Mexican Jokes
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How is that racist?
I said I wasn't racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
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How many Mexicans are needed to change a light bulb?
Juan.
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Whats the difference between Jesus and Mexicans?
Jesus doesn't have Mexicans tattooed all over him.
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What do you call five Mexicans drowning at the bottom of their pool?
Cinco.
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Why did the fishing boat captain hire an all Mexican crew?
Because in the interview they answered every question with "sea senor"
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How do you take a Mexican family portrait?
Put them in the back of a truck and run a red light.
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How do you bury a hundred Mexicans?
In a casket.
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What do you call 2 Mexicans in a boat with a case of beer?
A pinat
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What do you call a Mexican that flies a plane?
A pilot, you racist!
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Why does Mexjco do poorly in the olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run fast, swim fast and jump high are in the states.
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What do you call a Mexican that acts like a white person?
A wiener
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How many Mexicans does it take to replace a light bulb?
Juan
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What do you call a Mexican that loses a car?
Carlos.
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What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?
Alien vs Predator.
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What do books have that Mexicans don't?
Papers.
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Why did the man hire a Mexican gardener?
Because he was good at pulling weed
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What do Mexicans write in school?
Essays.
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Why isn't the Mexican olympic team any good?
Anyone who can run jump or swim is already across the border.
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What did the Mexican do when he arrived in America?
removed
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What's the name of the tree that gives mexicans?
The scaffolding
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What car transmission do Mexicans use?
Manuel.
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Why was the new Mexican sad?
He was out of meth. Why was the old Mexican sad All his friends are dead.
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What do you call a single Mexican man?
No bae Jose
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What does a Mexican magician use?
A magic Juan
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How can you tell when the Mexicans have moved into your neighborhood?
The Blacks get car insurance.
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What do you call it when two Mexicans were in a car accident and one had both legs amputated?
Juan and a half
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What happened to the Mexican after he took heroin for the third time?
He over 'd
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What brand toothbrush do Mexicans use?
Oral-
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Where do Mexicans shop for books?
Borders
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How do Mexican peanuts tell time?
cacawatches
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What does a Mexican wizard use to cast magic?
A Juand
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What did the Mexican say when two houses fell on him?
Get off me homes.
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What do you call a black guy who was stabbed by a Mexican?
An ambulance.
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How do Mexican dogs say "hello" when in Japan?
Konnichihuahua
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What are Mexican hackers called?
BanDDoS
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How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that's a Mexican's job.
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How Do Mexicans Play Basketball?
Juan on Juan.
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Why shouldn't you run over a mexican kid on a bike?
Because it might be your bike.
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What did the Mexican fireman name his children?
Jose and Hose B
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How do they count the Mexican immigrants?
They start with Juan
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Why did the 16 year old Mexican girl get pregnant?
Her teacher told her to go home and do an essay.
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What is a Mexican's favorite Queen song?
I Juan to break free"
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Why are there no mexican in the olympics?
Because any Mexican that can run, jump or swim is in america!
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What do you call two Mexicans in the back of a fire truck?
Jose and Hose B
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What were the Mexican crisps doing in the locked conference room?
It's nacho business!
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What's the only major difference between Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick's day?
Nobody wants to pretend to be a Mexican for a day.
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What was the Mexican owl's name?
Whoooolio.
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Why did the mexican girl get pregnant?
Because her teacher told her to do an essay
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What do you call a Mexican supremacist organization against civil rights?
The Que Que Que.
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What do you call a Communist Mexican?
A Gaucho Marxist
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What do you call your Mexican friend living in Oklahoma?
Your Oklahomie.
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Why do mexicans dislike rust?
Because it is feo
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What did the Mexican man say after two houses fell on him?
Get off me, homes"
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What happens when you get more than you payed for with a Mexican Gigolo?
The second coming of Jess.
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What do you call an overweight Mexican?
A MAXican
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Why was Juan late to the Mexican food party?
Because he had to pick up the Pace! (Pace salsa)
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Why do Mexicans always install those tiny steering wheels in their cars?
So they can drive with the handcuffs on.
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What do you call the Mexican KKK?
The Qu Qu Qu.
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Why were there 5 Mexicans in a Ford?
It was a Fiesta
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What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window?
Where you going essay!
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What do Mexicans put under their carpet?
Underlay! Underlay!
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What is the politically correct term for Mexicans?
Human Beans.
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How does a Mexican build a house?
Juan nail at a time.
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What do you call a Mexican baptism?
Bean dip!
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Why do Mexicans make refried beans?
Ever heard of a Mexican doing something right the first time
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What piece of bedding can also be known as a Mexican blanket?
the underlay! underlay!
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What do you call a mexican with no legs?
consuelo
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Why does a Mexican take Xanax?
For his Borderline Personality Disorder.
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What do you call it when a car full of Mexicans catches fire?
Baked beans
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Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
TUH KEELLUHHH!!!
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What's a cats favorite Mexican dish?
A purr-rito
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What did the mexican student say when he was asked to turn in his essay?
I ain't no snitch.
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What do you call a Mexican burglar?
Juanted
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What do you call a Mexican vegan?
A. No Whey Jose
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What did one mexican say to the other mexican when there were no room in the van?
Yo no space.
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Why are Mexicans so nosy?
Because they're jalapeo business.
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What do you call a Mexican that can't cross the border?
A Mexi
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What do you call an old Mexican woman?
A bean bag.
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Why is it hard to play Uno with Mexicans?
They steal all the green cards.
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What do you throw a drowning Mexican?
His wife and kids.
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What do you call two mexicans playing tennis?
Juan on Juan.
