Phone Jokes
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Why did the phone keep walking into the wall?
It lost its contacts.
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What type of phone does a hawk use?
A hawkie talkie.
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Why does Mr Tayto carry a phone in his top pocket?
In case Johnny Onion Rings!
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How can you tell if a bee is on the phone?
You get a buzzy signal.
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Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?
Do I really have to answer that Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel
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Why did Frodo set his phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
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How many photos of Kanye West do you suppose Kanye West has on his phone?
More than 1,000
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Why can't Z generationers swim?
Their phones would get wet.
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How long has your car been doing that?
Me: Hubs: The engine smoking at a stoplight Me: I dont know, I look at my phone at lights.
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What drug is most destructive with phones?
Crack.
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Why did the clock phone the ruler?
Because desperate times call for desperate measures....
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Why can't two jealous people talk on the phone together?
It is always an insecure line!
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What do you get if you cross a phone with a rooster?
A wake-up call!
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What do you call a phone with no parents?
An Or-phone.
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When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?
for 2 weeks.
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Why couldn't Biggy or Tupac ever get decent internet on their phones?
They were just 2G's
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What kind of music do phones love to hear?
A symphony
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Who was that on the phone Fred?
Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !
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Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
Cause they all have phones!
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What did the muslim telemarketer say when he picked up the phone?
Halal?
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What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
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What do all dogs get with their phones?
Collar ID
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Why would I want to talk to your baby?
On the phone. It's a baby. If I wanted to hear random noises when I talk, I have a husband for that.
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How to use green, yellow, and pink in a sentence?
The phone goes green, green, green, I pink it up, and say yellow.
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What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?
The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful ; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!
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How do scaredy-cats answer the phone?
Yellow
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What kind of phone makes music?
A saxophone.
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How does a door chime answer the phone?
Bella
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What's the song that coldplay wrote for you?
Yellow. *Phil answers phone*
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How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head?
When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up
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Why did the crayon want to be a phone?
Because it wanted to be a texta.
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How does a cheerleader answer the phone?
H-E-L-L-O!
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Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird?
Tequila, I'm looking at you.
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Why are there so many Johnson in he phone book?
They all have phones.
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How'd you get that cut above your eye?
Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"
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What do you call a doctor who is always on a phone?
An oncologist
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What does a highlighter say when it answers the phone?
Yello?
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How does Yo-Yo Ma answer the phone?
Cello?
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What kind of pictures does a mermaid take on her phone?
Shelfies.
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How do you call a lesbian, black, Canadian woman?
With a phone.
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How do like really laid-back types answer the phone?
Mellow.
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How does Beyonce answer the phone?
HALO HALO HALO!* - inspired from the Superbowl XLV11 Half-Time show
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How can you tell if someone who's having a temper tantrum is on the phone?
You get a tizzy signal!
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What's your phone number?
looks up from phone* Me: I don't have a phone. *looks down at phone* Coworker....
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Why do terrorist use Nokia phones?
so they can reuse the phone after the explosion
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How does a lobster answer the phone?
Shello
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What do you get if you cross a phone with a birthday celebration?
A party line!
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How do you call a cow with no legs?
You don't, because cows don't have phones.
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How does Kylo Ren talk on the phone?
A Hans free device
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Why do astronauts bring their phone into space?
Because they can get 4g
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How did people charge their phones before electricity?
They didn't...!
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Why are there so many Asians?
Its the food. There is too much raw dog. Heard it on Adam Carolla's Podcast. A caller phoned in and told it to Adam. Thought you guys would like it.
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How do you feel when your phone suddenly starts blaring your least favorite tune?
Alarmed.
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Why did the Hobbit put his phone on silent?
Because he was bored of the rings!
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What do you call someone who talks on their phone during dinner?
Cellfcentered
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What do you call someone who spends the whole time on their phone whenever you hang out?
A phoney friend!
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How can you tell if someone who's just had a perm is on the phone?
You get a frizzy signal!
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How do you know a shirt has phoned you?
Collar ID
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How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
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What do plantains say when they lose their phone?
Where did Mofongo "
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How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?
End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"
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What app do you use to browse Reddit on your phone?
9gag
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Why do baby clothes have pockets?
I've never heard a baby say: "cigarettes,phone and keys alright let's go"
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What has little balls, and hangs down?
A bat. What has big balls, and hangs up ...Then hang up the phone x)
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Who's there ! Buster ! Buster who ?
Buster tire can I use your phone !
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Why did the phone get away with its crime?
Because it had good connections!
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How's my driving?
sticker on her car. Her phone hasn't stopped ringing since.
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What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a
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Why didn't the blond want to use her phone while using the bathroom?
She was afraid someone would steal her IP address.
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When asked, 'Are you Twittering?
if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.
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Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?
What are our scientists doing
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What do you get if you cross a phone with a mouthwash?
Tele-Scope.
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Why did I throw my phone out of my window?
Because I turned on airplane mode, and thought it would turn my Iphone into a plane...
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Who Wants to be a Millionaire Me: I'm stumped. Can I phone a friend?
Host: What's your friend's name Me: Wikipedia.
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What did the phone say to the other phone after a bad rejection?
If you like it then you shudda put a ringtone on it.
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What are you doing on your phone?
Bugs Bunny replies, "Eh, Whatsapp Doc."
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What TV personality lives in your phone?
SIM Card-ashian! (it might help if you say it out loud)
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How's the meal?
Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...
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Why didn't you answer your home phone?
Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.
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What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?
LO
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Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?
Because his number couldn't fit in their phones
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What phone etiquette?
You hand me your phone, you better believe I'ma hurry & scroll through as many pics as I can before you notice.
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How do you know?
My phone is turned off.
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Where's my cell?
Right there." That's not my phone. "Yes it is. I cleaned it!" My cell's white
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What was the last phone call made from the Twin Towers?
An order for two large plains.
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Why don't call centers hire alligators?
They can't croco-dial the phones.
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Which phone??
Person 1 : Suggest me a good phone to buy nowadays. Person 2 : Microsoft Lumia 950 XL is good for winters, will keep you warm. Very warm. Person 1 : So what about summers then? Person 2 : Same, it freezes often as well
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What type of phones do fish use?
Shellular*, of course...
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What do you call a guy who always phones people?
Colin.
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When does a horse talk on the phone?
Whinny wants to!
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What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang
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Which phone is most sold in Australia?
The htc M8. Oi mate
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Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?
the guy likes his power chords too much.
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Why are you going through my phone?
BF: 'Do you have something to hide ' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'
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What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?
For me it's three weeks.
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What kind of phone does The Flash use?
Not an iPhone because Apple doesn't support flash
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What did the baby sheep say to its mother on the phone?
Miss ewe!"
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What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
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When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones?
I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones