Monkey Jokes
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How do monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster! :D
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Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was drunk Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first one Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure
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How does a baboon make phone calls?
He just monkeys around on the line!
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What is a gentleman monkey?
A gentleman monkey is a monkey that won't monkey around with another monkey's monkey.
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What do monkeys drink in space?
Orangu-Tang.
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How do you open a banana safe?
With a monkey.
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What's the difference between a black person and a monkey?
Nothing
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Why wasnt there any blacks in the flintstones?
Because they were still monkeys.
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Why did the monkey put a bone in his mouth?
He wanted to smoke a joint!
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Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
So they can hide in cherry trees. Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? Shows you it works then. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys picking cherries.
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How'd the monkey fall out of the tree. He was dead. How'd the next second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first monkey! How'd the Third monkey fall out of the tree. Peer Pressure.
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How can you open a banana?
With a monkey!
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What is the monkey that can't peel the banana?
Terrible at CC
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What are you going to do for a face?
When the monkey wants its bum back? :D
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What did the monkeys say when they saw the Northern Lights?
Ooooooh, aaaaaah...
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What do you call a monk that operates a door unlocking service?
A monkey. (p.s. I have a wonderful, terrible love for bad jokes)
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What divides the humans from the monkeys?
The Mediterranean Sea
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How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident?
As many as it takes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)
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What do you do if you fiend King Kong in the kitchen?
Just don't monkey with him.
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How do you fix a monkey?
With a Monkey Wrench!
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What are apricots?
Where monkeys sleep.
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What key opens a banana?
A monkey. What key opens a carrot? A donkey.
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Why did the monkey fall of the tree?
Why did the second monkey fall off the tree? Why did the third monkey fall of the tree? Peer pressure.
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Why did the man marry a monkey?
Because he wanted a PRIME-MATE! sorry ...sorry twice if this is an old joke
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What do you call a monkey named James that's afraid of everything?
Jim-pansy
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What did the Banana say to the Monkey?
Yo You peel me
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What did the monkey say when he caught his tail in the revolving door?
It won't be long now...
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What's the difference between an old-time organ grinder and a heroin addict?
One has a monkey on a leash and the other has a monkey on his back.
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What do monkeys sing at Christmas ?
Jungle Bells Jungle bells.. !
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How many monkeys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Monkeys screw in trees.
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What did the police officer say to the zoo keeper?
Yeah I get it, I shoot monkeys on sight too.
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Why did the sweet toothed scientist blow up his monkey?
He wanted some Rhesus pieces.
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What do you call a monkey with a white bandanna tied to his tail?
A surrender monkey
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What do you call a monkey holding a stick of dynamite?
A Baboom!
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Why are monkeys pedantic?
Because they love nitpicking.
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What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey?
A cross.
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What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming?
Paul stop monkeying around!
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What is one of the funniest simple joke you have ever heard?
Literally... made you die laughing e.g. Why did the monkey fall of the tree bc it died e.g. How do you keep an idiot in suspense
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Whats the similarity between Monkey in the Middle and Football?
Both of the groups that are concered about the health of someone playing both begin with the letter P.
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What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A BABOOM!
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What did the monkey say when he was on a winning streak?
I've banana roll lately.
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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
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Why weren't there any black guys in the flintstones?
Because they were still monkeys.
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How long does it take a monkey to fly a plane from LA to New York?
About 6 hours.
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What did the monkey say when he put his tail on the railroad tracks?
It's won't be long now!
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What did the Monkey say when his bath was too hot?
Ooh-Ooh-Aah- Aah
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Why don't monkeys gamble in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs.
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What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits?
Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
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What do you get when you mix a monkey and a midget?
Tom Cruise
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What do you call a monkey in a suit?
Over-dressed!
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What do you get when you put human DNA in a monkey?
A lifetime ban from the Zoo
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What do monkeys and humans have in common?
Catholic: Nothing............ nothing at all.
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Why was the monkey attracted to the paint?
Cuz it was yellow and appealing! Sorry if this is bad. Seen too many of the same jokes here and I wanted to add an original joke.
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What key do you need to open a banana?
A monkey
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What do your mom and monkeys have in common?
Macaque
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What do monkeys sleep on?
Apricots. I used to love this joke when I was a little kid and told it over and over. I'm still a little in love with it for that reason. What are some of your favorite jokes from when you were a little kid?
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What's yellow and smells of bananas?
Monkey vomit
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What would u do if u won the lotto?
10yo: Buy legos & a bigger house for u. 11yo: I'd buy a monkey. Going to be extra nice to my 10yo.
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Why were there no black people in the Flintstones?
Because they were still considered monkeys.
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Where do monkeys hang out?
At the monkey bars.
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Why are blacks excited for 2016?
Because it is the year of the monkey.
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What kind of monkey can fly?
A hot air baboon!
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What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
A babooooom!
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What do you get if you insert human DNA into a monkey?
AIDS for humanity
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What do you get when you cross dessert with a monkey?
A Meringueutan
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What's the difference between a sigh a car and a monkey?
A sigh is oh dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you dear.
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Why did the monkey cross the road?
To loot the pharmacy on the other side
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What are there no black people in the Flinstones?
They were still monkeys