Muslim Jokes
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What's a muslim's favourite game?
Goat Stimulator
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What do you call a Muslim Girl dating an Agnostic Guy?
For safety purposes, I don't know if I should tell you her name..
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Why did the Muslim fail his Chemistry Exam ?
because to him, alcohol is not a solution.
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How many muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Sorry comments are unavailable on this joke.
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What did the muslim man say when he arrived at his resort in Hawaii?
Aloha Snackbar!
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Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?
Do I really have to answer that Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel
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What's the difference between a microwave and a Muslim?
A microwave doesn't blow up every time the timer goes off.
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How Many Muslim Women Does it Take to Screw In a Light Bulb?
Silly, Muslim Women aren't allowed to screw in light bulbs.
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How does an angry Muslim close the door?
Islams It.
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Whats the difference between a Christian and a Muslim?
One blows up kids, the other gets blown by them.
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Why don't Middle Eastern dogs bite as often?
Because they Muslim.
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Why are Muslim men allowed 4 wives?
Because "Islam gives women equal rights!"
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How do you pick up a Muslim girl?
Piece by piece
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What bee is forbidden to the Muslims?
Haram-bee
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What is a Muslim who works at Starbucks called?
A Terrista
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Why don't Muslims fight each other often?
Cause they don't want no beef Edit: I'm going to crawl back into my hole now
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What does a muslim man call a woman he wants to sleep with, but can't due to religious reasons?
Harambae
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What do you call a Muslim woman without a burka?
Dead.
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How did the muslim get cancer?
By smoking a lot of fags.
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What did the Klansman say to the Muslim?
Psst...Who washes your ... sheets
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What does a Muslim cowboy shout on his horse?
Jee hawd!!!!!!!!!!
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What is the difference between a Muslim baby and a Christian baby?
Their parents.
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Why couldn't Muhammad pick his wife up from childcare?
Because Muslim girls can't go to school
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What do you call a Muslim trainer's Pokmon?
Voltorb
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What Did The Muslim Terminator Say?
Allah Be Back.
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What does a Muslim pirate say?
Allahu Ackbarrrrr!
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Why don't Muslims fill out online forms?
Because they refuse to Submit to anyone but Allah.
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Where do Muslim people go when they die?
Everywhere
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Why do Muslim women not say amen?
Cause they say awoman.
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What is its Muslim equivalent?
A kaboom!
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What do you call a Muslim who is also a pilot?
Greg if you're a friend, Gregory if you were introduced, Mr. Abdalla if you're doing business with one another.
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How does a muslim man close a door?
Islams it!
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Why don't you ever see any Muslim methheads?
They all just get stoned instead.
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What happened to the muslim critic?
He blew everything out of proportion!
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Where does a Muslim learn to swim?
Inshallah water.
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What do you call a Muslim cowboy?
Dirty hairy.
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What do Muslim men do while foreplay?
Tickle the goat under it's chin.
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What's the difference between a radical and a moderate Muslim?
A radical Muslim wants to cut your head off, but a moderate Muslim the radical Muslim to cut your head off. Bye.
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What did the moderate muslim say to the radical muslim?
Hello friend!
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How do you blow up a Muslim's phone?
Put it into airplane mode
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Why do Mexican and Muslim jokes all sound the same?
Cause if you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal. Ba da Tissssssss
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What did the Muslim Terrorist say when he bombed Hawaii?
Oahu Akbar!
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Why dont Muslims play Dota?
Because techies respawns
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Where do Muslim hipsters shop for clothes?
Turban Outfitters!
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What do you call a Muslim with a kebab?
A kaBOMB...*hah*
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What did the Muslim bring to the Holiday party?
Falafel and hummus.
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How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone?
Put it into airplane mode.
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What do you call a surfing Muslim extremist?
Radical.
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Who would still buy a Note 7 after all the controversy?
A Muslim
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Why did the muslim with a toothache go to the airport?
For a free cavity search.
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How do you know a Muslim is lying?
their lips are moving
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What do Muslim children color with?
A Quran
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What do you call a muslim in the 90's?
Radical
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What's a Muslim's favorite TV show?
It's always sunni in Philadelphia
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How do Muslims close a door?
Islams it.
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What kind of weed do muslims smoke?
Quranic
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What did the Muslim Sonic say?
Gotta go fast.
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How do the Muslims like their eggs cooked?
Sunni side up. I know this is a Shiite joke.
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How does a Muslim shut a door?
Islams it.
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Why are socially-aware western tourists avoiding Nice, France for their late-summer getaways?
All that Muslim hatred can really run you down.
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What do you call the cool, terroristy Muslims?
Radical Islam
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What should planes be made of to fend off islamists?
Allahminium! Since Muslims cant desecrate anything with Allah on it!
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What do Muslim gamers say at the start of Ramadan?
Gotta go fast!"
