Phone Jokes

  • Why did the phone keep walking into the wall?

    It lost its contacts.

  • What type of phone does a hawk use?

    A hawkie talkie.

  • Why does Mr Tayto carry a phone in his top pocket?

    In case Johnny Onion Rings!

  • How can you tell if a bee is on the phone?

    You get a buzzy signal.

  • Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?

    Do I really have to answer that Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel

  • Why did Frodo set his phone to vibrate?

    He was afraid the ring would give him away.

  • How many photos of Kanye West do you suppose Kanye West has on his phone?

    More than 1,000

  • Why can't Z generationers swim?

    Their phones would get wet.

  • How long has your car been doing that?

    Me: Hubs: The engine smoking at a stoplight Me: I dont know, I look at my phone at lights.

  • What drug is most destructive with phones?


  • Why did the clock phone the ruler?

    Because desperate times call for desperate measures....

  • Why can't two jealous people talk on the phone together?

    It is always an insecure line!

  • What do you get if you cross a phone with a rooster?

    A wake-up call!

  • What do you call a phone with no parents?

    An Or-phone.

  • When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

    for 2 weeks.

  • Why couldn't Biggy or Tupac ever get decent internet on their phones?

    They were just 2G's

  • What kind of music do phones love to hear?

    A symphony

  • Who was that on the phone Fred?

    Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !

  • Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?

    Cause they all have phones!

  • What did the muslim telemarketer say when he picked up the phone?


  • What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

    E.T. phoned home.

  • What do all dogs get with their phones?

    Collar ID

  • Why would I want to talk to your baby?

    On the phone. It's a baby. If I wanted to hear random noises when I talk, I have a husband for that.

  • How to use green, yellow, and pink in a sentence?

    The phone goes green, green, green, I pink it up, and say yellow.

  • What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?

    The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful ; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!

  • How do scaredy-cats answer the phone?


  • What kind of phone makes music?

    A saxophone.

  • How does a door chime answer the phone?


  • What's the song that coldplay wrote for you?

    Yellow. *Phil answers phone*

  • How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head?

    When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up

  • Why did the crayon want to be a phone?

    Because it wanted to be a texta.

  • How does a cheerleader answer the phone?


  • Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird?

    Tequila, I'm looking at you.

  • Why are there so many Johnson in he phone book?

    They all have phones.

  • How'd you get that cut above your eye?

    Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

  • What do you call a doctor who is always on a phone?

    An oncologist

  • What does a highlighter say when it answers the phone?


  • How does Yo-Yo Ma answer the phone?


  • What kind of pictures does a mermaid take on her phone?


  • How do you call a lesbian, black, Canadian woman?

    With a phone.

  • How do like really laid-back types answer the phone?


  • How does Beyonce answer the phone?

    HALO HALO HALO!* - inspired from the Superbowl XLV11 Half-Time show

  • How can you tell if someone who's having a temper tantrum is on the phone?

    You get a tizzy signal!

  • What's your phone number?

    looks up from phone* Me: I don't have a phone. *looks down at phone* Coworker....

  • Why do terrorist use Nokia phones?

    so they can reuse the phone after the explosion

  • How does a lobster answer the phone?


  • What do you get if you cross a phone with a birthday celebration?

    A party line!

  • How do you call a cow with no legs?

    You don't, because cows don't have phones.

  • How does Kylo Ren talk on the phone?

    A Hans free device

  • Why do astronauts bring their phone into space?

    Because they can get 4g

  • How did people charge their phones before electricity?

    They didn't...!

  • Why are there so many Asians?

    Its the food. There is too much raw dog. Heard it on Adam Carolla's Podcast. A caller phoned in and told it to Adam. Thought you guys would like it.

  • How do you feel when your phone suddenly starts blaring your least favorite tune?


  • Why did the Hobbit put his phone on silent?

    Because he was bored of the rings!

  • What do you call someone who talks on their phone during dinner?


  • What do you call someone who spends the whole time on their phone whenever you hang out?

    A phoney friend!

  • How can you tell if someone who's just had a perm is on the phone?

    You get a frizzy signal!

  • How do you know a shirt has phoned you?

    Collar ID

  • How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?

    He gave her a ring.

  • What do plantains say when they lose their phone?

    Where did Mofongo "

  • How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

    End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

  • What app do you use to browse Reddit on your phone?


  • Why do baby clothes have pockets?

    I've never heard a baby say: "cigarettes,phone and keys alright let's go"

  • What has little balls, and hangs down?

    A bat. What has big balls, and hangs up ...Then hang up the phone x)

  • Who's there ! Buster ! Buster who ?

    Buster tire can I use your phone !

  • Why did the phone get away with its crime?

    Because it had good connections!

  • How's my driving?

    sticker on her car. Her phone hasn't stopped ringing since.

  • What kind of phone does a burglar use?

    A no-key-a

  • Why didn't the blond want to use her phone while using the bathroom?

    She was afraid someone would steal her IP address.

  • When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

    if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

  • Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

    What are our scientists doing

  • What do you get if you cross a phone with a mouthwash?


  • Why did I throw my phone out of my window?

    Because I turned on airplane mode, and thought it would turn my Iphone into a plane...

  • Who Wants to be a Millionaire Me: I'm stumped. Can I phone a friend?

    Host: What's your friend's name Me: Wikipedia.

  • What did the phone say to the other phone after a bad rejection?

    If you like it then you shudda put a ringtone on it.

  • What are you doing on your phone?

    Bugs Bunny replies, "Eh, Whatsapp Doc."

  • What TV personality lives in your phone?

    SIM Card-ashian! (it might help if you say it out loud)

  • How's the meal?

    Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...

  • Why didn't you answer your home phone?

    Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.

  • What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?


  • Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?

    Because his number couldn't fit in their phones

  • What phone etiquette?

    You hand me your phone, you better believe I'ma hurry & scroll through as many pics as I can before you notice.

  • How do you know?

    My phone is turned off.

  • Where's my cell?

    Right there." That's not my phone. "Yes it is. I cleaned it!" My cell's white

  • What was the last phone call made from the Twin Towers?

    An order for two large plains.

  • Why don't call centers hire alligators?

    They can't croco-dial the phones.

  • Which phone??

    Person 1 : Suggest me a good phone to buy nowadays. Person 2 : Microsoft Lumia 950 XL is good for winters, will keep you warm. Very warm. Person 1 : So what about summers then? Person 2 : Same, it freezes often as well

  • What type of phones do fish use?

    Shellular*, of course...

  • What do you call a guy who always phones people?


  • When does a horse talk on the phone?

    Whinny wants to!

  • What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?


  • Which phone is most sold in Australia?

    The htc M8. Oi mate

  • Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?

    the guy likes his power chords too much.

  • Why are you going through my phone?

    BF: 'Do you have something to hide ' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'

  • What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

    For me it's three weeks.

  • What kind of phone does The Flash use?

    Not an iPhone because Apple doesn't support flash

  • What did the baby sheep say to its mother on the phone?

    Miss ewe!"

  • What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?

    A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.

  • When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones?

    I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones