Picture Jokes

  • How can you tell the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?

    The picture doesn't scream when you hang it.

  • What do you call it when an oyster takes a picture of itself?

    A shell-fie

  • Why are there no pictures of Ted Cruz holding a baby?

    They always turn out blurry from him shaking them.

  • What do you get when you cross a camera with a mirror?

    A: A camera that takes pictures of itself.

  • How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?

    Six. One to change it, one to take pictures and four to make t-shirts for the event.

  • Why do tourists always take pictures in Paris?

    Because the tower is an Eiffel.

  • How did the artist paint a picture?

    A: Easel-y.

  • Why did the Buddhist photographer fail at taking pictures?

    Bad cam'ra

  • What did the feminist say when she saw a guy laughing at her picture on the Internet?

    Topical meme."

  • Why do Japanese people look so serious in pictures?

    Last time they saw a flash it destroyed their country

  • What does cheese say when you take its picture?

    Make sure you get my Gouda side!

  • How would you describe the woman who attacked you?

    Describes mother* *Gets a copy of picture* *Gives it to mum as late birthday present*

  • What do you call a turtle that sends pictures to everyone?

    a Snapping Turtle

  • Why should I hire you?

    Because I have pictures of you with a goat "

  • Whats the best thing on the menu?

    Waiter: The cheesebur- Me: WRONG! *points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*

  • Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?

    Q. They think their picture is being taken.

  • What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

    It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

  • How does Santa Claus take pictures?

    With his North Pole-aroid.

  • Where do I see myself in ten years?

    I don't know. Let me think. *pictures self riding jet ski made of bones through space*

  • How many plates do you need to draw a picture?


  • How can you tell if a picture was taken with a GoPro?

    because the owner will tell you

  • Why do you want to participate in this guerrilla war?

    Me: picturing myself leading an army of gorillas into battle "Independence."

  • How many sorority girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Seven. One to change it, two to take pictures, and four to make t-shirts for the event.

  • Why don't blonde's like audio-books?

    A: There aren't any pictures.

  • Why can't you email a picture to a jedi?

    Because attachments are forbidden.

  • What kind of pictures do hermit crabs take?


  • Why did Nike release a vine of the "Back to the Future" Power Lace shoes??

    Because the pictures were way to shaky......

  • Why do people keep a picture of their wife and kids in their wallet?

    To remind them why there's no money in it

  • Why don't French people smile in pictures?

    The French word for "cheese" is "fromage".

  • What picture does a cup get when it goes to prison?

    A MUGshot.

  • Why is Jesus happy people hang pictures of him?

    It only takes one nail to put him on a wall.

  • Who's there ! Cameron ! Cameron who ?

    Cameron film are needed to take pictures !

  • What do you call a picture of an electric piano?


  • What did the wall ask the picture?

    All together now!) ***"How's it hangin' "*** Skip

  • How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?

    A: By witchful thinking.

  • Why do blondes smile when it's lightning?

    A. Because, they think they are having their picture taken.

  • Why do you look surprised in all your selfies?

    Didn't you know you were taking the picture

  • What do you call someone who puts a picture of themselves in a locket?


  • What do you say when your GIF doesn't work?

    You get the picture.

  • Why in the World would a Woman ever take her picture in the bathroom mirror?

    It defies logic

  • What do you call it when an inmate takes a picture of their-self?

    A Cellfie

  • What technique does a prisoner use when coloring a picture?

    Cell shading.

  • Which elf likes to click pictures?


  • Why did the man keep reloading the picture of the candy cane at the potluck?

    He was in charge of refresh mints.

  • Why did the picture go to jail?

    Because it was framed

  • What do you call a hobbit that looks good in pictures?


  • What did the defendant say when he saw his picture hung up in the courtroom?

    I've been framed.

  • How many Asians does it take to change a light bulb?

    2. 1 to change the light bulb, the other to take pictures.

  • What kind of pictures do turtles take?


  • Why did it take so long to see a picture of Saint West?

    Because he was a Tidal exclusive.

  • Who is this Rorschach guy?

    And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

  • Why is Instagram not working?

    but "Why does the world need another picture of you " #instagramnotworking

  • What do you call a picture of Simon Pegg's brother?


  • How many Asians does it take to change a light bulb?

    2. 1 to change the light bulb, the other to take pictures.

  • What did the picture say to the Judge?

    I WAS FRAMED! I just now made that up. I feel good about this one! Skip

  • Why not ask the guy who took that picture?

    Just kidding, I ran over it.

  • Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?

    A: So she could use it as a mirror.

  • What kind of pictures does a mermaid take on her phone?


  • Why did the picture plead innocent at the trial?

    It was framed.

  • How did the girl with fetal alcohol syndrome tag a picture of herself on instagram?


  • What do you call a Chatbook that consists solely of pictures of your poop?

    A Shatbook.