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What happens when you are banned on a muslim server?
you are turbanned
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What do you call a Muslim pilot?
An Airrab.
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What do you call a fast food joint that caters specifically to muslims?
Allahuh Snackbar
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What time is it when a Muslim immigrant brings a clock to school in Texas?
Time to get a new principal.
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What do you call a muslim holocaust?
Sand Sanitizer.
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What does a Muslim magician say before his trick?
Araba-cadabra
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What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?
Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour... ...And then the building exploded.
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What do you call a Muslim flying an airplane?
A pilot you racist freaks!
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Why does KFC only sell christian chicken?
Because the muslim ones are on the no-fry list.
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How do you say hi to a Muslim in Hawaii?
Aloha Akbar.
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How do you know if a Muslim is laughing online?
He types, "HALOL"
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What do you call a muslim who graduated?
Allah-mni!
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What's the difference between a stoner and a Muslim?
When stoners are smoking, they don't explode.
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What do you call a surfer who loves Muhammad?
A radicalized Muslim braaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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Why are Muslim countries are banning PokemonGo?
Because Allah likes digimon
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What do you call non-muslims that rides motorcycle?
Kafir rider
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Why shouldn't you invest in muslim-owned businesses?
They never show a prophet.
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What's The Difference Between Santa and a Muslim?
Santa will be able to enter the united states next year!
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What do you call a Muslim organization that rejects Muhammed?
A non-prophet
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What do you call a Muslim man's fifth wife?
Harambae
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Why do Muslims love shopping at Ross?
Because they can dress foreless.
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What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?
A pimp
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Why do Muslim extremists prefer to drink cappuccino?
Because they hate french press.
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Why was the Muslim sad when he bought a pirated disc?
Because the Disc was cracked
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What do you call a muslim crocodile?
An Allahgator!
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What do you call an angry Muslim in Ramadan?
Fastin' Furious
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What is a Muslim's Favorite Dinosaur???
Allahsaurus!
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Where did the Muslim go for his sandwich?
Aaaaaaaaallah Snackbar.
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Why did the French police arrested the Muslim teenager?
Because he was trying to detonate a Samsung Note 7.
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What's the most commonly used Muslim woman punch called?
Hijab
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Where do Muslims go after their Friday prayer?
To the Allahu Akbar
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Why aren't there any Muslims in Star Trek?
Because it's the future
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What is the only type of alcohol muslims are allowed to drink?
TAKBEER!
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What do you call a Muslim basketball player's best move?
Islam Dunk
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Where can Sihks and Muslims buy headwear?
Turban Outfitters.
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What do you get when a Mexican and Muslim have a child?
A kid who loves halalpenos
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Why are muslim people so kind-hearted?
Because they don't live long, especially when they're a bomb
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Why was the Muslim arrested for speeding during Ramadan?
Because he was going *to fast*!
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Why did the Muslim cross the road?
To get to the bigger crowd
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What do you call a rich muslim god?
Ballah
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What do you call a trio of Muslims?
The Three Mosqueteers.
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What is one thing you never say to a Muslim?
Share ya laws.
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Where does a Muslim go for a quick bite?
Allahu Snackbar!
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How does a muslim close a door?
Islams it.
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What do you call a muslim, jackie gleason impersonator?
Muhammed muhammed muhammena.
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What U.S. state was founded by Muslims?
Allah-bama
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When is the only time a Muslim bets?
When there is a prophet involved.
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What's the difference between an Hawaiin and a Muslim ?
One always offer a snack bar after saying hello
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How many muslims does it take to climb a building?
daesh many.
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What does a muslim say when he makes a mistake?
Allahu Mybad
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What does the Muslim ghost say?
Boom.
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What did the muslim telemarketer say when he picked up the phone?
Halal?
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Why did the Muslim CEO dislike the cartoon of Muhammad?
Because it wasn't prophet maximizing.
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Who's driving the car?
Theres a muslim a mexican and black guy in a car, whos driving .. **The cops**
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Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?
Both are in *a la mode*.
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What do you call a drunk muslim woman?
Stoned.
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Why are Muslims so violent?
Because I slam.
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Why would the Holocaust have failed if the victims were Islamic?
Because it would have been impossible to get a Muslim to take a shower.
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What famous hotel chain do muslims prefer when travelling on religious holidays?
Ramadamadan.
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What does a Muslim have if they hate their god?
An Allahgy
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How did the Muslim find the goat in the field?
Very Satisfying.
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How do Muslims seperate the men from the boys?
With a crowbar.
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Whats a Muslims favorite cologne?
GERMANY!!!!
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Why can't the Muslim crossdresser feed his family?
He lost hijab.
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What religion do mosquitoes follow?
Muslim, because they go to a mosque...ito. Sorry.
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What do you call a Muslim ganglord with a penchant for Noodles?
