you never play poker with a crocodile?
You will lose every hand.
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How did the babysitter lose 500 kids and keep her job?
She swallowed
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Who lost a herd of elephants ?
Big bo peep !
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Why was the little boy speaking gibberish?
Because he lost his marbles.
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What did the pavement smoother say after he lost his hands?
I literally can't even."
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What do a stoner lost in the desert and Bolivia have in common?
They're both really high and have no access to water.
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What did the snail say when his friend lost his car?
Where did Es-car-go.
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How did Jared lose 30 pounds?
He dumped his girlfriend.
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Who's going to lose the upcoming election?
Society.
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Why did the investment banker leave her husband?
She was losing interest.
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When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?
for 2 weeks.
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Why did Mr. T reject Socialism?
Because he stumbled across a quote by Karl Marx which said: "All you have to lose is your chains."
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What's worse than losing one arm?
Losing both your arms.
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What's Hillary's thoughts about her campaign?
Iran, Iraq, I lost
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Why did the lion lose at poker?
He was playing with a cheetah.
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How did the witch almost lose her baby?
She didn't take it far enough into the woods.
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How did Jared Fogel lose 60 pounds?
He broke up with his girlfriend.
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Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail?
Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer. Thank you. I'll be here all week.
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What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?
It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.
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What do you call a hippo in Antarctica?
LOST!! (I'll show myself out now)
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What is a joke that so stupid that is actually funny?
There was a thread months ago but i lost it...
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What do you call an elf who lost all his toys?
Legolas
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How did Jesus lose his virginity?
When he was nailed on the cross.
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What do a tornado and a divorce in the South have in common?
Someone is losing their trailer..
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What do a redneck divorce and a burning meth lab have in common?
Someone's losing a trailer.
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Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?
because they get lost at C!
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How do you find Will Smith when he's lost in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
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Why does the army want to only recruit married men?
Because they don't want a man lost!
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Why was the fruit farmer losing money?
He couldn't grow a pear
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What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.
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Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?
Because two halves make a whole (hole) and you could lose your money.
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How many NBA finals does Lebron plan on losing?
not 1 not 2 not 3 not 4 not 5 not 6 not 7
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How do you make people lose faith in this sub?
This.
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Why did the dog lose the lawsuit?
It was a shih-tzu
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Why did the twitter army lose all their battles?
Because they kept retweeting.
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Which is the worst hand to lose?
The second one.
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Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs!
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Why did Verizon's mailman get fired?
He was losing packets.
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What do you call a grandma that know martial arts?
A grandmartial artist. I apologise for any lost brain cells.
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Where'd the dog who lost his tail go to get a new one?
A retail store.
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Why did Christopher Reeve lose the debate?
Because his arguments against scrutiny.
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Why did the vengeful fireman lose his job?
He tried fighting fire with fire.
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What do you call a chess blunder where you lose your castle?
A Rook-ey mistake.
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How is a redneck divorce like a hurricane in Florida?
Either way you lose the trailer!
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What does a burning Mexican farm smell like?
Tacos. Overheard an old man telling another guy how he lost his farm in Mexico , and how the smell reminded him of tacos.
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What do plantains say when they lose their phone?
Where did Mofongo "
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What do you tell a conductor when they lose control of their orchestra?
Go Bach and get a Handel on it!
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How did Jared lose 40lbs?
He dumped his girlfriend.
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Why does the North Korean military always lose their battles?
xpost /r/meanjokes Every single shot at them is at a chink in their armor.
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Why did Ayn Rand lose the pool tournament?
She wouldn't play on a regulation size table
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What do a Florida hurricane, a Kansas tornado, and an Arkansas divorce have in common?
Some poor sap's gonna lose a trailer.
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How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
Somebody left the plunger in the toilet.
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What did the redneck say when he lost his virginity?
Thanks mum xD
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What do you call the teacher who lost her baby?
Miss Carriage
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How do you lose a Football championship penalty shootout?
You Messi-up
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What's the fastest way to lose a few pounds?
Exit the European Union.
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Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail?
To the retail store!
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Where do you usually find dogs?
It all depends on where you lose them.
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What happened when the man lost his suspenders?
He became one of those For Whom the Belt Holds
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What do you call a cab driver who lost his brakes?
A screwdriver
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Where to dogs who lost their tails go?
To a retail store.
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Who do you give a lost gun to?
The rifle owner.
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Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering?
A: Because if they get lost it takes ages before anyone notices that they're missing.
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How do you bowl a 301?
Do you know anyone who has bowled a 300 and lost
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Why was the lion alone and disheartened?
He lost his pride in a bet
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What is a Dutchman who lost his driving license?