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What'd the Mexican say when he was upset?
I don't want to taco bout it.
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Why did the 14 year old Mexican girl end up pregnant?
Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.
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What do you call a Mexican fighting a priest?
Alien vs. Predator
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What's a Mexican pimp's favorite investment?
A putable bond
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What do you call a Mexican on a hill?
Gracias.
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What do you call a Mexican firefighter?
Jos
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What are a Mexican's favorite dimensions for square dancing?
dos y dos
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What is the only olympic sport that mexicans can compete in?
Bordercross
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What did the Mexican doctor tell the Lone Ranger?
Estas muriendo. Tu necesitas chemo. Sabe?
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Why aren't there any Mexicans in China?
Because the Chinese know how to build a wall.
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When is a Mexican not a Mexican?
When he's an alien! I'll see myself out now
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What did the American Army General say after the first opposing casualty in the Mexican-American War?
Juan down, a million more to go.
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What do you call four Mexicans working in a restroom?
Cuatro Sinko
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What do 12 year old mexican girls and born-again christians have in common?
They both have a little Jesus in 'em...
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What does the Mexican kid say as his homework flys out of the window?
Ayyee essay, where are you going
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What do you call 4 Mexicans in quick sand?
Cuatro cinco
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Why do you call a Mexican midget a paragraph?
because he's too short to be called an essay.
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What do you call a Mexican spell caster?
A salsarer
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How does a Mexican use 'liver' and 'cheese' in the same sentence?
Liver alone, cheese mine!
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What did the Mexican Plumber call his second son?
Hose B
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Why was the Mexican bad at archery?
He didn't habanero
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What did the wife say as she left her Mexican husband?
I'm sorry but I love another Juan.
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What's the difference between a Mexican and a computer?
You only have to punch the information into a computer once.
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Why don't people like to play uno with Mexicans?
Because they always steal the green cards....
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Why aren't there any mexicans in star trek?
They don't work in the future either.
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What do you call a Mexican guy shouting at someone?
An argumentative ese
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What's the difference between a Mexican joke and a black joke?
Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal
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What's a Mexican's favorite breakfast cereal?
Tacos.
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What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't
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What did Johnny Cash say to the waitress after he got sick at a Mexican restaurant?
I've bean everywhere, ma'am!
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Why did the mexicans fight so hard for the alamo?
They wanted 4 clean walls to spray paint.
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Why'd the Mexican cross the road?
He took the chicken's job.
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What does a Mexican cut a pizza with?
Little ceasars!!! (Scissors)
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Why do Mexicans keep naming their child Jesus?
Jesus wasn't Mexican. He was human.
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What do you call a Mexican with small muscles?
No whey Jos.
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What did a confused Mexican alphabet say?
K
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How do Mexicans warm their houses in the winter months?
Central Fajiting.
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Why don't you hit a Mexican kid who's riding a bike?
Because it's probably your bike
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What do you call a stampede of mexicans running away from a snake?
panic
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What did the mexican boy say to his mom after he mopped the floors and found his brother?
I've cleaned up and found Jesus.
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What do you call an elderly Mexican man?
A senr citizen
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Why was Jesus not Mexican?
No matter how hard God looked, he could not find three wise men or a virgin anywhere in Mexico
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Why did the young Mexican solve the problem so easily?
It was a no buena My girlfriend is Mexican so I love Mexican jokes. Let me know if you have one!
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What do you call a can made in Mexico?
A Mexican.
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What do you call Mexican potato chips?
Oles Potato Chips!
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Why'd the Mexican guy have to take xanax?
Because of hispanic attacks..
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What do you call Harper Lee's Mexican flying animal?
Tequila Mockingbird.
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How do Mexicans cut pizza?
Little Caesars (say it out loud)
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Why don't mexicans have checking accounts?
It's too hard to spray paint your name on the little line.
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What did the mexican fireman name his 2 children?
Jose and Hose B
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What do you get when you shoot a Mexican golfer?
A hole in Juan
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How do you give a time-out to a Mexican child?
Have him stand against a wall.
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Why shouldn't you throw a rock at a Mexican riding a bike?
Because that might be your bike
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Why did the forgetful Mexican cross the road?
To get to the other side... err, no it was to pick up the laundry... nope, to get groceries? I forget.
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How do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
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What Is The Best Boxing A Mexican Does?
A: Oranges.
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What do you call a place where Mexicans go to the bathroom?
A deport-a-potty.
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What's the difference between a Mexican and a park Bench?
The bench can support a family.
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How does a Mexican wrestler enter a room?
Through the Lucha-door.
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How is a Mexican like a cue ball?
The harder you hit 'em, the more English you get out of them.
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What do you call a Mexican boxing match?
Juan v Juan
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What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quicksand?
Quatro cinqo.
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What is the advantage that Mexican workers have over everyone else?
Their "Senor"ity!
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What do you call a short Mexican?
A paragraph, because he's not big enough to be an es.
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What starts with the letter "M" and picks up metal?
Mexicans.
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What's the same about Mexican and Black people?
Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal. (Sorry if you're offended, I love all races.)
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What did the mexican say when a development fell on him?
yo get off me, homes!
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What's a Mexican sound technician's favorite cereal?
AudiO's
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What do you call a mexican with two dads?
No mames!
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What do you call a Mexican working at Tim Hortons?
a Filipino
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What do you call a group of Mexicans smoking weed?
Baked beans
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What did the mexican say when the 2 houses fell on him?
Get off me holmes!
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What do you call a bodybuilding Mexican who's run out of protein?
No whey Jose.
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What does a Mexican have in common with a cue ball?
