Meet Jokes

  • What cows give each other when they meet?

    A: A milkshake.

  • What did Water say to Fire when they met for the first time?


  • What happens when 2 meets 3 at Times Square?


  • What is the good thing about Alzheimer's disease?

    That you get to meet new people everyday!

  • Where my single ladies at?

    drunk responses* This one's for you *turns off music, serious tone* This is a bad place to meet men

  • When we first met?

    No, before that.

  • What happens if Ramsay Bolton met Samwell Tarly's girlfriend?

    Gilly suit

  • How do deaf people meet online?

    Simple, they just ask "ASL?"

  • How did Helen Keller meet her husband?

    On a blind date!

  • What do you do meet an old friend?

    What do you do when someone throws a ball What do you put on a hamburger What do you find in a litter box

  • What does a shooting star say to his buddy before he dies?

    Meet me - oh, right.."

  • Where does a thumb meet its type?

    At oh-my-goodness! Skip

  • What did the captain of the alien mouse spaceship say when he met his first earth mouse?

    Take me to your Liederkranz.

  • Where are a squirrel and a chipmunk most likely to meet?

    A nut house.

  • What is the worst joke you have ever Heard?

    I'll start it off: Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

  • What club cancels their meeting everytime?

    The vegan club

  • What's the worst part about meeting someone with Parkinson's?

    Shaking hands.

  • What does one star say to another star when they meet?

    Glad to meteor!

  • What's the square root of optimus prime?

    I'm not sure, but it's more than meets the eye.

  • Whats the best part about dating a black girl?

    You rarely have to meet their dad.

  • What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?

    He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.

  • How did Mark Zuckerberg meet Miley Cyrus?

    Social net twerking

  • What does 2 electrons say when the meet each other ?

    Hey, watt's up ?

  • Why did the relationship between two parallel lines never worked out?

    It never worked out because they never met

  • What's the best part about bangin' twenty six year olds?

    You get to meet Jared Fogel.

  • What do you call a girl that goes down right after you just met?

    Ronda Rousey

  • Where does the thumb meet its type?

    At the SPACE BAR! reddit is fun! I'm staring at the keyboard tryin' to think up a joke and voila'!

  • Why did the business dog chase his tail?

    So he could make ends meet!

  • How did the tiny frozen dinner meet the little kid's belly?


  • Why do Southern guys go to family reunions?

    A: To meet chicks.

  • What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?

    You meet new people every day.

  • How do salespeople traditionally greet each other?

    Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."

  • Why do Asian people never seem to age?

    I met a chinese girl today & I estimate her age to be somewhere between 4 & 197.

  • What would you do if you won the lottery?

    Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

  • Whenever I meet a Jim I ask, "is that short for Jimberly?

    and I have few friends in real life.

  • Why was the zombie in such a rush to get to his book signing?

    He had deadlines to meet

  • Why Romeo could not meet Juliet at an Apple Store?

    Poor Juliet! Did not know Apple stores don't have Windows!

  • How is a Bill Cosby better than Ronda Rousey?

    He's never met a woman he hasn't knocked out.

  • Where does geography and geography meet?

    The Bermuda Triangle.

  • How the hell would she know?

    We only met last week!

  • What does a neckbeard call a woman he meets at a fast food joint?


  • What's the difference between a circus and a whore house?

    My dad didn't meet my mom at a circus or take me their when I turned 5

  • Where do birds meet for coffee ?

    In a nest-cafe !

  • What did the cannibal make of the politician he just met?

    Pork and bologne sammiches.

  • How do tectonic plates have fun?

    They meet up and crack each other up.

  • Where did Putin tell the protesters where to meet?

    Crimea River

  • How bad is my career?

    I met a homeless guy on the beach in Los Angeles & thought "Wow this guy has it made"

  • Why do dogs chase their tails?

    A: They want to make ends meet.

  • How do you know that someone you met is a Harvard graduate?

    He already told you so.

  • What do you say when you meet a German virgin for the first time?

    Guden Tight

  • Why did two ferrets decide to meet?

    They were trying to start a business.

  • Why do hamburgers feel sad at barbecues?

    They get to meet their old flames!

  • Where did I meet these crazy people?

    But then I think "What would I do without them "

  • What is a proper greeting when you're introduced to Christina Hendricks?

    Nice to meet you both.

  • What's the difference between a meeting and a funeral?

    A funeral is a meeting where you're dead outside as well as in.

  • Who's there ! Alceste ! Alceste who ?

    Alceste to meet him later !

  • What did one wall say to the other?

    I'll meet you at the corner!

  • Why is the founder of Comcast going to purgatory?

    He met St. Peter at the pearly gates and St. Peter said was, "Please hold. Your soul is very important to us."

  • How did you meet daddy?

    Me: Well, it all started with a friendly game of spin the bottle at the family reunion...

  • What do you get when The Dark Knight meets Edgar Allan Poe?

    x-post from r/funny) Poetic Justice(

  • What do two people with Parkinson's disease do when they meet for the first time?

    They shake hands.

  • What do Asians meeting up at their favorite Chinese take-out say?

    Where my dogs at "

  • What do you call it when two Vietnamese people meet?

    A Nguyen-Nguyen situation

  • What did one Jersey girl's leg say to the other?

    Nothing - they've never met.

  • Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?

    A: The vegetable garden.

  • What do you call a duck traveling south that enters a time warp and meets itself traveling north?

    A pair of ducks.

  • What did the armless warrior say to his opponent before battle?

    You're about to meet da-feet!

  • Why did you leave me here all alone?

    Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

  • What do you say if you meet someone from Anonymous in an S&M club?

    Troll in the dungeon!"

  • What did the blonde's right leg say to her left leg?

    Nothing. They haven't met yet.

  • How did I win a Super Smash Bros. Brawl Tournament?

    I met a knight

  • What do you call a bunch of furries, an all girls volleyball meet, and a video game tournament?

    Genesis 3.

  • How to make your wife take care while driving?

    Tell her that if she meets with a serious accident, the newspaper will have to print her age.

  • What did the gold miner say when he met the singer of Pink Floyd?


  • When Chris brought over his musl*m girlfriend to meet the family, what did they say?

    Nice scarf! Must be cold where you came from! Do you guys want coffee?"

  • Who's there ! Conga ! Conga who?

    Conga go on meeting like this !

  • What did your mom's leg say to her other leg?

    Nothing they've never met.

  • Why was Joseph late to the meeting?

    He was Stalin.

  • Where can you meet horny girls?

    Dad! For the umpteenth time there are NO horny girls in this world... Unless they're lesbians.

  • How did a blind man meet his wife?

    A: On a blind date!

  • What's the best part of having Alzheimer's?

    You get to meet new people everyday!

  • When Shall We Meet Again ?

    by Miles Apart

  • Why aren't koalas real bears?

    Because they don't meet the koalifications!

  • What do you say if you meet a toad?

    Wart's new

  • Where do twin lesbians meet up?

    A Clone Dyke Bar.

  • What's the best thing about alzheimers?

    You're always meeting new people.

  • Why did the snail cross the road ?

    It is not clear yet , let it cross the road first. Update : It has been confirmed that it was to meet the Chicken who crossed the road earlier.

  • What is the best part of having Alzheimer's?

    Youre always meeting new people.

  • Where do David Cameron and his party meet?

    In the Conservatory!

  • What do scientists say when they meet each other?

    Hydrogen Iodide

  • What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?

    They lived hoppily ever after!

  • How do blondes carpool?

    They meet up a work

  • Who's there ! Cereal ! Cereal who ?

    Cereal pleasure to meet you !

  • What's the difference between a freezer and a faget?

    When you pull your meet out of a freezer it doesn't fart

  • What do you call a meeting exclusively attended by pine, juniper and fir trees?

    A coniference.

  • What do you call it when you meet somebody in a bathroom at a conference?

    Pee-er to pee-er networking (P2P).

  • Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

    His life improved after he met the rock.

  • What does Paddy Irishman says when he meets a one legged jockey?

    How're you gettin' on

  • Why should you try to date girls you meet at the gym?

    Because you already know she'll work out.

  • How did Jeffrey Dahmer make alphabet soup?

    With 26 characters he met at a party.

  • Where are you and Mom going tonight?

    Me: To meet with your teacher. 7: Oh, you don't need to. I already saw her today.

  • What did Ray Rice say the first time he met his girlfriend?

    Dayuum. I'd hit that."

  • What do you do when you meet a robotic genie?

    You mech a wish.

  • Why was the man at the cookout so happy?

    He met the grill of his dreams.

  • Why should I let you into heaven?

    Me: Once a coworker said "supposably" 7 times in a meeting & I just let her StP: Get in here

  • What did one wall say to the other wall?

    I'll meet you at the corner!

  • What would have happened if Alexander Fleming met Euler?

    They would have discovered Penicil(e )

  • Why did the necromancer fail to meet his quarterly sales goal?

    He ran his business on a skeleton crew.

  • What did the sperm say to the egg?

    Nice to meet you. Wanna make a baby?

  • Where do you go to meet the best fish?

    It doesn't matter - any old plaice will do.

  • How do sceptics introduce themselves?

    I don't believe we've met..."

  • How did Stevie Wonder meet his wife?

    On a blind date

  • Why was the broom late to the meeting?

    It over swept

  • What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?

    Do the math! Me: Seriously ! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow

  • How was work?

    flashback to me being asked to leave the meeting because I couldn't stop giggling after someone said "abreast" me:Good

  • Why arent koalas actual bears?

    They dont meet the koalafications.

  • What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet?

    You're fine how am I "

  • What you you call a girl you meet on Reddit?

    You don't.

  • What did Justin Bieber's biggest fan say to him when they met?

    nothing, hes a fan.

  • Why do Vampires make poor project managers?

    Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders. (why yes, I am a dad why do you ask )

  • How did the puppeteer meet the President?

    He pulled some strings.

  • What do you say if you meet someone from Anonymous in an S&?

    M club? "Troll in the dungeon!"

  • What's the best thing about living with alzheimer's?

    You get to meet new people everyday.

  • What's the Difference Between Guts and Balls?

    Guts is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk meeting your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and asking her if she's still cleaning the house or going out for a ride. Balls is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk with lipstick all over your face and the scent of women's perfume all over you, meeting your wife at the door and stating, "You're next, chubby."

  • How do know if the person that you have just met is a DJ?

    They will tell you.

  • What does Santa say when he meets your wife, your sister and your mother?

    HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!

  • What did Uranium-238 say to Helium when they first met?


  • Where did Santa meet his wife?

    Conjunction junction, they specialize in hooking up words, phrases, and Clauses

  • What's the biggest ant in the world?

    Girl: My Aunt Boy: No it's an elephant. Girl: You obviously haven't met my Aunt

  • Why did the T-Rex fail his business project?

    He couldn't make hands meet.

  • What do you call the place where lesbian Eskimos meet up?

    A Klondike Bar