Mouse Jokes

  • What does a cat call a bowl of mice ?

    A purrfect meal !

  • How do mice celebrate when they move home ?

    With a mouse warming party !

  • Why do mice have tiny balls?

    Not very many of them know how to dance

  • What did one mouse say to the other mouse?

    I get a click out of you.

  • Where are you?

    I said to watch him like a hawk! ME: soaring 20m above w/ a beakful of mice I AM

  • Why are elephants no good at Net surfing?

    Because they're scared of the mouse.

  • How do you save a drowning mouse ?

    Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !

  • What's the difference between a mouse and a rat?

    A: 1 has a less likely chance of survival in the dog pound

  • What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?

    Hard cheese.

  • What have you tried so far?

    Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing

  • What do you call a mouse with cheese but no crackers?


  • How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    It only takes two mice to screw in a light bulb. The hard part is getting them in there.

  • What's Invisible and Smells Like Mice?

    Cat Farts...

  • What kind of mouse walks on two legs?

    A: Mickey Mouse Q: What kind of duck walks on two legs A: They all do!

  • What is gray, has a trunk, and big ears?

    A mouse going on vacation.

  • When is it unlucky to see a black cat ?

    When your a mouse !

  • What do rodents say when they play bingo ?

    Eyes down for a full mouse' !

  • What do you call a mouse with no balls?


  • Why does an elephant wear sneakers ?

    So that he can sneak up on mice !

  • Which game did the cat want to play with the mouse?

    A: Catch.

  • What is the best way for a pet shop to get business?

    Word of mouse.

  • What mouse was a Roman emperor ?

    Julius Cheeser !

  • How to you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse ?

    Try picking them up !

  • What do you get when you put mice in the oven?

    Mice crispies.

  • What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay?

    Heavy petting.

  • What does Mickey Mouse do to Minnie Mouse after she drowns and he pulls her out of the water?

    Mouse to Mouse resuscitation.

  • Why do mice need oiling ?

    Because they squeak !

  • When should a mouse carry an umbrella ?

    When it's raining cats and dogs !

  • Why do mice have such small balls?

    Because not very many of them can dance.

  • What do you get if cross a mouse woth a packet of washing up powder ?

    Bubble and squeak !

  • What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen?


  • What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk ?

    Dirty looks from the mouse !

  • What did the mouse say to the webcam?


  • Why did the man put cheese on his computer?

    A: He wanted to feed the mouse.

  • How many mice does it takes to screw, in a lightbulb?

    Two, as always.

  • What's the hardest part of milking a mouse ?

    Getting it to fit over a bucket !

  • When is a bad time to cross a black cat?

    A: When you are a mouse!

  • What did the elephant say when it saw the Chihuahuas coming down the road?

    Look out for the mice!

  • How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

    None. Mice can't change light-bulbs as they are mere rodents without the physical or mental ability to do so. Not to mention it's much safer for them to pilfer food in the dark.

  • Why was Cinderella able to surf the web?

    Because he footman turned into a mouse.

  • What did the keyboard say to the mouse?

    stop with the cheesey jokes!

  • What do you call a mouse named Bob who's having an existential crisis?


  • What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster?


  • What kind of musical instrument do mice play ?

    A mouse organ !

  • What's the difference between a monster and a mouse?

    A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.

  • Why do mice have long tails ?

    Well they'd look silly with long hair !

  • How do you know a blonde has been using the computer?

    A. There is cheese in front of the mouse.

  • Why do mice have small balls?

    Not many of them know how to dance.

  • When I'm dead, I'm going to haunt offices and say, "OooOoo... why are you using your mouse?

    hit Control-C... you're taking forever..."

  • What do you get when you mix a mouse with some laundry detergent?

    Squeaky clean clothes.

  • What do you say to a guy who is covered in rodents?

    Mice outfit!

  • What mouse has two legs?

    Mickey Mouse. What duck has two legs

  • Why did the computer squeak?

    A: Someone stepped on the mouse.

  • What goes eek eek bang?

    A mouse in a minefield !

  • Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge ?

    Because it turns "ice" into "mice" !

  • Why do mice have a hole in their bottoms?

    Because otherwise they would be unable to track movement and move the cursor in the computer screen.

  • Why wouldn't the mouse tell the police where he hid the cheese?

    Because he's not a rat.

  • How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Two, but you have to get them in there first.

  • What do mice do when they're at home ?

    Mousework !

  • Why do mice have such tiny balls?

    Because so few of them can dance!

  • Why are you giving a mouse any food?

    That's unsanitary.

  • Why did the mouse whisper into the elephant's ear?

    The giraffe put him up to it.

  • Who is king of all the mice ?

    Mouse Tse Tung !

  • Who looks after the EuroDisney website?

    Mick e-mouse.

  • Why does vegan cheese taste bad?

    It hasnt been tested on mice.

  • What's the definition of innocence?

    A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.