Mathematician Jokes
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What do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because Dec 25 = Oct 31
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What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch?
rated movies
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What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
4 the home team
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Why did the mathematician get pulled over?
for drinking and deriving
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What do mathematicians do when they are constipated?
They get a pencil and work it out.
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What does a mathematician do when they have constipation....?
They work it out with a pencil!
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Why don't mathematicians ever get blackout drunk?
They know their limits.
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What drug did the mathematician do?
Math Salts.
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How did the mathematician solve his constipation problem?
He worked it out with a pencil.
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How does a Mathematician hang them selves?
With a hypotenuse.
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What did the mathematician say about vertical videos?
I'm sorry, but the video you filmed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.
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Why was the Mathematician frowned upon?
He was a chronic math-debater
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Who was the first mathematician?
A concave man
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in zero lightbulbs?
Indeterminate
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What did the mathematician do when he was constipated?
He worked it out with a pencil...
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Why do mathematicians only count up to 287?
Because if they count one more it would be 2gross to continue.
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What do mathematicians read for fun?
conics
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Why don't mathematicians build bridges?
Because they'll never be perfect.
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Why do mathematician never go to the beach?
Because they got sin and cos to give them a tan
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What do mathematicians get if they stare at the roots of negative numbers for too long?
Square eyes
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Why are so many Mathematicians vegetarians?
Cos Lettuce
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What's a Mathematician's favourite Christmas pudding?
Yule ln!
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What do mathematicians think about exponential functions?
They're radical.
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Where do Mathematicians sail?
Indices.
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How do mathematicians count x-men?
Permutations.
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What do you call a mathematician at the beach?
A tan gent.
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Why do mathematicians love talking about Jesus?
Because he's a cross product.
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Why do mathematicians dislike cloth rugs?
They prefer fur mats.
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What is the type of conference that brings together knights and mathematicians?
A
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How did the mathematician solve his constipation problems?
The same way he solved all other problems: He worked it out with a pencil and paper.
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What do you tell a mathematician if he does drugs?
You're high-on-pot...enuse. Thanks Key&Peele, I'll see myself out.
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What do you call a mathematician who drinks too much?
A functioning alcoholic.
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Why was the mathematician late for work?
He took the rhombus.
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How do mathematicians deal with constipation?
They work it out with a pencil.
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What did the mathematician say after Thanksgiving dinner?
1)/8"
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Why did the mathematician get an F on his English quiz?
He wrote, "i is the square root of negative 1."
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How do mathematicians scold their children?
If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times ..."
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What did the mathematician say while golfing?
2 squared!
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Why did the mathematician quit his job and join NASCAR?
They told him he was good at deriving
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What's the difference between mathematicians and Syrian refugees?
Mathematicians don't struggle with integration.
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What do mathematicians use to get fast delivery?
Amazon'
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Why didn't the mathematician want to go to the beach?
He didn't want people to see his tan lines.
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What's the difference between a mathematician and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family.
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Why was the mathematician detained at the airport?
Because he planned to blow up a plane.
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Why did the gamer and mathematician cross the road?
To get to 10.
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How did the Mathematician relieve his constipation?
He worked it out with a pencil!
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Why did the mathematician ignore the tan lady on the beach?
He was too concerned with the tan gent.
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How did the mathematician solve his problem with constipation?
He worked it out with a pencil
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What do mathematicians call retirement?
Aftermath
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What is a mathematicians favorite Eagles song?
Take it to the limit. RIP Glenn Frey
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Why is time wary of mathematicians?
They're always plotting against it.
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What is a Mathematician specializing in absolute numbers called?
A Sith.
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Why did the mathematician call his dog Cauchy?
Because he left a residue at every pole.
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How does a mathematician get Tan?
Sin/Cos
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What was the Mathematician's Favorite Johnny Depp Movie?
s of the Carribean.
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How does a mathematician get to work?
He derives!
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Why did the mathematician bring home 24 eggs from the grocery store?
Because when he asked his wife how many eggs to buy, she said 4!
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What is a Mathematician's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer. (tbh: found on a Laffy taffy wrapper)
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How do mathematicians cure constipation?
They work it out with a pencil.
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How does a mathematician get rid of constipation?
He works it out with a pencil.
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Why did the mathematician celebrate 4/20 on January 5?
Because he knows how to reduce fractions.
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What do you call a Mathematician who is an outlaw and a liar?
an outlier downvote brigade can start now
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When did mathematicians get their independence?
March 14.
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What did the mathematician say to the lumberjack drummer?
I really like your logger rhythm!
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What did the mathematician and the dentist talk about?
Calculus
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How many mathematician does it take to change a lightbulb?
pi
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Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships?
Because they're always trying to find the x. They don't know y, either.
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Why was the mathematician stressed out?
He was in a dilemma.
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Why Do Mathematicians Never Go To The Beach?
Because they got sin and cos to give them a tan.
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How do mathematicians solve constipation?
They just work it out with a pencil!
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Where do mathematicians go to gamble?
Sine city
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What's a mathematicians worst nightmare?
An EULer spill
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Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?
Because it's indivisible.
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What do troll mathematicians like to solve?
Parabolems?
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What do gamers who switch consoles and mathematicians have in common?
They both have problems finding x.
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Why don't mathematicians have degrees?
They prefer radians.
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What do you call a mathematician who fakes injuries?
Fibbinouchie.
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What do mathematicians and dancers have in common?
What do mathematicians and dancers have in common? They both have algorhythm.
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Why do mathematicians think that spring is summer?
It's not their fault. May tricks them.
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What do you get a mathematician for his stag night?
A parallelogram.
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Where does a mathematician go when he gets hurt?
L'Hospital.
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What do you call an angry, seafaring mathematician?
rate!!!
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How did the mathematician reach the end of the Y-axis?
On a plane.
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How did the Mathematician cure his constipation?
He worked it out with a pencil.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Somewhere between 0 and infinity.
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What do mathematicians say when they encounter a difficult problem?
f(x)
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What do mathematicians drink?
Anything to ease the pain.
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How could you tell that the figure skater was a mathematician?
Because of the Fibonacci sequins.
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What is 1 + 1"?
The mathematician says "2" The Physicist says "2, plus or minus 0.1" The engineer says "Probably around 2, but let's say 3 to be on the safe side".
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Why was the mathematician fired?
Because he was sur to requirements.
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What does a mathematician get from a day at the beach?
Tan lines.