The harder you hit em' the more English you get outta em'!
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Why do black people put their garbage in clear trash bags?
So the Mexicans can window shop.
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What do you call a mexican cyclops?
Juan Eye.
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What's the difference between Jesus and a Mexican?
Jesus didn't have a bunch of tattoos of a Mexican...
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What's the difference between a basketball player and a mexican?
Nothing, they both run, jump, shoot and steal.
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What is a Mexicans favourite sport?
Cross-Country
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Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at The Alamo?
They only had 4 cars.
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What did the bottle of milk say to the Mexican?
Soy milk.
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What's a Mexican midget barbers favorite restaurant?
Little Cesar's
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What does a Mexican Morpheus say?
Neo, you are the Juan ... I'll show myself the door...
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What do you call a Mexican on a RIDING lawn mower?
Promoted
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Why isn't there many Mexicans in Europe?
BeCause it's to cold, long a swim
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Why were there 600 Mexicans at the Alamo?
They only had 2 cars.
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How do Mexicans cut their pizza?
Little Caesars
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What do you call a Mexican Goat?
Amigoat
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What do a baseball and a Mexican have in common?
The harder you hit it the more English you get
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What do you call two mexican firefighters?
Hose A and Hose B.
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What do you call a Mexican Gummy Bear?
Delici**OSO**!
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What does a Mexican get when he slides down a hill?
Gracias
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What would Harper Lee's book be called if he was Mexican?
Tequila Mockingbird.
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Why did the Mexicans only bring 5000 people to the Alamo?
They only had two vans
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What do you call your Mexican crush?
Juan Andonle
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What did the Mexican firefighter call his son??
Jose
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Whats the difference between a Mexican and a Pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four. Im sorry if I've offended any pizzas.
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What do you call a Mexican whose car has been stolen?
Carlos
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What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and an autonomous robot...?
Nothing... they were both made to steal American jobs.
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What do you call one Mexican on the moon?
A problem. What do you call two Mexicans on the moon? A bigger problem. What do you call all the Mexicans on the moon? Problem solved.
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Why did the Mexican school girl get pregnant?
Here teacher said to go home and do her "essay".
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What did the Mexican fire chief call his two sons?
jose and josB (Hose A & Hose B)
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What do you call two Mexicans on a firetruck?
Hose A and Hose B.
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What do you call a Mexican cutting a Mobius Strip??
Juan.
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Why do Mexicans hate cooking pasta?
When they boil the water, they always have to add that *pinche* salt.
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Why do you not play Uno with Mexicans?
Cuz they take all the green cards
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What's a magician's favorite Mexican dish?
TosTADA!
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What did the Mexican say with one sleeve rolled up and one sleeve not?
Not even, homes
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What do you call a crazy Mexican dog?
Perronoid
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What would Obi Wan be called if he were Mexican?
Obi Juan Kenobi.
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Why didn't the Mexican guy at work take out the trash at work when I asked him?
He had -ity!
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What do you call the Mexican version of the NSA?
Jalapeno Business...........
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What is the Mexicans favorite credit card company?
Capital Juan
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How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
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What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin sons?
Hose A and Hose B
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Why were there only 1,000 Mexicans at the Alamo?
they only had 2 trucks
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What do a cue ball and a mexican have in common?
The harder you hit them, the more English you get out of them.
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Why are the cops shooting so many black men?
There's plenty of Mexicans to shoot too. Yeah I'm going to hell for that one.
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Why aren't their Mexican Olympics?
Because all of the Mexicans that can run,jump,and swim are in America!
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What do you call a Mexican with a broken-down car?
Joaquin.
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What does the octopus order at the local Mexican restaurant?
Ten tacos
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How do Mexicans keep their food warm?
Chicken Fajitas.
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What do a three paragraph term paper and a 5'2" Mexican have in common?
They're both short essays.
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What do you call a Mexican church?
A Taco bell.
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What are the first 3 words in every authentic Mexican recipe?
Steal a chicken
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Why aren't there any Mexican swimmers in the Olympics?
Because they're all in the US
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What do you call Chinese soup made by a Mexican?
Juan-ton soup
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What kind of flooring does a Mexican fit?
Underlay! Underlay!
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What do you call a Mexican that won't get on a scale?
A no weigh Jose.
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Whats the difference between a Mexican and a power tool?
Power tools are found inside the Home Depot.
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What did the woman do when she broke up with her boyfriend for her Mexican lover?
Go the other guey.
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What do you call a Mexican after he gets electrocuted?
Re-fried beans!
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What separates dogs and Mexicans?
The Mexican said, "A border".
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What's a Mexican's favorite candy bar?
A payday
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What do you call an Asian girl with Mexican parents?
Juana Sum Peeksa.
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What do you kiss on a Mexican dish that will trigger the end of the world?
El Taco Lips.
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What do you call a Mexican gondolier?
Pedro.
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What do you call four Mexicans stuck in quicksand?
quattro sink-o
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What do you call a Mexican wrestler that only fights during his 12:00 break?
A lunchador.
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Why shouldn't Mexicans play UNO?
They keep taking all the green cards
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What does a Mexican motorcycle sound like?
Cabrona!!! puto, puto, puto
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What do Mexican and Black people have in common?
Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.
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Why can you not play UNO with mexicans?
They take all the green cards.
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What do Mexican parents and good reddit comments have in common?
They have lots of children.
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What do you call Mexicans living in the USA?
Illegal aliens. LOL
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How many Mexicans does it take to run a computer?
Dos
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Why would you throw a rock at a Mexican man riding a bike?
Because it's probably your bike. Why would you throw a rock at a black man riding a bike? Because it's probably your black man.
