Movie Jokes

  • What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie?

    I'll be Bach.

  • Where do angles go for fun on the weekends?

    To watch movies in the THETA

  • What did my roommate say when I asked him if he wanted to watch the movie The usual Suspects?

    Is it about black people

  • What did the pirate pirate say on his 80th birthday?

    I can't believe I'm still illegally downloading movies at this age!"

  • What did the egg play in the movie?

    The egg-stra.

  • How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie?

    A: She's the one sleeping with the writer.

  • Where does the brown sugar go to watch a movie?

    The Cinemon.

  • How was the movie?

    Brian: A real turkey. I could hardly sit through it the second time!

  • How are whores and movies alike?

    You pay up front for both and even if it's bad, you don't get a refund for either.

  • What famous pig actor made a movie about Frankenswine?

    Boaris Karloff.

  • What type of movies can't batman see?

    Parental Guidance.

  • Why doesn't ISIS appear in any Sci-Fi shows or movies?

    because they are set in the future.

  • What does it mean when a lion roars?

    Shut up. The movie is about to start.

  • How did the raisin have fun at the movies?

    It took a date....

  • When you go to a regular movie, a friend asks you "so how good was the movie?

    When you go to an M.night Shamylan movie a friend asks " So how bad was the plot twist "

  • Why did the cheese maker not enjoy the movie?

    in a Dutch accent Not much Gouda

  • What's common between a crying baby and a gun?

    You must not bring either to the movies.

  • What do you call someone who confuses Emma Stone and Mila Kunis in a movie?

    A bad judge of character.

  • What do you cast a containment device out of element 28 in?

    A: MOVIES!

  • What is the movie name?

    Independence Day

  • Why didn't the pirate get into the movie?

    It was rated rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

  • Why did the skeleton go to the movies alone?

    He didn't have any body to go with him.

  • Who's the laziest doctor at the hospital?

    Doctor Dolittle

  • What movie are you seeing?

    M: I'm not.

  • What is this movie about?

    It is about 2 hours long.

  • What do you call a movie about dancing robots?

    Step up: transformers :v

  • What's that in the bag?

    An AK-47." "No next to that." "A bag of cheetos." "You can't bring that into the movie."

  • What movie should we see?

    ME, SECRETLY TRYING TO HARVEST HER INK: Something super scary *I empty my popcorn bucket*

  • Which movie is on every man's bucket list?

    Die Hard

  • What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch?

    rated movies

  • Why should you never watch a movie with a generous Nascar driver?

    He might give away spoilers!

  • What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies?

    A: Should we walk home or take a dog

  • How long is the movie?

    I need to know what time to pick her up.

  • What's the one movie that Rick Astley won't let you borrow?

    He's never gonna give you Up.

  • What would one call a movie about meth addictions?

    Need for speed.

  • What do you call getting a movie about Norse gods from the Internet?

    DownlOdin. What do you call getting a movie about Norse gods from the Internet illegally? Thorrenting.

  • What rating do pirate movies always get?

    PG-13

  • What did Christian Grey say when he read reviews of his movie?

    People did not like my movie. I guess I am 50 shades of letdown... But I can sure GET UP"!

  • What do you call an aggresive white guy that over-acts in a movie?

    A salty cracker with cheese.

  • How can one get rid of the echo while playing a movie?

    Get some furniture

  • What movie did Leonardo DiCaprio's dog recently star in?

    The Woof of Wall Street.

  • Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?

    Disney's Frozen I paused the movie to tweet this...

  • Why did the strawberry take the fig to the movies?

    Because he couldn't find a date!

  • What type of movie does a blind person watch?

    Black and black movies.

  • Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?

    A: They couldn't fit a deer into the car.

  • Why couldn't the orphan watch the movie?

    Because it was PG

  • Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?

    A: They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!

  • What movie contains the most micro aggressions?

    Ant Man

  • What kind of movies do pirates watch?

    ARRRR Rated Movies!

  • What is the best city to stream a movie?

    Buffa lo

  • What do you like to do in your free time?

    Guy: I spy on people. Girl: Really I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends. Guy: I know.

  • What's the best part of a movie?

    The climax.

  • What makes for a good first date?

    NOT MOVIES

  • What's the name of that movie about the war horse?

    War Biscuit

  • How do they know what that is?

    This movie doesn't seem very realistic, you guys.

  • Where does Arnie sit at the movies?

    Aisle B - Back.

  • What made you leave it?

    well, the movie ended so

  • Why does Willem Dafoe play a villain in a lot of movies?

    Duh. Cause he's da foe.

  • Why couldn't the coal worker get into the movie?

    He was a miner.

  • How does the Pirate watch his movie?

    He PIRATES them off line. (Or torrents them off Pirates Bay) =)

  • What did the cat do when he didn't want to watch the movie?

    He paws-ed it!

  • Why can't a dog clap in the middle of a movie?

    Because it keeps hitting pause.

  • What would Abraham Lincoln say if he found out there was a movie about him slaying vampires?

    What's a movie?

  • What's it like being a grown up?

    Me hands her money: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly

  • Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie?

    It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that.

  • What is a geometry teachers favorite movie?

    Angles in the Outfield

  • How do you make Ben Carson yell?

    Watch a movie with him.

  • What's going on in this movie?

    Him: Lin, I just hit play 90 seconds ago. Me: Wow! New record.

  • What do you call a movie about artificial orange juice?

    Pulp Fiction

  • What do you call a cat that torrents movies?

    A copy cat.

  • What do you call a movie about a low-magnitude Iron ion that skips school?

    Ferrous Bueller's Day Off

  • What movie did they go to see?

    Closed for Winter".

  • What's the one movie Rick won't ever let you borrow?

    He won't ever give you *Up*. No I'll show myself out . . .

  • How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?

    He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

  • What's that movie about the girl who forgets Adam Sandler every day?

    I want to know her secret

  • What kind of movies do scurvy circles enjoy?

    rated movies.

  • What's at the end of every movie?

    Insert coin

  • Where do mermaids go to see movies?

    The dive-in

  • What movie was made when Hannibal lecter got Paralysed?

    Silence of the Limbs

  • Why is Karl Marx credited in so many movies?

    OC) Because he wrote the Rom-Communist Manifesto.

  • What time is our movie tonight?

    Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 "Back off ladies. He's mine"

  • Why did the movie critic give the movie he received on a burned disc a 3.14/5?

    Because it was pi-rated.

  • Why couldn't the pirate get into the movie?

    Because he was arrested for pirating movies since it's illegal!

  • Why couldn't Batman go to the movie?

    Because it was rated "PG"

  • Where do Russians stream movies from?

    Nyetflix.

  • What would be the movie called if it were about you?

    You Yourself & Urine.