Muslim Jokes

  • What's a muslim's favourite game?

    Goat Stimulator

  • What do you call a Muslim Girl dating an Agnostic Guy?

    For safety purposes, I don't know if I should tell you her name..

  • Why did the Muslim fail his Chemistry Exam ?

    because to him, alcohol is not a solution.

  • How many muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Sorry comments are unavailable on this joke.

  • What did the muslim man say when he arrived at his resort in Hawaii?

    Aloha Snackbar!

  • Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?

    Do I really have to answer that Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel

  • What's the difference between a microwave and a Muslim?

    A microwave doesn't blow up every time the timer goes off.

  • How Many Muslim Women Does it Take to Screw In a Light Bulb?

    Silly, Muslim Women aren't allowed to screw in light bulbs.

  • How does an angry Muslim close the door?

    Islams It.

  • Whats the difference between a Christian and a Muslim?

    One blows up kids, the other gets blown by them.

  • Why don't Middle Eastern dogs bite as often?

    Because they Muslim.

  • Why are Muslim men allowed 4 wives?

    Because "Islam gives women equal rights!"

  • How do you pick up a Muslim girl?

    Piece by piece

  • What bee is forbidden to the Muslims?


  • What is a Muslim who works at Starbucks called?

    A Terrista

  • Why don't Muslims fight each other often?

    Cause they don't want no beef Edit: I'm going to crawl back into my hole now

  • What does a muslim man call a woman he wants to sleep with, but can't due to religious reasons?


  • What do you call a Muslim woman without a burka?


  • How did the muslim get cancer?

    By smoking a lot of fags.

  • What did the Klansman say to the Muslim?

    Psst...Who washes your ... sheets

  • What does a Muslim cowboy shout on his horse?

    Jee hawd!!!!!!!!!!

  • What is the difference between a Muslim baby and a Christian baby?

    Their parents.

  • Why couldn't Muhammad pick his wife up from childcare?

    Because Muslim girls can't go to school

  • What do you call a Muslim trainer's Pokmon?


  • What Did The Muslim Terminator Say?

    Allah Be Back.

  • What does a Muslim pirate say?

    Allahu Ackbarrrrr!

  • Why don't Muslims fill out online forms?

    Because they refuse to Submit to anyone but Allah.

  • Where do Muslim people go when they die?


  • Why do Muslim women not say amen?

    Cause they say awoman.

  • What is its Muslim equivalent?

    A kaboom!

  • What do you call a Muslim who is also a pilot?

    Greg if you're a friend, Gregory if you were introduced, Mr. Abdalla if you're doing business with one another.

  • How does a muslim man close a door?

    Islams it!

  • Why don't you ever see any Muslim methheads?

    They all just get stoned instead.

  • What happened to the muslim critic?

    He blew everything out of proportion!

  • Where does a Muslim learn to swim?

    Inshallah water.

  • What do you call a Muslim cowboy?

    Dirty hairy.

  • What do Muslim men do while foreplay?

    Tickle the goat under it's chin.

  • What's the difference between a radical and a moderate Muslim?

    A radical Muslim wants to cut your head off, but a moderate Muslim the radical Muslim to cut your head off. Bye.

  • What did the moderate muslim say to the radical muslim?

    Hello friend!

  • How do you blow up a Muslim's phone?

    Put it into airplane mode

  • Why do Mexican and Muslim jokes all sound the same?

    Cause if you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal. Ba da Tissssssss

  • What did the Muslim Terrorist say when he bombed Hawaii?

    Oahu Akbar!

  • Why dont Muslims play Dota?

    Because techies respawns

  • Where do Muslim hipsters shop for clothes?

    Turban Outfitters!

  • What do you call a Muslim with a kebab?

    A kaBOMB...*hah*

  • What did the Muslim bring to the Holiday party?

    Falafel and hummus.

  • How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone?

    Put it into airplane mode.

  • What do you call a surfing Muslim extremist?


  • Who would still buy a Note 7 after all the controversy?

    A Muslim

  • Why did the muslim with a toothache go to the airport?

    For a free cavity search.

  • How do you know a Muslim is lying?

    their lips are moving

  • What do Muslim children color with?

    A Quran

  • What do you call a muslim in the 90's?


  • What's a Muslim's favorite TV show?

    It's always sunni in Philadelphia

  • How do Muslims close a door?

    Islams it.

  • What kind of weed do muslims smoke?


  • What did the Muslim Sonic say?

    Gotta go fast.

  • How do the Muslims like their eggs cooked?

    Sunni side up. I know this is a Shiite joke.

  • How does a Muslim shut a door?

    Islams it.

  • Why are socially-aware western tourists avoiding Nice, France for their late-summer getaways?

    All that Muslim hatred can really run you down.

  • What do you call the cool, terroristy Muslims?

    Radical Islam

  • What should planes be made of to fend off islamists?

    Allahminium! Since Muslims cant desecrate anything with Allah on it!

