Piece Jokes

  • What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions?

    An algorithm.

  • How do you get Amy Schumer, Rosie O'donnell and Lena Dunham to move to Canada?

    Piece of cake.

  • What do you call an Irish girl sitting on a hot griddle holding a piece of cheese?

    A paddy melt!!

  • How do you know a gypsy woman is pregnant?

    You put a piece of wire in her and if you feel pulling she is indeed pregnant.

  • What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce on its face?

    Chicken Caesar salad.

  • What did the cake say to the knife?

    You want a piece of me !

  • How do you start a rave in Uganda ?

    Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling

  • Who's there ! Ankansas ! Ankansas who ?

    Ankansas though any piece of wood !

  • How many contortionists fit in the trunk of a regular sedan?

    Depends on the size of the pieces.

  • What did a piece of tofu say when it got dirty?


  • How did LaKeisha's Mom finally stop her from bouncing on the trampoline in the rec room?

    She put a piece of velcro on the ceiling.

  • What did the dog say when it sat on a piece of sandpaper?


  • What would Ed Sheeran taste like on a piece of toast?


  • What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted?


  • How do pirates like their jigsaws?

    A: In pieces of eight.

  • What do you call an Ethiopian with a piece of cheese on his head?

    Quarter pounder with cheese!

  • How have you done that?

    I don't know how but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell he gives me a piece of cheese.

  • What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

    I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

  • What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?

    A Quarter Pounder.

  • What's the difference between babies and love?

    Love doesn't burn. What's worst part about making love to a dead baby. Digging up the coffin. How long does take to play hide and seek with a dead baby? It depends how small the pieces are.

  • How did the french guy feel when he got hit by a piece of bread?

    He felt pain.

  • What's so lame about a duck President?

    Pieces of bread, quacking, getting into all types of duck antics in the Oval Office! I'm game!

  • What's the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper ?

    You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant !

  • What do you call the piece of plastic behind the windshield in an Iraqi car?

    A Daeshboard

  • What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in it's eye?

    Chicken caesar salad.

  • Why did the pro football player from the last-place team drop pieces of hamburger into his soup?

    He wanted to know how it felt to take part in a Soup-er Bowl!

  • What do you call a piece of pasta that doesn't have any friends?


  • What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with pieces of cardboard?

    A pillow fight

  • What do a piece of tuperware and a walrus have in common?

    They both like a tight seal.

  • Why did the piece of gum cross the road?

    It was stuck to the chicken.

  • What do you call a chicken staring intently at a piece of lettuce?

    A chicken ceaser salad.

  • Which actor is resting in pieces?

    Alan RIPman

  • What screams "Allah Akbar" and then smashes your crockery to pieces?

    A Daesh washer.

  • How can you tell if a California State coed is a good cook?

    She can get the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.

  • Why couldn't the band director pick a piece in 4/4 time?

    It's too common

  • How do you pick up a Muslim girl?

    Piece by piece

  • What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?

    Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.

  • What piece of bedding can also be known as a Mexican blanket?

    the underlay! underlay!

  • What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

    Oranges have thick skin. Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one! Edit: Did not expect this joke to get this good of a reception. Thanks, guys!

  • Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it?

    Because it was stationary.

  • What did the SI7 Agent say to a piece of bread in a costume?

    Heh, disguised toast.

  • How do you get a 300 pound woman into bed?

    piece of cake

  • Why did the vulture have to check some luggage at the gate?

    It was only allowed one piece of carrion.

  • What piece of clothing is made overseas in an Asia country?


  • What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?

    Carbon dating.

  • What do you call a piece of toast on the ceiling?

    An Ethiopian rave.

  • What do a big bar of chocolate and a frag grenade have in common?

    Everybody gets a piece.

  • Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting "Pieces of four"?

    Short John Silver!

  • What if they found the face of Jesus in a piece of toast but it was *actually* Jesus?

    This is my body, I'm nice with jam."

  • How do you get an anorexic chick in bed?

    Well, it ain't a piece of cake.

  • What is the most common use for pig skins?

    To keep the pig in one piece.

  • Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?


  • Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?

    Never mind...it's tearable

  • How do you make a rave party in Africa?

    You stick a piece of bread on the ceiling.

  • Why did you offer me a piece of candy?

    Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.

  • What goes, "Pieces of Nine, Pieces of Nine"?

    A parroty error

  • What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage?

    Garbage gets thrown out.

  • What's the hardest part of breaking up with a leper ?

    They always leave a piece of themselves behind.

  • How easy is it to get stoned in Amsterdam?

    It's a piece of cake.

  • What did one piece of bread say to the sad piece of bread?

    Its going to be all rye.

  • What is the best way to watch the "Saw" films?

    In bits and pieces.

  • Whats the most addictive drug you can formulate out of a piece of the human body?


  • Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper?

    Because it was ripped.

  • What piece of furniture can you always trust?

    A Reputable.

  • What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?

    They will give you a piece of your mind.

  • What do you say when a robot explodes into pieces?

    Rest in pieces. I'll show myself out now.

  • What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein's monster?


  • Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch ?

    He was the skipper !

  • Whoa that's a lemon, how much did you pay?

    Only $3,200" Dude it's literally a piece of fruit "Damn....not again"

  • How is a lonely twig like a piece of cling wrap?

    He can only stick to himself.

  • What do you call a piece of fruit that can fly?

    A pearrot

  • What did Jesus want when he appeared on a piece of toast?

    Miracle whip.

  • What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese ?

    Thanks I'll just have a sliver !

  • What do geological plates and dinner plates have in common?

    They're both pieces of china.

  • What's the difference between Hillary and a piece of fruit?


  • What did the pianist do when someone smashed his piano?

    He played many more pieces.

  • What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Syria?

    A map.

  • What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner?

    Thank you I'll just have a slither.