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Why is there no mexican olympics?
Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder
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What do you call a mexican on amphetamines?
Speedy Gonzales.
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What does the arabs put in their Mexican food?
Allah-penos
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What do you call it when the women in the back of a mexican brothel talk after working all night?
Whorechata. Probably my best original, lemme know what you think.
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How long does it take to for Mexicans to do a job?
Oh, wait they're done.
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What do you call four Mexicans at the bottom of the ocean?
Quatro Sinko
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What did the Mexican firefighter call his two sons?
Jos and Hose-B
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What do you get if you mix..... Mexicans with Samoans?
Some mo Mexicans!
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Why do people hate playing uno with Mexicans?
They keep stealing green cards.
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What makes a Mexican saddest about the rise of ebooks?
The closing of the Borders.
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What is a Mexican's favorite bookstore?
Borders
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Why aren't Mexicans ever indecisive?
Because if they're on the fence too long they get caught.
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How many Mexicans does it take to pave a driveway?
Six, if you slice them thin enough.
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What do you call a company that makes Mexicans?
A MexiCo.
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What do you call a Mexican Disney Princess?
A Taco Belle.
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What does a Mexican duck say?
GUACK
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What did one Mexican say to the other Mexican?
It's four-twenty Juan!
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What is a Mexicans favorite band?
Hispanic at the Disco
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What did the mexican fire chief call his 2 sons?
Hose A and hose B (read it out loud)
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What do you call a Mexican who can see into the future?
Cristobal
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What do you call a Mexican drowning in a vat of cheese?
Nacho problem.
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How are E.T. and a Mexican immigrant the same?
They both steal your bike.
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What do you call a Chinese lady with no legs?
Dragon lips. And a Mexican lady with no legs Consuelo.
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What did the Mexican kid get for his birthday?
My bike :(
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What do you call a Mexican that lives on a hill?
Slopz
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How many Mexicans does it take to wax a car?
1 if you hit him just right
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What is another name for a pregnant Mexican dog?
A puppy piata
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Why did the Mexican guy rob a train?
He had a loco motive.
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What do you call a Mexican Ghost?
A Juanting.
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How do Mexicans cut their pizzas?
With Little Caesars
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What did the Mexican girl say to her fiance?
You're the Juan!
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What do you get when you cross a moose with a Mexican?
A Mexican moose
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What do you call a Mexican on a bike?
a dirt bike
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How many Mexican clowns can you fit in a car?
No, seriously. Cuz I bet it's a lot
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What did the Mexican put under his carpet?
Underlay! Underlay!
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How many stuttering Mexicans does it take to crash a server?
D--Dos
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What do you call a Mexican garden hose in Canada?
Joseh
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Why did the Mexican push his wife off the bridge?
Tequila
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What do you call a know-it-all Mexican?
A Solution Manuel
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Which dessert did Darth Vader order in the Mexican restaurant?
Helado oscuro!
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Why do white people not like playing uno with mexicans?
They take all the green cards
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What do you call a Mexican that's in the rebellion?
A Rogue Juan
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What's the most important part of making a Mexican joke ?
Making sure that no Juan hears you.
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What is a mexican's favourite sport?
Cross-Country Running
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What's the difference between Mexicans and Jesus?
Jesus didn't have tattoos of Mexicans all over body
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What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an Asian?
A car thief who can't drive
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What do you call it when a Mexican digs their feet under the sand?
Bury-toes. Hah hah
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What did the Mexican princess ask her sister?
Tijuana build a snowman
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What is a Mexican's least favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty Dumpty
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Who says building a border wall wont work?
The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still dont have any Mexicans.
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Why did the Mexican jump the border?
To get back to Mexico
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How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that's a Mexican's job.
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What did the Mexican carpeting salesman yell to promote his business?
Underlay! Underlay!
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What do you call a Mexican walking on the moon?
An astronaut you racist..
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How do you tell when the Chinese move to town?
When the Mexicans get car insurance.
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What's the Mexican version of the KKK?
Que? Que? Que?
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What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
quatro cinco
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What do you call a Mexican Jedi?
Obi-Juan
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What does DJ Khaled call his mexican friends?
Another Juan
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What does the arabs put in their Mexican food??
Allah-peos
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How many mexicans do you need to screw a lightbulb?
Juan
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What do you call a mexican without a car?
CAR-LOSE
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What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?
A dry martinez.
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Why couldn't the Mexican be a Firefighter?
Because he didn't know the difference between Jose and Hose B.
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Why didn't the Mexican take Xanax?
He was barred.
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Where do the Mexican truckers hang out?
The guay station.
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What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
Alien vs. Predator
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Why should you never play Uno with a Mexican?
Because they'll steal all the green cards.
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What do you call a Mexican who can't find his vehicle?
Carlos.
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How does a Mexican cut their pizza?
Little Caesars
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How can you tell you live in an Asian part of town?
All the Mexicans have car insurance.
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How did the Mexican greet people in Hawaii?
Ahola.
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What do you call a Mexican stationed out at sea?
A Navy Bean
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What do you call a Mexican who likes little kids?
A pedrophile.
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What do you call two Mexicans playing soccer?
Juan on Juan.
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What do you call a Mexican chicken giving directions?
Arrows con Pollo
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What do salads and Mexicans have in common ?
They both benefit America!
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What do you call a group of Mexican racists?
The Que Que Que!
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What do you call a fight between a Mexican and a child molester?
Alien vs Predator
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What do you call a shooting at a Mexican golf course?
A hole in Juan
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Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans?
They steal the green cards.