  • What do Muslim gamers say at the start of Ramadan?

    Gotta go fast!"

  • What happens when you are banned on a muslim server?

    you are turbanned

  • What do you call a Muslim pilot?

    An Airrab.

  • What do you call a fast food joint that caters specifically to muslims?

    Allahuh Snackbar

  • What time is it when a Muslim immigrant brings a clock to school in Texas?

    Time to get a new principal.

  • What do you call a muslim holocaust?

    Sand Sanitizer.

  • What does a Muslim magician say before his trick?


  • What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?

    Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour... ...And then the building exploded.

  • What do you call a Muslim flying an airplane?

    A pilot you racist freaks!

  • Why does KFC only sell christian chicken?

    Because the muslim ones are on the no-fry list.

  • How do you say hi to a Muslim in Hawaii?

    Aloha Akbar.

  • How do you know if a Muslim is laughing online?

    He types, "HALOL"

  • What do you call a muslim who graduated?


  • What's the difference between a stoner and a Muslim?

    When stoners are smoking, they don't explode.

  • What do you call a surfer who loves Muhammad?

    A radicalized Muslim braaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  • Why are Muslim countries are banning PokemonGo?

    Because Allah likes digimon

  • What do you call non-muslims that rides motorcycle?

    Kafir rider

  • Why shouldn't you invest in muslim-owned businesses?

    They never show a prophet.

  • What's The Difference Between Santa and a Muslim?

    Santa will be able to enter the united states next year!

  • What do you call a Muslim organization that rejects Muhammed?

    A non-prophet

  • What do you call a Muslim man's fifth wife?


  • Why do Muslims love shopping at Ross?

    Because they can dress foreless.

  • What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?

    A pimp

  • Why do Muslim extremists prefer to drink cappuccino?

    Because they hate french press.

  • Why was the Muslim sad when he bought a pirated disc?

    Because the Disc was cracked

  • What do you call a muslim crocodile?

    An Allahgator!

  • What do you call an angry Muslim in Ramadan?

    Fastin' Furious

  • What is a Muslim's Favorite Dinosaur???


  • Where did the Muslim go for his sandwich?

    Aaaaaaaaallah Snackbar.

  • Why did the French police arrested the Muslim teenager?

    Because he was trying to detonate a Samsung Note 7.

  • What's the most commonly used Muslim woman punch called?


  • Where do Muslims go after their Friday prayer?

    To the Allahu Akbar

  • Why aren't there any Muslims in Star Trek?

    Because it's the future

  • What is the only type of alcohol muslims are allowed to drink?


  • What do you call a Muslim basketball player's best move?

    Islam Dunk

  • Where can Sihks and Muslims buy headwear?

    Turban Outfitters.

  • What do you get when a Mexican and Muslim have a child?

    A kid who loves halalpenos

  • Why are muslim people so kind-hearted?

    Because they don't live long, especially when they're a bomb

  • Why was the Muslim arrested for speeding during Ramadan?

    Because he was going *to fast*!

  • Why did the Muslim cross the road?

    To get to the bigger crowd

  • What do you call a rich muslim god?


  • What do you call a trio of Muslims?

    The Three Mosqueteers.

  • What is one thing you never say to a Muslim?

    Share ya laws.

  • Where does a Muslim go for a quick bite?

    Allahu Snackbar!

  • How does a muslim close a door?

    Islams it.

  • What do you call a muslim, jackie gleason impersonator?

    Muhammed muhammed muhammena.

  • What U.S. state was founded by Muslims?


  • When is the only time a Muslim bets?

    When there is a prophet involved.

  • What's the difference between an Hawaiin and a Muslim ?

    One always offer a snack bar after saying hello

  • How many muslims does it take to climb a building?

    daesh many.

  • What does a muslim say when he makes a mistake?

    Allahu Mybad

  • What does the Muslim ghost say?


  • What did the muslim telemarketer say when he picked up the phone?


  • Why did the Muslim CEO dislike the cartoon of Muhammad?

    Because it wasn't prophet maximizing.

  • Who's driving the car?

    Theres a muslim a mexican and black guy in a car, whos driving .. **The cops**

  • Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

    Both are in *a la mode*.

  • What do you call a drunk muslim woman?


  • Why are Muslims so violent?

    Because I slam.

  • Why would the Holocaust have failed if the victims were Islamic?

    Because it would have been impossible to get a Muslim to take a shower.

  • What famous hotel chain do muslims prefer when travelling on religious holidays?


  • What does a Muslim have if they hate their god?

    An Allahgy

  • How did the Muslim find the goat in the field?

    Very Satisfying.

  • How do Muslims seperate the men from the boys?

    With a crowbar.

  • Whats a Muslims favorite cologne?


  • Why can't the Muslim crossdresser feed his family?

    He lost hijab.

  • What religion do mosquitoes follow?

    Muslim, because they go to a mosque...ito. Sorry.

  • What do you call a Muslim ganglord with a penchant for Noodles?


