Person Jokes
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Which phone??
Person 1 : Suggest me a good phone to buy nowadays. Person 2 : Microsoft Lumia 950 XL is good for winters, will keep you warm. Very warm. Person 1 : So what about summers then? Person 2 : Same, it freezes often as well
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What do you get when if you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic and an agnostic?
A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.
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What do you call a person with no brain?
A no-brainer
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What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One person.
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Who lives there?
The yellow man lives in the yellow house. The purple man lives in the purple house. The red man in the red house. And the blue man in the blue house. So who lives in the White House? The black man. It's better in person, I'm so sorry.
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What do you call a person who had to be amputated after being attacked by an animal?
Claude
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What do you call a person who has lost all hope?
A: Linus
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What do you call a person who keeps falling over?
Tripical
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What do you call a person who's happy on a Monday?
Unemployed.
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What do you call a person who worships Doritos?
A Chipmonk.
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What person strives to ensure safety for horses?
Ralph Neighder!
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What do you call a person without a son?
per
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What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?
Morgue Attendant
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What do Kanye West and North Korea have in common?
They are both being screwed by a person named Kim.
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What do you call a person who is outstanding in their field?
A farmer
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What do you call a person who fights fire?
Firefighter.
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What did the person say when a flood struck his house?
Damn it!
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What do you say to a person at a funeral held at 10 A.M.?
Good mourning.
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What do a black guy and a paraplegic have in common?
They're both only three fifths of a person
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Why is it illegal for a person living in Virginia to be buried in Texas?
because they're still alive.
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What do you call a person who drinks way too much soda?
A Coke-o-nut.
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What do you call a person with memory problems telling a joke?
To get to the other side.
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What do you call a person that worships NASCAR?
A racist!
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What do you call a dyslexic insomniac philosopher?
A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.
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What do you call a person who speaks three languages?
Trilingual! Two Languages Bilingual! Only one language Americans
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What do you call a person with native american ancestry and alopecia?
apache
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What type of person does cocaine after taking a shot?
A linebacker I came up with this on the toilet... Hope it's not old.
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What did the cat... Say to the person?
Nothing, because cats don't speak.
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What's the difference between a Blonde and a person with a different colour of hair?
The blonde sure doesn't know.
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What do you call a person who teaches about Drones?
Dronacharya
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What's the difference between a piano, a tuna and a jar of glue?
You: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna! Person getting told joke: What about the jar of glue? You: I knew you'd get stuck there
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What do you call a person with a nose but no body?
Nobody knows
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What do you call the person that cleans the Mafia's hotel rooms?
A maid man.
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What do you call a borderline racial slur about a person of Asian decent?
A slippery slope.
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What do you call a person who helps teach others to fart?
A tooter. (thanks, honey)
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What do you call a person who doesn't care that he just got kicked out of a Call of Duty team?
unfazed*
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What do you call a person with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
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Why do people knock on a locked public restroom door?
And what is the person inside to say "who is it "
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How do know if the person that you have just met is a DJ?
They will tell you.
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How do u tell the population of a small native village?
throw a bunch of pocket change in the middle of town. How do u tell who is the richest person in that village? Find the person who gathered the most change.
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What do you call a person that constantly hunts for karma?
A predditor. EDIT:
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What do you call a person who wears adult diapers?
Ehh, it depends.
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What do you call a person with short-term memory loss?
I forget...
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Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
On less person is drunk
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What'd you do?
PERSON: Ran a half-marathon and helped my pal move. You ME: I talked to like 4 people.
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What is skeleton?
Interviewer:what is skeleton? Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
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What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, agnostic and an insomniac?
A person who stays up all night contemplating the existence of dog.
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What do you call a person who is outside a door and has no arms nor legs?
Matt
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What do you call a person who enjoy mondays?
Unemployed
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What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.
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What will you call a person who sleeps next to a close relative?
A) NapKin
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Why is a sinking ship like a person in jail?
Because it needs bailing out.
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What do you call a person with no skin?
Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet.
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What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
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What said a person who got run over by a car?
I'm tired".
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What do you call a person who uses multiple accounts to upvote their own memes?
Unidank
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What dose a device that makes electricity and a person who likes a comment on caitlyn's face book page have in common?
They are both generators (jenner-rater)
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How can you spot a vegan in a crowded lunch hall?
Don't worry, they'll tell you and every other person there!
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What do you call a person who is missing his left eye, left ear, left arm and left leg?
Alright.
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Who is there?
A person that likes to tell anti jokes.
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Why do you call a person with 3 legs?
Mutated
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How do you call a person that speaks only one language?
An American
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What do you call a person that's not doing anything at a temple?
An idle worshiper.
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What do you call a person of mixed heritage from eastern Turkey/northern Iraq, and from Wisconsin?
A Cheese Kurd.
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Why was the ink happy?
Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.
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What do you call it when someone resuscitates a person who chokes on alcohol?
La chaim-lich maneuver.
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What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an atheist, an insomniac?
A person that lays awake late at night and ponders if there's such a thing as a dog.
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What do you say to a person who calls a black fence a gate?
No, a fence.
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How many things do you need to change a lightbulb?
3, a person, a ladder, and another lightbulb
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How do you get a person with podophobia to leave?
Just say "shoe".
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How can you tell if a person is a vegetarian?
Don't worry. They'll tell you they're a vegetarian.
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What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal?
Darth Vader.
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How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT?
Ask them to pronounce the following: **HIRES**
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What do you call a person who makes surrealist sandwiches?
Salvador Deli.
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What do you call... What do you call it when a person in a wheelchair tries to get through a non-automatic door?
A tard time
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What kind of underwear does a person wear when buried?
Fruit of the tomb
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What do you call a person who you had a one night stand with on Mars?