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What do you call a Mexican woman with a large labia minora?
Cunstwaylow
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What do you call a Mexican Miget?
A paragraph Cause he's to small to be an ess
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What do you call a Mexican melon?
A cantelopez! Came up with this on all by myself. I'm a new Dad, so I feel as if I've significantly leveled up my Dad Joke ability.
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Why does the Mexican Olympic team always do so badly?
Because anyone who can swim, run, or climb is already in America.
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What do you call a Mexican who acts like a white person?
A Juan-a-be
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What do you call a small Mexican?
A paragraph.
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Why cant Mexicans smoke joints?
They aint ever got any papers
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Why don't Mexicans have BBQ s?
Because beans always fall through the grill.
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What's the motto of the Mexican army?
An Army of Juan
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What do u call a mexican in the back of a cop car?
Pork and beans
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What do you call a Mexican in Canada?
ACCOMPLISHED. They crossed two borders!
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What do you get when you cross a pyrotechnician and Mexican food?
Explosive Diarrhea
-
What do you call a Mexican baby born yesterday?
Diego
-
What do you call rich Mexicans?
The Juan percent.
-
Why do you never see Mexicans with acne?
They keep slipping off.
-
What's the difference between a book and a Mexican?
A book has papers.
-
Where does a Mexican store his food?
Hispantry
-
What's the slowest thing in the world?
A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
-
Why do you never play uno with a mexican?
Because they will steal all the green cards.
-
What's the difference between Jesus and Mexicans?
Jesus doesn't have any tattoos of Mexicans.
-
What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a black man?
Someone who steals your job then doesn't show up.
-
Why didn't the Mexican go now hunting?
Because he didn't habanero.
-
What's the worst thing about Mexican and Black jokes?
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
-
Why are all Mexican jokes and Black jokes the same?
Because once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
-
What hat does a Mexican wear to a funeral?
A somber-ero.
-
What do you call two Mexicans playing volleyball?
Juan on Juan
-
What do you call a bunch of high Mexicans?
Baked Beans
-
How many Mexicans do you need to change a Lightbulb?
Juan.
-
What do Mexicans say when they're cold?
BRRRRRRRRiba!
-
What does a Mexican do when their cake is insulted?
Retorta
-
Why did the Mexican push his wife off the building?
Te-quil-a
-
Why are mexicans so predictable in Uno?
Because they always wish for the green card
-
Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?
He had loco motives
-
What do Mexicans call a commando?
A Juan man army...
-
What did the Mexican guy get for Christmas?
His verdict.
-
Why can't Mexicans win the Olympics?
Because every one that can run, jump or swim has already crossed the border.
-
Which 3 words will make a mexican tremble in fear ?
Round of 16
-
How do Mexicans greet Dr. Seuss?
Jesus!
-
What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Jos and Josb
-
What do a 275lb white lady and a 275lb cinder block have in common?
A Mexican is going to lay them one day
-
How long does it take a group of Mexicans to build a building?
Oh look, they're done.
-
Why do you not run over a Mexican on a bicycle?
It could be your bicycle!
-
What do you get when you cross and Chinese and a Mexican man?
A: A car thief who can't drive!
-
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross Country.
-
What do you call a mexican protein?
Amigo Acid
-
What does a mexican magician make for breakfast?
Toast-tah-dahs!
-
Why don't mexicans have barbeques?
the beans keep slipping through the grill.
-
Why did the crazy Mexican conductor get convicted for a crime?
because he had Loco-Motive.
-
Why were there only 40,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
They only had 2 trucks
-
Why did the Mexican throw his wife over the cliff?
Tequila
-
What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus?
I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples.
-
What do you get if you cross a Mexican with an Irishman?
A redhead who can tan.
-
What car does a Mexican drive?
A Quebrolet.
-
Why do Mexicans make burritos?
So they can unwrap something for Christmas!
-
How many Mexicans does it take to fix a light bulb?
Twenty-Juan
-
What do white people and fences have in common?
They both get jumped by Mexicans.
-
What do you call a Mexican girl who converts to Islam?
Dora the Exploder
-
What do you call... What do you call four mexicans standing in quicksand?
Cuatros Cincos
-
What's the difference between a black joke and Mexican joke?
Nothing. If you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.
-
What does a Mexican use to cut pizza with?
Little Caesars!
-
Why did the SJW hate the Mexican robot?
Because it was Pablo-matic
-
What do you call two Mexicans on the back of a firetruck?
Jose and Hose B
-
What do you call a Mexican girl who loves to sleep around?
A Burrithoe
-
What did the Mexican detective say in England?
I'm like Sherlock, holmes.
-
What do a yoga instructor and a Mexican restaurant that only serves water have in common?
No ms te!
-
How do you get Mexicans out of your house?
Juan by Jaun
-
What's the funniest type of Mexican food?
Fajitahahahas
-
What do you get when you mix an octopus and a Mexican?
I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.
-
What do you call a Mexican guy who's car always goes missing?
Carlos.
-
Why don't Mexicans blow their noses?
So that they have something to pick in the off-season.
-
What is a Mexican astronomer's favorite food?
A Quasar-dilla.
-
What do you call the things on the end of Winnie the Pooh's feet?
Putos (Ask your Mexican friend)
-
Why are Mexicans bad at UNO?
They steal all the green cards.
-
How's a Mexican like a cue ball?
The harder you hit it the more English it picks up!
-
What's the difference between a Mexican and an elevator?
An elevator can raise a family I'll just see myself out.
-
What do you call 10 Mexican kids in a school?
A construction site
-
What is the coldest dish at a Mexican restaurant?
a b-r-r-r-r-ito
-
Why did the Mexican try to wear his taco?