  • What does a Muslim with allergies say?

    Al-achoo Akbar.

  • Why don't Muslims support Harambe?

    Because it would

  • What does a ninja and a muslim woman have in common?

    They're both invisible.

  • What's Lance Armstrong's favorite pen brand?

    Uniball. What's a Muslim's favorite pen Arab Bic. What's a deaf-mute's favorite pen Pentel.

  • What is a Muslim womans favorite amendment?

    The second (right to bare arms)

  • Why do drug dealers love muslim people?

    Because they always get stoned

  • What's a Muslim's favourite musician?

    Shari'ah Carey

  • What's the difference between a Muslim woman and an American one?

    An American woman gets stoned *before* she commits adultery.

  • What does a Muslim redneck wear?

    A murka

  • Why are most Muslims broke all the time?

    They never understood the concept of piggy banks.

  • What does the Army call it's Muslim infantry units with vehicles?

    Mecca-nized infantry.

  • What is the name of Turkey's most beloved actor?

    Muslim Bale

  • What is a Muslims favorite type of vinegar?


  • How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

    By sending in millions of Muslims

  • Who makes the best photo bombers?


  • What do you call Muslims at the end of their religious service?


  • What do you call a baby Muslim?

    A hand grenade.

  • What will it be!?

    The Muslim replies, "Shots for everyone!"

  • What do you call a Muslim who's always late for everything?


  • What did Muslim sonic say on June 5?

    Gotta go fasting! LOL

  • What did one radical muslim say to the other after a successful day of bombings?

    Jihad a chance, and you blew it.

  • What do you call a Muslim woman with an opinion?

    A corpse.

  • Where do Muslims go on a weekend?

    To Mecca Bingo.

  • What does a Muslim man call a girl he is living in sin with?

    Haram bea

  • What are Muslim men's favorite mathematical equation?


  • What do you call a Muslim slug?

    A snail...

  • Why are Muslims so good at driving at night?

    Because that's when they brake fast.

  • What do you call a drunken Muslim?

    A: Mohammered.

  • What's the most believed oxymoron?

    Peaceful muslims

  • What do you call a Muslim standing between two buildings?


  • What do you call a boring Muslim?


  • What is the only alcoholic beverage Muslim extremists are permitted to drink?

    Smirnoff ISIS

  • What did the drunker muslim say to the drunk muslim?

    I'm Mohammad than you

  • Why don't Muslims have dirty minds?

    Because they're so easily brainwashed.

  • How is a Muslim at Ramadan like Sonic the Hedgehog?

    They both gotta go fast.

  • What do you call a bunch of wealthy muslims?

    Ballah ballah ballah ballah ballah

  • Why do Muslims hate Reddit?

    Haram be everywhere

  • What do you yell at a Muslim striptease?

    Show me your nose!"

  • What did the muslim say to the other muslim when they were surfing?

    That was radical!

  • What did the muslim woman say to her new fiance?

    Jihad me at hello.

  • What did the Muslim on a surfboard say?

    Aloha Akbar!

  • What do you call a half Irish half Muslim husband?


  • What do you call a Muslim optometrist who has no regards for his patients?

    Asif Eyecare

  • What happened to the muslim who smoked weed?

    They got stoned

  • Why are muslim charities the worst to donate to?

    Because they are for prophet.

  • What do you call a Muslim abortion clinic?


  • Why are Mormons more like Muslims than they are like Christians?

    Christians are not-for-prophet organizations.

  • Why aren't there any Muslim feminists?

    Pork is haram

  • What do you call a Muslim who is notoriously late for everything?


  • What is a Muslim baby's first word?


  • How do Muslims laugh?

    Muahahahamed Note: I don't have any prejudices against Islamic people.

  • What is a Muslims favourite video game?

    Goat simulator

  • What do you call a Muslim who plays '50s rock music during Ramadan?

    a Rama-dana-ding-dong

  • What do you call it when Muslim men play naked twister?

    Dinner entertainment at Guantanamo Bay

  • What do you call a Muslim woman wearing oculur rift or a VR headset?

    Stealth Bomber

  • What's a Muslims favourite animal?

    Its Lamb

  • How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant?

    Allah carte.

  • How does a Muslim get a hot date?

    He puts it in the microwave. EDIT: Looks like you guys are real dim....

  • What do you call a Muslim who always makes mistakes?


  • What do you call a drunk muslim?

    Hammad. What do you call a VERY drunk Muslim? Mohammad.

  • Which university has the most muslims?


  • What do you call a muslim body builder?

    A protein sheikh

  • What s a Muslim s favorite cologne?


  • Why shouldn't you give Muslim Women drugs?

    They'll get stoned. (Ba-dum tss)

  • How do Muslims like their food served?

    Allah Carte

  • How did a Chinese spy disguise himself as an Arab in America?

    He became a Muslim.

  • How do Muslim women get wrinkles off their faces?

    Fabric softener.