Mathematician Jokes

What do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because Dec 25 = Oct 31

What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch?
rated movies

What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
4 the home team

Why did the mathematician get pulled over?
for drinking and deriving

What do mathematicians do when they are constipated?
They get a pencil and work it out.

What does a mathematician do when they have constipation....?
They work it out with a pencil!

Why don't mathematicians ever get blackout drunk?
They know their limits.

What drug did the mathematician do?
Math Salts.

How did the mathematician solve his constipation problem?
He worked it out with a pencil.

How does a Mathematician hang them selves?
With a hypotenuse.

What did the mathematician say about vertical videos?
I'm sorry, but the video you filmed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

Why was the Mathematician frowned upon?
He was a chronic mathdebater

Who was the first mathematician?
A concave man

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in zero lightbulbs?
Indeterminate

What did the mathematician do when he was constipated?
He worked it out with a pencil...

Why do mathematicians only count up to 287?
Because if they count one more it would be 2gross to continue.

What do mathematicians read for fun?
conics

Why don't mathematicians build bridges?
Because they'll never be perfect.

Why do mathematician never go to the beach?
Because they got sin and cos to give them a tan

What do mathematicians get if they stare at the roots of negative numbers for too long?
Square eyes

Why are so many Mathematicians vegetarians?
Cos Lettuce

What's a Mathematician's favourite Christmas pudding?
Yule ln!

What do mathematicians think about exponential functions?
They're radical.

Where do Mathematicians sail?
Indices.

How do mathematicians count xmen?
Permutations.

What do you call a mathematician at the beach?
A tan gent.

Why do mathematicians love talking about Jesus?
Because he's a cross product.

Why do mathematicians dislike cloth rugs?
They prefer fur mats.

What is the type of conference that brings together knights and mathematicians?
A

How did the mathematician solve his constipation problems?
The same way he solved all other problems: He worked it out with a pencil and paper.

What do you tell a mathematician if he does drugs?
You're highonpot...enuse. Thanks Key&Peele, I'll see myself out.

What do you call a mathematician who drinks too much?
A functioning alcoholic.

Why was the mathematician late for work?
He took the rhombus.

How do mathematicians deal with constipation?
They work it out with a pencil.

What did the mathematician say after Thanksgiving dinner?
1)/8"

Why did the mathematician get an F on his English quiz?
He wrote, "i is the square root of negative 1."

How do mathematicians scold their children?
If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times ..."

What did the mathematician say while golfing?
2 squared!

Why did the mathematician quit his job and join NASCAR?
They told him he was good at deriving

What's the difference between mathematicians and Syrian refugees?
Mathematicians don't struggle with integration.

What do mathematicians use to get fast delivery?
Amazon'

Why didn't the mathematician want to go to the beach?
He didn't want people to see his tan lines.

What's the difference between a mathematician and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family.

Why was the mathematician detained at the airport?
Because he planned to blow up a plane.

Why did the gamer and mathematician cross the road?
To get to 10.

How did the Mathematician relieve his constipation?
He worked it out with a pencil!

Why did the mathematician ignore the tan lady on the beach?
He was too concerned with the tan gent.

How did the mathematician solve his problem with constipation?
He worked it out with a pencil

What do mathematicians call retirement?
Aftermath

What is a mathematicians favorite Eagles song?
Take it to the limit. RIP Glenn Frey

Why is time wary of mathematicians?
They're always plotting against it.

What is a Mathematician specializing in absolute numbers called?
A Sith.

Why did the mathematician call his dog Cauchy?
Because he left a residue at every pole.

How does a mathematician get Tan?
Sin/Cos

What was the Mathematician's Favorite Johnny Depp Movie?
s of the Carribean.

How does a mathematician get to work?
He derives!

Why did the mathematician bring home 24 eggs from the grocery store?
Because when he asked his wife how many eggs to buy, she said 4!

What is a Mathematician's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer. (tbh: found on a Laffy taffy wrapper)

How do mathematicians cure constipation?
They work it out with a pencil.

How does a mathematician get rid of constipation?
He works it out with a pencil.

Why did the mathematician celebrate 4/20 on January 5?
Because he knows how to reduce fractions.

What do you call a Mathematician who is an outlaw and a liar?
an outlier downvote brigade can start now

When did mathematicians get their independence?
March 14.

What did the mathematician say to the lumberjack drummer?
I really like your logger rhythm!

What did the mathematician and the dentist talk about?
Calculus

How many mathematician does it take to change a lightbulb?
pi

Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships?
Because they're always trying to find the x. They don't know y, either.

Why was the mathematician stressed out?
He was in a dilemma.

Why Do Mathematicians Never Go To The Beach?
Because they got sin and cos to give them a tan.

How do mathematicians solve constipation?
They just work it out with a pencil!

Where do mathematicians go to gamble?
Sine city

What's a mathematicians worst nightmare?
An EULer spill

Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?
Because it's indivisible.

What do troll mathematicians like to solve?
Parabolems?

What do gamers who switch consoles and mathematicians have in common?
They both have problems finding x.

Why don't mathematicians have degrees?
They prefer radians.

What do you call a mathematician who fakes injuries?
Fibbinouchie.

What do mathematicians and dancers have in common?
What do mathematicians and dancers have in common? They both have algorhythm.

Why do mathematicians think that spring is summer?
It's not their fault. May tricks them.

What do you get a mathematician for his stag night?
A parallelogram.

Where does a mathematician go when he gets hurt?
L'Hospital.

What do you call an angry, seafaring mathematician?
rate!!!

How did the mathematician reach the end of the Yaxis?
On a plane.

How did the Mathematician cure his constipation?
He worked it out with a pencil.

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Somewhere between 0 and infinity.

What do mathematicians say when they encounter a difficult problem?
f(x)

What do mathematicians drink?
Anything to ease the pain.

How could you tell that the figure skater was a mathematician?
Because of the Fibonacci sequins.

What is 1 + 1"?
The mathematician says "2" The Physicist says "2, plus or minus 0.1" The engineer says "Probably around 2, but let's say 3 to be on the safe side".

Why was the mathematician fired?
Because he was sur to requirements.

What does a mathematician get from a day at the beach?
Tan lines.