A solmate
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What do you call a person who teaches you the art of farting?
A tooter
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What does a person with no arms and a guy dating a vegetarian have in common?
They both get toe food
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How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?
You take the letter "f" out of the word "way" (there's no f in way) *joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said
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What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.
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What do you call a person with ten dollars?
A college student.
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What do you call a insomniac dyslexic agnostic?
A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog!
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What do you call a person who knows 3 languages?
Trilingual. What do you call a person who knows 2 languages Bilingual. What do you call a person who knows only one language American.
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What kind of person are you if you open the door from the bottom of the door?
A low-key person
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What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?
Person 2: A log cabin! Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!
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What do you tell a person with two swollen eyes ?
Nothing, you already told 'em twice.
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What do you call a person who continues to touch up on something that is already perfect, and thus ruining whatever it was?
George Lucas.
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What do you call a person who steals and is then praised by his/her friends?
A Redditor.
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What is in common between a napkin and a person?
If you sleep with a person, he/she is ur nap-kin.
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What person shows you around a mental hospital?
Tour-ettes :)
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What do you call a person who loved tractors but doesn't any more?
An extractor fan
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What's the difference between a pot head and a person who physically abuses children?
One is good at rolling blunts, the other is good at bowling runts.
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What do you call a person who plays the viola?
A: A violator.
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What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Student: A teacher!
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What do you call a person who got straight "D's" in medical school?
A Doctor.
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What do you call a person that ran away but changed their minds?
Canteloupe
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What do you call a person who delivers horribly?
A re-postman. Or a re-post person if you feel triggered.
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How many calories does heartache burn?
Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.
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What's the most insensitive nickname you can give a person with diabetes?
Sweet Pee
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What did the drifter say to the person he hit ?
RIP my E-brake
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Why are all those people running?
A: Why are all those people running B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running
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What do you call it when a person has a fear of Vietnamese food?
They have a Pho-bia!
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What do you call a person who makes a clever point during a discussion at another's expense?
A Douche
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Where does a person with one leg work?
IHOP
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What do you call a person in the White House who is honest, intelligent, and law-abiding?
A tourist.
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Why do the ladies love Jesus?
This joke makes more sense if you can see it in person, but we'll give it a shot, anyway. Use your imagination. Why do the ladies love Jesus? Because he was hung like this!
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What is the one type of person that will never get angry?
A nomad.
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What's the worst thing to say to a person with depression?
Don't be depressed
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What's the funniest part of a boxing joke?
You'd think it'd be the punchline, but apparently it's funnier when the person feints...
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When you do this, there are 4,111,093,0003.666 "humorists". 2/3rds of a person?
Really
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Who's the most unpopular person at the Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch football match?
The person who shouted "Give me an L!"
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What do you call a person who likes white rice, and not brown rice?
A ricest.
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What does person with Alzheimer's call What Are You Wearing Today?
What Am I Wearing Today
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What Did Kid Davis Say To The Lesbian Melons?
you cantaloupe. i just thought of this. probably not the first person to, but i certainly didn't steal it.
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How much of Canada has a person from Iqaluit seen?
Nunavut.
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How does Soylent Green taste?
It varies from person to person.
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What do you call a person who falls onto you on a train ?
A laplander !
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What do you call a person who whores themselves out for spaghetti?
A Pastatute
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What do you get when you cross a dyslexic agnostic who has insomnia?
A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.
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What do you get when... ...you cross a religious skeptic, a dyslexic, and an insomniac?
A person who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
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What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game?
First person shooter.
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What's the difference between a person with a forehead and a fivehead?
A sixth sense
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How much for the petting zoo?
Person: What *Drunk at Walmart by the dressing rooms*
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What's the difference between Here and There?
When you're right the whole room shouts "Here, here!" But when you're wrong one person pats you on the back and says "There, there."
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Why do you want to learn jujitsu?
Person 1: To defend myself. Person 2: Discipline. Me: My girlfriend keeps stealing my fries.
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What do you call a person who farts in private?
A private tutor
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What would call a person who isn't worthy of being looked at?
Unseaworthy
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What did the person say when someone tried to cut off their toes?
I'm lactose intolerant.
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Who wouldn't let the gorilla in the ballet?
Just... the person responsible for making those decisions...
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Whats the point of calling it "secret Santa"?
Everyone knows that the person who gave you the gift is Santa.
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How many different kinds of crabs can you get in Baltimore?
Two, and often from the same person.
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What is the definition of diplomacy?
The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
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How do Iranians speak on the telephone?
Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person).
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Who these days is hard "Is your person white?
Excuse me " "Is your person white " "I don't see skin color I just see people"
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What is irony?
When the last person you want to see is the last person you see.
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What do you call it when a person acts holy for a night then sins every day after?
A one night stand with Jesus
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What do a Bernie Sanders supporter, a Cross-Fitter, and a person with Herpes have in common?
They all "Feel The Burn!"
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What do you call a person with no nose or body?
Nobody nose!
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How many JokeExplainBots does it take to change a lightbulb?
are easily threaded by one person, with one hand. Doot.
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Why shouldn't you believe a person in bed?
Because he is lying.
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What do you call a person that raises the dead and also had a thing for napes?
A neck-romancer
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What is a person with epilepsy's favourite salad?
Chicken Seizure Salad.
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Why don't Brits like revolving doors?
Because they can't hold it for the next person.
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What do you get when you cross an insomniac with an agnostic and a dyslexic?
A person who stays up at night, wondering if there's a dog.
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Who is a Project Manager?
Project Manager is a person who believes that 9 women can deliver a baby in one month.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a person?
None. Light bulbs don't change anything.
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What do you call a person who teaches you how to fart?
A tutor.
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Who is the only person able to knock out Ronda Rousey?
Bill Cosby