Ramendon
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What does a Muslim with allergies say?
Al-achoo Akbar.
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Why don't Muslims support Harambe?
Because it would
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What does a ninja and a muslim woman have in common?
They're both invisible.
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What's Lance Armstrong's favorite pen brand?
Uniball. What's a Muslim's favorite pen Arab Bic. What's a deaf-mute's favorite pen Pentel.
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What is a Muslim womans favorite amendment?
The second (right to bare arms)
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Why do drug dealers love muslim people?
Because they always get stoned
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What's a Muslim's favourite musician?
Shari'ah Carey
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What's the difference between a Muslim woman and an American one?
An American woman gets stoned *before* she commits adultery.
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What does a Muslim redneck wear?
A murka
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Why are most Muslims broke all the time?
They never understood the concept of piggy banks.
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What does the Army call it's Muslim infantry units with vehicles?
Mecca-nized infantry.
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What is the name of Turkey's most beloved actor?
Muslim Bale
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What is a Muslims favorite type of vinegar?
BalIslamic
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How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?
By sending in millions of Muslims
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Who makes the best photo bombers?
Muslims
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What do you call Muslims at the end of their religious service?
Mosquitoes
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What do you call a baby Muslim?
A hand grenade.
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What will it be!?
The Muslim replies, "Shots for everyone!"
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What do you call a Muslim who's always late for everything?
9/12
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What did Muslim sonic say on June 5?
Gotta go fasting! LOL
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What did one radical muslim say to the other after a successful day of bombings?
Jihad a chance, and you blew it.
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What do you call a Muslim woman with an opinion?
A corpse.
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Where do Muslims go on a weekend?
To Mecca Bingo.
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What does a Muslim man call a girl he is living in sin with?
Haram bea
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What are Muslim men's favorite mathematical equation?
Inequalities
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What do you call a Muslim slug?
A snail...
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Why are Muslims so good at driving at night?
Because that's when they brake fast.
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What do you call a drunken Muslim?
A: Mohammered.
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What's the most believed oxymoron?
Peaceful muslims
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What do you call a Muslim standing between two buildings?
Ali
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What do you call a boring Muslim?
Abdull.
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What is the only alcoholic beverage Muslim extremists are permitted to drink?
Smirnoff ISIS
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What did the drunker muslim say to the drunk muslim?
I'm Mohammad than you
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Why don't Muslims have dirty minds?
Because they're so easily brainwashed.
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How is a Muslim at Ramadan like Sonic the Hedgehog?
They both gotta go fast.
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What do you call a bunch of wealthy muslims?
Ballah ballah ballah ballah ballah
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Why do Muslims hate Reddit?
Haram be everywhere
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What do you yell at a Muslim striptease?
Show me your nose!"
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What did the muslim say to the other muslim when they were surfing?
That was radical!
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What did the muslim woman say to her new fiance?
Jihad me at hello.
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What did the Muslim on a surfboard say?
Aloha Akbar!
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What do you call a half Irish half Muslim husband?
O'Pressive.
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What do you call a Muslim optometrist who has no regards for his patients?
Asif Eyecare
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What happened to the muslim who smoked weed?
They got stoned
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Why are muslim charities the worst to donate to?
Because they are for prophet.
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What do you call a Muslim abortion clinic?
Counter-terrorism
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Why are Mormons more like Muslims than they are like Christians?
Christians are not-for-prophet organizations.
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Why aren't there any Muslim feminists?
Pork is haram
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What do you call a Muslim who is notoriously late for everything?
9/12
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What is a Muslim baby's first word?
Revenge!"
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How do Muslims laugh?
Muahahahamed Note: I don't have any prejudices against Islamic people.
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What is a Muslims favourite video game?
Goat simulator
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What do you call a Muslim who plays '50s rock music during Ramadan?
a Rama-dana-ding-dong
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What do you call it when Muslim men play naked twister?
Dinner entertainment at Guantanamo Bay
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What do you call a Muslim woman wearing oculur rift or a VR headset?
Stealth Bomber
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What's a Muslims favourite animal?
Its Lamb
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How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant?
Allah carte.
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How does a Muslim get a hot date?
He puts it in the microwave. EDIT: Looks like you guys are real dim....
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What do you call a Muslim who always makes mistakes?
Errorist
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What do you call a drunk muslim?
Hammad. What do you call a VERY drunk Muslim? Mohammad.
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Which university has the most muslims?
SUNY
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What do you call a muslim body builder?
A protein sheikh
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What s a Muslim s favorite cologne?
GERMANY!!!!
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Why shouldn't you give Muslim Women drugs?
They'll get stoned. (Ba-dum tss)
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How do Muslims like their food served?
Allah Carte
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How did a Chinese spy disguise himself as an Arab in America?
He became a Muslim.
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How do Muslim women get wrinkles off their faces?
Fabric softener.