Homeless.
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Why did Rembrandt lose his house?
Because he was *Baroque*.
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Why was the juice company losing customers?
There was no punch-line.
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Where is the lost city of Atlantis?
Lantis. I can't believe nobody has thought to look there yet.
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Where would you find an elephant ?
Pupil:"You don't have to find them they're too big to lose !"
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Why is Jennie McCarthy so bad at RPG's?
The last time her son had a healing potion he lost 15 IQ Points.
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What do you call a lost crayon?
a Strayola
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How'd he do that?
Because you can't bowl a 300 and lose.
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What does a 14 year-old Native American girl say when she loses her virginity?
Stop Dad, you're crushing me smokes!
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What's the difference between my virginity and the Apple Airphones?
Losing my virginity wouldn't cost me as much.
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What happened to the lost cattle?
Nobody's herd.
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Why didn't the native Americans go out to dinner?
They lost their reservations.
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What does a monster do when he loses his head?
He calls a head hunter.
-
Who lose in the presidential debate?
American.
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Where did the chess player go when he lost one of his chess pieces?
The pawn shop.
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Why did Michael Jackson always lose in a race?
Because he always came in a lil behind.
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What did the atom say when it lost an electron?
I better keep an ion that.
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Why couldn't the blonde make icecubes?
because she lost the recipe.
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How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.
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What's a Tennessee tornado and a Texas divorce have in common?
Someone's gonna lose a trailer.
-
Why was the doctor so stressed out?
He lost his patients...
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What do you call a matador who lost to the bull?
A mat'o'gore.
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What do you call someone who lost an election by 2 million votes?
Mr. President.
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What did Jesus do to lose weight?
Crossfit
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How are one night stands like savings accounts?
you make a deposit, withdrawal, then lose interest.
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Why did the Scarecrow lose the debate?
All he had was a straw-man argument."
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What do you call a slightly incomplete Yahtzee set?
Pair o' Dice Lost"
-
Why was the doctor stressed?
He was losing his patients
-
What do a hurricane a tornado a fire and a divorce have in common?
They are four ways you can lose your house!
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How did Jared lose 40 pounds?
He dumped his girlfriend
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Why did the lead singer of Drowning Pool lose his job at Starbucks?
HE LET BISCOTTI HIT THE FLOOR
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What is the best way to lose money?
A: Lend it to Greece.
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What do you call a drummer who has lost one of his drumsticks?
A conductor.
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Who lost the American Presidential Debate?
America.
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How did the rainbow know is was lost?
It was a clear day
-
Why did the angel lose her job?
She had harp failure.
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What did the Mississippi girl say when she lost her virginity?
Get off me Daddy you're crushin' my cigarettes.
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What device did Jared Fogle use to keep track of his exercise progresswhen he lost over 200 pounds on the Subway diet?
A pedometer
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What does Pittsburgh have in common with Peter Pan?
The Pirates always lose.
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Why can't the Muslim crossdresser feed his family?
He lost hijab.
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Why did Steve Jobs lose on the X Factor?
because Sam sung better than him
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What did one atom say to the other?
I lost an electron..." The other atom asks "Are you sure " First atom replies, "I'm positive!"
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How do witches lose weight?
They join weight witches.
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How are children like cellphones?
If youve lost one and havent found it in a couple days, chances are its probably dead.
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What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer?
They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.
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What did daddy fish do when mommy fish got herself lost?
He flounder
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What do you call a nun that is lost?
A Roamin' Catholic
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Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?
They keep getting lost at sea.
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What's the most important meal of the day to help you lose pounds?
Brexit
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Why did Caitlyn Jenner lose custody rights of her kids?
Her kids couldn't see her anymore, she was a trans-parent.
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Who did the pirate lose his virginity to?
His first mate.
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Why did the elk cry at the funeral?
He had lost a deer friend
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How did Chad Kroeger lose a quarter?
Everyone who bought his tickets wanted their nickelback
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What's the difference between a Southern wedding and a Southern tornado?
Nothing - either way someone's gonna lose a trailer *shamelessly stolen from Robin Williams
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Why don't turkey vultures ever lose their luggage?
They only ...
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What kind of cheese is best to watch Lost with?
Smoked Muenster.
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What do you call an aardvark that's just lost a fight?
A vark!
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Why was Santa in the asylum?
He lost his SANTAty
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What do you call a man who has lost the lower parts of his legs, but still somehow has his feet?
Tony.
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Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
She got hit by a bus. Why did Sally fall off the swing? She lost her arms when she was hit by a bus. Why did Sally not get back on the swing? She also lost her legs. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally. What did Sally get for Christmas? I don't know, she couldn't open it.
