Nose Jokes
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What is the name of the flower you find between your nose and your chin?
A: Tulips.
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Why are MMA fighters told not to blow their nose when in a fight?
Oops, this was supposed to be for . There's no punch line!
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Why is pinocchio so good in the bedroom?
He nose what he's doing
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What does a man with a cow under his nose have?
A moostache (That was udderly terrible)
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How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut its nose off.
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What is something that everyone overlooks no matter how hard they try not to?
Their nose
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Why don't Mexicans blow their noses?
So that they have something to pick in the off-season.
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How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for french fries.
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What do you call someone with no nose?
Nobody knows.
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Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
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How do you spell "nose" is Spanish?
nose
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Why do Eskimos have wide noses?
Because they pick their nose with their gloves on.
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Who's there ! Abbey ! Abbey who ?
Abbey stung me on the nose !
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What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake?
Stop crying and viper your nose.
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How do you break a Pollock's finger?
Punch him in the nose.
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What did Jesus say to the man with leprocy?
OOPS! GOT YOUR NOSE!
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Why aren't dwarves allowed at nudist camps?
They allways stick their nose in other people's business.
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What do you say to a man with no body and no nose?
No body nose.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do you yell at a Muslim striptease?
Show me your nose!"
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What are you looking for buddy?
Normal day at the office, when one guy notices his coworker distraught. He goes over to his cubicle and sees him looking for something on the floor. They spend half an hour looking for it, when the guy starts picking his nose:
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What do get when a ghost picks his nose?
Boooooogers!
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What do you call a nose that can see into the future?
Nostrildamus
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How do nursing babies blow their noses?
With breast tissue.
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What has two feet, two hands, two eyes, and two noses?
Two pirates.
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Why is the most intelligent part of your body so intelligent?
A: Because it nose.
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What did the mother snake say to her crying baby ?
Stop crying and viper your nose !
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What do you call a man with just a nose?
No body nose man. Hue hue hue.
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Why don't elephants like martinis?
Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose
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What does a near sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses
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What do you do when your nose goes on strike?
Pick it! (Picket)
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What is a man's ultimate shame?
When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!
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What smells better than it taste?
A nose
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Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter!
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Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails it'd be very difficult to aim.
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How does the drug addict know the cocaine is good quality?
He just nose. All credit to my BFF
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Why did the nose run?
It did snot want to be late
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What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold?
A bus driver knows the stops and a cold stops the nose.
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How do you know that your gynecologist is nearsighted?
His nose is wet.
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What did one nose say when the other nose said "I love you"?
Back achoo!"
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What does a pig put on it's nose for a sunburn?
Oinkment!
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What's orange and sounds like a carrot!!!????
A snowman blowing his nose!!!!!!!!
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What's the difference between a rabbit on a treadmill and a rabbit with a carrot stuck up its nose?
One is a fit bunny and the other is a bit funny
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What did the mouth say to the nose?
Nothing; mouths can't ta... oh, wait...
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Why don't midgets ever get accepted into nudist colonies?
They keep sticking their noses into everyone else's business.
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What do you call a nose without a body?
Nobody knows.
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Why did the monster take his nose apart?
To see what made it run.
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What did the snot say to the nose?
I gotta run.
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What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg?
Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
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How do you stop a dog smelling ?
Put a peg on it's nose !
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Who the clown use as his clown horn?
Who nose
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What has two holes and smells a lot?
Your nose
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Why was the nose running?
Cuz it's a running nose
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How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalogue. ba dum tss
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What happens to an Asian guy when they run into a wall with a full erection?
They break their nose!
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Who won the animal race?
The giraffe and the aardvark were running neck and neck but the aardvark won by a nose!
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What does God call his nose?
God knows.
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What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold?
One knows the stops the other stops the nose.
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Why isn't your nose 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot
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How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?
A: Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.
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How do you break a Polacks finger?
Punch him in the nose.
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How many times are you going to lick my nose in your lifetime?
Dog:
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How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed ?
When your nose touches the ceiling !
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What does the husband say to his wife whose nose is bleeding?
Nothing, he already said it twice.
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What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.
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Why couldn't the teddy bear smell?
Because his nose was stuffed
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How do you break a Polish man's finger?
Punch him in the nose.
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Why do aardvarks make undesirable neighbors?
Because they always have their noses in other people's business!
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Why is Congress like a cold?
Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).
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What does a ghost pick out of his nose?
Boo-gers
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Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun?
Because she had her nose in a hamburger.
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What do snotty vegetables do when they see something they don't like ?
They 'turnip' their noses.
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Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with his finger up his nose?
He was a ghoulsnif fer.
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What do you call an STI in your nose?
Sniff-illis
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How do you stop a monster from smelling?
Cut off his nose.
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What is the name of the guy with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
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Why did the boy die when a car ran over his finger?
His finger was up his nose.
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What do you find in an empty nose?
Fingerprints.
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What did the other nose say to the other nose when it was crying?
It told it a Nak-Nak joke! (In my language Urdu, Nak means nose.)
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Why couldn't the police arrest the drug dealer?
Because the evidence was under their noses (They sniffed the cocaine)