Piece Jokes
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What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions?
An algorithm.
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How do you get Amy Schumer, Rosie O'donnell and Lena Dunham to move to Canada?
Piece of cake.
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What do you call an Irish girl sitting on a hot griddle holding a piece of cheese?
A paddy melt!!
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How do you know a gypsy woman is pregnant?
You put a piece of wire in her and if you feel pulling she is indeed pregnant.
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What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce on its face?
Chicken Caesar salad.
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What did the cake say to the knife?
You want a piece of me !
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How do you start a rave in Uganda ?
Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
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Who's there ! Ankansas ! Ankansas who ?
Ankansas though any piece of wood !
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How many contortionists fit in the trunk of a regular sedan?
Depends on the size of the pieces.
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What did a piece of tofu say when it got dirty?
Misoyaki!
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How did LaKeisha's Mom finally stop her from bouncing on the trampoline in the rec room?
She put a piece of velcro on the ceiling.
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What did the dog say when it sat on a piece of sandpaper?
Ruff!
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What would Ed Sheeran taste like on a piece of toast?
gingerbread
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What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted?
Crusty
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How do pirates like their jigsaws?
A: In pieces of eight.
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What do you call an Ethiopian with a piece of cheese on his head?
Quarter pounder with cheese!
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How have you done that?
I don't know how but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell he gives me a piece of cheese.
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What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?
I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.
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What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?
A Quarter Pounder.
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What's the difference between babies and love?
Love doesn't burn. What's worst part about making love to a dead baby. Digging up the coffin. How long does take to play hide and seek with a dead baby? It depends how small the pieces are.
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How did the french guy feel when he got hit by a piece of bread?
He felt pain.
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What's so lame about a duck President?
Pieces of bread, quacking, getting into all types of duck antics in the Oval Office! I'm game!
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What's the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper ?
You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant !
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What do you call the piece of plastic behind the windshield in an Iraqi car?
A Daeshboard
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What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in it's eye?
Chicken caesar salad.
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Why did the pro football player from the last-place team drop pieces of hamburger into his soup?
He wanted to know how it felt to take part in a Soup-er Bowl!
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What do you call a piece of pasta that doesn't have any friends?
Cannelonely!
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What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with pieces of cardboard?
A pillow fight
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What do a piece of tuperware and a walrus have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
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Why did the piece of gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken.
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What do you call a chicken staring intently at a piece of lettuce?
A chicken ceaser salad.
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Which actor is resting in pieces?
Alan RIPman
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What screams "Allah Akbar" and then smashes your crockery to pieces?
A Daesh washer.
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How can you tell if a California State coed is a good cook?
She can get the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.
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Why couldn't the band director pick a piece in 4/4 time?
It's too common
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How do you pick up a Muslim girl?
Piece by piece
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What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?
Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.
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What piece of bedding can also be known as a Mexican blanket?
the underlay! underlay!
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What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?
Oranges have thick skin. Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one! Edit: Did not expect this joke to get this good of a reception. Thanks, guys!
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Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it?
Because it was stationary.
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What did the SI7 Agent say to a piece of bread in a costume?
Heh, disguised toast.
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How do you get a 300 pound woman into bed?
piece of cake
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Why did the vulture have to check some luggage at the gate?
It was only allowed one piece of carrion.
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What piece of clothing is made overseas in an Asia country?
Japanese
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What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?
Carbon dating.
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What do you call a piece of toast on the ceiling?
An Ethiopian rave.
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What do a big bar of chocolate and a frag grenade have in common?
Everybody gets a piece.
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Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting "Pieces of four"?
Short John Silver!
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What if they found the face of Jesus in a piece of toast but it was *actually* Jesus?
This is my body, I'm nice with jam."
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How do you get an anorexic chick in bed?
Well, it ain't a piece of cake.
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What is the most common use for pig skins?
To keep the pig in one piece.
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Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?
BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE
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Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?
Never mind...it's tearable
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How do you make a rave party in Africa?
You stick a piece of bread on the ceiling.
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Why did you offer me a piece of candy?
Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.
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What goes, "Pieces of Nine, Pieces of Nine"?
A parroty error
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What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage?
Garbage gets thrown out.
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What's the hardest part of breaking up with a leper ?
They always leave a piece of themselves behind.
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How easy is it to get stoned in Amsterdam?
It's a piece of cake.
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What did one piece of bread say to the sad piece of bread?
Its going to be all rye.
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What is the best way to watch the "Saw" films?
In bits and pieces.
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Whats the most addictive drug you can formulate out of a piece of the human body?
Hairoin
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Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper?
Because it was ripped.
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What piece of furniture can you always trust?
A Reputable.
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What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
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What do you say when a robot explodes into pieces?
Rest in pieces. I'll show myself out now.
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What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein's monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
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Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch ?
He was the skipper !
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Whoa that's a lemon, how much did you pay?
Only $3,200" Dude it's literally a piece of fruit "Damn....not again"
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How is a lonely twig like a piece of cling wrap?
He can only stick to himself.
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What do you call a piece of fruit that can fly?
A pearrot
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What did Jesus want when he appeared on a piece of toast?
Miracle whip.
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What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese ?
Thanks I'll just have a sliver !
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What do geological plates and dinner plates have in common?
They're both pieces of china.
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What's the difference between Hillary and a piece of fruit?
deleted
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What did the pianist do when someone smashed his piano?
He played many more pieces.
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What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Syria?
A map.
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What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner?
Thank you I'll just have a slither.