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What's the only thing you can say when the Chinese Restaurant over booked your reservation?
Welp. You dim sum, you lose some
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What did Alex Trebek say when he was about to lose his job?
My career is in Jeopardy!"
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Why can't the band Def Leppard make music anymore?
They all lost their hearing
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What's the first thing a hillbilly says after losing her virginity?
Get off me Daddy, you're crushing my cigarettes.
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Why was the banker bored?
Because he lost interest in everything.
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What do you call a white man who never lose in the boxing ring?
The referee
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Why did the man lost in the woods catch fire?
He was heading west.
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What happens to an air conditioner when you pull its plug?
A: It loses its cool.
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What is the best way to follow a lost dog's paw prints?
With a track-tor!
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What do you do if you lose all the information on your computer?
Ask the NSA for a backup.
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Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?
To a retail store.
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Why did the witch lose her way?
Because her hat was pointing in the wrong direction.
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How did Tom Brady's feel after losing to the Broncos?
Deflated
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Why do shoes get sad... Why do shoes get sad when they lose their matching shoe?
Because they lost their solemate
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What do you call a man who loses pounds for a living?
A bad gambler
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Where do I lose my Arab friends?
I don't have any Arab friends, so it doesn't matter.
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What did people call Putin after he lost an arm?
Amputin
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Who lost the presidential debate?
We Americans
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Where did the Gingerbread man lose his leg?
He lost it back in the 'Nom War
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How did the Italians lose WWII?
They ordered ziti instead of shells.
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What do you call a lost Asian man?
Disoriental
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What do you call a person who has lost all hope?
A: Linus
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What happened when the owl lost his voice ?
He didn't give a hoot !
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What's an old carpenter's biggest issue?
Losing teeth.
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Why did the banker leave his job?
he lost interest
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What's not there when you get into an argument, but there when you lose the argument?
The door.
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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and dead babies?
I didn't lose my virginity in the back of a Lamborghini.
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What do you call a pirate who is lost at sea and has to drink his own pee to survive?
Aarrrrrrr Kelly!
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What's the difference between my GoPro and my girlfriend?
I wouldn't spend hours looking for my girlfriend at a ski resort if I lost her on the mountain.
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How did Jared lose 150lbs?
He kicked two 7-year-olds out of his bed.
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What did the starfish say when it realized that it lost it's ability to regenerate limbs?
I can't remember.
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Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm?
He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
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Why is a redneck wedding and a tornado alike?
Because either way someone is losing a trailer.
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What's the best way for an American to lose weight?
Gamble in British currency.
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What did the Mtis people think of the look on Stephen Harper's face when he lost the election?
They though it was Riel funny!
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Why can't Redditors lose their virginity?
They can never get further than the tip!
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How did the drunk Irish man lose 30$?
He bet 10$ on the soccer game and 20$ on the replay.
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How do you lose 30 pounds in 1 Minute?
Go to England and buy something
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Why did the mortgage broker go out of business?
Because he lost interest.
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How do fish lose weight?
They Swim-fast.
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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a bag of cocaine?
Eric Clapton never lost a bag of coke out the window.
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Where do dogs go when they lose their tail?
The retail store.
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What's the similarity between Divorce and tornados in the Midwest?
Someone's losing their trailer
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Why did Oscar Pistorius lose his court case?
He hadn't got a leg to stand on.
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How do you tell if you've lost an argument on Facebook?
Well first you're are in an argument on Facebook.
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What place of business helps dogs who have lost their tails?
A retail store.
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How did Jared Fogle lose so much weight?
because he chose from the kids menu
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What does an orphan and a bottle of champagne have in common?
They both lost their pop.
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Why did Gandhi lose the race?
I guess he got his fasts mixed up.
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What is the similarity between tornadoes and divorces in Kentucky?
either way, someone is losing a trailer.
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What's long and black?
every day How did Hellen Keller lose her virginity Someone left a plunger in the toilet
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Why did the double arm amputee unsubscribe from r/jokes?
He lost his sense of humerus.
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Why did North Korea lose Internet?
Because they switched to Comcast.
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Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life?
He felt he had lost his sense of porpoise.
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What did the Metis people think of the look on Stephen Harper's face when he lost the election?
They though it was Riel funny!
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What did the Puerto Rican dish say when he lost his Android?
Where'd mofongo?
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Why do mimes always lose arguments?
They don't have a say in anything!
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What does a 12 year old redneck girl say when she loses her virginity?
Get off me dad, you're crushing my smokes!
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What does a tornado and a red-neck divorce have in common?
Either way someone's going to lose a trailer.