Picture Jokes
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How can you tell the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
The picture doesn't scream when you hang it.
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What do you call it when an oyster takes a picture of itself?
A shell-fie
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Why are there no pictures of Ted Cruz holding a baby?
They always turn out blurry from him shaking them.
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What do you get when you cross a camera with a mirror?
A: A camera that takes pictures of itself.
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How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change it, one to take pictures and four to make t-shirts for the event.
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Why do tourists always take pictures in Paris?
Because the tower is an Eiffel.
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How did the artist paint a picture?
A: Easel-y.
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Why did the Buddhist photographer fail at taking pictures?
Bad cam'ra
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What did the feminist say when she saw a guy laughing at her picture on the Internet?
Topical meme."
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Why do Japanese people look so serious in pictures?
Last time they saw a flash it destroyed their country
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What does cheese say when you take its picture?
Make sure you get my Gouda side!
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How would you describe the woman who attacked you?
Describes mother* *Gets a copy of picture* *Gives it to mum as late birthday present*
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What do you call a turtle that sends pictures to everyone?
a Snapping Turtle
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Why should I hire you?
Because I have pictures of you with a goat "
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Whats the best thing on the menu?
Waiter: The cheesebur- Me: WRONG! *points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*
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Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
Q. They think their picture is being taken.
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What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
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How does Santa Claus take pictures?
With his North Pole-aroid.
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Where do I see myself in ten years?
I don't know. Let me think. *pictures self riding jet ski made of bones through space*
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How many plates do you need to draw a picture?
Tenplates
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How can you tell if a picture was taken with a GoPro?
because the owner will tell you
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Why do you want to participate in this guerrilla war?
Me: picturing myself leading an army of gorillas into battle "Independence."
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How many sorority girls does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven. One to change it, two to take pictures, and four to make t-shirts for the event.
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Why don't blonde's like audio-books?
A: There aren't any pictures.
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Why can't you email a picture to a jedi?
Because attachments are forbidden.
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What kind of pictures do hermit crabs take?
Shellfies
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Why did Nike release a vine of the "Back to the Future" Power Lace shoes??
Because the pictures were way to shaky......
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Why do people keep a picture of their wife and kids in their wallet?
To remind them why there's no money in it
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Why don't French people smile in pictures?
The French word for "cheese" is "fromage".
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What picture does a cup get when it goes to prison?
A MUGshot.
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Why is Jesus happy people hang pictures of him?
It only takes one nail to put him on a wall.
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Who's there ! Cameron ! Cameron who ?
Cameron film are needed to take pictures !
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What do you call a picture of an electric piano?
Photosynthesis!
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What did the wall ask the picture?
All together now!) ***"How's it hangin' "*** Skip
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How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
A: By witchful thinking.
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Why do blondes smile when it's lightning?
A. Because, they think they are having their picture taken.
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Why do you look surprised in all your selfies?
Didn't you know you were taking the picture
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What do you call someone who puts a picture of themselves in a locket?
Independent
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What do you say when your GIF doesn't work?
You get the picture.
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Why in the World would a Woman ever take her picture in the bathroom mirror?
It defies logic
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What do you call it when an inmate takes a picture of their-self?
A Cellfie
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What technique does a prisoner use when coloring a picture?
Cell shading.
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Which elf likes to click pictures?
sELFie
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Why did the man keep reloading the picture of the candy cane at the potluck?
He was in charge of refresh mints.
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Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed
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What do you call a hobbit that looks good in pictures?
Frodo-genic
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What did the defendant say when he saw his picture hung up in the courtroom?
I've been framed.
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How many Asians does it take to change a light bulb?
2. 1 to change the light bulb, the other to take pictures.
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What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shellfies!
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Why did it take so long to see a picture of Saint West?
Because he was a Tidal exclusive.
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Who is this Rorschach guy?
And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
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Why is Instagram not working?
but "Why does the world need another picture of you " #instagramnotworking
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What do you call a picture of Simon Pegg's brother?
JPEG
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How many Asians does it take to change a light bulb?
2. 1 to change the light bulb, the other to take pictures.
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What did the picture say to the Judge?
I WAS FRAMED! I just now made that up. I feel good about this one! Skip
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Why not ask the guy who took that picture?
Just kidding, I ran over it.
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Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?
A: So she could use it as a mirror.
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What kind of pictures does a mermaid take on her phone?
Shelfies.
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Why did the picture plead innocent at the trial?
It was framed.
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How did the girl with fetal alcohol syndrome tag a picture of herself on instagram?
nophiltrum
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What do you call a Chatbook that consists solely of pictures of your poop?
A Shatbook.