He was dyslexic.
-
What is a Mexicans closing sales pitch?
Kay-so-deal-a?
-
What do the cristae of the mitochondria and the Mexican border have in common?
Depending what you're charged with can really effect how easily you're getting across.
-
Why hasn't there been a Mexican Disney Princess?
Because everyone would just think it's a quinceaera
-
What do you call a Mexican pervert?
A pedrophile
-
Why did a Mexican girl get pregnant?
She was told to do an essay in school.
-
What do Mexicans say on their first day in America?
Jose can you see, by the dawn's early light...
-
What do you call a Mexican at the bottom of the ocean?
Pollution. What do you call every Mexican at the bottom of the ocean? Solution.
-
Why don't you play UNO with a Mexican?
Because they steal all the green cards
-
What do you call an average Mexican?
Nacho average guy
-
What do you call a Mexican with no car?
Joaquin
-
What do you call a Mexican who is high?
A Baked Bean!
-
What do you call four drowning Mexicans?
Cuatro cinco
-
What's black, white, asian, and mexican?
A lazy panda.
-
What does a stoner order at a mexican restaurant?
carne asuuuuhhduuh
-
What's the Mexican version of the Klan?
Qu Qu Qu
-
What do you call a mexican who last his car?
Juaquin.
-
What do you call a Mexican who has his Mondeo stolen?
Carlos
-
How do tiny Mexicans cut their pizza?
Little Ceasars
-
What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons?
Jose and Hose "B."
-
What did the Mexican firefighter name his sons?
Jose and Hose B
-
What did David Crockett say when he looked over the Alamo wall and saw 3000 Mexicans?
Hey I didn't know we were pouring concrete today.
-
What Do You Call A Mexican From The Caribbean?
A Carabiner
-
What's a Mexican's favourite video game?
Borderlands.
-
What did the little Mexican boy get for christmas?
My bike.
-
What do you tell someone from Moscow if he's in a hurry?
Q: What do you tell someone from Moscow who is in a hurry? A: Quit Russian. Q: What do you call a Mexican pessimist? A: A Mexican't Q: What do you call a German who is urinating in an alley? A: A you're a peein'. Q: What does an Asian person have if their leg joints are socially awkward? A: Shy knees. Q: What is a Parisian country cover band's favorite song to play? A: "I've got France in low places."
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What do you call a midget mexican?
A paragraph since he isn't a full essay
-
What do Mexicans use with the Wii-U?
Amiigo
-
Why was the Mexican tire sad?
Because it was despair
-
What do you call a baby Mexican?
A paragraph because he's not quite an essay (ese)
-
What do you call 4 Mexicans in a boat with a terrible leak?
Cuatro sinko
-
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?
Juan v Juan
-
Why are Mexicans good at bow hunting?
Because they hav-an-arrow! :D
-
What did Jesus say to the Mexicans?
Don't do anything until I get back
-
What is an alcoholic Mexican's favorite book?
Tequila Mockingbird
-
What did the black man say to the Mexican?
Hey. Watermelawn.
-
What do you call a Mexican fighter pilot?
Air Force Juan.
-
What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder without a protein shake?
No whey Jose
-
What is a Mexican's favorite FPS?
Borderlands.
-
How many Americans does it take to change a bulb?
None, Mexicans do it for them.
-
What do you call a Mexican smoking weed?
A baked bean
-
What did the Mexican say to the Italian?
Que pasta
-
What do you call a Mexican that had his car stolen?
Carloss
-
When's ladies' night at the Mexican restaurant?
Taco Tuesday
-
What does an elderly Mexican have?
Senority
-
What did the Mexican say when the house fell on him?
Ayyyy watch it homes!
-
What did the Mexican say to his dirty friend?
Hey Messe
-
What do you get when a Mexican and Muslim have a child?
A kid who loves halalpenos
-
What do you call a Mexican child?
A paragraph, because he isn't yet an se.
-
What do you call a Mexican rolling in sand?
A churro.
-
What do you call a mexican drug dealer?
MariJUANa
-
What did the illiterate Mexican say to the funny looking bottle of mayonnaise?
LMAO"
-
What do you call a little Mexican?
A paragraph. Because he's not quite an essay.
-
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he is not a full essay.
-
What do you call a Mexican carpet fitter?
underlay underlay"
-
Where's the best place to hide money from a Mexican?
Under a bar of soap.
-
Why do Mexicans always walk around like the own the place?
Their dad built it, and their mom cleans it
-
How many Mexicans do you need working in the kitchen?
Just Juan.
-
What did the mexican get on his SAT's?
Taco crumbs
-
What's the difference between a Mexican and a notebook?
A notebook has papers. -I'll see myself out now
-
What do you call four Mexicans that have drowned?
Cuatro Cinco.
-
Why is it impossible to play UNO with Mexicans?
Because they keep stealing all the green cards.
-
Why don't Mexicans have BBQs?
Because the beans keep falling through the grill.
-
What's the difference between "choice" and "choose?
Choice" is your ability to make decisions, "choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.
-
What do you call a Mexican who's car got stolen?
Carlos.
-
What do you call an environmentally-conscious Mexican?
A Green Bean
-
What music do they play in a mexican bathroom?
Earth wind and fire
-
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Juan
-
What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein?
No Whey Jose.
-
What do you call a dog that likes Mexican food?
A Qdoberman!!!!!!!!!!
-
What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza?
Little Caesars.
-
What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to motivate his colleagues?
Underlay! Underlay!
-
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
-
What do you call a Mexican ready-meal?
Dinner for Juan
-
What do you call a top-ranking Mexican dude that oversees everything?
Seor Manager
-
What did the Mexican shopkeeper say to the thief?
That's Nachos.
-
What does a Mexican cop say when he wishes you a Merry Christmas?
Police Navidad.
-
Why can't you play UNO with a mexican?
They always steal the green card.
-
How do you get a Mexican across the border using only math?
Carry the Juan
-
What is the difference between a Mexican and a book?
A book has papers.
-
What do you get when you mix a Mexican and an octopus?
I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.
-
What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?
I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.
-
What do you call a Mexican Aunt?
A tor-tia.
-
Which video game do Mexicans play the most?
Borderlands
-
How did the Mexicans get across the border?
They went through Juan by Juan. Forgive me.
-
What did the Mexican family get for Christmas?
Deported
-
What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand?
Quatro cinco.
-
What do you call a street on the Mexican border?
Wall Street
-
What do bricks and Latinas have in common?
They both get laid by Mexicans...
-
What do you call a Mexican on a riding lawnmower?
Promoted.
-
What did the Mexican... What did the Mexican man order at the country musician themed restaurant?
A Reba!
-
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
They always steal the green cards.
-
What's a Mexicans favorite protein?
Whey
-
What do you ask a Mexican girl you like?
Netflix and chili
-
What do you call a mexican hitchhiker?
El Paso
-
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to pay a Mexican to do it, two to deport him afterwards.
-
Why is a Mexican midget called 'a paragraph'?
Because he's not a full es.
-
Why is a Mexican midget called a paragraph?
Because he isn't a full ese.
-
What do you get when you cross a mexican, a queer, and an eskimo?
A snow-blower that doesn't work.
-
What did the Mexican guy say when the two houses fell on him?
Get off me homes.
-
What made the New Mexican sad?
He was out of meth.
-
Why can't Mexicans bow hunt?
Cause they don't Habanero!
-
What do u call a Mexican who survives a shootout and lives to tell the tale?
The Juan who lived.
-
What did Daniel Boone say to Davey Crocket when thousands of Mexicans charged at them at the Alamo?
Davey.... are we pouring concrete today "
-
Why did the Mexican put hot sauce on his taco?
Por flavor
-
What do you call a group of people who hate Mexicans?
Que Que Que
-
What did they call the Mexican cleaning robot?
Aye CaRoomba
-
Why cant a Mexican man sleep with three women at once?
Fear of over dos
-
How do Mexicans line up?
Juan by Juan
-
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Roberto
-
What does Colonel Mustard's Mexican maid call him?
Phonetically-ish)* Mis'ser Dijon.
-
What does a desperate Mexican do?
Bangs his head against the wall.
-
What do a load of bricks and a 300 lb woman have in common?
At some point they'll both be laid by a Mexican.
-
What do mexicans drink in the morning?
Dos Eggys
-
What did the Mexican say when his house collapsed on him?
Hey, get off me homes !
-
What's the difference between Jesus and a bunch of Mexicans?
Jesus doesn't have a bunch of Mexicans tattooed all over himself.
-
How do you stop a mexican tank?
You shoot the guy pushing it.
-
What do you call a Mexican child molester?
A Pedrophile
-
Why does America use Mexicans to pick our oranges?
As we saw on Tuesday, it takes 1/2 of America to pick an Orange.
-
What do you call a little Mexican child?
A paragraph, because he's too short to be an essay.
-
What do you call four Mexicans who can't swim?
Cuatro cincos.
-
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.
-
Why don't the Mexicans have an olympics team?
Because anybody who can run jump or swim is in the States.
-
What do you call a Mexican knockoff burger restaurant?
Carlos Jr.
-
What does an obese white woman have in common with a brick?
Eventually, they're both getting laid by a Mexican.
-
What do Mexicans use to slice pizza?
Little Caesers
-
Why were mexicans celebrating at a stop sign?
They saw it as a sign to pare.
-
What did the Mexican firefighter name his two kids?
Jose and Hose-B
-
What do you call a strange Mexican man who owns a chocolate factory?
Willy Juanka.
-
Why was the Mexican called a paragraph?
Because he was to short to be called an essay
-
How many Mexicans does it take to change a Lightbuld?
Only Juan...
-
What's the difference between a tea cup and pea cup?
A teacup is what the British drink out of and a pea cup is what the Mexicans drive.
-
What does a mexican Highlander say?
THERE CAN BE ONLY JUAN!"
-
What did Davy Crockett say when he looked over The Alamo wall and saw 5,000 Mexican Soldiers?
Who the hell ordered a new roof?"
-
What did the stuttering Mexican say to his friend when he tried to steal his food?
These are nacho-nachos.
-
Who was the first Mexican to be knighted by the Queen?
Sir Veza
-
What do you call a Mexican skeleton's favorite drug?
Marrow-Juan-a.
-
What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs?
Consuelo.
-
How can you ask a Mexican if their zodiac sign is leo?
Julio
-
How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb in Texas?
They can't. There's a wall.
-
What does a burning Mexican farm smell like?
Tacos. Overheard an old man telling another guy how he lost his farm in Mexico , and how the smell reminded him of tacos.
-
What do you call a Mexican detective?
Sherlock, homes
-
What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman?
a surprisingly stable person according to my Homie O'Statis.
-
What do you call a Mexican little person?
A paragraph because he isn't a full ese (essay)...
-
What do Mexican jokes have in common with black jokes?
Once you know Juan, you know Jamal
-
What do a Mexican and a cue ball have in common?
the harder you hit 'em the more english you get
-
How many Mexican reposters does it take to make me mad?
Just Juan
-
Why don't Blacks and Mexicans have babies?
Their kids would be too lazy to steal.
-
Why did the Mexican army attack the Alamo with only 2000 soldiers?
they only had one pickup
-
What do you call Mexican stoners?
Baked beans
-
How does the Mexican national anthem start?
Jose can you see.....
-
Why do Mexican and Muslim jokes all sound the same?
Cause if you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal. Ba da Tissssssss
-
What do you call a Mexican knight?
The Chosen Juan.
-
What do you call 4 Mexicans trying to cross a river?
Quatro-cinco
-
What did the Mexican say when his roof fell on him?
Get off me Holmes!
-
What did the Mexican student write his essay about?
Life outside of prison.
-
Why do Mexican students act like they own the school?
Because there mom cleans it and there dad fixed the roof
-
What do you call five Mexicans on the bottom of a pool?
Sinko :D
-
What do you call a Mexican with crazy intentions?
A locomotive!
-
What do you call a Mexican Super Saiyan?
Fajita
-
What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
The bench can support a family of four.
-
What do you call a mexican barber?
El Chapo
-
What game do they play at Mexican carnivals?
Guaca-mole!
-
What's the difference between E.T. and a Mexican?
E.T. learned English and went home.
-
What do you call a Mexican in quick sand?
Quatro Sinko
-
What does Mexican binary code consist of?
Zeros and Juans.
-
How many mexicans can you fit in a bus?
All of them.
-
Why do Mexican cars have such small steering wheels?
So they can be driven while handcuffed.
-
Why couldn't the Mexican work a wrench?
I don't know. Torqu?
-
What did the Mexican gang member say when two large houses fell on him during an earthquake?
Get off me, homes.
-
How can you tell if a Mexican is feeling sad?
They're wearing a SOMBERERO
-
Why were there only 1000 people at the Million Mexican March?
They only had 2 trucks.
-
Why did the Mexican lorry driver lose his job?
He ate his tacho.
-
Why Are Mexican &?
Black Jokes Overdone? Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal!...I'm sorry, you can hate me if you wish. ;(
-
What's the difference between "a choice" and " to choose?
A choice" is a decision you make. "To choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.
-
What's the difference between Bigfoot and a Mexican with a beard?
Bigfoot is occasionally sighted
-
What do Mexican midgets use to cut pizza?
Little Caesars
-
Why did 5000 Mexicans show up to fight at the Alamo?
They only had two cars.
-
Why doesn't Mexico live up to it's full potential in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans that can run, jump, and swim are in America.
-
Why did the drunk Mexican shoot his wife?
Tequilher
-
What do you call a Mexican Buddhist?
Om-bre
-
What do you call a half Mexican half Japanese jedi master?
Obi Juan Shinobi
-
What do Mexicans play at their funerals?
Another Juan Bites The Dust
-
What did the mexican-american say when two houses landed on him?
Get off me holmes!
-
Whats the closest a Mexican will ever be to happiness?
The border.
-
What is a Mexicans Favorite book?
TE-QUILA MOCKINGBIRD!
-
Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics?
Because most of them who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.
-
How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Juan (This probably has been posted earlier but is still funny )
-
Why do Mexicans cross the border alone?
Because there can only be Juan.
-
What do you call a violent, racist organization of confused Mexicans?
The quequeque
-
What did the Mexican wife say to her Husband?
You'll never be president, Jeb.
-
Why did the Mexican food go to counseling?
He wanted to taco bout his problems
-
What do you call a group of Mexicans doing work?
Manuel labour.
-
What do you call Mexican food when it gets cold?
A burrrrrrito.
-
What anime do Mexicans watch?
Boku no Pico de Gallo
-
What makes mexican and black jokes so similar?
Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.
-
What do you call a Mexican Standoff between two people?
Juan vs. Juan
-
How do you pick up Mexican Girls?
Border Patrol.
-
Why hasn't Mexico won any medals in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can swim well, jump high and run fast are in the United States.
-
What do you get when you cross an Arab with a Mexican?
A: Oil of Ole'
-
How many Mexicans does it take to replace a serviceable part of a complex machine?
Just Juan and Emmanuel.
-
Why did the Mexican civil war last so long?
Because they were fighting Juan on Juan.
-
Where do Mexicans get their car parts?
From Vato Zone
-
What do call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph. Because they're a short es.
-
What is a Mexican bodybuilder's favorite supplement?
Gey protein.
-
What do you call 4 Mexicans in a sinkhole?
Quatro Sinco
-
What do you call a Mexican dessert that won't sink?
Or) What do you call an effeminate Mexican custard Flanboyant Muy terrible. I know.
-
What's the first place Dora explored?
The mexican border.
-
Who's driving the car?
Theres a muslim a mexican and black guy in a car, whos driving .. **The cops**
-
Why doesn't Mexico ever do well in the Olympics?
Because every mexican that can run, jump, or swim is already in America.
-
What did the Mexican Firefighter name his two children?
Jose and Hose B
-
What the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
The bench can support a family my first post here, a friend told me this joke.
-
What do you call mexicans who are stoned?
Baked beans.
-
What do Mexicans cut their pizza with?
I asked, "What " He said, "Little Caesars!"
-
What's more illegal than marijuana?
My Mexican neighbor
-
Why did the Mexican fail English 101?
He wouldn't turn in his essay
-
Why can't youplay UNO with Mexicans?
Because they'll take all of your green cards.
-
What do you get when you cross a black and a mexican?
Someone who's too lazy to steal.
-
What do Mexican's put under their carpet?
Underlay